I'm astonished that so many people are in favour of...

[emkana]

... smacking

Sorry snowleopard I read your post as aggressive.
It wasn't necessary as I think so far this thread has so far managed to stay fairly amiable. In so far as I think we are all trying to be tactful.
Soon as people start 'barking' on threads, they degenerate.

Oh re children ressenting their parrents discipline methods.
No children who hasn't been smacked will ressent it BUT you will find children who will ressent :

• having being in time out,
• had their precious toys taken away
• had one of their toys put in the bin
• having being shouted at ...

The list is endless and the problem is hat one method can be harmfull to one child and not to another because they all have a different temperament. How do we know if this is the case? Well we usually don't know for sure so we all try Our Best. What about praising parents to do just that?

Mrs Doolittle and Clumsymum what do you think of Weaselmum's link?

Yes, in some cases smacking does develop into physical abuse. But in most cases it doesn't. And I'm not sure about the word "harm". As people have said, there is a world of difference between a quick slap on the hand and a good belting, in terms of physical harm. If we're talking about psychological harm, then we are wading into very deep waters, and I wouldn't want to try to legislate on this one. I suspect that poorly disciplining your children also causes psychological harm, and shouting at them excessively, or being cold and distant. Do we legislate against those things which can cause "harm"? Beating a child is wrong. ANY abuse of a child is wrong. I would like to think that it is possible to distinguish between abuse and less than satisfactory parenting.

An back to the OP, it doesn't surprise me at all. I'm not comfortable with smacking, but I wouldn't call for an outright ban, because I think it would criminalise people who should not be criminals. And I disagree that the prevailing opinion is anti-smacking. It might be in Mumsnet world, of which I am a part, but move outside that world and you may well find a different attitude. And not one that advocates causing physical harm. There are shades of grey in this argument.

but suffering in silence, do they still remermber having toys taken away and returned at a later date when they are 20/30/40, my mum did this and i dont remermber it, she also smacked us on occasion, and i do remermber that.

beckybrastraps - I know you don't necessarily agree with me but I applaud your post.

I found 26m DD1 throttling her baby sister 8mo around the neck yesterday, she got put in the naughty corner and got told that you do not hurt DD2 she's only a baby, if I had smacked her how could I give her that message (it's not OK for you to hit little DD2 but it's OK for mummy to hit you) that to be seems mad.

DP and I have decided not to smack the DDs, we both feel ill at the thought of inflicting pain on them, sorry it's the way we feel. We are trying to teach them that all physical violence is not on.

I was smacked as a child, I remember on several occasions lying in bed crying the tops of my legs stinging and my mums handprints in red on them. I also remember my friend telling me her mum had thrown her down the stairs and used her feet on her (her words) as she had stolen 50p from her. She had the bruises as well.

I also know a mum at toddlers who smacks her DDs regularly and their behaviour is in general much worse then my DDs (but that could be an individual case). I don't think smakcing improves a childs behaviour TBH.

If the survey was taken over society as a whole I'm not surprised at the % as if you ask nearly anyone of our parents/GPs ages they are all in favour of smacking.

your going to destroy your childs very being if you smack them. their spirit will dissolve into that place where fairies and angels die. you will break your child, make them into phychotic killers, or worse, tory party members. i beg, ney plead. instead of smacking your child. first reason with them. when you figure out that reasoning with a 3 year old is stupid then tell them, when they ignore you keep calm and repeat until you lose your temper ans scream meniacally. manhandle your child. grab them by the arm. pull them about, point your finger in their face and generally terrify them. drag this out for hours - intermittently betwen threats of throwing toys away, no tea, go to bed, and all the other punishments you can think of. its much better than an occasional smack. and much healthier for their little spirits. i implor you. terrorise your children - dont smack them.

this was a party political broadast from the real world party. ( as opposed to the phantom world of mumsnet)

Message withdrawn

staceym11, children will remember as an adult things that they found unfair or very harsh. Taking away a favorite toy can be remember as an adult just as a smack can exactly in the same way that you can remember being smacked.
I know I have being smacked as a child but I can not remember any occasion excpet ONCE when I was about 13~14 yo. And it stopped me in my track, I had pushed my mum really too much and I never ressented her reaction because I was out of control.

I thought I was quite calm and considered!

I described a particular statement of nonsense, because it is, objectively, legally and indubitably untrue that it's fine for any parent to do whatever they fancy to their own kids. But I didn't shout or get aggressive. Don't seem to remember barking either.

In fact I refrained completely from entering the actual smacking debate as I do feel strongly and didn't want to get drawn in to what, as Greeny mentions, does become a circular argument.

Puddle.

I've read the document in the link twice, and thought about it. Do you know what conclusions I come to...

That children don't like being smacked, and they wish parents wouldn't do it.

And if you did exactly the same survey, about being sent to your room, the results would be remarkably similar. The children wouldn't like it, and would say that parents shouldn't do it.

Guess what, children don't like being disciplined.

someone mentioned earlier about 'a light tap to the hand' which I lol at.

What's that? I presume that smacking is supposed to hurt, or what's the point? 'light tap to the hand' doesn't mean anything.

Btw, I have smacked in the past, and, regrettably, it's when I have lost a bit of control. It doesn't work on my kids. Haven't smacked for ages. My kids are at an age (7 and 5) that I can reason with them.

Don't know where I stand on this debate. I have done it in the past, but cringe when I see other people doing it.

but there is a difference between disciplining your child and physically hurtin them, they wont like being sent to their room but i doubt it will have the same effect as smacking does.

I believe it was me. And I said a quick slap to the hand. And I wasn't commenting on its efficacy. I used it as an example because it's the most common form of smacking that I see.

don't want to get drawn into this debate really but I think I disagree with that. Maybe that's because of the ages of my kids but being sent to their room is quite effective. Actually, we send them to the vestibule which is boring. They get really cross about that, then when I get them out they are very subdued. Also, gives you a few minutes to calm down.

Puddle - I've actually read the whole of weaselmum's link now. I think that it shows that children don't like smacking and that it has the effect of making them think about what they've done and want to avoid it in the future. It also shows that there are parents out there who still hit their children around the head and/or allow other people to hit their children, this I find upsetting. I personally woud not allow anyone else to discipline my child by smacking - bt then I wouldn't want them to scream at my child either.

I would be interested to see the responses from children if they were questioned about other forms of discipline - shouting, grounding, removal of priveliges etc.

A child's response is a very emotive thing, but it doesn't detract from the effectiveness smacking imo. I still feel that a quick smack and then it's over approach is less hurtfaul, less damaging ad more effective than having and hour long rant - and some parents keep up the resentlment for much longer. It's much more hurtful for a child to have their parents love and approval withdrawn for a long period of time imo.

becks, no it wasn't you, can't remember who and it was definitely a 'light tap'.

Wasn't being all serious with my thread, just thinking of me when I've lost control trying to administer a 'light tap'!!!!

Custardo, I applaud that last post from you.

That's all right then

becky

Mrs Doolittle I disagree.

I don't think a survey about being sent to your room would talk about how much it hurts physically. Or how it makes them feel embarrassed. Or adults seeming ashamed afterwards.

Scotchick - if it doesn't work for you then don't do it. Discipline has to be tailored for the individual - I've said I'll probably smack - but if it doesn't work, I won't carry on doing it, I'll try something else.

custardo, couldnt have said it better..hear hear..

ok