I'm astonished that so many people are in favour of...

[emkana]

... smacking

hmm very worrying if the statistics are to be believed. I'm interested in how they actually selected those to take part. 80 - 90% seems incrediably high to me.

Talking to friends/family/acquaintances/people on here its more like 10% of the people I have come accross think its acceptable.

If right though that is a shocking statistic.

the %80 statistic was from families without children though

even so %67 seems way too high, I don't know many peple at all who think it's acceptable

I'm astonished that you are astonished.
To be very honest I believe it to be a perfectly acceptable form of discipline within a properly functional family.
I believe we are a functional family and defy anyone to disagree with me.
I love both of my children more than life itself.
I would never allow anyone other than myself or dh to smack my children.
The fact dd knows I will smack her means she will take care to avoid it, which is a good thing. None of this drawn out reasoning lark that takes forever.
Because I smack does not mean I think it is right for every family.

im with mrs doolittle even though my babies are too young to be smacked just yet - although terrible 2s are starting and im restraining myself

I agree with MrsDolittle.

Mine are 4 and 2 and both get smacked if they are in the wrong and have had warnings.

I'll quietly step away then

I can't believe anyone would admit to smacking It is teaching our children that physically is the way to respond to conflict.Wrong imo and cruel Imagine if as adults we all smacked each other if we didn't like the others actions/attitude.

When I said I was astonished I meant because of the views I have seen I am surprised that the numbers are so high.

Whether or not I agree with smacking doesn't come into it - it is socially unacceptable (or is becoming so) in our society and therefore it is astonishing that so many people are reported to agree with smacking.

IF you didn't feel guilty about smacking then you wouldn't feel that you had to leap on here to defend yourselfs (imo)

thats true, oooops was going to leave

None of this drawn out reasoning lark that takes forever Could be a quote from George Bush!

Why are you surprised?

I'm with mrsdoolittle too, it's what's right for us.

The fact you're surprised is probably either due to your local group of friends/aquaintances being in the minority OR because parents who do smack or are in support of it feel so 'got at' and almost criminalised that they wouldn't tell you if they did - especially if you are vocal about your own views. I on the other hand am very happy to tell people about my parenting methods and discuss theirs with them without being judgemental.

But noddy you are talking about completely different relationships and therefore dynamics. You are taking it completely out of context.
I can't understand how people get this mixed up.

Children will grow out of smacking and then it's time to use reason. Before that it's a waste of time

What's more, if I was smacked when I was a child your reasoning suggests that I believe in war?
Not so. Not so atall.

I'm amazed by that statistic too emkana. Dh and I were talking about it last night and out of all the parents we know, we don't know anyone who uses smacking. We thought it had pretty much gone out of fashion. Also, I haven't seen anyone smack their child in a public place in a very long time.

It would be great if we could do a neutral poll on here on would you/would you not smack, just to see the proportions of Mnetters. Unfortunately this topic always gets people so divided and heated that it's almost impossible to do!

We're non-smackers (and so were both sets of our parents).

it is socially unacceptable (or is becoming so) in our society and therefore it is astonishing that so many people are reported to agree with smacking.

that is the odd thing though - it is becoming more socially unacceptable - and yet many (maybe the majority) do it - but probably don't readily admit to it.

To some extent I agree with the showing them violence is right issue, but I also feel it is a useful tool in setting boundaries sometimes. The short sharp shock argument.

Guess there is no right answer - as with most parenting things you do what seems most effective at the time.

ilovecaboose - i don't know if feeling you have to defend a parenting method necessarily means you feel guilty about it - I started weaning DS at 4 and half months and had to defend that, he was FF and I had to defend that, I used a routine and had to defend that - I don't feel guilty for any of those decisions. The fact I had to defend them was because I was questioned/attacked for making them by other people - even though I've never tried to persuade others to do what I do, I've only done what I believe to have been right for us and DS.

It is not out of context.It is using force before discussion and reason.Just because it is in the home doesn't make it right.Every time you smack a child I think it is agressive and usually more to do with the parents inability to cope than the behaviour of the child What could a little child possibly do that would be bad enough to require they are hit (which does hurt)to teach them not to do it?

I was smacked as a child - and i deserved it every single time. Has it done me any harm? No I dont think so.

I am a 24yr old woman, married with 2 gorgeous girls and I will and am bringing them up to learn to respect, love and learn - not to disrespect, hate and bum around.

If smacking doesnt work for you fine, thats your choice as a parent, but it is the same choice for those that do.

Im not defending myself for my actions/proposed actions, Im answering what I believe to be my way of parenting. We all differ.

I'm with you liquidclocks.
I feel I am able to defend my methods.
I'm afraid that if it's because you think I'm guilty you misunderstand my posts.

i'm surprised cos in a society where smacking is considered 'taboo' that so many people would say 'yes smacking is acceptable'.

wasn't the statistic that blah percent of people said they felt parents should be allowed to smack their children but only 10% (?) said they smacked theirs?

It takes at least a generation to change child care practices and my generation (40's) were all smacked (not often in my case) and it's difficult to see why it's a problem if you felt it wasn't a problem for you personally. I think as an acceptable practice it will die out slowly over the next 10 years as it becomes more socially unacceptable.

I don't think it is that socially unacceptable to smack at the moment - by that I mean a small smack not a good lamping and I think people still distinguoish between the two.

I suspect there is also an element of backlash against constantly being told what to do - "I'll raise my children how I want to thank you very much", resulting in parents who wouldn't actually smack their children saying they think its OK to. More of a vote against the nanny-state than anything else.

Entirely conjecture on my part though.

Not read the entire thread but I think smacking is acceptable provided it is a single smack and not a prolonged attack. Also, I only ever smacked when DSs were too young to reason with. Once they passed that point, other forms of punishment/reward work better like my old favourite the pasta jar or the naughty step etc. Then it really becomes unnecessary.

It didn't turn either of my boys into smackers or violent towards others and they're certainly not afraid of me or view me as a monster.

"IF you didn't feel guilty about smacking then you wouldn't feel that you had to leap on here to defend yourselfs" Not at all. I'm not defending myself, I'm telling you why I smack or have smacked. I don't feel guilty in the slightest.

good point

that was to Sue Jones btw

Where does this assumption come from that parents only smack when they've lost control?

I can't ever remember being smacked because my parents had 'lost it' - it was always a measured calm consequence of having misbehaved.