Embarrassed about our small house!

[Mumt02]

We moved into this rental property in 2018 whilst I was pregnant with my first son, it was the only thing we could afford in this area and we wanted to stay on the area. It’s a small 2 bed house. Not much of a garden, and downstairs is completely open plan living room, dining room and kitchen.

my son is in year 1 and has a lovely little group of friends, we haven’t had anyone over yet as we have been round to his friends houses and they are lovely and big, nice big gardens and just alot bigger than ours! So I’ve been a bit reluctant to invite anyone round.

I bit the bullet and said one of his friends can come tonight, he walked in the house and said “ this house is weird, it’s so small”
and honestly I can’t stop thinking about it.

yes our house is small, but it’s clean and tidy! They both had a great time. But I’ve been so worried what he’s going to say to his parents when he gets home! They’ve never been in our home they’ve just knocked on the door but I’m just so embarrassed and I don’t know why!

moving isnt an option at the moment otherwise I’d be out of here like a flash!!!!!

Own it
" yes it s weird but really fun!"

Don't worry! NO-ONE is going to judging your 'small house!'

We have a small cottage, HALF the size of our big 4 bed house we had before we moved a decade ago, and I have had people say they envy us for how easy it is to clean, and maintain, and furnish, and paint and decorate, and heat.

Trust me. Some people will envy you!

The 'this is so small' comment was just an observation! Next time, say 'yeah, it's cosy isn't it?!' And then smile...

.

Yes, it's cute isn't it?

I think your sons friend was rude to say that. Please don't be embarrassed or worried about your house its full of love and memories and that's priceless ❤️

Tbh it's no small. It works for you.

Be proud of your home and family.

Are you me? I am worried about my DC who is getting to an age where they are noticing things - like the fact all their friends have significantly bigger / nicer houses. They have mentioned that we only have one toilet!

They have no tact, kids, do they!! It wouldn’t necessarily have been judgemental though, just an observation maybe. I had the same thing OP, small house but school had an affluent catchment area so I felt really conscious of it. I tried to make our house the fun house for play dates though - let them make home made play dough, home made pizzas, little treasure hunts for them, it doesn’t take much to do and our house ended up the place they all loved to hang out even in their teens. You might face a bit of “why don’t we have a house like xx” from your kids as well!, but it was a good way to have a discussion about values and what matters to us as a family. Your kids have a clean, loving home, that’s a whole lot more than many out there have, and if any of the kids or parents want to judge you that says a whole lot more about them than you.

Out the mouth of babes. Try not to feel embarrassed. Children lack filters. The people who matter won't care. As you say it's clean and tidy and they had a great time that's all that matters! One of our children's friends when they first visited told me he'd never been on a council estate before. His poor mum was mortified. He was just being factual. 13yrs on and I still remind him!

My job entailed visiting people at home. I think I've seen just about every type of house.

My favourites were always the warm, clean and cosy houses that smelled nice.

Enjoy your lovely home.

I now live in quite a small 2 bed house. Before that I lived in an 18C house with 20ft high ceilings, so when I moved into here, with its usual height ceilings, I felt like Alice in Wonderland, and it took me a couple of weeks to get used to it.

So maybe that is how your sons friend meant it. Not as a comparison in terms of 'we've got a bigger house than you', but rather he was subconsciously speaking of a variance of room dimensions.

Kids have no filter so don't worry. I think it's lovely though that you are concerned for your son but seriously it's fine.

When my DS was 5 he had a play date with his friend who lived in a mansion and had a lovely time.

The next week he had a play date with his friend who lives in a council house and had a lovely time.

I didn’t care about the size/price/ownership of either house. I cared that he was well behaved and had fun.

I grew up in a small 2 bed house until I was 17.

honestly never thought twice about it or felt poor or lacking

our house was cute, tidy, clean and big for me! I have wonderful memories

be proud. It’s small -but that’s just factual and not a judgement

It's quite hard to feel you're at the bottom of the heap, but honestly, as you move up, it's a bit awkward having more than others. It all depends on the circle you're mixing in - look at the positives whether it's a lower mortgage, less cleaning, lower heating and maintenance costs. Enjoy what you have ...

I doubt he was being judgemental, it is small and kids that age say what they see. At least he didn't say it was dirty or messy or smelled of dog wee - ds said this when he was 3 and he wasn't wrong!

Its probably the least interesting thing about his visit so he won't say anything to mum unless she probes, which says more about her than your house.

I dream of living in a houseboat so that I have to be sensible with keeping 'stuff', I'm sure your home is lovely.

I just think it's nice and important to have the kids friends round.
The friend didn't mean to be rude and just made an observation.

I have lived in the small house and the bigger house.. and the truth is adults care a lot more about the vibe and the energy of the home rather than size. I'd rather hang out at my friend's tiny terrace council house because I always feel very welcome, happy hospitable host. Rather than another friend's stunning 7 bed Georgian townhouse that feels uncomfortable.

Don't worry about it, kids have to learn everyone is different which is fine and it's not to be judged.

I don’t know if this will make you feel better, but I grew up in a large disheveled messy home on a very expensive area.

I had a play date to someone’s house that was much smaller and worth a fraction of the price of my parents, and I was absolutely mortified they lived in such a nice clean tidy environment and I did not.

I think the point I’m trying to make is you can’t second guess what people will think of your house. Growing up I would have loved to have invited my friends into a neat and tidy environment.

That sounds like age-appropriate lack of tact for year one. Don't take it personally, he's just a child.

Two bedrooms is sufficient for a couple with one child, as long as you don't hoard stuff.

I've had this comment from a Y1 too. I remember the exact words. Our house is a detached, double fronted 4 bed🤣. Honestly it's not just that kids have no filter, they have absolutely no idea what they are talking about half the time. Zero sense of proportion. At this age they are hilariously bad at guessing adults' ages or the cost of things, so don't let them touch the nerve. They'd probably be mortified about it when they are older, except they almost certainly won't remember because it is not that important or interesting to them. They'll just remember that they came to play with your son and had a nice time.

My granny lived in a little miners' cottage with downstairs bathroom, but in my memories it was a palace. I remember complex romping games and forts we used to build in her front room, which was probably about 10' square. Please don't let yourself dwell on this. There's no moral high ground in living with more bedrooms than you need.

Well surely his parents will be embarrassed and tell him not to make comments like that again. So they’ll be worrying too probably, hopefully!

Small homes have their benefits. Any size home can be a happy one and that’s probably what counts the most.

Oh, we've had this from a visiting 6 year old as well. My house IS small, so I wasn't bothered. The funny thing was that I assumed said 6 year old would live in a large airy detached house. When I dropped my kid off round there I found that they also had a 3 bed semi (same as mine), just with a small downstairs extension .

I agree, he was rude.

My kids friend said very similar a few years ago, and to be honest, it really put me off him.

He was 8 at the time, he really should have known better.

Not only did he say it when he was in our house, but he would ask me about it every time I saw him. "Jane, why is your house so small?"

My 8 year old would get really narked, because he knew it was really rude. This other boy didn't seem to be deliberately being rude, I don't think he was the brightest, and often seemed to ask daft questions.

Anyway OP, I don't really have a point other than to say that some kids are rude / say stupid things and it really doesn't matter.

It's certainly not worth stressing about or getting yourself in debt to move to a bigger house etc.

A friend’s husband made comments about our ‘small, weird house’ several times. It’s not by any means small, just smaller than theirs. So rude. Not friends any longer. A child’s comment is so different.

I once had a parent ask me ‘what are you doing down here in this area?!?’ like I live in the fucking Bronx (I don’t- just the cheaper end of a very naice town). She didn’t have the excuse of being 6, she was just really rude.