Embarrassed about our small house!

[Mumt02]

We moved into this rental property in 2018 whilst I was pregnant with my first son, it was the only thing we could afford in this area and we wanted to stay on the area. It’s a small 2 bed house. Not much of a garden, and downstairs is completely open plan living room, dining room and kitchen.

my son is in year 1 and has a lovely little group of friends, we haven’t had anyone over yet as we have been round to his friends houses and they are lovely and big, nice big gardens and just alot bigger than ours! So I’ve been a bit reluctant to invite anyone round.

I bit the bullet and said one of his friends can come tonight, he walked in the house and said “ this house is weird, it’s so small”
and honestly I can’t stop thinking about it.

yes our house is small, but it’s clean and tidy! They both had a great time. But I’ve been so worried what he’s going to say to his parents when he gets home! They’ve never been in our home they’ve just knocked on the door but I’m just so embarrassed and I don’t know why!

moving isnt an option at the moment otherwise I’d be out of here like a flash!!!!!

I wouldn’t worry about it, at that age children just often don’t know any different to how they are brought up. My DS also has friends who live in significantly larger and fancier houses than we do and has even asked me if we’re poor (we’re not but we have had to work and save really hard for what we have). On the other hand I grew up in a council house similar to what I live in now but I had friends in fancier houses and I used to be astonished at how they lived and they used to think it was a novelty visiting their friend on a council estate. Nobody took any offence over it.

Kids say what they see! It's a small house. Loads of people live in lovely small houses. Don't give it another thought.

FWIW we lived in a large rental at one point - the cost was covered by my employer at the time - and a friend walked in with her kid and the kid said 'this house is amazing, we should live in a house this big'. They lived in a (lovely) small apartment. I was mortified but then her mum and I laughed our heads off. Kids have no concept of money, why we make the decisions we do, etc.

It is your home. Don't be embarrassed. Good people don't care. Kids are tiny idiots

I remember DS age about 10 going to a friend's house. Friend's parents had just got divorced and playdate was at Mum's tiny one-bedroom flat. (Parents had 50:50 custody and Mum slept on the settee when her son was with her).
DS came home saying it was the best playdate ever. Friend's mum had played games with them - musical statues, sleeping lions - and had made them some delicious cakes. 10 years later DS still remembers what fun he had that day.

When I was 19 I bought my boyfriend, who was brought up in a large detached house just outside Oxford to my parents house and he repeatedly asked how all six of us managed in such cramped conditions. It had never occurred to me that our house was small until then. Rude twat

A wise man once said, anyone embarrassed of their home should remember that Jesus was born in a stable and anyone who looks down on someones home should remember it even more.

I remember one of my son's friends coming in and saying how small ds' bedroom was. A few weeks later his other friend came round and was really jealous that had his own room. Honestly kids soon realise that homes come in all shapes and sizes.

Not necessarily just houses but it's naive to think that there are no people who are critical of other people's lives. Like swearing, children have to hear it somewhere.

Children just have a warped sense of everything. My nephew once kindly told me all about his new computer and then explained that I probably couldn’t afford it because it was “very expensive”. Amusing.

@Mumt02 my house is large, and I would be really chuffed if my dc was invited to play and not care about anything beyond if they were safe and you were kind.

Well, sure, but that’s only uplifting if you think Jesus was actually divine, surely? Because ‘Poor child born 2000 years ago in makeshift accommodation to temporarily homeless couple (who then need to seek asylum in another country, in danger from a corrupt ruler)’ sounds sad and familiar, rather than uplifting!

Honestly children aren't saying it with any judgement they just observe what they see. So they will say things like 'your kitchen is smaller than ours' but they genuinely aren't saying it with any undertone that it's lesser, kids this age are truly just observing a difference. It goes both ways they will similarly say thing like 'your TV is bigger than ours!' or random stuff like your house has lots of windows. You have to mentally tell yourself that children this age really don't have the concept that a smaller house is 'worse' they are just observing stuff.

Some kids will go home and tell parents they are envious because their friend is allowed to share a room with their sibling and it's like a sleepover every night. The parent of those kids is probably worrying their kids are judged for not having their own room!

Above all please don't let this be the reason you don't invite their friends over. Kids are so sad when they never get invite to their friends home - they are more bothered about never being invited, than that their friends house is small!

For the record. My house is big. But I still had a visiting kid inform me that her own (smaller) home was much tidier than ours.... The shame 🤣🤣🤣

No one judges anyone on the size of their house...I have friends who live in houses which sound exactly the same size as yours, friends who live in 'standard' 3/4 bed semis (as do we) 5 bedroom houses and friends who live in an enormous country house with dozens of bedrooms (probably an exaggeration but Ive not been in all of them let alone counted them!) Plus a friend who lives full time on a narrowboat and a couple who divide their time between houses in 3 countries. I don't judge any of them on the size of their houses - they are friends because we like one another and we have other things in common.

This reminds me of a family gathering years ago where my relative’s partner went around knocking on the walls of my family’s new-build house and commenting negatively about the hollowness and flimsiness of said walls. Who does that? It was so bizarre and so rude.

Completely agree - own it in a slightly breezy way.

Well i guess the point is we shouldn't judge. Its not to uplift the OP. Im Not even religious btw...

When I was little my friend came over after school. My parents had just finished the extension on our house. My friend said to my mum ‘your house is really small’ ha! Mum has never forgot it. 😂😂

Don't let it bother you! As one poster said, not only do kids have no tact but they also don't have any idea what they're talking about half the time 😂.

We've had lots of "normal" playdates, in big houses and small, including tiny flats, but by far the most awkward was a huge, beautifully presented house once (they were quite well off). The house was very minimalist and, apart from a few "presentation" toys which were not to be touched, it was one of those houses where the kids only have one toy box of "worthy" toys. My then 5yo kept wandering round saying "Mummy, where are the toys?" and I had to shush them. The children didn't have anything to do, and the mum had no ideas (it turned out the nanny normally took them out of the house, probably why it was so immaculate 😂). So I ended up having to turn children's entertainer for the afternoon and counted down the minutes until we could leave, especially when the mum (who seemed nice but a bit clueless) told me how much they'd paid for the sofa the kids were happily jumping on.

Mine asked me if we were poor because we have one telly and Thomas had three.

Olivia was lucky because she had two bedrooms and two bikes. I explained Olivia’s parents were divorced and lived in different houses so that’s why she had one in each, and my DC asked if we could divorce because two bedrooms sounds great.

Little kids just blurt things out, it’s no big deal.

I'd be more embarrassed about my rude child than a small house!

I feel weird about these kind of threads now. We bought a large house but I have lived in bedsits, flats, small houses and now finally we have one with a lot more space. I'd hate for anyone to think theirs wasn't up to scratch because they don't have a third bedroom or a garden or something. It can be embarrassing on the other side when you go somewhere and people make apologies because their house is small. I really don't care, it feels just like a normal house to me. The most important thing is that it's welcoming and homely and the kettle is on.

I think this is fine coming from a child. They just say things without thinking sometimes. Coming from an adult would be different because the only reason that they would say such a thing would be to elevate themselves for some (unhealthy) reason.

I always remember a conversation I once overheard at a wedding reception between a lovely young lady in her early 30's and an older 'Mrs Bouquet' type lady. They were discussing the young lady's recent house purchase, the young lady spoke so excitedly about her new house. Mrs Bouquet lady's only reply was: 'it's very cramped and built up around there'. The young lady paused and then replied 'yes, it is.' I really admired her humble and polite response and thought the conversation spoke volumnes about who they both were. People who care about these things place value on the wrong things in life.

I love small, cosy homes.

This
Or you could say "yes, it is small but it is our home" !

We live in a big but half renovated house. We also have a big dog that stinks (good job we love him!)
I always worry kids will think we are dirty because our house isn’t all lovely and done up like the ones on Instagram.

My son’s favourite house to visit is his best friends 2 bed who shares a room with his big brother. Apparently it’s the coolest thing ever.

Don't let it get to you OP, I think we all worry no matter where we live.

When my now 30 year old son was the same age, he and a friend from school were playing on a kids motorbike the kind with a 12 v battery, the friend said “I like motorbikes, one of our gardeners has one” 😀 I had no idea his family were so wealthy! They are still friends as despite the wealth gap are both very clever with a lot in common

We have a big house. I have had to pull DS up more than once on not commenting on smaller houses of friends. I don’t think there’s any malice in it (he’s 6), he’s just observing. When I was a teenager we lived in a small two bed terrace. I would never allow DS to judge anyone by the size of their house, and I wouldn’t entertain having friends who did. And believe me, while I love our big house I do sometimes moan about all the cleaning! I also miss the coziness of a small house - sounds daft but it’s not. DH says the same (we had a tiny flat when we got married). Enjoy your lovely cosy home and remember that anyone who judges it small isn’t worth your time.

I always worry that our house smells of dog and I don’t notice it!

It defies belief, doesn't it? I mean, do they think it makes them look good?