Embarrassed about our small house!

[Mumt02]

We moved into this rental property in 2018 whilst I was pregnant with my first son, it was the only thing we could afford in this area and we wanted to stay on the area. It’s a small 2 bed house. Not much of a garden, and downstairs is completely open plan living room, dining room and kitchen.

my son is in year 1 and has a lovely little group of friends, we haven’t had anyone over yet as we have been round to his friends houses and they are lovely and big, nice big gardens and just alot bigger than ours! So I’ve been a bit reluctant to invite anyone round.

I bit the bullet and said one of his friends can come tonight, he walked in the house and said “ this house is weird, it’s so small”
and honestly I can’t stop thinking about it.

yes our house is small, but it’s clean and tidy! They both had a great time. But I’ve been so worried what he’s going to say to his parents when he gets home! They’ve never been in our home they’ve just knocked on the door but I’m just so embarrassed and I don’t know why!

moving isnt an option at the moment otherwise I’d be out of here like a flash!!!!!

My thoughts summed up. I hope it helps that we are all saying please don't worry. My job used to involve homevisitng. I have seen awful....awful homes. I bet yours is full to bursting with love and care. Your son will remember that not the size of it's rooms or any comment by his friend in year 1. He quite possibly won't even remember the friend. Try and forget it and remember that your son had a lovely social time x

His parents know where you live, and will know the approx size of your house. They don't care, and would probably be embarrassed that their son said that. I would guess you're the only one who is worried.

We live in a 3 bed bungalow, probably a strange family home, but was all we could afford when we moved to where we live - previously belonged to an old man and needed total renovation that's taken us years.
Anyway friends of our two sons have said allsorts over the years - wow our house is small/weird with no upstairs/sons have tiny bedrooms (they do!) The funniest we had was that one child went home and told his parents (our now friends) that we "lived in a caraban" 😂that 's not a spelling mistake
Dont worry at all. After initial observations, there's no judgement from kids. They say it, then dont care, they just want to get on with the playing. You shouldn't ever feel embarassed for providing a lovely home, whatever the size. As i said to my judgy step-MIL a couple of years back (criticiser of our bungalow) "Square footage isnt a measure of a good home".

He’s a child … they say what they see. He said it’s small as it is small compared to where he lives. Did he say it was dirty … no 🤷🏻‍♀️

Our house was very shabby growing up. Friends described it as shack and a witch's house. After the first visit they got over it though and came many times again. Kids can be quite rude! Don't let it get to you.

We have a big, ramshackle, half-renovated house (have had to pause for now due to costs), and DS’s favourite house out of all his friends’ houses is a tiny two-bed.

I've had kids come into our small house and ask 'where is the rest of it'? 😂

I am also sensitive about how small our house is, even after we renovated it from 2 to 3 beds (that just made the small garden a courtyard garden!).

However, it's clean, tidy, my friends all say they love it and my child and her friends use it as hangout/ base which I love. Over the years I took the stance of just owning it ' come on over to our tiny house'!

The kid is 5 🤣🤣🤦🏻‍♀️

People live in different size houses, adults know this, children have to learn it. Children don't really care thigh and adults shouldn't either. You'll find it won't matter if you just ignore it yourself and socialise regardless.

We had a larger house, high ceilings period features. I always felt my children preferred their friends cosier houses especially while at primary school. I worried visiting children found ours a bit creepy. He probably meant weird as in different. Don't let it put you off having friends to visit.

We have a bigger house, and I worry when people come over whether it’s tidy enough (lots of toys and rooms to clean). I think everyone has their own worries and hang ups about their houses, just don’t dwell on it too much. Everyone is normally preoccupied with their own lives to notice what anyone else’s possessions and, if they do, then they’ve got too much time on their hands.

I grew up in a large house, but it wasn’t ‘done up’ and I used to go to friends houses, that were a quarter of the size, and think wow how amazing is this. Didn’t even think about the size of them, just how lovely they were (even with just white walls, compared to our floral wallpaper my parents hadn’t got round to changing - probably would be in fashion again now).

It sounds like your son is very lucky to have such kind parents, so don’t let the size of your house stop him from showing you both off too 🙂!

Also, I hadn’t thought of this before, but our house is probably the largest of my DD’s friends and I wouldn’t have thought that had I not read this thread. We normally pop round, have a lovely time playing, then leave. Just very grateful for the play date. I think if my DD came back and said oh their house is small, I would say ‘houses come in all different shapes and sizes’, but I wouldn’t think any less of someone and I probably wouldn’t think of it again. And, any half decent person, would be the same. Like I said before, people are often preoccupied with their own busy lives, someone else’s house doesn’t need to fill their headspace.

You should have said 'Little boy, who taught you such awful manners. It is very rude to make critical remarks about other people's homes'.

Sounds like you're worried about what the other parents are thinking about you, and the judgements they are making about your house. Thing is, we never know what's in other people's heads. Best thing is to go by your own judgements/standards.

He’s about five years old, and hasn’t yet developed a social filter. That would be a terribly over the top response to an innocent comment made by a young visiting child with no ill intent.

He's a little boy! Kids say things like that. He might have never seen a tiny little house like that. I had a similar experience years ago when friend came over with her kids. Thank God I didn't take it to heart as you have. Let it go. Really.

He didn’t mean it as critical though.
He’s 5/6, he says what he sees.

Exactly the right age to be taught not to be a rude swine - if his parents did not teach him, somebody else might.

I get it, it is not pleasant - but if we always keep quiet, and those children are not properly brought up - what world would we live in?

I always speak up, even in a public place - on a bus, when 15-year olds sit and 80-year olds stand, smiling. I speak up and pray I won't get beaten. But people have to speak up.

That’s so rude, I’d be happy for the invite and that you are taking your turn to have people over.

We have a semi in the 'rough' end of town, I have friends with big houses, gravel drives, big gardens. We own ours outright and have done for most of our children's lives. The freedom and piece of mind that has given us is huge. They can keep their spare rooms, utilities etc.

Don't kid yourself that everyone has a big house. Most of my kids' friends share rooms etc.

My then best friend, described the house DH and I first lived in as 'quite a nice, little house'. It was a two bedroomed Edwardian terrace in a lovely, quiet street, over-looking a Victorian park full of trees. Every room had beautiful features and was large eg bedroom 18ft x 16ft, bathroom 12ftx 10ft. It had a sunny, large back yard . The house was light and warm. We loved everything about it and had made it our home. She lived in a grotty, dark, 3 bedroomed terrace in a grubby street that was horribly decorated and not clean, but appeared to think because it had a box room it was somehow superior and made our house 'little'. She said it often. It infuriated me but I never said anything because she was being mean so I just blanked it as if I didn't notice.
We now live in a large Edwardian house on a private road with two gardens, 5 bedrooms, two attics, has had lots of really nice things done to it over the years and we and the DC love it (but DH and I often talk about our first house). I still see her but she's a casual friend now. She lives in small, squashed, two bedroomed terrace, cheaply converted, cheaply everything, on a grotty street. I have never commented on it - it's her home and I wouldn't do that to anyone- but often think about her snide remarks to me about our 'quite nice, little' home. I think she is never happy in herself.
Small doesn't mean it isn't a lovely home. Your house is clean and looked-after and has a happy family in it- that's what makes it a home.

I live in a tiny house which has four rooms, including the bathroom. It's furnished the way I like it, colourfully and a bit cluttered. It's cosy, interesting and full of books. When people first come in the usual reaction is 'Wow, this is amazing'. They also comment on the feeling and say they feel relaxed here. There are places where size really isn't everything so if you like your house the way it is, then glory in it.

Don't worry OP!

Kids have no filter, it's just he's grown up differently. It's good you've exposed the kid to a different way of life. I remember being about 11 (too old) having grown up in a big Victorian house and being totally amazed families lived in flats and kids shared bedrooms. Poor, poor people! Thank god I had that friend or I might not have realised until I was in my 20s hahaha!

Now I'm a grown up, am very 'unsuccessful' by standard measures, my house is very small (55sqm) in a shitty suburbia town. My best friend lives in a 6 bed house in Dulwich that courtesy of rightmove was over £4m. Occasionally I feel embarrassed, but she tells me straight to stop being silly, everyone lives differently. And I remind myself how lucky I am, but that none of it really matters. The more you have the more you want, so everyone feels the same anyway.

I agree. For a child that age "weird" might simply mean that it is a strange and new experience for them to be in a tiny little house. As you say it isn't necessarily a judgement.

@Mumt02 if my child had come back home saying something like ‘that house was weird. So tiny’ I’d have bad words with my child tbh.
Both reminding him that not everyone has a big house. But also that people chose to live in different places, different styles and he isn’t to judge.
But inside I’d have been so embarrassed if my dc had said anything like this!!

Now seeing that both dcs had a great time and nothing was said afterwards, then I’d take it as a statement rather than a judgement. Your house is simply very different than his. Which is ok to notice I feel.

Honestly, someone will always comment. We live in the ‘big house’ and all dc’s friends have houses like yours. It’s embarrassing to invite new people over because everyone - parents and children - make comments about how huge our house is. It’s a lovely house but it’s very awkward and does put me off inviting new people. People will always have something to say, you just have to do it really.