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Original poster

Embarrassed about our small house!

209 replies

Mumt02 · 23/01/2025 21:03

We moved into this rental property in 2018 whilst I was pregnant with my first son, it was the only thing we could afford in this area and we wanted to stay on the area. It’s a small 2 bed house. Not much of a garden, and downstairs is completely open plan living room, dining room and kitchen.

my son is in year 1 and has a lovely little group of friends, we haven’t had anyone over yet as we have been round to his friends houses and they are lovely and big, nice big gardens and just alot bigger than ours! So I’ve been a bit reluctant to invite anyone round.

I bit the bullet and said one of his friends can come tonight, he walked in the house and said “ this house is weird, it’s so small”
and honestly I can’t stop thinking about it.

yes our house is small, but it’s clean and tidy! They both had a great time. But I’ve been so worried what he’s going to say to his parents when he gets home! They’ve never been in our home they’ve just knocked on the door but I’m just so embarrassed and I don’t know why!

moving isnt an option at the moment otherwise I’d be out of here like a flash!!!!!

OP posts:
Ravensperch · 28/01/2025 08:40

Kids often just say what they think without any malice so I’d not give it any more thought. Be proud and grateful instead and try instil these into your DC. You have a safe, clean and tidy home . Those things are distant dreams for millions across the world.

No matter what you have, many will have much more - move into a 3 bed semi, next kid invited round will tell you your house is weird as theirs is detached. Move into a detached - next kid has second home somewhere. Next kid lives on a farm and parents have 2 second homes. That’s life. I live in a 1 bed HA flat. I love it and refuse to feel lesser because it’s all I can afford. All my friends live in big and very lovely houses with gardens. I’m not judged because luckily my friends aren’t like that. Your DC will hopefully learn from you that we are more than our homes and possessions. Please don’t feel you are in any way letting your DC down or are inferior to anyone with a bigger home because you are absolutely not.

BigSilly · 28/01/2025 08:42

MidnightBloom · 23/01/2025 21:06

I think your sons friend was rude to say that. Please don't be embarrassed or worried about your house its full of love and memories and that's priceless ❤️

He wasn't being rude, at 6ish he was just saying what he saw!

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 28/01/2025 08:43

I have the big house in this scenario and have friends who never invite us over because they think their house is too small.

My child really doesn't understand why their friends 'want want her over for playdates' even though I try and explain. She absolutely loves going to friends houses that do invite her, and asks if we can move to somewhere more cozy like her friends, or finds it amazing that they are 'lucky' to share rooms with siblings, sleep on bunk beds etc

I also don't really like the assumption that I am going to be judgemental about their house - I'm not, and it makes me worried I come across as some snobby bitch.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 28/01/2025 08:43
  • don't want
CaptainMyCaptain · 28/01/2025 08:46

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 24/01/2025 00:48

That sounds like age-appropriate lack of tact for year one. Don't take it personally, he's just a child.

Two bedrooms is sufficient for a couple with one child, as long as you don't hoard stuff.

This. He was just saying it's different from his house. Don't take it personally.

RobinHeartella · 28/01/2025 08:48

If your house is clean and tidy, I think you should feel proud of it.

Mine is cluttered and messy and I feel so embarrassed about it sometimes. I do try to keep on top of it but it's overwhelming.

Still, when we have playdates round ours, the kids seem to have lots of fun regardless. They like finding toys in unexpected places!

DancefloorAcrobatics · 28/01/2025 08:52

Don't worry about it, kids just blurt out what they think at that age! Especially if it's different from what they know.

I had the same with one of DD'S friends- I just said it's big enough for the 3 of us... Now I knew their house, lovely and big. They also had 2 older DC and granny living with them.

valentinka31 · 28/01/2025 08:53

You cannot let your presumption of other people's opinion about you ruin your feelings. You have made a lovely home of this house. It is your nest. And if someone choses to mock that or look down on you because of it, then their opinion is utterly worthless anyhow. And you don't even know if this is how they'll react. The kid goes home and says 'oh their house was so weird it was tiny' and maybe the parents say 'it's not nice to say that, it's their home and just because it's small doesn't mean it's bad' etc.

The point is: you don't know.

You have to work on yourself to stop caring about things that you have no idea if are real or not. Also to be happy with your lot and make the most of it with pride.

valentinka31 · 28/01/2025 08:55

Egon Ronay, world famous top chef, said his test of a good restaurant was:

go in to wherever it is, however posh, and ask for a bottle of HP sauce.

If they turn up their noses and look down on you, walk out and give them nulle points.

Anyone good, and anything good, in this world, is humble and respectful of others.

Winterscoming77 · 28/01/2025 08:56

I’ve got a huge house currently and about to downsize and our teenage kids are all saying they can’t wait to be in a ‘normal’ house so their friends will stop commenting on it every time they come. Same with me tbh. What can I say when people walk up and say ‘your house is massive’ or ‘is this really all one house’ or delivery drivers asking me who owns it 🤣

People are just weird about houses especially in the UK but this kid probably just said something without thinking

Healthynow · 28/01/2025 08:58

I have lived in the small house and the bigger house.. and the truth is adults care a lot more about the vibe and the energy of the home rather than size. I'd rather hang out at my friend's tiny terrace council house because I always feel very welcome, happy hospitable host. Rather than another friend's stunning 7 bed Georgian townhouse that feels uncomfortable.

this! My mother in law lives in an all singing all dancing immaculate house - and the vibe is cold and unwelcoming. Her sister lives in a teeny flat and it’s worn and it’s also full of cared for things and more importantly a lovely caring person.
I know who I’d rather visit.
its the same when I was a child - I think kids notice the fun they have, the kindness and joliness of the home. My bf lived in a teeny flat, it was just where she lived.
converesley my DD was embarrassed because our house was bigger than her friends - it’s also tattier - and a massive pain to clean, heat and maintain. We bought it when I was pregnant so we thought I’d be carrying on with my well paid career …

Ossoduro2 · 28/01/2025 08:58

Growing up I remember going to friends houses, I had a big house by comparison to all my friends. I didn’t really focus on whose house was the smallest, I noticed the houses I felt welcome in, that felt warm in terms of ambiance, vs the houses that I felt unwelcome in because the parents saw having other kids round as a massive chore.

I have a smallish house of my own now, but perfectly nice, and I just focus on making sure kids feel really welcome and safe and happy when they come to play at ours. Mainly because I want my kids’ friends to want to come round!

Bearlady · 28/01/2025 08:59

I recall going to a school friend's house for her birthday party. We were about 8 yrs old and she lived in an affluent road. Anyway her bedroom was large and lovely but she preferred the tiniest one. I also know someone who lives in a nice neighbourhood who is always bragging about all sorts. We share a mutual friendship with another and all is not as it seems. The mortgage on the luxury pad hasn't been paid for many months! There is a huge amount of debt too. The grass isn't always greener. I miss my smaller previous homes and only moved due to a growing family.

AngryBookworm · 28/01/2025 09:00

Don't be embarrassed! He's just little and if his parents are decent they'd be mortified to hear him say that, so don't pay it any more attention. It's big enough for what you need it to do, that is provide a home.

There are lots of good things about a house like yours - easier to clean, easier to heat, you can cook dinner and chat with loved ones. It's not for everyone and may not even be your ideal home but I promise you anyone who judges you for having a small house is not someone whose judgement is worth anything.

FattyFattyBooomBoom · 28/01/2025 09:02

We have a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom detached house. It’s a mansion compared to the 2 up, 2 down I grew up in.

DS best friend lives in a 6 bed, 4 bathroom, huge garden with outbuildings. He’s made comments about our ‘tiny’ house too! And it did make me feel a little bit sad 😅

I try to remember - there will always be someone with a bigger house than you.

BunnyLake · 28/01/2025 09:03

Year’s ago when my friend’s kids were at school she told me one of her son’s friends said to her “your house is so small”. My friend lived in a four bed detached house. Son’s friend lived in a mansion (they went to private school) so to him their house was small.

Point I’m making is children should be taught by their parents to never make derogatory comments about someone else's house.

I taught my kids ‘house’ manners from a young age as I still remember the embarrassment I felt when a school friend declared my family’s home to be tiny.

A kid living in a tiny flat would have thought your house was big. It’s all relative.

usser3245343 · 28/01/2025 09:03

What a rude child! I'd have laughed and said "Yeah, well I am pretty weird" which would have shut him up!

Winterskyfall · 28/01/2025 09:03

The most important thing to me about a house is the happiness within. Some of the biggest mansions don't contain happiness. The size of the space between the four walls isn't what makes a house a home.

HeronWing · 28/01/2025 09:03

valentinka31 · 28/01/2025 08:55

Egon Ronay, world famous top chef, said his test of a good restaurant was:

go in to wherever it is, however posh, and ask for a bottle of HP sauce.

If they turn up their noses and look down on you, walk out and give them nulle points.

Anyone good, and anything good, in this world, is humble and respectful of others.

Yeah, but that’s a really stupid idea from ER, if, in fact that’s something he actually said. It seems deeply unlikely, given that his career involved a distinct preference for formal fine dining served by men in tails and endless (justified) attacks on food offerings in motorway service stations, airports etc …?

Hobsons123 · 28/01/2025 09:04

My 4 year old son recently asked my parents why their house is small (they live in a bungalow). He honestly wasn't being rude, he was just genuinely interested. He certainly wasn't making a judgement as he doesn't understand about the cost of houses etc. Young children just state facts, they don't mean anything horrible by it.

MumonabikeE5 · 28/01/2025 09:09

Make sure your house is clean .
de clutter as much as you can.
if you can put a vase of flowers on the table, perfect.

be relaxed and welcoming then your home will be happy and welcoming. And that’s what people go away feeling.

you can’t escape comparisons but forget about it, you are a lovely person and care for the well being of friends etc I’m sure and that’s more important to them than your square footage.

Cookiesandcream1989 · 28/01/2025 09:09

Even if they do judge you, who cares??

It'll do the boy good to experience houses that are different from his own.

AngelicaRice · 28/01/2025 09:10

I'm on the other side here.

I don't think I'd take any notice of a 5 year old making comments! Kids don't think about 'feelings'.

BUT I was brought up in a small house ( it was a 3 bed bungalow but still small) and all my friends had much larger houses. Their parents had 'better' jobs and they all lived in detached houses. I was always embarrassed, especially as a teen when my boyfriends came to the house. No one ever commented but I felt embarrassed.

If you really need an excuse OP you can always say you're just in a small house while you're renting and will move to something bigger in time!

HipToTheHopDontStop · 28/01/2025 09:10

Hwi · 28/01/2025 08:11

You should have said 'Little boy, who taught you such awful manners. It is very rude to make critical remarks about other people's homes'.

You'd be a right twat if you said that, and you wouldn't be getting any playdates once that got around.

He's not rude, he's 5. Your house is much smaller than those he's used to and he says so. So what? It's a fact . A FIVE year old is not responsible for OPs insecurity about her house size and life choices.

BunnyLake · 28/01/2025 09:10

Winterskyfall · 28/01/2025 09:03

The most important thing to me about a house is the happiness within. Some of the biggest mansions don't contain happiness. The size of the space between the four walls isn't what makes a house a home.

Exactly. One of my son’s went to a school friend’s house and it was like a grand design house. When he came back he told me he didn’t like it as it wasn’t homely. I admit I was concerned he was going to ask me why we didn’t live in such a fancy house. He of course didn’t voice his opinion to his friend as he has manners. Even as a kid I wouldn’t have dreamt of making negative comments about a friend’s abode.

I always think basic manners haven't been instilled in a child who comments like this.

I know he is only young but he’s not too young to be taught not to comment on house size.