Embarrassed about our small house!

[Mumt02]

We moved into this rental property in 2018 whilst I was pregnant with my first son, it was the only thing we could afford in this area and we wanted to stay on the area. It’s a small 2 bed house. Not much of a garden, and downstairs is completely open plan living room, dining room and kitchen.

my son is in year 1 and has a lovely little group of friends, we haven’t had anyone over yet as we have been round to his friends houses and they are lovely and big, nice big gardens and just alot bigger than ours! So I’ve been a bit reluctant to invite anyone round.

I bit the bullet and said one of his friends can come tonight, he walked in the house and said “ this house is weird, it’s so small”
and honestly I can’t stop thinking about it.

yes our house is small, but it’s clean and tidy! They both had a great time. But I’ve been so worried what he’s going to say to his parents when he gets home! They’ve never been in our home they’ve just knocked on the door but I’m just so embarrassed and I don’t know why!

moving isnt an option at the moment otherwise I’d be out of here like a flash!!!!!

My sons friends mainly all have much nicer bigger houses than mine. So I get where you're coming from. Honestly don't worry about it

I've been there too! I can totally understand how you feel.

I will never forget when my then 6 year old DD brought her friend home for tea. As soon as she walked through the door of our 4 bed new build with smallish garden she said, "Where's the rest of your house?" and "You haven't got a lot of grass have you". When we dropped her off to her rather large house in a couple of acres, She gave a huge sigh, "aaaah, home to my beautiful big house". Needless to say she was never invited again! Yes, some 6 years olds are just making an honest observation and I'm ok with this. However, this particular child was rude. Sadly, her Mum was just the same.

It is what goes on in a house that makes it a home. You can have a huge house, where the parents scream at each other due to money issues, work stresses, huge unaffordable mortgage and there's little or no joy, or have a small home, where you have a very different life.

We are very into bite size, social media, glimpses of life, don't compare, as that way madness lies.

Please don't worry. I grew up in a big house with a massive garden. But it was actually old, decrepit and cold and my dad was an absolute horror. I had a miserable childhood. My favourite place to be was my friend's house which was a small council house, her mum was a single mum with four kids and they were "proper poor". But it was always warm and welcoming and loving and I would have swapped in an instant!

I think all the comments saying no one cares obviously lack understanding! I can completely relate to embarrassment over having a smaller home and in reality everyone judges a bit, it’s human nature.

That was a very tactless remark by the boy's father.

There's nothing wrong with a small house, you have to start somewhere. Our first house when we got married, which we still lived in when we had our son until he was over four, was barely big enough to swing a cat. Nobody thought anything of it, it was our first home. We moved a few years later and so will you.

Try to think no more about it. Never make comparisons, there will always be people who have more or can do more than you, that is life and at the end of the day it's how happy you are that counts.

If you lived in the London area you'd be starting off in a one roomed dog kennel :-).

Oh god what a horrible child. 🙈🙈🙈 I would not be inviting her back either. 😅

I think most kids don't really care. They'll always make some comments if the house is different to theirs, but they generally tend to just play. Or at least that's my experience. We used to live in a tiny coach house and I never wanted to invite kids round because there was no space or garden, and DH used to work from home so it wouldn't have been much fun. DC once said to one of their mates that our house was small like an ant's house, and the friend's mum found this hilarious and kept repeating it at every opportunity. It was a bit annoying but not the end of the world.

Luckily we managed to move to a slightly bigger house that has a large garden, but even now I feel that it's a bit old and tatty and not as fancy as all the new build detached houses you see around here, but when we have DC's friends around they always have a nice time. The kids aren't here to see the house lol.

I'd imagine if a child went from a small house to a large house they would say something similar but just reversed. Also if anyone judges you on where you live that's on them. You are loving within your means, you have a roof over your head and you are living in a clean and warm home.

I’ll let you into a secret OP. People love other people who are not as well off as them. It makes them feel a bit better about themselves - not in a horrible way, just under less pressure to impress.

I moved in affluent circles when my DC were small as we were public sector people in a world of banking people. I was never short of friends.

Also I’d agree with everyone who said clean and tidy and smelling nice counts for a lot more than square meterage.

Less cleaning, cheaper to heat, lower cost to rent(or mortgage for those who have bought small houses) = more time and more funds to do stuff you enjoy

Take it from someone who has a big house, it’s a pain, costly, time consuming and they’re not all they’re cracked up to be. We all want what we haven’t got

Kids also have no filter and rather than judging, they were probably just stating a fact with no negativity behind it

Honestly? Anyone who thinks that others look down on them because their house is small, their car is old is doing them a disservice. People only care about themselves, what they have, what they wear, what they said to that person. If the parents of that child found out he said your house was weird, they would be embarrassed.

If your child is nice to theirs and your house is a safe place for them to hang out, the parents will be indifferent to how big it is.

Everyone is too wrapped up in their own lives to be interested in what others have got.

Try not to take it to heart. Kids say things like that all the time. You can guarantee that he will have told his parents about something cool that your kid has or maybe the snacks or dinner you made.

My children have been in all sorts of playdates to large and small houses and have never reported anything to do with that. It’s always something they wish they had or the greats treats that stick in their mind.

Don’t be embarrassed about your home. Be proud that you have a safe, clean place for your family to live.

All good things come in small packages... so said my DGM who was under 5'.

Yep. I lived years in a one room bedsit (like you, because it was cheapest option in our area) and the only solution is to own it. Be shameless.

Hopefully it is a positive experience for the little friend who now knows that people can live in all types of homes but it is love and care that makes a house a family home not the size.

Hopefully it will payoff long term if you are able to save a bit through the lower rent.

Is your house small? Yes
Is he going to tell that your house was small or weird? Maybe or maybe not
Does it matter? No

Make sure his room is done nicely as a place to hang out with friends, so he can spend time away from parents when friends round. Small spaces can be so awesome, I literally love walking round all the Ikea room set ups!

I used to say…”We’re not posh but we’re very friendly” when anyone came to our house. Children being looked after well when they came to play was always remembered by the chr.

I got asked by an (adult) relative where the rest of our house was....

I think the son's friend has probably heard his parents making disparaging remarks about other people's homes etc. and has learned his rudeness from them.

If they judge you on the size of your house they are horrible people. I grew up in a couple of huge houses but a very unhappy family. I loved going round to my friends' much smaller houses, sometimes there were four kids sharing with two beds to a box room and a bit of mess but they were happy and I was jealous! I live in a very average house now and would admire a tidy small house very much and wonder what storage solutions you have and if I could use any of your ideas.

If children come over to our ( absolutely adequately sized house ) and are critical, and yes there has been a few, they don’t get a second invite. I know that sounds harsh but I’m just not having it. It comes from the parents and what they are hearing at home and it impacts my children’s feelings of their safe space.

I’ve raised my kids to never comment negatively on other people’s lifestyle. They understand that houses are all different sizes and gardens aren’t always large. Cars aren’t always new. Clothes might be old. You just don’t comment and if there are thoughts you keep them in until you get home and then we discuss it.

Our house is small and our daughter's bedroom is small. We decorated it beautifully for her with a hand-painted mural, lovely dolls house, antique oak sleigh bed etc - it's gorgeous and she is or was chuffed with it. Then she had a friend over who immediately said "your room is very small" and I saw my child become self-conscious about it for the first time.
The thing is about this particular kid is that she has a larger room but she shares with a sibling, so she doesn't actually have any more space than my child does.

I did feel a pang about it. I wish I could give my child a big bedroom and a big lovely house. But we do the best within our means and most people around us are in a similar boat. I remind myself that our kids - DD is also in year one - are at the age where they become aware that their 'normal' is not the same across the board. Their peers might have different set-ups from them. And this is surprising to them, because they've always thought themselves the centre of the universe. So sometimes they do comment on things they regard as different, or undesirable, because they have no experience of it and no understanding of what compromises might be being made.

I give kids this age quite a bit of grace, because they are constantly recalibrating their concept of what is normal and expected.

I can't believe you are getting upset by a remark uttered by a Y1 child.
You need to stop worrying what what other people think - especially if they are children! Don't be so self-conscious.
However small your house may be you are still in a better situation that people who live in the street or in social housing!
Be more positive!

That’s a bit of a leap. People in big houses aren’t sitting around judging others for having small houses. It isn’t the sort of thing that is interesting.

My house is a tiny 2 up, 2 down. I have exactly the same concerns.
A very dear friend of mine visited, and said the house felt full of love. And that my son is lucky, because she grew up in the grandest house in her area, but she didn't feel loved.