Hand hold - declutter diary

[myhouseandhome]

Hi, I've name-changed because I feel I need a fresh start and singular focus. I'm also feeling quite a lot of shame and overwhelm. I owe it to myself and my family to get it together and sort out our house. This is quite a long one and I hope it will be ongoing, so thank you if you take the time to read, but understand if you don't...

I'm 39 with a wonderful DH and 2DC (currently on maternity leave). DH works full-time from home and does all DIY and most of the housework, including laundry, cooking, dishwasher. He can't do any more than he already does and I can't believe he is still with me, if I'm honest. We have been together since we were teenagers and I know he loves me, but I don't think he's happy. He is starting to struggle to cope at home. He's been struggling for years, if I'm honest with myself.

Growing up, I never lived in a clean and tidy house. There is neuro-divergence in the family, but I don't want to use it as an excuse. I've always struggled with even basics like cooking and washing up, and personal grooming, let alone running a family home. I have never had a routine and keep everything, so although there have been periods in our lives when our homes looked okay, it's always been stressful and I've never felt on top of things. Now with 2DC, it is out of control. God, I don't even know where to start. I could cry.

We have lived together for nearly 20 years and I have accumulated stuff in all that time. Today, DH dug out payslips from when I was 17! And I can barely bring myself to get rid of them! What's worse is that the clutter, disorganisation, and lack of routine means that the house is not only untidy, but also filthy. I'm so embarrassed.

Anyway, I've bitten the bullet and agreed to sort it out once and for all. I'm going to do a daily post. Maybe one in the morning and a follow-up in the evening. And I'll share before and after photos when I feel I can. Please, please let me know if this should be on a different board, but I hope I'll get a little support and feel accountable to someone other than my poor DH.

My 5yo has a birthday this month, so it would be really lovely to have made progress by then.I'll start tomorrow.x

Thank you for sharing your progress - you’ve really inspired me!

You're going brilliantly and motivating me so much.

I've started watched the 'Sort your life out ' series, based on this thread. We bought a marquee tent when our children were tiny to host their parties because venues were so unaffordable to us at the time. It's a mission to set up and take down, but I'm dropping hints to DH that I will be wanting it up for us to do the warehouse trick one room at a time.

Oh I love this! Best of luck OP!! Reading this has helped in my motivation to declutter my house too!

Cheering you on!! 🥳

Also- have a look at the app Goblin Tools (not an ad I swear ). It helps create in depth to do lists. It's really helpful for housework and tasks etc.

I've only just found this thread and wondered if I could join. I retired in June ( a bit early partly because of health problems) and then have spent months just collapsed in a crumpled heap. My flat is a tip. I did a good declutter about 5 years ago but have failed to maintain it.
My workroom/office is the worst.
So I came across a free 3 day decluttering challenge on Facebook which I have been doing this week. It took me 2 hours just to clear the paperwork on my desk. I have been to the tip with a broken printer and have 2 bags of paper recycling to go in the bin today.

The American decluttered who ran the free challenge said a lot of things I've heard before but some useful extras.

Focus down. If you are feeling overwhelmed, start with a very small subsection and work on that. Allocate a time to do a declutter session but towards the end, make sure you tidy up ( put things in donation bags, put away things to keep, etc) even if you are going to go back to that area later.

She had an interesting ( and to me inspiring) thought about keeping things just in case you need them. She suggested thinking about what you do need now ( for me - a tidy flat with lots of clear space and surfaces so that it is easy to maintain ) and not letting what you might need later stop you having what you actually do need right now!

I'm just out of the shower and hope to do an hour on my office stuff before I go out.

Desk before and after photos added!

You are doing amazing. I can't remember the last time I had anyone in. I've discovered Dana and something clicked. Boiling the kettle has turned into a declutter/put it where it belongs session and my kitchen has never looked so good. Still have to get rid of recycling and bin is full till tomorrow. Going to start on the living room today.

Best technique is the YouTube lady: A slob comes clean. No mess decluttering. Really changes your perspective. Also watch "A minimal mom" the silent to-do list

When it comes time to tidy up, my go-to is "Clutter bug"

Sorry giving a list of YouTube stuff, but I find that a shift in prespective was the most important part for me. I cringe when I remember my mum calling me for dinner and I was surrounded by the incredible mess I had created in my "tidying up"

Best of luck!!!

I've been lurking on here for a couple of days and really enjoying reading everyone's stories. Glad to know many of us struggle with this sort of thing. I have had a burst of motivation the last few months, and haven't done anything drastic but have been chipping away it fairly consistently. I've also gone down to 4 days a week and hope to use some time on my day off to declutter most weeks, but I am also looking after our toddler so can't be too ambitious! We do tidy up to a certain degree on a regular basis when the cleaner comes (it's very motivating!) but there are lots of areas without a proper system and lots of cupboards and shelves that are just chaotic! Will keep checking in and using this to spur me on a bit more. Thanks everyone :)

My lad surprised me today, he's commented the last couple of day about the work I've put in and how impressed he is. He came home today with a mate and a carpet cleaner and proceeded to shampoo the hall and living room carpet. I've been told I can borrow it whenever I want. Energy levels are low today, so other than move large stuff to garden. (need to organise tip run) and put my clothes away have done very little but that's ok.

There are so many posts I want to reply to, but I'm feeling like I might get some sleep tonight, so am going straight to the diary entry. Please know that I read and reread them all throughout the day and they inspire and motivate me! ❤️

Day 6
Think last night wiped me out because I remember waking to feed DS2 at 5am and then DH came to wake me at 8am. 😴 DH did the school run so I could grab a shower (no time for breakfast - again!). I made the beds before going downstairs. We were out all morning and got back at lunchtime.

I started prepping dinner whilst DS2 has lunch. Bunch of yellowing celery 😅 but another meal that would have otherwise been food waste: https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/celery-soup Because the counter is now clear, I can do stuff in the kitchen and watch DS2 at the same time! When DS2 was in bed, I cleared and cleaned the dining table and kitchen, folded yesterday's laundry, then took it all upstairs (including the piles on the stairs). Left ours outside the bedroom door for putting away when DS woke up (and I did!). Had a multi-tasking fail and burned the vegetables for the soup, but salvaged it.

School run, DS1 swimming lesson and got home at 4:30pm. DH finished dinner so that I could clean the upstairs toilet and sink!!! Thursdays are tough because DH is out from 6pm until 8pm. DC were both in bed by 8pm, so I put on a load of laundry, vacuumed living room and dining room, cleaned dining table and kitchen counters, loaded dishwasher. Sat down with DH for a cuppa and TV at 9pm! Washing machine finished at 10:30ish, so DH hung up laundry whilst I emptied dishwasher, reloaded and washed up. I nearly forgot to clean downstairs toilet and sink... But didn't!

DH and I had a long chat today about the past 6 days. He's so proud of me! He was quite emotional and said that he's been feeling depressed for a long time, but that he was already feeling better and optimistic for the future. I had to stop him talking about after the decluttering though because my brain can only cope with now and next atm. 🤯

Tomorrow: CLOTHES DAY. It's happening.

Photos! 1/2

• cleared the stairs and put everything away
• another toilet and another apology 😷

Well done op you are doing an amazing job , I love reading your daily updates

Photos! 2/2

• this sink was definitely worse 😷 another sorry 🫥
• I did a mini declutter of the shelf, but did just move the stuff into a basket and not chuck anything. It felt good though!

Look at those non trip hazard stairs!

Be ruthless with the clothes OP! Especially childrens clothes. They are very easily available if you make a mistake but you need far fewer than you think.

For your clothes don't keep anything that makes you feel bad/is uncomfortable to wear etc. Even if it was expensive and/or you've barely worn it. Forgive yourself for making a mistake, get rid of it and move on. You'll feel so much lighter!

Good luck today

You're doing an amazing job, keep going!!

Totally agree with pp, be ruthless with clothing. Just keep a few children's clothes that you love as a keepsake. Give the rest away or textile recycle. The vast majority you will never use x

You are doing really well.

I highly recommend listening to podcasts when decluttering. The Declutter Hub is my favourite, they also have a Facebook group that is very welcoming. They focus on the emotional side of decluttering.

Declutter Dolly (Dilly from Sort your life out) is excellent on Instagram and gives me a friendly kick up the arse 😂.

You can get a professional declutterer (like Dilly) to come and help you put systems in place.

Day 7
Can't believe I'm one week in... The last 7 days feel like weeks have passed!

Slept in... Again! DH got DC breakfast and school ready whilst I showered and made the beds. DH proudly showed me how he had reset the living room, dining room and kitchen when I came back from the school run.

Arranged to meet a friend in the morning, but managed to prep lunch (broccoli soup!) before leaving, as I knew I'd get back close to lunchtime. I can't imagine this 7 days ago... Every meal would have involved clearing a bit of kitchen space first and probably washing up too. It honestly feels like a lifetime ago. 🤯

DS2 went down for a nap and I got some work done as a favour for someone at work, but decided to enjoy my lunchtime, have a cup of tea and plan the afternoon... CLOTHES! DH took the afternoon off work. 🥰

Brought down everything I could lay my hands on and quickly realised we would only be able to do adult clothes today because there was A LOT. Took the cushions off the sofas to give us space and piled the lot on one. On the other, I put A4 sheets with Sell (designer/excellent quality/seasonal), Donate (good quality), Recycle (damaged, poor quality, stained, underwear/socks). I also had a sheet at eye level with a list of clothing for a 40-piece capsule wardrobe.

We started by picking out the clothes that we regularly wear (even if not loved) and want to wear, then I used the 40-item list to limit what I kept and swapped a few bits out. We also had a notepad to write down anything that needed replacing and any obvious gaps that would be good for Christmas presents. 😉 I got rid of my cheap bed socks and asked DH for a cashmere pair! 😍

We started at 2:30pm and only stopped to feed DS2 dinner and spend time with DC1 for an hour before he went to bed - he goes to MIL after school on Fridays which is why today was a good day to do it. We finished at 8:30pm!!! I am absolutely shattered, but wedid it!!!

When I say finished, I mean all the clothes to keep are hung up or folded in drawers, 1 black bag of recycling and 3 black bags of donations in the car, and 3 bags of clothes to sell (maternity, expensive party and work wear, and good quality other pieces). We have agreed a 1weekdeadline to list it or it will be donated!

We got an Indian takeaway delivered at 9:15 and flopped, but not before resetting the living room, folding and hanging up laundry, cleaning the downstairs toilet and sink. My only fail was to not clean the upstairs toilet and sink, but I worked so, so hard today. I am so proud of myself!

Next steps:

• recycle and donate clothes
• list maternity clothes
• clean hob (will it ever get done? 😅)

Thanks for reading and thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support this week.x

Edit: sorry the picture quality is so bad, it's from this webpage: https://jaydearchives.com/how-to-build-a-capsule-wardrobe/

Photos! It was too dark to take some after pics, but I'll share them tomorrow.

• clothes rail
• clothes in nursery
• all the clothing the sofa after collecting them all together
• DH's manky vest. Even he was shocked that he actually still wears this occasionally. 🤣 Not anymore!

Edit: he actually told me to take a photo to share on Mumsnet 😂

OP I love reading these daily updates. You’re doing amazing! And you are motivating me too.
We got new appliances delivered yesterday and there was a lot of polystyrene and wooden pallets left behind as well as off cuts wood where they had to trim our kitchen units to fit the new appliances in. Ordinarily that sort of thing would sit in a pile for ages until I get around to disposing of it.
But Our local recycling centre has an online booking system now so I went on last night and booked a slot for today so that meant I was committed to getting all that stuff out of my house ASAP which felt great!

That is totally amazing OP well done! And well done for getting right to the end including getting the bags out of the house and the other stuff hung up.

And great about cooking.

I like what the Minimal Mom says: everything is easier in a decluttered kitchen. Cooking is easier. Cleaning is easier. Washing up is easier. Tidying is easier. Putting food shopping away is easier.

Also I like how she talks about seasons of life. Maybe its no longer the season of life that you use the juicer. Thats ok. Its ok for things to change. But dont let the juicer take up valuable space when you havent used it in years.

Photos 2!

Loving the photos.

Do you feel lighter?