Hand hold - declutter diary

[myhouseandhome]

Hi, I've name-changed because I feel I need a fresh start and singular focus. I'm also feeling quite a lot of shame and overwhelm. I owe it to myself and my family to get it together and sort out our house. This is quite a long one and I hope it will be ongoing, so thank you if you take the time to read, but understand if you don't...

I'm 39 with a wonderful DH and 2DC (currently on maternity leave). DH works full-time from home and does all DIY and most of the housework, including laundry, cooking, dishwasher. He can't do any more than he already does and I can't believe he is still with me, if I'm honest. We have been together since we were teenagers and I know he loves me, but I don't think he's happy. He is starting to struggle to cope at home. He's been struggling for years, if I'm honest with myself.

Growing up, I never lived in a clean and tidy house. There is neuro-divergence in the family, but I don't want to use it as an excuse. I've always struggled with even basics like cooking and washing up, and personal grooming, let alone running a family home. I have never had a routine and keep everything, so although there have been periods in our lives when our homes looked okay, it's always been stressful and I've never felt on top of things. Now with 2DC, it is out of control. God, I don't even know where to start. I could cry.

We have lived together for nearly 20 years and I have accumulated stuff in all that time. Today, DH dug out payslips from when I was 17! And I can barely bring myself to get rid of them! What's worse is that the clutter, disorganisation, and lack of routine means that the house is not only untidy, but also filthy. I'm so embarrassed.

Anyway, I've bitten the bullet and agreed to sort it out once and for all. I'm going to do a daily post. Maybe one in the morning and a follow-up in the evening. And I'll share before and after photos when I feel I can. Please, please let me know if this should be on a different board, but I hope I'll get a little support and feel accountable to someone other than my poor DH.

My 5yo has a birthday this month, so it would be really lovely to have made progress by then.I'll start tomorrow.x

Hi how has your day been. Been remembering how difficult it was to do anything with baby so my admiration has grown.

Day 4
Just a quick update today - I'm so tired! Only got a couple of hours sleep last night and DH was out at 7am, so did the morning routine with DC by myself.

Felt great this morning despite lack of sleep. Got back from school run and it took me until 10:30 to make beds, vacuum, clean up after breakfast, empty and reload dishwasher, put on a load of laundry. According to TOMM, these jobs take 15 mins! Easily an hour for me, but maybe it'll get quicker in time. 🤞Had breakfast and watched the Dana K. White video shared by a PP.

Finally took the 3 bags of 'recycle with bags at supermarket' plastic into town plus some random items to donate from the kitchen counter declutter. Looked like a crazy bag lady 😂 but managed to stuff it all in to the collection bin (always full!).

Clean up after lunch and folding/hanging laundry took me another hour 😫 Tackled the downstairs bathroom once DC were in bed and didn't have the energy to do anything else... 😬 On my to-do list:

• upstairs bathroom
• hob
• clean and list decluttered items

I'm not going to do any more decluttering until those items are listed or donated. Aiming for clothes sort out on FRIDAY!

Feeling really positive. Can't believe I only started on Saturday - it feels like a different house already! DH is really impressed, but he's worried I'm going to burnout. One step at a time and I'll be okay. 🥳

Photos! 1/2

• donations from kitchen counter declutter
• recycling before/after
• all the laundry that's left! 4 loads done, 5/6 left.
• Stairs of doom. I know I should have walked them all the way up... 🫥

Photos! 2/2

• forgot to mention that I returned a pile of library books! They've been renewed about 4 times. 😅
• Toilet before/after. Sorry... 🫥 The bin was actually a nappy bin, so it's back in the nursery (cleaned!). No idea what to do about a toilet brush! I don't really want to keep buying new ones, it's such a waste and loads of plastic - is there another way? The toilet seat is broken. We want to replace with a family seat. Any recommendations? Preferably soft-close.
• Sink before/after. You can't see, but I lit candles for ambience 😅 DC1 loved it 🥰

You have done loads, moved loads of stuff out of the house and kept on top of the basics on a sleepless night. You should be so proud of yourself. I have a brilliant therapist and a couple of things I've learnt is notice what you have done, not what you haven't and praise yourself for it.
I'm still making improvements. In a really haphazard way but things are looking a little better and am arranging for the crap to betaken from garden. Broken hoover in garden, firepit and fan in my bedroom but it makes perfect sense to me.

You’re doing really well OP! The motivation is great.

Another tip I have adopted to keep on top of clutter and mess is to try not to leave a room empty handed. Before leaving a room I do a quick scan and if there is something that belongs in the room I’m going to, I will take it with me and put it where it needs to go.
I look at it as I’m going that way anyway so might as well multitask and tidy as I go.

It works especially well with taking things upstairs to put away and bringing stuff downstairs to clean/ throw out/ use.

Just spotted this, I have to frequently remind myself that ‘A Pile’ is not a unit of storage, it is a stuffalanche waiting to happen.

Loving the pictures as well, you’ve a lovely kitchen worth keeping nice, ours is a bit of a pit even when it’s tidy!
the stairs are only a problem if you don’t clear the stuff off them today/tomorrow. They are just in a state of flux right now.
keeping stairs clear is very very important tho, you can’t declutter with a broken leg!

Our house got a bit overwhelming I started by every time I tided up I threw 10 things away
doesn’t matter how big or small even if it was only a letter

before you start work out what you are going to do with the stuff you are getting rid of

honestly it’s life changing housework takes a fraction of the time

also if your unsure about getting rid of something leave it put a post it note on it with date on then come back to it weeks /months later have you actually needed since you last tried to sort it

Look at your loo! It’s gleaming! I don’t know you but I’m proud of you! Well done i

My 5yo has just gone to brush his teeth and shouted, "Dad, look how sparkly clean the sink is! Mum did that!" 😭

Wow, well done you! It’s inspired me to get back into the swing of things, haven’t done as much as you though.

keep up the good work!
Don’t go burning yourself out though

Your 5 year old sounds sweet and I bet DH is pleased to. The newly clean bits at mine are making me smile.

Loving this OP!!!

You are doing amazingly op! I need to join you! We had a massive sort out when we moved but we haven’t completely unpacked and have boxes/bags of stuff.

OP - hour achievements are inspiring and motivating me too.

You're an inspiration @myhouseandhome especially with two children to look after.

I'm in the slow process of decluttering. Most of which belongs to DH. He's a sentimental hoarder and has given me permission to tidy out some of his things.

Encouraged by reading your posts, last night before I went to bed, I put away the clean dishes and threw out some receipts that were sitting about.

This morning I have tidied out the drawers of doom in the kitchen.

Wishing you success in your goal.

Well done, you're doing brilliant. Keeping on top of the day to day is great as it's easy to focus on decluttering and then everything else piles up and you end up back at square 1.

Re the family toilet seat we got them in Aldi and they were great. They only have them from time to time though.

Now every time you walk upstairs take a clothes pile and put them away - before you go for a wee!!

Keep the washing going!

I have ordered some vacuum bags for Shein for holiday/summer clothes - girls prom dress - bulky coats - my aim is to get on top of the clothes!

Day 5
Made the beds before going downstairs today! I go to a baby group after the school run on a Wednesday, so knew I wasn't going to get much done in the morning. DC2 was struggling to nap though, so I just ended up doing circuits of the churchyard and chatting with my window cleaner who was walking his dog. Put on a load of laundry, emptied and reloaded the dishwasher before lunch.

Then something amazing happened! A friend knocked on the door to return something... AND I INVITED HER IN! The declutter pile was on the counter and the piles of laundry on the floor, but I just said, I'm decluttering, don't mind the mess! As though that was the worst of it. 🤣 If she'd come this time last week, I would have chatted in the doorway until she left. 🏆 DH put baby to bed and cleaned up.

I'd missed breakfast (self-care fail) so made myself eat lunch earlier today. I've noticed we've been wasting much less food. I think it's because the kitchen is clear and it's easier to prepare food and take stock of what we already have.

After lunch, I vacuumed the living room and dining room, cleaned the table and counters, and folded/hung up laundry. School run, then hairdresser and small food shop. We made pizza with some yogurt that would have gone to waste - it was really simple and delicious! https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/quick_cheats_pizza_88026

Spent 3 hours at a PTFA meeting and got home at 10pm... But I didn't just sit and crash! I reset the living room and dining room, emptied/loaded the dishwasher, cleared and cleaned the counters, then wiped down the toilet and sink. There is no way I would have done that a few days ago - I think my mindset has shifted dramatically!

So... No major steps forward today, but I did do a trash sweep of the bedroom (Dana tip!) and popped a couple of pieces from the laundry to the declutter pile.

In a way, I'm as proud of myself today as I was on day 1 because I didn't give in to my busy schedule. I found the time when previously I would have put it off until the next day. 🥳

Photos!

• declutter pile with new additions
• laundry, probably 3/4 loads left now
• stairs of doom (semi-cleared by DH and replaced by me 🫥)

@BertHandsomeAteMyBudgie You made a very good point about this being a hazard, so I'm going to prioritise the stairs tomorrow.

Oh, and nearly forgot that I returned 3 books to school.

You are doing really really well OP!

For more inspiration, have a look at Joshua Becker on YT. He is my go-to when I fall behind.

You’re doing such a good job!
letting someone in is goals!
I didn’t mean your stairs as they are are a hazard, but it’s quite easy for the stair piles to accumulate & get bigger & fall.

also a reset at 10pm!

Thank you! Don't worry - I knew you meant the piles on the stairs. The stairs are narrow and steep though, which means that our 'system' isn't the best conceived. I have actually slipped on them before now, so definitely better to clear the piles for safety reasons!

Also, I'm so pleased I tidied when I got home. I considered leaving the toilet and sink, but knew I'd have to post that I hadn't done it. 😅And knew I'd be disappointed in myself, but now I'm proud instead! 🥰