The Hoarders Anonymous Thread #7. Keep On Keeping On!

[Solo]

We are a mixed group of likeminded householders that are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine included), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves (myself included) that means sorting out our households is challenging, to say the least. So...

You are all welcome to join us for support, adding your own ideas to help others out, storage ideas, and even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it, but this part can be so very difficult; we are often attached emotionally to our 'things', afraid of letting things go just in case we need them.
Encouragement and support abound here, and we do not criticise. EVER! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone, but this can be very difficult not to do.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by clutter, mess, disorganisation and generally don't know where to start. If you can't be bothered, but really do want to be bothered. If you think you are a bit lazy, or if you just need to see your highs and lows and everything in between on the screen here, join us, and we will help you. We'll virtually high-five your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises, and if you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you, here for one another because we get it. The art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement.

Welcome to thread #7 of Hoarders Anonymous - Keep On Keeping On!

Thread #6 HERE

TalkToTheHand A belated Happy Birthday!

Kitty Talbot Thanks, good to see you back. Sorry things are so tough right now.
Not excusing it, but it sounds like the DC’s had been on the go all day too with unexpected changes, which might be behind the explosive behavior. Most other parents are probably just thanking their lucky stars that their volunteer has kept things going regardless, and if that’s not what they’re thinking then they don’t deserve what they’re getting. I don’t have the answers, but this too will pass.
Recognizing and coming to terms with the past and its effects is part of the road to a better future.

Finite good luck juggling the hoarding parent dramas! May they not get too inventive on you.

BlueSummerBaby you’ve done an awful lot and made a lot of positive changes so learning to live in the ‘new skin’ is bound to feel strange for a time.

Miaowse Hopefully your microwave top is as shiny as your halo.
Afraid I’m struggling. All the other commitments I’d made for June are now clashing with all the additional work, and my body just isn’t managing the additional physical demands.

Solo Good luck with attempts to get DD and laundry basket connecting. One thing to be said for the launderette run, you want it clean you have to get it in the bag before the weekend and it's taken.

Aww thanks.

Anyone know where to start with a messy house? It's improved but often find myself not knowing where to start. Concentrate on one room / do bits in each room. Any ideas?

TalkToTheHand I started by gathering up anything that's obviously trash and getting that out.

Then putting like with like. That was the main thing for me, not whether it all fitted into its designated space. Just having it all together so I knew where it all was and could check quickly enough exactly what I had. Can't do that when it's scattered all over the place. Plus if you've got eg a sock mountain on the floor outside the wardrobe you can see very clearly that you need to cull some. Nobody needs 6 phone chargers, 100 bottles of nail polish or enough plates to serve dinner to the whole town. You don't realise how much you've got until you start putting it together.

Anything unwanted I sell if it's good condition and an expensive item that holds its value well and if I'm skint. Otherwise it's not worth the time so its donate, recycle or bin. If I wouldn't want to buy it I don't donate it, nobody wants substandard stuff, not even desperate people. My area recycles quite a lot so if it's made of card/paper, plastic, glass, metal, fabric or electronic it gets recycled in the weekly collection. Other items if they're large either take to tip yourself or book council to collect them, it's £10 an item here. Some things can be broken up and put into the wheelybin. It's most important that when you've decided to get rid of something it actually goes out, because otherwise it ends up with second thoughts causing it to stay or just accidentally rejoining the general clutter as things get moved around.

I've bought tons of storage too. About 50/50 furniture and boxes. Sets of drawers, small cupboards, shelves and those furniture type boxes. Also plastic and fabric/card stackable boxes. Just being able to box the mess up so it doesn't get kicked around everywhere helped massively and was easier/quicker than buying and putting together a massive wardrobe type cupboard for storage. I've spent at least £1k on storage over the time I've been decluttering but it's been worth it. I've found boxes to be most space efficient too, compared to furniture. There's been quite a lot of churning the hoard as I gradually figured out where to store each category of item, so having boxes in only a few different sizes/types made stacking them a lot easier.

Although I'm totally tidy now I'd still like to reduce in future because I'd like my home to feel less full. The place isn't huge so eg floor to ceiling bookshelves is a bit too overpowering and a gap from mid wall with ornaments on top would look better. Want to stop having things stacked on top of other things too, so I can have eg a vase of flowers on top of some drawers instead of boxes. Thinking of the future, when I'm older I'm not going to want to be moving stacks of boxes around to get to things either, it'll be too much. Can't imagine being 80 and deciding I want a blanket from the bottom box in a stack of 8. It doesn't feel practical. So eventually I want everything to fit into furniture storage so cupboards, shelves or drawers designed for the purpose. That way everything is easily accessible.

The only real way to deal with the mess though is to declutter. Even if it's just a few items a week. Even when I'm fully decluttered I think that weekly habit will stay. That's where the messes come from, having too much stuff, so picking things up and putting them away isn't truly possible and getting something out involves getting a pile of other things out of the way first to get to the thing you want, then that's another pile of mess to tidy up (or not!).

Aww thanks for the advice.

I've cleaned and tidied around the front door hallway today as when I return I don't want to be reminded of the mess as soon as I open the door.

I'm going to try just do little bits every time I enter a room. Keep on top of dishes and tidy as I go.

Sorting clothes will make a big difference as I haven't sorted clothes in quite a while and really need to soon.

The only real way to deal with the mess though is to declutter. Even if it's just a few items a week.
That's where the messes come from, having too much stuff, so picking things up and putting them away isn't truly possible and getting something out involves getting a pile of other things out of the way first to get to the thing you want, then that's another pile of mess to tidy up...

THIS ^^

Fair or unfair, it's about how much stuff we have versus the size of our homes.

Storage systems make a lot of difference as they allow everything to have a 'home' to be tidied to, which is a brilliant start and makes it possible to reasonably expect others to put things back (the other source of constant mess) , but if there's more stuff than storage (by which I mean sensibly accessible storage, not crammed) you will always be on the back foot.

Keeping on top of it any way you can really helps to stop things building up.

Tidying as I go seems to be the best way for me. I may try to put a schedule together to be more efficient and productive, although whatever I do seems to be working (however slowly) as house is gradually getting cleaner and tidyer.

Kitchen is probably top place to start at the moment as it's the worst room downstairs and for anyone to visit, hard to hide.

I should have a little time tonight when I get home.

Hello! I just wanted to say that I will be starting a new thread soon. I'll link it for you all and maybe @ some of our members.

Dd and I have had/got covid, and it's like I've been hit by a train. Far, far worse than the previous times we've had it.

So not done much at all (including sleeping!). I didn't do the washing up before bed on Friday which is the first time of not doing it for quite a few months now, and I have to tell you that I didn't like it. So, I think I've got that habit boxed!

Dd was diagnosed with ADHD combined and autism a couple of weeks ago. A relief in some ways as it is now confirmed about the 'why' she does and doesn't do things. I've also realised and confirmed to myself that I more than likely have both too.

I hope you are all doing well.

I'll be back, but now off to bed.

TalkToTheHand Nice to hear you're home's systematically getting cleaner and tidier.🙂

Solo Sorry you've both been hit so hard with Covid.

Yep sounds like you've got the washing up habit internally nailed! Well done.

Glad the assessment is through, hopefully it will help with developing strategies moving forward as well as help explain some things.

Life here is simply imploding. On top of everything else I'm having to move contents of a large storage unit to another part of the building urgently, and it isn't working out well. There isn't time to go through stuff and try and get shot of anything, and I'm not doing well physically.
Got a small amount moved over the weekend, along with cutting back aunts garden, (while ignoring our jungle) launderette happened, and back to working on contract today and damaged too much to do more moving tonight.

Get well soon Solo. How are you and your DD feeling about her diagnoses?

I was too smug in my previous post - the top of the microwave has disappeared again

Elleherd good luck with everything, you surely do deserve a reprieve from all this stress. Having to move stuff from one storage place to another without the time to sort - what a hellish task. Is there anyone who can lend a hand? Will you have to move it back/elsewhere or is this the new permanent home?

Hi all. I did some tidying and cleaning today, although not much. I did do some bed changing which I find quite draining.

I'm feeling a bit disappointed with my progress levels at the moment, but trying to keep motivated. At the rate I'm going it may take a few months to get to an acceptable level.

Months is better than never!!

Elleherd & Miaowse thanks for the well wishes.

Miaowse I'm not sure how we feel. For both of us, it's just confirmed what (I) we thought we already knew. I do think the education system has let her down because they should've caught this 4 or 5 years ago, but instead just punished her for her inability to conform/do homework/do classwork/get into school. However, we now have to move forward, but the amount of reading suggestions the Dr gave me to read and places to join and go, I almost wish we hadn't got that dx, because I feel overwhelmed with that on top of everything else - what with trying to do right by Mum, trying to even think about the house, and working, and my ME... No. I don't think I can cope, I really don't.

When I feel overwhelmed by life like this Solo I start writing it all out. It might take me a few hours or days but eventually I'll have a to-do list in order of priority. Then I make two more lists, first what I want to achieve for each task and second what is the bare minimum that's acceptable or to move it forward. I find it helps to accept that often what should happen simply isn't achievable, so have to settle for what can happen and aim for that, then onto the next task.

Feeling a little worried today. I'm making progress most days, so there's consistency and that's a good thing. But I'm struggling with letting go of stuff now I've done all the easy bits. I'm churning the hoard a lot, taking hours to reorganize and make better use of space, just to identify a couple of things that can go. Maybe I'm being too hard I myself. A few years ago I wouldn't have been pulling excess stuff out of a crammed full drawer then trying to create space elsewhere for it because there would have been zero possiblity of achieving that.

Blue even the thought of listing things, at the moment is overwhelming. Maybe I can think about it when I'm feeling better. Thank you, though.

NEW THREAD
LINK #8

Solo IME you need to hit the pause button and let the dust settle. Even when you already know the diagnosis is coming, it doesn't diminish the impact, just changes how it hits, and yes it does feel like another huge task list with side flow charts has just been magicked into existence.
When Ds was diagnosed I'd spent so much time and energy fighting for him and against a system that seemed determined to break us, and worrying about how diagnosis might impact him, I hadn't given any thought about how I'd feel.
I also wasn't prepared for all the people who'd let him down and been unhelpful especially over EHCP's etc, to then say they weren't surprised, or how I'd feel about that. There was so much that felt like unfinished business.
I was also looking after very unwell MIL at the time, and seeing parallels in behaviors with her, Ds, and his dad.
I thought I was prepared for everything but I so wasn't. But he was exactly the same person he was the day before it all became official.
Please try to take care of yourself, I know your circumstances don't make that easy either.

Hello, I haven’t posted for a while, had a quick look through the past few weeks posts, thanks for the good wishes and posts asking how I got on, I read through what you are all dealing with, sending good wishes to everyone.

I’ve been communicating with a mortgage broker to see if I can find a new lender, I had interest only mortgage (25 years, an endowment type of saving plan was meant to pay it off) and I let things slide, so now have to find a new lender through the broker, the full amount is due so I have to find a new bank to take it on or sell the property. Not a lot of money involved compared to today’s property costs as I moved in to the flat in 1998 but still a largish sum. I’m 60 now, so not many years to pay off a mortgage.

I haven’t known what to say as I’ve felt in limbo with all the stress but it’s good news BUT doesn’t’ feel like it one bit as I’ve got to face something that feels like I’ve missed the last life boat on the titanic type of feeling, a feeling of dread and don’t know how I will manage but I have to have a valuation done and they need to look around the flat, it’s going to take me months to sort out what I’ve neglected for years and they probable want to book to visit in the next couple of weeks so I can’t really explain the extent of how my emotions are right now, I’m sure you can imagine, no words, it’s just as if I’m falling down a black hole with no rope to hold onto.

I will try to delay by saying I have family issues or something, while I plan, but can’t think straight at the moment and work has been awful, people have retired and left but no replacements and not much support, I’m sure you’ve all been there. What I do know is that I won't be able to go to work each day and sort things out, it's impossible, I should have planned leave ahead but I think deep down I knew they would need to come into the flat but I was hiding from the facts, no wonder i felt low, the broker said sometimes they do a remote valuation by searching online but that dosen't seem the case for me.

I may have to take time off from work with stress, which would be true but I would rather not, but don't have the choice at short notice.

Hope for a miracle for me, I need it.

Solo, sorry to hear you got covid you must have been exhausted and your Dd diagnosis of autism and adhd, it’s a lot to deal with emotionally.

KingArthur1964 sending good luck wishes and empathy and a big bunch of flowers Solo started a new thread so it might be worth posting the message over there too in case it gets overlooked here. Will try to add the link (it is a few posts above):

www.mumsnet.com/talk/housekeeping/5106903-hoarders-anonymous-thread-8-we-are-keeping-on-keeping-on-fighting-the-cluttered-fight

@KingArthur1964 please join us on the new thread.

I’ve had to show valuers around hoarding parent’s house - my childhood home - so I feel for you. I’ve also had tradespeople in my own home, it’s hard. Please come and talk to us about it and you can have some support.

If you had the time off work with stress do you think it would help? I get analysis paralysis and feel like I waste my ‘spare’ time - I know little and often is what I need to do.

Dana K White’s 28 days to hope for your home might be a better approach 💐

Trying to link for you but it’s part of Dana’s book ‘How to manage your home without losing your mind.’

If you have Spotify you may be able to listen to the audio book and print off the 28 days PDF or the book is on Amazon in paperback or Kindle.

@Miaowse thank you, i've found the new thread so have posted there as well.

@FiniteSagacity yes it's daunting isn't it, overwhelming, if i get time off for stress I might be able to do something but working full time I would feel exhausted, thanks for the book recommendation.