The Hoarders Anonymous Thread #7. Keep On Keeping On!

[Solo]

We are a mixed group of likeminded householders that are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine included), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves (myself included) that means sorting out our households is challenging, to say the least. So...

You are all welcome to join us for support, adding your own ideas to help others out, storage ideas, and even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it, but this part can be so very difficult; we are often attached emotionally to our 'things', afraid of letting things go just in case we need them.
Encouragement and support abound here, and we do not criticise. EVER! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone, but this can be very difficult not to do.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by clutter, mess, disorganisation and generally don't know where to start. If you can't be bothered, but really do want to be bothered. If you think you are a bit lazy, or if you just need to see your highs and lows and everything in between on the screen here, join us, and we will help you. We'll virtually high-five your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises, and if you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you, here for one another because we get it. The art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement.

Welcome to thread #7 of Hoarders Anonymous - Keep On Keeping On!

Thread #6 HERE

Thanks for the heads up on utilities Elleherd and fingers crossed for your miracle.

Everything crossed for you @Elleherd - and I’m glad you enjoyed your day, some rest is important (if we break then no one wins).

Great tip about the gas & electric, just need to excavate a path to the cupboard that holds the meters

So that’s two gems! Sounds like a lovely, supportive relationship over the years.

I’ve had a small burst of energy, several washing loads done, emptied bins then filled them up again and properly cleaned a couple of small areas that really needed it.

Hi all! I'm just jotting down some things so I don't forget. I will read and return too asap.

Kept on top of all washing up.
All laundry done - not put away.
Got 5 bags of stuff for CS.
Gave away 2 (worn once )onsies and a jacket.
Vacuumed the stairs.
Cleaned bathroom basin.

Hi all. Managed to make a start on DD8's room. Spent best part of an hour clearing some floor space. Couldn't shut the door previously.

Hoping to get into a routine of doing a little in all rooms to keep on top and improve tidyness.

All rooms very cluttered but not horrific.

Miaowse, thank you, yes it's been incredibly stressful, can't remember ever feeling such a sense of doom in my life and I'm 60 this month.
I'm constantly exhausted as well, horrible feeling, linked to low mood etcp, I read in the paper that in tests kiwi fruit🥝, compared to vitamin c improved mood in four days compared to supplements taking 12 days, so I've been eating them everyday now😂, don't know why vit c helps mood but I need the hope that something will help and it makes me feel I'm doing something positive I suppose.

FiniteSagacity, trying to throw stuff out so it doesn't build up, I have the same thing, a layer of trash, it's all in bin bags, built up partly due to exhaustion and partly OCD, plus I live on the third floor. I have to be honest with myself that I just can't juggle work and home life and the health issues I have.

Elleherd, I will look at that equity release calculator in the article, thank you for thinking of me, I'm off work this week, had to work last weekend and was on my own answering the phones on Sunday and couldn't think straight by the end of the day due to tiredness, felt so resentful on Monday and Tuesday, so still recovering, I'm going to my parents tomorrow, Thursday, mum, who is in her late 80s has not been well with a cold virus and bladder infection, so will be nice to see her, might pretend for a few days that everything is normal in my world, don't know if it will work.

@KingArthur1964 @Elleherd everyone! Things are really tough, aren't they? But everything just resonates with me. The panic, being pushed against a brick wall. The feeling of shame and embarrassment - for me, knowing that it's my own fault. My own doing. KingArthur1964 I turned 60 two weeks ago. This year of the wood Dragon is supposed to be lucky. I'm holding on to that. Can I ask whereabouts in the country you are? I'll help you if I can.

What we all must keep reminding ourselves of, is that every little thing we do. Every piece of rubbish we throw away. Every donation we make is adding to the finished product that is going to see us sorted out.

I had 4 days off over Easter. Sunday was at Mum's for dinner later in the evening, but apart from the laundry being washed and hung to dry, did I do anything? No. No, I did not. But when I got home from work yesterday, I took the thick with dust glass bathroom shelves down and cleaned them and everything that was on them. YUCK! I also made a paste of bleach and bicarb and cleaned the tiles and grout, and the black mold that was at the top of the tiles - mostly in the corner. I did not get the whole bathroom done, but I did some and I'm really pleased as it looks clean when I look into the bathroom - motivation to get the rest done. I also cleaned the bath. I finished part of that (partial) job off today. Washed up and did some more laundry. I've been making sure that everything is washed up after I've used a thing, and before I go to bed each night, and having an empty sink is sooo lovely.

I managed to read my meters today and gave readings to BG. I'm in credit. Probably won't be once I get heating and hot water again, though!

I need a whole new heating system (I think), but particularly a boiler. My gas oven has decided to stop heating up as it should; it's possibly the seals that have gone, but it's an eye-level gas cooker that is 40 years old. I'm loathed to replace it, but I know it needs to be.
I need my electrics renewing and new windows. And probably a whole new alarm system as mine is now obsolete! I just don't have enough money to do everything necessary.

Keep on keeping on :), we're in this together.

I have read back a way, but just can't read as far back as I ought to.
Chins up, black bags at the ready! I'll be back.

Nice to hear you sounding so positive Solo. The part about knowing it's all my own fault, yes! That hits me too. But also the part about every item gone is one less. I'm still bringing stuff in but less of it, always decluttering and overall things are looking better. Tidier, nicer organisation, easier to clean and use.

Solo that's brilliant progress! I must go to bed, it's stupid o'cloclock again, but will be back later.

@Solo firstly, a belated happy birthday!!

It sounds like you're making great progress with the decluttering I completely know what you mean about the shame and embarrassment; apart from housework, I felt the same when I got into debt. It was partly because I got out of an abusive relationship and partly because I've never been good with money (another ADHD symptom!) - everyone I knew seemed to be given £££ by their parents to help them out/ pay expenses/ put down as a house deposit, and I never had that. Even now I don't earn enough to have decent savings

I went to CAP Money for help with my debts @KingArthur1964 and they were amazing, I'm sure Stepchange will also be helpful with you! Honestly whatever issues you have they will have seen it all before (and worse!), and will be able to advise. It's a shame they can't see you for a while - I'm guessing it's because of the cost of living crisis and more people needing help - but it will definitely be a load off your mind when you can chat with them.

Both my parents are hoarders @FiniteSagacity, they blamed each other for the house being a tip when they were together, now they've lived apart for many years their own houses are a mess too... they still try to blame the other one! Lots of 'well I still need/ use that', 'if you get rid of it I'll only have to buy it again', 'I'm going to fix that up and get it working again' and so on...

My DC's rooms are mostly tidy enough @TalkToTheHand123 but so DUSTY! I don't have the time/ energy to dust the wooden blinds so beloved by DP he hates curtains and put blinds up instead, but does he ever bother to clean them? What do you think?!

Speaking of DP he now has a back problem which is causing endless moaning... I know he's in pain but even though he's resting constantly, somehow he doesn't have enough energy to do anything (except of course, the things he wants to do!) so my endless admin continues @Miaowse

The admin/ housework/ chores etc definitely paralyses me sometimes @Elleherd, I feel like there's no point even starting as I'll never make a dent in everything... I'd love to have a day off just to do admin (sort out pensions, catch up on emails, book school clubs etc) but it never happens! I do hope your building work is progressing well as that and HMRC sound like a MASSIVE pain. Life is very overcomplicated sometimes!

I often read posts on here and it feels like I could have written it myself - your last paragraph about the paralysis in particular Kitty. Coincidentally I have a pension admin task languishing on my to to-do list too. Good luck and please update here if you get yours done as it might motivate me (and I’ll do the same if I have any progress with mine).

I have some time off work next week but don’t have high expectations for de-junking/cleaning progress during that time as it’s impossible when my DC is here.

Good luck to everyone and hope spring is springing where you are.

Just popping in to say how lovely you all are and like @Miaowse many of your posts resonate with me.

@Solo you inspired me to do a tile scrub in the bathroom and it is better than before (and it’s okay that I didn’t do everything).

Black bag day tomorrow, charity collection booked for Tuesday. Just need to find motivation.

In my many long car journeys recently I’ve been listening to Bréné Brown’s audiobook The Gifts of Imperfection and, my word, does all the content about shame, and perfectionism, and numbing behaviours, hit hard. I’m getting in my own way (but there are so many ‘guideposts’ I’m just at the start of untangling all the feelings before I can do better with the to do list).

I also recently saw a quote something like if you don’t feel wanted, you make yourself feel needed. Ouch.

Keeping on, keeping on and trying to be more self-compassionate and understand myself more.

Keeping my fingers crossed for @Elleherd and @KingArthur1964 and hoping life gets easier from here on.

@KittyTalbot solidarity - I hope I manage to reach my clutter threshold, break the cycle of what I saw in my parent and grandparent’s homes and model better for my DCs.

Solo That's sounding really positive. I do know the annoyance of hardly used things, but the space they all take up is more valuable really. I can hear the de cluttering and 'facing things' muscles paying off and you reaping the rewards of your actions which is lovely!
You might find an air fryer or other contraption actually works out a lot cheaper to run, than replacing the oven, if you're generally only cooking for smaller numbers these days. and yes: A belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY! and yet again a thank you for this thread.

TalkToTheHand Well done clearing the door back into usability. Small amounts consistently do pay off.

KingArthur Deep breaths. Hope the visit goes well and there's a chance to recharge.

Kitty Talbot There's many of us without family to fall back on, combined with what little we have, having hoarding issues. Life was never designed with fairness in mind. It seems HMRC wont be giving me any proof that my account is at zero, (maybe they know I'd keep it!) and I just have to hope this is the end of it. Builders work slower than HMRC it seems.

Miaowse Good use of the energy burst. Well done. Hope the mountaineering went well, but if not it's still worth doing. Yes so many of us with such similarities.

FiniteSagacity if you don’t feel wanted, you make yourself feel needed. Ouch indeed. I've seen that play out a lot, but I think not feeling good enough may also apply.
One way of breaking the cycle may be to talk about it. I've found that the shame and silence around it definitely doesn't help with the next generation either.

The paralysis is one I've been facing a lot this week. I should have been working every hour. Instead I've 'waited to start after builders arrive' 'waited to continue
when they go' etc, posted on here while things dried, instead of fitting something else in etc, until I was down to this weekend for Monday BIG killer deadline, (Tues and Weds Big ones Fri killer one and three days later another one.) I now just have today left to try and do an impossible amount of work for an early start tomorrow.

I think part of me has just given up internally. I can't win, only not completely lose, and the fight to survive seems to have gone out of me, and I'm just waiting for an inevitable axe to fall, that I could maybe have stopped if I'd just worked harder, but I have generally worked hard but not as efficiently as I should of.

Builders have come and gone repeatedly, and seem to have done almost nothing. Any time I stick my head through a door, they're either on a break or on their phones, waiting for something (it's catching) There's so much dust, but little evidence of work to cause it. Working out of boxes unable to spread anything out and unable to find things hasn't helped.

So tired and distracted I managed to put all my clean underwear into the wash instead of what actually needed washing, last week. In desperation ended up repairing two pairs of pants that were waiting to have the elastic repurposed!

Feeling sick with fear but trying to approach today as what can be parred down and something produced so that at least it fails, rather than I have nothing to present, if that makes sense.

@Elleherd I too have a ‘last ditch day’ today - do you want to do body doubling with me? We can each do something and check in on here for accountability?

I know the overwhelm you describe so well. So much I need to do, I know I can’t do it all but I’ll feel better if I can at least do some.

Job number 1:
I need to sort out rubbish for a trip to the Household Recycling Centre. I even took someone else’s rubbish to add to mine. I must do it before they close or I’ll have their stuff and mine for another 2 weeks.

Can try, but can't go into details about some of mine as it's clients stuff so if it comes over weird, I'm trying to avoid identifying myself.

So far its been:
Go to storage unit sort, pack and collect lots of stuff for tomorrow. (hurt self and slow down)

Make Ds get up - feed and bribe,
Get everyone's washing together for later.

Cut 30 (complicated) pieces, line, press and join them.

Unpick quilting on a coat to use the material later.

Cut large piece of wadding, and two large pieces of sheeting - stitch like there's no tomorrow - because there isn't.

@Elleherd, I know the feeling of sick with fear, feeling that I just can't do this anymore and I must have taken the wrong turning down life's path somehow and need to find a better way, better path. I will think of you with positive thoughts throughout today knowing that you WILL do the best that it's possible for you to do, you are not alone.

@Solo, yes things definitely feel dark at present don't they, keep trying my old trick of distraction but not very helpful. I feel that shame and embarrassment, thinking how did this happen, but I notice that when I do try and tackle stuff, even newspapers that I want to throw out, I get such an incredible deep emotion, I will call it hopelessness but that really doesn't describe it, I'm very sensitive so lots of emotions are painful which is a big part of it. We forget the deep emotions or exhaustion that caused things to build up in the first place somehow.

Let's hope it's a positive year for us wood dragons, I'm also Aries but haven't found the energy of the charging ram yet. I'm on the Kent London borders.

I'm doing something called EFT emotional freedom technique, which is tapping on various meridian lines in the body, I'm trying anything that might cause a shift to what feels stuck.

@KittyTalbot, thank you for the support, I will make a CAP for future reference. In terms of hoarding my mum is the complete opposite of me, every single item that looks untidy is immediately removed or thrown away, my parents separated in the 1970s and my father was similar to me without the emotional side of things I have.

@FiniteSagacity, thank you plus I will search for the Bréné Brown book.

@KingArthur1964 Oh my goodness! So am I! Send me a message if you'd like some help and we are near to one another.

Thank you for the birthday wishes. It feels weird saying I'm 60 years old.

It does feel like I've found my people on this thread; I'm so happy that I started it all those years ago. And to think that I was in two minds through fear of embarrassment! I knew I wasn't the only one that could possibly be in a mess, but what I find more strange is the number of us who are creative. The many of us who have either OCD, ADHD or Autism, or even all of the above!

I have put up with the incessant beeping from my alarm panel since the middle of January. Mostly I don't hear it, but any phonecalls are embarrassing - "you still not got that sorted?" Well, clearly not!

Right, I am off to do something!

You are all amazing. Don't let anyone ever tell you any different. 💗

I forgot to tell you. Yesterday, 7 bags of stuff went out to CS. More to go...Much more to go.

Most laundry done including bedding - but not a quilt cover. Also Dds college jacket which returned home smelling of animal urine! Washing up done. Clean bed linen on.
Got another king size bed sheet and pillow case/s for Db.

Keep on keeping on.

I am off to Household Recycling Centre.

These are the things I did to procrastinate about going…

3 loads of laundry (not all the way)
Cleaned the dishwasher filter (once a year at best, why today?!)

@Solo that is very kind, appreciate the offer, lots of coincidences, same age, similar area, both struggling with hoarding and feeling overwhelmed, I don't feel quite so isolated now and it's is exactly how hoarding makes you feel isn't it.

You have done brilliantly letting go of 7 bags, sometimes it's just feels right or we just no longer have the choice and stuff has to go.

@KingArthur1964 Yes, I know! Spooky or what? Just let me know, no pressure. No judgment. No offence taken if you don't want to take the offer. I've turned down help from my own Son; I understand.

Getting those bags out of the house was marvellous, and they are no longer in my way - although lots of other stuff is!

I did the opposite side of my (very small bathroom) bathroom tiles today. I can't get the black off the grout at all on that side though. I think it's going to be a case of scraping it all out and re-grouting. I have just a small part of the tiles left to do, but it's worn me out today. I had to pull out a tall cabinet to get to it. Took the loo seat off and cleaned that. Removed the paper holder and gave that a clean. Took some things out of the tall cabinet, found a home for a box hair dye, and added another item of hair product to the bag of mostly hair products to go.
Stuck some Muscle down the bath and sink plug drains as the bath drain was starting to slow down.

I need to go through my cabinets and see if I can pare it down further.

Put another load of where does it come from laundry on to wash.
Cooked dinner. Ned to wash up before bed.

Actually, I don't know who Ned is, so I doubt he'll wash up for me!

I'm pretty pleased with the little bit I've got done today.

Hoarding parent dramas derailed my afternoon/evening but I’m 95% there with the laundry and today’s dishes.

Well done @Solo and thinking of @Elleherd and wishing everyone the ability to sleep and be able to deal with tomorrow.

Back to work tomorrow and all the demands that brings, while also juggling parent needs. Really, really hoping to manage 5 minute pick ups as well as daily stuff as DCs are still off school so (slightly) less to do than usual.