The Hoarders Anonymous Thread #7. Keep On Keeping On!

[Solo]

We are a mixed group of likeminded householders that are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine included), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves (myself included) that means sorting out our households is challenging, to say the least. So...

You are all welcome to join us for support, adding your own ideas to help others out, storage ideas, and even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it, but this part can be so very difficult; we are often attached emotionally to our 'things', afraid of letting things go just in case we need them.
Encouragement and support abound here, and we do not criticise. EVER! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone, but this can be very difficult not to do.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by clutter, mess, disorganisation and generally don't know where to start. If you can't be bothered, but really do want to be bothered. If you think you are a bit lazy, or if you just need to see your highs and lows and everything in between on the screen here, join us, and we will help you. We'll virtually high-five your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises, and if you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you, here for one another because we get it. The art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement.

Welcome to thread #7 of Hoarders Anonymous - Keep On Keeping On!

Thread #6 HERE

@BlueSummerBaby I haven't done much for a while. Either lack of motivation, something comes up or off out drinking. Currently trying the 'little and often' approach.

I have just cleaned the car though as I was giving family members a lift today 😂.

That must have been a big relief FiniteSagacity and how interesting about the investor types. That’s a very good result and maybe you can start to take small steps toward the next stage. Good luck - we’ll all be cheering you on.

Also brilliant that you’re still managing to do some work on your own home too.

I’m focusing on the usual bare bones stuff - laundry, food, clean dishes, clean toilets and randomly keeping the top of my microwave clear which seems to be my version of Flylady’s sink right now. It does make me happy every time I see this clear space in an ocean of clutter.

@Solo thanks for asking, I'm struggling emotionally, can't remember ever a time when life was this painful in the sense of having to keep going when things feel so uncertain, that feeling when things that have been ignored catch up with you, hope you are ok.

@Elleherd I know you are keeping your head down with what you have to do, it's sounds, as you say, totally overwhelming, my fingers are crossed for the best positive outcome for you.

I have my financial appointment tomorrow, Friday, took the day off work, can't think straight really, all those financial papers and details seem so unpleasant even to think about, I'm going to start wishing for a simple life on a Greek island lol, send positive thoughts of light and success for me please.

Confession time:

Pushed things too far and unexpectedly threw up over Ds bed. Just working almost every moment, bolting food down, and throwing coffee straight down afterwards repeatedly, and my body decided to teach me not to abuse it!
Washed duvet etc to a point where it could all go in a machine, but not enough time to get duvet, cover and sheet to the launderette, washed and dried for tonight. In storage I have spare bedding but there wasn’t time to go sort it out, and in desperation I told him to hit Argos and brought another duvet, cover, and sheet! Not the best way of de-cluttering! His is hygienic but soggy and in the bath for now.
I did however succeed in shedding two large boxes of electrical and motor stuff, an old art piece, and some large plastic panels earlier in the week. But so much has had to come here for this contract though. Not loving it, but at least I can now look at it and recognize that it will also need to go.

Blue and Kitty thank you for your good wishes.
JFDIYOLO That sounds really hopeful. Well done on all the work.

Talk to the hand A cleaned car counts…
Castlerig well done on the decision, hope the bedding made it out of the house…

Solo My lazy builders overran their timescales and have buggered off to deal with someone else leaving me in the middle of a site again. I’m in too much trouble on too many fronts to deal with any of it tbh. Hope you’re enjoying a sorted cooker.

Finite I know it’s just one step in a potentially difficult chain of them, but I’m so glad it wasn’t as awful as you’d imagined.

Miaowse Bare bones makes for a good skeleton. I love that you can translate the fly lady sink to a clear microwave top. It’s ultimately about having something usable and joy at small wins I think.

King Arthur… when life was this painful in the sense of having to keep going when things feel so uncertain, that feeling when things that have been ignored catch up with you… small consolation I know, but It’s all catching up with me here too, and I know what you mean about the pain and the fear, but surviving what feels un-survivable has to be done, inch by inch if it comes to it.

This week’s been awful but because by my fingernails tbh, I’ve stayed in the game, (partly through allowing an untrue claim to pass as ‘must be down to me somehow’) tomorrow I have two more but hopefully final, make or break meetings, so Friday is D day to some extent for both of us. I am getting to a point where I really want it all to be over, but I know keeping going is the only sensible thing to try.
So I’m sending you ‘positive thoughts of light and success’ but also a reminder that even when things are very dark and we can’t see the light, it is actually still there, somewhere, waiting to be found. Hang on in there.

Lucky timing, I just read your post Elleherd and today is Friday so just wanting to wish you all the luck in the world - praying for a good result for you and that all your insane work pays off. You can be so proud of yourself to know you have done everything humanly possible to get this over the line. Please take care of yourself, the throwing up incident does not sound good at all.

Thank you @Elleherd, yes D day, you are really pushing yourself to the limits, sending light and positivity back to you

Yesterday was horribly stressful but I'm still in, all be it a bit dazed and grazed.
It wasn't very reasonable but I'm not in a position to argue, so coming away still going and with things resolved was a good outcome. It feels less like teetering on the edge of the abyss.
I have another deadline to have produced yet more design alterations (!) and samples for mid next week, but a signed agreement that these are the final ones they can demand of me, and as long as it's all up to spec, I get to finish making everything and all accompanying paperwork (lots) in two weeks from then, and walk away with reputation and business intact. My contractor isn't going to do as well, but hopefully are big enough to take it.

So three weeks to get through, then major sort out and clean up is scheduled for the start of July!

I've stopped for breakfast, but am cracking on with contract this morning, but change for launderette for soggy duvet, has to happen (bank has closed down!) and have do some work on aunts garden this afternoon, hopefully with help from Ds, while the weather's ok. (Had to let hers and mine go completely during all of this, and neighbors now complaining. Apparently as soon as I took my eye of the ball, someone threw a roadworks sign and cones into aunts and everything shot up. 🙄)

KingArthur I know it will have been very stressful yesterday and probably very emotional too, facing up to these things is always very draining, but I hope it brought you some clarity around possible options going forward, and was more helpful than torturous.

Miaowse Thank you. I hope I can also learn from the mistakes that got me into this situation and grow from it. Having lots of 'stuff' to hand has been essential, but also because of circumstances, so much wasn't where I could get to it easily when I've actually needed it, which has been food for thought.
The physical hard work is nothing new but I can honestly say I don't think I've ever pushed myself so hard mentally as well! I will be being more sensible, I just reached a point of cramming in everything, including food, into not enough time, without thinking.

@KingArthur1964 how did it go? Are you feeling a bit lighter? I really hope so.

@Elleherd I'm happy for you. So glad you got through that part, but please listen to your body. Ignoring mine and working too hard for long hours whilst taking care of my baby boy was what lead me to my ME.
Can I ask why you don't have a washing machine at home? I don't know how you cope with having to go to the launderette each wash day. I know many people do it, but it seems a tough thing to have to do.

Shamefully, I did not get my cooker top cleaned.
I do wash up before I go to bed every night, though. But Dd (17) will not wash up after herself, and I've given up asking her as it's usually simply one pan and a bowl. She won't do it.

I have logged on here to write an overdue email, so I mustn't be too distracted on here. I want to get something done here this afternoon.

Have a good and maybe productive weekend all. Positive vibes to you all.

please listen to your body. Ignoring mine and working too hard for long hours whilst taking care of my baby boy was what lead me to my ME.

Snap.

Congratulations on your latest stay of execution Elleherd. Outcome of the meeting all seems quite positive.

Sending you strength to carry on King Arthur.

As Churchill said - when going through hell, keep going.

I hope soon you'll be out the other side.

I'm finally losing the urge to acquire everything in the whole world. In my life I've gone from stoney broke but still managing to hoard essentials like cleaning products, scavenging and buying to sell on for profit, as well as selling my own unnecessary items that I could bear to part with (or just needed the cash),
To financial improvement and being a happy shopper for years, rearranging storage spaces on a regular basis, keeping even partially worn out things I'd already purchased a replacement for, just in case, as well as anything that could potentially be upcycled into something useful - I had a lot of packaging and scraps for this reason,
To feeling a sense of unease as I load up my online cart, putting some back but even so experiencing a slightly sick feeling as I hit checkout and wonder where the heck I'll put it all, paying extra for the next day courier purely out of embarrassment at otherwise facing the postman on my doorstep holding yet another parcel this month,
To... looking at things and thinking I already have one or a very similar one, I won't need it I can get by with what I have, I have enough to last for a year already, I have nowhere sensible to put it...and leaving it in the shop. Or thinking I don't have to save everything from landfill, this item isn't my responsibility, I don't need it, I don't want the hassle of selling it on, etc - whenever I'm offered, or find, something for free. Not every time, I'm far from perfect, but the fact it's happening at all is huge. I'm finally starting to value the space more than the stuff.

One of the epiphany moments for me was Dana K White's container concept, which doesn't really work for me at all, except in the context of remembering my home is also a container itself.

Blue that is huge. And I have been the same and still am in some ways, but I've also learnt to not buy stuff/take free stuff just in case - I call this J-I-C.

I need to get shot of some books, clothes, stuff Arghh!

My confession is that I have done nothing today except wash up and I've just loaded a 2nd wash load. I was going to strip the bed until I realised that I only changed the bedding last Tuesday, so that can wait.

I keep looking at the crap. And looking at it some more... SMH.

@BlueSummerBaby love that quote - thank you.

Also love your story of the gradual mindset change, that really resonates with me.

@Elleherd I hope you can keep going and sending you strength. I’m off to do hoarding parents garden - but realistically - and I’m setting myself a time limit.

@Solo do you find you sometimes say you’re going to do things and then you do everything but or just descend into a numbing activity? I know I do this, so completely understand not getting to the cooker top. Wishing you energy today.

I’m trying to rest my brain (and the rollercoaster of emotions this week) by doing physical things instead of mental - there’s a quote about that but I can’t find it.

Solo Thanks for being happy for me & Blue yes, it is a potentially positive outcome, and hopefully a permanent stay of execution this time. Really sorry to hear ignoring things lead to ME for both of you. 🙁
I don't know if it was the same for you, but it feels like I was trained from a young age to ignore myself, and find it's another hard habit to shift.

Solo. No washing machine is as with so many things, a combination of events. 'MiL's' old one is in storage. 🙄 We went through three washing machines (2 second hand) fast, that blew kitchen electrics, and died, before discovering our electrics were the actual issue.
Recently finally got electrics upgraded, but in the meantime the floorboards have become unsafe from being soaked through and my constant bleaching of them following sewage flooding, so was going to sort out replacing them before installing MiL's machine. But now builders say joists probably have to be replaced because they think foundations have shifted, and on and on it all currently goes…
Since the bank/s closed down getting enough change has made things harder, but one positive is it has forced organization on us as a family over washing.

Tbh the grief over asking Ds to do certain things ends up not being worth it. Sympathies with that battle.
Hopefully your cooker top will get done over the weekend and allow you to feel more caught up.
What is SMH please?

Blue it’s so good to hear your progress! You are doing so well and it is indeed huge. Valuing the space more than the stuff is the dream. Well done.
Some of your progress resonates here, but sadly not as firmly as it should IYKWIM. I’m getting better slowly across all fronts but it does seem to be far more two steps forward, one step back, (sometimes a big step) but come July, August, I hope to be putting the 2nd part of my 2024 plan into action, I’ll find out exactly how much I’ve mentally improved and how much more I need to over "stuff."
Our homes are indeed containers, but I definitely need to stop seeing mine as a storage container!

Finite It’s probably the last day of good weather for a week so hoping you get some mental and emotional rest out of tackling parents garden. I know exactly what you mean about trying to rest the brain by using the body. Just don’t overdo it. (said the kettle…)

King Arthur hope you're getting some sunshine and recharging.

Yesterday – Got one sack of rubbish, a road sign, two cones, three planks of wood and a bag of solid cement, as well as three sacks of cuttings, removed from aunts garden, but it barely touched the surface in terms of how unkempt it looks.
Duvet, cover and sheet got washed, and dried.

Today is actual wash day, have to get shopping and fuel for vehicle, and work on contract.

@Elleherd thank you - it sounds like you had great progress even if it wasn’t all visible. I wish I’d done before and after pictures.

I was very lucky to have a companion with a strimmer and who takes much better care of themselves than me - so the worst is done already and I’m back from the house of pain after a short sweaty burst of activity. As my companion said, I’m never going to come to the end of the jobs there by myself. At some point we’ll have to get professionals in to do clearance but it would be against hoarding parent’s wishes so treading lightly for now.

trained from a young age to ignore myself

Oh yes. Bastards

Hello to all my fellow travellers on this chaotic, cluttered road.

A hearty well done, an impressive amount of progress being made

I have done rather a lot for me. Three loads of laundry today, all dried on the line as we’ve had glorious sun.

A few big jobs I’ve been putting off have now been done or at least started, including clearing the bleugh vegetable drawer in the fridge that had very disgusting liquid at the bottom thanks to various out of sight out of mind veg.

Which reminds me, I read a really good suggestion on an ADHD thread here once that recommended putting long life condiments etc in the veg drawer and veg and other rapidly perishable stuff on the eye level shelf so my brain does not forget it exists. Such an incredible solution but I tend to go on autopilot when unloading the groceries and fail to implement this genius tip.

Quite pleased with myself today. Did a fair bit clearing some of the garden and house today. Clutter levels down from 90% to 60% over the last few months.

Hopefully can keep at it.

How is everyone getting on?

I felt the house was getting back to 'out of control' levels but have managed to get it back to 'very messy' last couple of days.

Stsrting to become a habit tidying now, fingers crossed.

TalkToTheHand Creating good habits seems to take longer than creating bad ones ime! Well done for seeing it and checking it.

Glad to see peoples progress even if it's entirely mired here.

Have finished all the making, but had to slow things up the last couple of days as my ability to write and illustrate what's needed to accompany it all has pretty much deserted me, with just over a week to go, yippee. I was in panic mode trying to force it out, thought I was getting somewhere, then someone else read over it for me, and I realized I'd gone down the wrong road and it wouldn't fly.
Hoping stopping trying for the last couple of days and just resting and trying to sleep, will have given me back a half working brain.

Good luck Elleherd and well done TalkToTheHand* 90% to 60% is brilliant progress.

Very small achievements here, but trying to celebrate the tiny successes rather than focusing on the depressing bigger picture.

I'm still plugging away slowly. Interestingly when I look at the bigger picture I can now see the clutter where I couldn't before, my standards of what is acceptable are changing. Like Miaowse I can't focus on the bigger picture, it's overwhelming. I focus on the items and slowly build a pile to remove, then remove it. I'm doing it this way mainly because I don't want to go to a charity donations point every week, I'd feel like an idiot, not sure why, it's feeling easier to save it up until there's a pile though. Sometimes it feels like I'm getting nowhere but I've noticed I have hardly any loose piles of anything stacked up anywhere now. As I've created space in other areas it's mostly been moved into there or decluttered itself. Chipping away at it slowly is definitely working.

How long has everyone else's de-hoarding journey taken so far? I imagine for some it may have been years. I thought I'd be done fairly quickly and at one point I thought I was done but I'm wondering now if it'll take me years too, because I seem to be moving the goalposts all the time. At this point I don't even think I can say what "finished" will look like for me. Maybe every room being a one/two-purpose room with nothing spilling over into other rooms? At the moment everything ends up wherever.

I'm thinking maybe -

Lounge/diner for TV, crafts and eating
Bedrooms for clothes and sleeping
Kitchen for cooking, laundry and cleaning supplies
Bathroom for toiletries, makeup and dirty laundry
Hallway for coats and shoes

Plants, books and ornaments I'm unsure about, they don't seem very room specific. Also phones, tech etc.

My bedding still hasn't made it to the charity shop, it's now in a bag in the car though, so I'll drop it in at some point. Annoyingly they don't open until 10am though, so it's got to be done during my lunch break, and I never remember until I'm passing closed shop.

@BlueSummerBaby I prefer doing charity shop drop-offs little and often. For one, it's easier to find a carrier bag than a bigger container. Plus, I get lots of smaller dopamine hits from the "that's more stuff gone" feeling, which keeps me motivated. And lastly, once I've decided I want it gone, I can't stand seeing it sitting around taking up space in my house.

I've been a bit lax on the house keeping recently, although the car is full to take rubnish from the shed to the tip tomorrow morning.

Elleherd thank you for the explanation re the washing machine. I understand why now. I am also livid about the closure of so many bank branches.
SMH means Shake My Head. I don't know why I used that really, as I don't use those sorts of things in text messages. Well, only lol 😆

Glad to hear you finally got to the end of your working job. Make sure you rest between jobs now. Chronic fatigue syndrome/ME is no fun. Mines been a 25 year journey and has stopped me doing so much.

One of my good habits has become that I wash up before bed every night. It's a relief to not be faced with a smelly bowl of washing up at every turn.
I've kept up with my dirty laundry.
My bathroom is fairly clean but needs a tidy.
Everything else is a mess.

I got someone in again to clear my gardens. Mostly done, but not finished. My neighbour totally disrespected me to him and he straightened her attitude from what he said. She called me lazy. She doesn't know anything about me. She doesn't stop talking about herself to find out about me, but I've always given her the benefit of the doubt as her reputation came along before she did. I'm a bit annoyed with her.

One of my two sheds had been forced open and something has been stolen. There's a gap where it was, and things were moved from on top of whatever it was. For the life of me, I can't think what was there though. It must've had some sort of value to it because it wouldn't have been easy to get out of my rear garden. I'm wondering if it was anything to do with the guy I hired last year (and paid a lot of money to). I wish I could remember what it was.
Dd is at my mums this weekend, so Saturday is hopefully going to see me get some sorting done.
My issue is that I have good intentions and then feel overwhelmed and don't know where to start. So I get nothing done and then regret wasting the time. I had 5 days off last weekend into half the week and got nothing but laundry done.
I got so cross with myself.