The Hoarders Anonymous Thread #7. Keep On Keeping On!

[Solo]

We are a mixed group of likeminded householders that are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine included), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves (myself included) that means sorting out our households is challenging, to say the least. So...

You are all welcome to join us for support, adding your own ideas to help others out, storage ideas, and even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it, but this part can be so very difficult; we are often attached emotionally to our 'things', afraid of letting things go just in case we need them.
Encouragement and support abound here, and we do not criticise. EVER! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone, but this can be very difficult not to do.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by clutter, mess, disorganisation and generally don't know where to start. If you can't be bothered, but really do want to be bothered. If you think you are a bit lazy, or if you just need to see your highs and lows and everything in between on the screen here, join us, and we will help you. We'll virtually high-five your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises, and if you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you, here for one another because we get it. The art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement.

Welcome to thread #7 of Hoarders Anonymous - Keep On Keeping On!

Thread #6 HERE

Morning all! Solo I could have written your last paragraph. I know the theory of body doubling in ADHD and I think it works if the other person is also working alongside me. But… in what seems like a contradiction, I find it impossible to get things done when there is someone in the house.

Solo those are good bases you have going on, and the developing of a good habit that is an absolute cornerstone. Doing it now. Easy to say, harder to action. Well done!
Sympathies on the crap neighbor. Mine spends far too much time focused on others instead of sorting out there own issues. Thank you for reminding me I can longer even think about hiding behind ideas of ‘no mow May’ if challenged!
Sorry about the theft. Unpleasant and it does leave dissonance when you can’t put your finger on what has actually happened. My hope for you is whatever it was might be less likely to be sentimental and more likely to be simple financial if you’d stored it in the shed…

Try to keep remembering how you felt about those mis spent five days, it might spur you on, but don’t forget that you did get the laundry done! Counting what we have done, not just what we haven’t and all that. I hope today is going well for you.

Miaowse & Solo I completely get the good intentions, become overwhelmed, and get nothing done. My theory to try and beat that is do absolutely anything even if it isn’t the most important thing, or really doesn’t have much impact. It’s still a thing done that needed doing. (looks at sparkling clean iron while trying to not see un-ironed pile!)

BlueSummerBaby My journey has been going on a very long time. Finding Solos thread was a huge step forward for me, being able to put things down that I couldn’t say in real life, and recognizing a lot of things that I’d never felt able to voice, and how things go wrong, and interplay, rather than just focusing on ‘the stuff’ as being the only problem.
The level (major) and presentation ( mainly storage systemed) of what’s going on here, isn’t very standard (though recent crazy working might be getting it there!) so not sure how useful my journey is, as mainly there are different measurements if that makes sense? Learning to not acquire outside actually needed, was huge, but learning how something I had to buy in an emergency, immediately demanded to be permanent, was a really important step.
The goldfish may grow to the size of the bowl tbh, because while ‘the stuff’ is what causes practical problems, it’s actually generally the symptom, so just managing symptoms doesn’t lead to recovery, just good management of them.

TalkToTheHand123 & Castlerigg Did your vehicle contents make it respectively to the tip and charity shop?

Today isn’t what I was hoping at all.
The only things now definite this weekend is I promised to do aunts garden, and if I don’t do ours, there will be trouble, and launderette absolutely has to happen.
I have to do an awful lot of thinking, probably some planning and writing and drawing instead of what should have been Day 1 of the big clear up.
I’m trying to be grown up but I don’t feel it. Logically it isn’t actually the end of the world, but it feels like it. All the air’s been kicked out of me.

The day so far has gone to moving refused makes, and getting vehicle and trailer back to hire co.

Press release - we took a couple of big barely carryable bags of discarded books to the charity shop today and my OH didn't take a single one back out of the bag! This is HUGE!! (Note - these are all my books, not read in years, outdated, better pics online now, etc).

Update- as much for me to figure things out as anything else.

Today was supposed to be the end of a chapter and beginning of another. I’ve worked really hard to get here, left so much ‘to be sorted later’, and made arrangements and promised others so much based on being free from this date onward. I can’t actually work out what all that means right now.

I think I have to make a decision that means I’m not free to start on the next chapter until July. I think I've little choice but to sign a months contract direct to end client, to still pull everything off, despite having done everything right.

Turned up yesterday to end clients to deliver work, to find no contractor there.
Contractors have avoided their bankruptcy by selling up to their client.
Apparently last week, client/new owner, made 90% redundancies with immediate effect, including crucially for me, the previous directors. Clear desks, go.

Client inspected all my work and very happy with the quality of all makes, but claimed they previously decided to do something entirely different with them from evolved intentions, making all the backup part redundant. They claim contractor was aware and should have re-negotiated my contract, but are prepared to contract me. I don't know what to think anymore.
Getting automated email and phone responses from contractors.

End clients have refused to take ownership leaving me holding everything at my expense. I know I should actually be grateful that they’ve offered a way out because really it’s between me and now ex- contractor. Tbf their offer would cover me for all additional costs incurred including storage and wasted transport, and an extra bit of money., but they've changed mind so much...

I’ve planned the 2nd chapter of 2024 to start NOW so practical repercussions too, but I can't work out what most are, as brain has died.

I've till Monday to decide, but if yes, I need to have a proposal package in response to how the re-purposing can be done, at the same time.

Alternative's to hold onto evidence and try taking former contractors to court (as ex-employees will do) without money to do it. While there was a business, worst case I could have goods seized against any dispute. Now is a lot harder. 😰

JFDIYOLO sorry, was still typing my whinges, when you posted.

Congratulations! That is excellent progress! Well done both of you!

Hi all. I did get to the tip thanks 😊.

Kitchen is quite bad but next on the list, but other rooms are a lot better. Did a little of the garden to keep on top of that so overall stress levels a lot lower than usual. Been quite good with dishes recently.

I feel like I'm in a bit of a routine now and noticable improvement, touch wood.

Hi everyone! I’m back having not really posted properly since October when we had the skip hire. Haven’t been using MN much but new month new start, I’m back on the Flylady thread too.

I have caught up with the thread and wanted to say well done to everyone keeping on going, progress is progress. As Dana K White says “better is good” (so tempted to get a t-shirt with that on…). And I am so sorry about all the stress going on for so many of you with work, builders, finances etc. Life just feels so hard at times.

I have big news. In March, I DECLUTTERED THE HUSBAND!!! 🥳 We are officially still together, just taking space from each other, but I feel so much happier that I am determined he won’t be moving back on when his lease runs out (next March). But transitions are hard for all of us, and I’m ok with the fact we are taking it slowly, because I’m not ready for the big step of saying it’s over. Want to prepare myself financially too although we don’t have any assets or mortgage etc.

…it feels like I was trained from a young age to ignore myself, and find it's another hard habit to shift.

God that’s incredibly relatable. 💐

In fact just now I was listening to H play outside with Cagletini and chatting to the neighbour who I’ve got to know recently, she left her horrible H last year. Anyway usually I’d be cringing and worried about what H was saying to her, I’d feel embarrassed by proxy if that makes sense. But today I just thought no, I’m my own person, even if we are still technically together he is not me, I am not him - obvious I know but I’ve found it really hard in the past to recognise that I’m an individual with my own needs and crucially my own value.

Maybe that wasn’t so relevant on this thread but I had to write it somewhere 🤣 and perhaps it is relevant in that I’m also not my stuff and my stuff is not me.

Not much other decluttering has happened here, as the last few months have been utterly exhausting. I’ve been unwell a lot, uni was hard, and I unexpectedly decluttered my job too! The confidence I’ve gained extended to realising I deserve better than my stressful job and that I’m capable of doing my training (about neurodiversity and mental health mainly) on my own. I’m lucky that my circumstances mean I can give it a go for a year and see what happens.

But anyway, now that uni and work are finished for a while I really REALLY need to focus on the house. It’s probably the biggest aspect of my life I don’t have self confidence about, it’s been really hard to adjust to running the home on my own, and the house has definitely suffered. Having an entirely predictable ME flare up right now because the adrenaline pushed me through all my deadlines, but I do feel hopeful I can gradually make things better!

Apologies for epic waffle!

Sing embarassed by proxy, yes I know exactly what you mean! It all sounds very positive.

Elleherd thinking of you 💐. I tried being self employed once, couldn't cope with the stress of not knowing when/where/if the money was coming from each month, IDK how you do it but hopefully you can continue.

TalkToTheHand routines make all the difference, I've found.

I'm slowly slowly being more ruthless, letting go of this and that. I'm being careful because I've done this before but slowly gone out and repurchased it all again, so I'm trying to be sure with each item that I'm definitely happy to let it go.

I've been rearranging things because although every room was adequately fit for purpose, I had some furniture I couldn't use, either because things were in front of it blocking it or because it was buried under a pile of boxes. After a Herculean effort I can now get to and open all drawers, sit on all chairs and everywhere looks generally tidier. Weirdly, I achieved this whilst also (despite or because of?) buying some new bits of storage furniture, which theoretically should take up more room but I've managed to make things look more opened out.

The decluttering showed itself in little bits of space here and there, meaning things could be amalgamated and resulting in a couple of empty boxes being disposed of. This felt good.

TalkToTheHand123 Good to hear about lowered overall stress levels and noticeable improvements through routines. Well done and keep going.

Sing Happy new month and the discovering of bits of the new you.

I’m an individual with my own needs and crucially my own value.
Maybe that wasn’t so relevant on this thread but I had to write it somewhere 🤣 and perhaps it is relevant in that I’m also not my stuff and my stuff is not me

Many things that might not at first appear to be relevant are actually very relevant both to oneself and also others.
i hope the unexpected job de cluttering works for you. Well done on getting through uni, that's not easy. (I have an outstanding module still waiting for me to return to and finish) I hope the ME flare up calms down soon.

BlueSummerBaby You do sound like you're well along the path to being able to actually enjoy your home. The right storage does make a huge difference, though don't do my trick and end up living in something between a domestic workshop and a warehouse!

Self employment is really my only option. people want my abilities but are too worried about my disabilities to give me a job.

Update is laundry got done, a couple of sacks of greenery from my garden barely touched the surface, A healthy eight sacks from aunts garden, (and two more traffic cones!) and you can actually see some difference.
I bit the bullet, wrote a proposal and signed the contract this morning with a bit of a heavy heart, but it's done so have started making scale models and have a meeting tomorrow so onward and upwards

@Elleherd I've just got to the end of your awful news from Saturday. I'm really sorry to hear this. That is so unfair. I'll try to come back to the thread after work.

Thanks Solo, it is horribly unfair and the child in me would like a good tantrum tbh! The adult in me is having a quick coffee and MN break while glue sets and trying to be as positive as I can, and work out how else this affects things.

People don't realise the impact their actions have on other humans. It's so unfair. It's inevitably the little person that loses out. I'm angry for you. You need a punch bag.

Hopping back on the thread to send best wishes to @Elleherd and anyone else who needs them! Will catch up properly later - life's just a bit rubbish for me at the moment. I'm absolutely drowning under the weight of work, childcare, food shopping, cleaning, life admin etc etc... I desperately need to sort myself out (finances, eating better, sleeping better and so on) but where am I supposed to carve out the time?! @SingToTheSky a massive WELL DONE on decluttering your DH, I often wish I could do the same to my DP as I'm so sick of him undermining/ demoralising me at every turn

Hi all. Took two old and very dusty suitcases and three bin bags to the refuse centre this morning. The two suitcases have been on top of the wardrobe for a few years so very pleased with myself. Hopefully do a bit more of the house today as have a couple hours spare.

I've stalled a bit and have to work out where to go from here. I've cleared all general stuff, of which there wasn't a lot hoarded unnecessarily. It's mostly collections that have got out of control now. Plus some fantasy self stuff. Anything that will never be used has gone. Now it's mainly a surplus of stuff tha I would use if I had the chance. I may or may not ever have the chance, there's no way of knowing for sure. Logic says get rid and replace in the future if I need to, because I might not need to and it would give me more space now. I can't accept the logic though. If I replaced in future I wouldn't be able to afford to replace like for like due to cost. I also like vintage things and a replacement would by default be a modern item that I wouldn't like as much, although it would do the job. I'm going to have to work out some kind of compromise, but for now I'm taking a break because it all feels so overwhelming.

What kind of surplus?

Just all the things in my home

Aww the break sounds deserving. Good luck with it all x

@Miaowse I have the same issues re moving mountains - if someone will work with me. But also find if they’re (or anyone) all elsewhere in the house I get paralysis and can’t make good use of what time I do have. Solidarity!

@TalkToTheHand123 well done on tackling dusty suitcases! I find older stuff is a challenge as it’s been ignored for a long time and I’ve just become blind to it and I would rather not notice it. But also the stuff is really all screaming at me.

@BlueSummerBaby maybe a break is best. Just live in your house which you’ve made progress in for a while and see if you have found your clutter threshold and try doing things if they’re hobbies, see if you actually enjoy them as well as the idea of them.

Great to hear others updates - welcome back to @KittyTalbot and keep on keeping on.

Just doing the dishes here and keeping on going in between hoarding parent dramas.

@TalkToTheHand123 I too decluttered some suitcases recently! They were the old fashioned type with no wheels, even the charity shop didn't want them I had to bin them in the end, they were very bashed and dusty and no use to anyone.

When I did a big declutter @BlueSummerBaby I had the surplus talk with myself honestly, I had to imagine myself as Dilly in Sort Your Life Out: "Kitty, do you really need twenty bars of soap? No, you don't, you could give some to the homeless shelter and they could use it. Some of it you don't even like particularly, you just bought it because it was on offer! Right, that's the soap done, how much shampoo do you need?!" As you can tell, I had quite a lot of decluttering to do...

Oh @FiniteSagacity, my old childhood home is currently up for sale and it is truly astonishing how light, bright and spacious it looks without all the clutter!! My parents are now in two (separate, very cluttered) homes and it's only now I'm realising how it affected me growing up in such an odd environment. For example, the living room could have taken a 3 seater + 2 seater sofas + an armchair but we only ever had a 3 seater, so all 5 of us couldn't be in the room together as there was always too much clutter on the floor for anyone to sit there. Plus DM controlled the TV viewing with a rod of iron so we could only watch programmes she liked/ approved of (this being back in the late 80s/ early 90s when we only had one TV) - I don't ever remember us having a family movie night, or even sitting together to watch something like Corrie. I spent a lot of time in my room listening to the radio!

Well everyone, it's been a hard day again today the DC have sports club this evening and I usually go along earlier to help with the younger ones before it's their turn, as the club is short of volunteers for that age group. I had to take the DC with me as DP was late back from work - DTS2 had an absolute meltdown over some perceived unfairness in a game he was playing with DTS1 and ran off, through the car park towards the road. I spent most of the evening outside trying to reason with him/ calm him down/ explain how much he was embarrassing me with him screaming, shouting, throwing things... oddly he is generally the much calmer child, but when the red mist descends that's it, it's like he's possessed. Oh and of course there were parents in the car park who could see what was happening, I'm humiliated even wondering what they think of me I've left him at his sports club - he was fine by then and even quite perky, whereas I am still frazzled! - come home to calm down a bit myself, and have removed some of his favourite toys. No idea if that's the 'right' thing to do but I am so, so angry with him still and on the verge of tears, he absolutely needs to learn that he cannot talk to me (or anyone) the way he did.

Apart from DTS2's mega temper tantrum today had actually been an ok day, although of course there is always cleaning to be done... I still have no idea how people keep on top of it and have an actual life too

Oh KittyTalbot that sounds so stressful. I’m glad your boy calmed down and was able to enjoy the rest of the session. I know how you felt in that moment, been there many times - easy to say in hindsight but if the other parents are judging it says more about them and their empathy deficit.

Commiserations on the DP stresses too, you deserve someone who supports and cherishes you. Head over to the relationship board as even if you don’t feel like posting yourself, maybe reading the replies to other posters might help you see that you deserve better.

Elleherd how is everything progressing and how are you feeling now things are sort of settled (for the next few weeks at least?). Have you got another big deadline at the end of June now? Will keep everything crossed for you that you get through to the end without any more horrible surprises. You’re incredible and achieve so much

FiniteSagacity kindred spirits! Interesting you have the same experience. I am also just trying to keep on top of the dishes and laundry, though my decluttered microwave top has remained clear for week and weeks and weeks

I’m trying to add in a few daily routines but they are not embedded yet. No progress in terms of actually removing stuff from my house, though I have an old, bulky (likely dusty) suitcase that needs to go as well.

Well done to all those making progress and encouragement to those in a slump. It’s a hard business.

kitty 😅 that's me told! You're right though. Unfortunately I'm still at the stage where I want it all and then some 🤦.

I'm working on trying not to bring things in. I'm getting there with that. I used to have an are you opening a store? level of toiletries surplus, now it's just an unused birthday presents for several years level of surplus. I used to keep everything that could possibly be altered, upcycled or repurposed for use in a craft project. I used to take anything I was offered for free. I've stopped those habits too and decluttered a lot of it.

I've so far resisted the sales. I do not need a new anything. I probably already have a new everything, somewhere amongst this lot. I may yet succumb, but I will buy only one or two things if I do, not shall I get a new credit card? levels of shopping.

I'm just about finished with the organising, I think. Everything has a home now. Well, almost everything. There are very few piles of this or that left sitting around. Time was where one of the various piles was the allocated home of whatever was in it. So I'm going to work on reducing and eventually eliminating the remaining piles. These piles are at least in sensible places now, places that almost resemble proper storage, not randomly assigned an area of floor as their home.

After today's organisation efforts, there are no things left in random places and I'm going to try very hard to keep it that way. I used to have things all over. Like the sock drawer is full, but never mind there's a gap in between the sofa cushions, I'll just take off the cardboard wrapping so it doesn't dig into my back when I sit down and the socks can go there. No more. Apart from those few remaining piles in sensible places, everything else has been stored properly or got rid of. I'm liking it, although it feels a bit strange, guess I still have to get used to it. If I buy anything else I have to find it a home before I do so now, not buy it first then find somewhere to cram it. If I can manage to keep that up for the rest of 2024 I'll be happy.

Maybe in 2025 I'll be ready to be more ruthless and able to acknowledge that nobody needs two toasters or 50 pairs of jeans or 4 bottles of TCP that all expired years ago.

This thread has helped me so much, all those little titbits of advice and insight from you all. So thanks 😊

Hi all. I've found some carpet around my bed now after a little cleaning and tidying. Done a couple hours worth in the kitchen and bedroom and can notice a little improvement. Very long way to go though.

Going out later as it's my birthday 🙂 so not doing too much, but feeling quite motivated (touch wood) to cleaning and tidying as the difference afterwards makes me feel less stressed.

@TalkToTheHand123 Happy Birthday Wishes for yesterday! I hope it was a good one! 🎂🥳🎂🥳.

I'm not doing much atm. Still maintaining the laundry and an empty washing up bowl, but Dd is a nightmare. She won't wash up a single thing. And drops her dirty clothes on the landing floor where they stay until I gather them up. I've tried leaving them there to see if she'll pick them up to deliver them to the washing machine, but it's a very small area and the pile ends up really high and in the way where you end up having to tread on it. I need to be able to get into the cupboard in the dining room where I have a laundry basket/box type thing that might just fit under the sink in the bathroom.
I'll be back. Visiting brother.

Aw thank you solo. It was ok thanks. Did a little weeding but not much housework. Hopefully do a bit more tomorrow with regards to clothes which seems to be the biggest issue in the house.