The Hoarders Anonymous Thread #7. Keep On Keeping On!

[Solo]

We are a mixed group of likeminded householders that are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine included), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves (myself included) that means sorting out our households is challenging, to say the least. So...

You are all welcome to join us for support, adding your own ideas to help others out, storage ideas, and even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it, but this part can be so very difficult; we are often attached emotionally to our 'things', afraid of letting things go just in case we need them.
Encouragement and support abound here, and we do not criticise. EVER! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone, but this can be very difficult not to do.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by clutter, mess, disorganisation and generally don't know where to start. If you can't be bothered, but really do want to be bothered. If you think you are a bit lazy, or if you just need to see your highs and lows and everything in between on the screen here, join us, and we will help you. We'll virtually high-five your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises, and if you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you, here for one another because we get it. The art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement.

Welcome to thread #7 of Hoarders Anonymous - Keep On Keeping On!

Thread #6 HERE

Happy New Year!

In a year full of scary challenges (getting mice out, driving test, assessments for my diploma) I decided to give myself a joyful resolution of actually wearing my jewellery. There's not much point owning it if it never gets worn after all.

@Miaowse well done on returning the boots! You are stronger than I.

@Elleherd good luck with all the deadlines, you can do it!

@Nordicmom sorry to hear about your health struggles, the tree looks beautiful

I appreciate all the welly love, they do cheer me up on wet days.

I have 2 shoe racks, but luckily quite a large hallway. It did have a big radiator guard there too, and it was just impossible for me to resist putting stuff on it. I got rid of that a month ago (although only as far as the garden) and the area looks so much better.

@GlumyGloomer we have a radiator thing and it really does attract stuff - I think you may have inspired me to just get rid to break the habit… I have to clear it first though! It is ugly under there too - peeling wallpaper etc but we can’t sort that out without removing it.

Love that you’re wearing jewellery too - secretly hoping it’s even with the wellies!

Nordicmom I appreciate it's been a struggle to get there, but admit to quiet envy of your current home and space, from your previous posts.

So get the managing struggle due to health. Afraid that getting older adds to ill health and or disability which we tend not to take into account until we get to the point it really affects us. Hope the good spells increase.

Glummy Gloomer Love the NY resolution. Also loving Finites sparkling wellies and jewellery image. Am deeply impressed with the removal of a surface specifically to prevent clutter accumulation.

So many things not been running to plan here, much thanks to everyone else's needs and a lot of unfulfilled promises. Trying not to loose my nerve but struggling to get to where I urgently need to be with workload, and only a few days from handovers, with tons left to do and more issues stacking up.

Hi all! I'm doing my usual drop-in to say hello. I hope you're all doing well

I haven't done anything much. Clothes are clean, washing up is done as and when I run out of dishes.
Dd and I have been unwell since Christmas Eve.
I'm going to a family member's funeral this week. Same age as me, and we don't know why she died. So sad. Not looking forward to the funeral.

Anyway, I am thinking like this: If I die unexpectedly, this is far from a good way to leave my house. I want to get everything sorted so that I don't have regrets and embarrassments when I face my maker, and when I haunt my kids.

Happy 2024 to you all!

@Solo always glad to hear from you, but I’m sorry for your loss.
I hope you and your DD are feeling better and well done on keeping going on the basics.
I truly wish you well on the road ahead and I think it’s a good reminder for me that I wouldn’t want to leave things as they are for anyone I love to sort out.
I am making baby steps forward and I hope 2024 is my year of significant progress.

Thank you @FiniteSagacityand yes, it's a bit scary to think of people finding out who I am these days. I need to get a plan together and act on it.

My condolences Solo!

Sorry for your loss solo 💐

Not much decluttering going on here… not even the husband!

@Solo so sorry for your loss

Hi all. Had a mad panic clean this morning as a possibility parents were going to pop in. Managed to clear (move clutter to under kitchen table) area near front door.

Slow progress, but at least a little progress. Tried a hypnosis for cleaning but wasnt very good. Going to try a different one.

Just popped on to say hi and update on Take Your House Back, I am definitely finding it helps as a ‘Watch one then start’ although I prefer audio to video and this Saturday is one of their all day declutter events so going to try but don’t want the Facebook live video to hi-jack me 🤔
Will update after.
I also established you pay the full year fee once (currently reduced to $94) and can renew for a nominal fee each year (currently $10) which I found helpful to know as I’m certainly in this for the long haul.
I think the TYHB Facebook group is not a fit for me. I might be better off in Dana’s patreon group and I’ll mute the TYHB one after this weekend’s event.

A belated Happy New Year to everyone

We were away over Christmas and New Year visiting family, the house was nice and clean when we left thanks to me having a few days off beforehand and really getting through things, but tackling the washing pile when we got back was... brutal it's taken me this long to have any time at all in the evenings, and even then it's clearly very late!

@Nordicmom sorry to hear you were also struck down by Covid - it really hit me hard when I got it at the beginning of September, took me weeks to recover and even now I don't think I'm 100%. I didn't have to go to the GP or hospital but it was much harder than I thought it would be, I'm up to date with my vaccines etc.

@Elleherd my DM is also a hoarder but will not face up to this, she has mobility issues too and won't admit the fact that she needs help cleaning the house. Honestly, there's a layer of dust everywhere and the bathroom is grim, but she won't have a cleaner in the house even though we've offered to pay for it (she isn't short of money, DB & I just thought it would be an incentive!) - my DF's house is even worse though, proper 'hoarder's house', he won't even let anyone in

Reading that I've realised that I probably hoard (to a much lesser extent!) as it was just normal when I was growing up - piles of stuff everywhere, both parents refusing to go through things and declutter/ tidy - it's not second nature for me to keep things clean, certainly.

@TalkToTheHand123 how interesting about the hypnosis! I tried the TOMM guided cleans but they didn't really work for me, the jobs I needed to do didn't correspond to the ones on the clean and that threw me a bit, but I do like the TOMM app and podcasts.

@FiniteSagacity do you think the cost for TYHB is worth it? Sort Your Life Out really helped me start my decluttering journey, anything to keep me going is worth considering!

Sorry for your loss @Solo , that sounds very difficult

I would definitely keep the sparkly wellies @GlumyGloomer have you tried putting the radiator guard on Freegle, or your local equivalent? I've got rid of quite a few bits that way, including 4 bags of dishwasher salt and 3 bottles of rinse aid... to a chap who turned up on a bicycle I mean he took everything, but I can't imagine he had an easy journey home!

So, positives from me, I've got through the following this year:

• Cleaned the living room, hall & stairs, utility room, main bedroom and all the kitchen surfaces
• Finished the ENORMOUS PILE of post-holiday washing
• Started doing 5 minutes daily in the garden after reading The Five Minute Garden

But there's still plenty for me to do, my next aims are:

• Finish actually putting the washing away
• Declutter, tidy and clean the DTs' bedrooms
• Finish cleaning the kitchen - including the fridge - and start meal planning

DP goes away on holiday for a month(!!) in 4 weeks' time, my plan is to finish everything I can by then; I think I've mentioned before that he's often very negative towards me, it's a constant 'oh YOU wouldn't be able to do that!' so my confidence is destroyed before I even attempt things. I just want to get things running more smoothly and then I might actually get some free time occasionally...

Is TYHB the one that Minimal Mom is involved with, run by several YouTubers? She says there's a refund if you decide the course is rubbish. She mentions it (if I've got the right course) on her latest YouTube.

I had a small mental win today. Although it will cost me in time and energy. My pyjamas keep shrinking until they're uncomfortable with arms and legs too short. I don't think there's anything to be done about it. There's nowhere to put a clothing airer. It's too cold to dry outside. Tumble dryer is necessary. I don't have a separate one, so using a lower heat for longer isn't an option. On the washer dryer if I try to use the cooler setting twice it just stops in 5min. It has heat/moisture sensor's where it decides for you when the clothes are done. Generally it's version of done means still damp. That's no good. I need things properly dry and ready to put back in the drawers. So the hot setting is the only way, because in winter nothing is going to dry otherwise. The rest of the year damp is fine, hung over the radiators for an hour things finish off or even dry out quickly enough in the drawer not to go musty in summer. But in winter that's a no.

Having accepted I need to buy new winter pyjamas about once a month due to shrinkage (pyjamas washed daily so each set around 2-3 times a week), today I was overcome with frustration at the ones I'm wearing and decided today is the day. I found something suitable and oversized to try to mitigate the shrinkage effects. Put it in the online cart and... stopped. Put it all back on the favourite list and decided to search through some drawers and boxes instead. There's surely something here soft, warm and comfortable enough to be pyjamas, I'm just not sure exactly where. If I can find something though, that's better than bringing more stuff in. Since it'll probably shrink and be disposed of at the end of the winter, that'll help with the decluttering too.

@BlueSummerBaby I think that’s the course - but haven’t seen mention of the refund (I follow Dana mostly).
My day has been a little disrupted but some kitchen stuff like out of date food has been chucked.

I highly recommend a dehumidifier for laundry in the UK - I dry clothes inside all year round, I’ve had both refrigerant and dessicant types and currently have a dessicant which is quiet and keeps my downstairs dry (steam from cooking and dishwasher as well as hanging laundry overnight).

But I’ve found my home really needs constant moisture management as we’re near water - I don’t want to derail your great idea of using any comfy clothes to sleep in and not being limited by what retailers tell us is sleepwear!

Hi all. Haven't done much decluttering recently or listened to any hypnosis.

I did have a good clear out of the fridge though.

Hopefully I will get back into a better bedtime routine to get me more energy and motivation.

I also use a dehumidifier to dry my laundry. They are really good and some have a laundry button on; mine does. I bought a second one for upstairs as it can be quite damp with no heating. I've noticed a big difference this past couple of months. No dripping windows and it's a little warmer too. For me, they were a good buy.

I'm sure dehumidifiers must be more cost effective than turning on the radiators and opening the windows wide periodically, to let the damp air out. That is what I used to do before I had a tumble drier, in my last place there was no outside space at all. Here it's the opposite, I got my washing out on the line today, first time this year ☺️. Tiny place inside though so no space for an airer or dehumidifier. I'm so grateful to whoever invented washer dryers, but wish I had space for a separate tumble dryer. I love how things come out crease free or minimal creases in the separate one. The washer dryer puts creases in that weren't there after the wash, must be it's insistence on spinning the fabric when it's partly dry.

Hope everyone is managing ok with their decluttering.

We do have a dehumidifier which I use occasionally, but as DP likes to have the house hotter than the surface of the Sun, I find tumble drying laundry for a while in our quite rubbish tumble dryer and then finishing it on the radiator works ok for us. Or of course putting it outside if I possibly can - very jealous of @BlueSummerBaby having drying weather today!!

(By the way BlueSummerBaby, I usually buy pyjamas from Tesco when they're doing a clothing offer and send me a coupon - I think the last one was £7 off when I spent £35 on clothes - I just stocked up on the DC's school uniform and used the coupon for my PJs, nothing fancy for nightwear here!)

I've progressed a bit from my last aims... the fridge has been cleared out and the clean laundry put away - yippee!! I can't tell you what a difference it makes to my MH not to have piles of it around. However, the DC's rooms still need a good clear out and clean, and there's an hour or so to do in the loft... I'm still on my 4 week countdown to DP going away. I've been listening to the TOMM podcast a lot and trying to stick to the method; I can see that things have improved slightly around the house but honestly I don't think I will ever have a housework-free weekend!

Solo good to see you, but sorry you and DD have been unwell, and condolences on the loss of your relative. Life can be very unfair. I hope the funeral wasn’t too painful and you and DD are on the mend.
Well done keeping on top of the basics regardless of everything.
I also fear accidentally leaving everything for those I love to try and sort out.

SingToTheSky Hope your situation is bearable. Personally I find de cluttering particularly difficult when not knowing what way life is going.

TalkToTheHand123 Keeping it moving can at least break the idea that it lives wherever it has taken up residence. Well done on the fridge.

FiniteSagacity Well done with kitchen bits and thanks for update. I find watching taped episodes of ‘Hoarders’ before starting, helps me focus! I think it’s knowing I could end up like that, but it is also so very depressing. I find I use positive motivation with others, yet negative with myself. Hmmm…

KittyTalbot Sorry to hear about the parents, a fair few of us have it.
We’re easily affected by childhood hoarding experiences. Some emulate, some rebel against it. I thought because I was organized and a clean freak, (storage systems, & labeling, rotation, cleaning, airing etc, take up a big part of my life) the hoarder ‘gene’/learnt behaviors had bypassed me.
It was both rebellion and a total delusion. It’s not about how stuff is kept, it is about how much, the behaviors around it affecting life, and difficulty in disposing of it even when wanting to.

Lots of ‘oh YOU wouldn't be able to do that’s, from family here too. Generally translates as: They wont like the upheaval, they might have to do something they don’t want, I won’t be able to do it as well as they could, (but they wont be doing it) they don’t like I’ll potentially hurt myself getting it done, when they aren’t doing it. They read it as I’m trying to force their hand, rather than I want to achieve something myself, In other words it’s really about them…
Five minute garden sounds interesting. Congratulations on a good start to your year.

Blue Summer Baby Great start and mental shift towards your ‘no buy 2024’ intentions. You've reminded me, I need a new washing line.

Dehumidifiers in use both here and at aunts. They do make a very real difference.

Feel free to skip this, I'm putting it here to keep track and vent to not break.

I’ve met all but one work deadline, but there are time repercussions on the failed one. Laundry, washing up, recycling, and work (other than one) is stayed on top off just, but month is still young.

Christmas tree is still up, () though it’s actually giving quiet joy in amidst the stress, especially in the early hours when I can’t sleep, but it will die soon, so…

The contractors missing from February, returned last week without notice!
They couldn’t start work anyway, because no one turned up weeks ago to survey what needed doing and how. Still expected the use of a loo and tea! CF's!

We had seven months of last year with every room's contents in the middle and ripped out chaos round the sides. When I complained the boss failed to turn up back in October to survey for the job to restart, I was told he was “booked up till the new year now.” Landlords ran me round in circles then stopped responding.
I cleared up as best I could and made everything more livable and usable.

Cue awful row with landlord. Apparently, “booked up till the new year” meant everything should have been in room centers from Jan 2nd as any day since, was 'your appointment!' Lots of phone calls, time and shattered nerves later, we’re back to 'survey has to happen before any restart,' and await contact.

I just don’t have time (or strength and energy) to clear rooms back to centers for next three weeks now, so have fingers crossed behind my back!

My making space reopened Mon. allowing move of some work stuff out of here.
So pulled lots apart here and got help to get heavy stuff into vehicle before realizing while trying to do everything and meet deadlines, something vital got forgotten: - vehicle MOT! Have been driving around illegally last few weeks! (including with aunt and cats on board!)

Even though I’ve pushed lots onto the back burner, I still just have far, far, too many plates in the air right now, and this is the second big one badly dropped.

Oh Elleherd what an awful landlord, that must be so stressful to deal with. Realising about the car must have been a nasty shock too, but at least nothing bad happened in that couple of weeks.

I'm making zero progress on the house, and only just keeping up with the basics. I did however declutter a dead mouse from a snap trap, so that's something.
My main vent is about driving. Today's lesson went terribly, and I have my test in 6 weeks. I wish that I had learned before sleep deprivation and stress killed my brain, and I'm afraid that this is it, and I'm going to spend the rest of my life feeling regretful and defective. I've been having lessons for over a year now, and I still panic and mess up. H doesn't have a license, so passing would be life changing for us, but I just don't see it happening 😕

Good luck with the driving GlumyGloomer and basics done is still something to be proud of.

Elleherd well done on achieving so many of your work goals and good luck with completing the last one! My DH is missing our tree as the twinkling lights were quite cheery. Your landlord is being completely unreasonable but I hope the planets align and they end up coming at whatever time is most convenient for you. Also sending good luck wishes for the MOT.

KittyTalbot I’m very envious that you put your washing away. I have a constant clean laundry mountain downstairs. Also a fan of supermarket PJs, great value and usually there’s a decent selection. I’m always staggered by the amount of liquid the dehumidifier collects. I hope the 4week break from negative comments from your DH does wonders for your confidence.

Temperamental phone means I can’t scroll back at the minute so a non specific Well Done to you all.

@Elleherd that sounds like an absolute nightmare with your contractors!! Have they updated you at all? Builders in particular can be such a nightmare - we had one who worked on our kitchen who just left one day as normal, and never came back - left his toolbag and everything. He's ok, we see him around fairly often as he even lives close by, but he never mentions it and never asked for his tools back or any payment! He'd done a few days' work and only had one day left

Completely understand about 'dropping a plate' with the MOT - I forgot my car tax over Christmas - got the letter, fully intended to do it, forgot straight away and ended up doing it 5 days late My 5 minute garden plan isn't going very well either as it's rarely above 0 degrees here... hopefully next week.

I was reading this thread and realised that we actually grew up relatively poor, and perhaps that's contributed to my parents' hoarding issues; in particular after my youngest sibling was born with severe learning difficulties (I was 10 and about to leave primary school) money was very tight for a few years. With hindsight I think my parents relied on two incomes to maintain our (fairly average) standard of living, and when one of them had to give up work to look after my sibling, we were miserably skint for a bit. It didn't help that that they'd not long before bought a 'doer-upper' house with the intention of restoring it bit by bit... well, 30 years later it still wasn't done! Neither of them are good at budgeting/ cooking/ DIY and it all got very stressful, I can't remember a single holiday or day out for about 4 years, and I certainly never went on a school trip. You're right, it still affects me now, I kept stuff 'just in case' for a loooong time and at one point in my life had a mountain of debt as I wasn't very good with money (still aren't, TBH!) but couldn't resist buying things as I just never had enough when I was growing up.

@Miaowse our tree may have gone but the fairy lights remain!! They are plugged in in a dark corner of the kitchen so I can have some cheery light whenever I need it the washing pile sneaks up on me whenever I take my attention off it, grrrrrr. And yes, I really hope that DP being away will give me a bit of confidence-building time, he was so snappy this evening for no particular reason and I just hate not knowing what mood he'll be in.

Best of luck with your driving test @GlumyGloomer !! I passed mine many years ago in an auto car as I couldn't get my head round gears still can't really and have never bothered to take a manual test, which definitely helped me. I can't see that my DC will ever need to learn to use a gearstick, by the time they can learn in about 10 years more or less all cars will be electric anyway, so I don't see the point. Is there any chance of you taking a couple of extra lessons before your test to help your confidence?

GlumyGloomer Waiting to see if any of the cameras have picked it up, but yes it could be worse.
Are you able to break down what aspects of learning aren't going well? I get you're going into 'panic and messing up' but when you think calmly about it, what's the circumstances? IE is it things like joining traffic? Or are you arriving at lessons with 2 mins to spare, squeezing them in then finding things fluster you? Has the instructor pinpointed specifics?
Isolating what exactly is going wrong is usually the first step to fixing it.
Basics underpin everything so well done for staying on top.

Miaowse I’m with your DH, a bit of cheeriness in the world helps it turn. Thank you for the good luck wishes, needing a lot of luck at the moment.
Hope things are going well enough for you.

Kitty Talbot
Silence so far. I’m sure my lot just developed better paid jobs with less work.

I kept stuff 'just in case' for a loooong time and at one point in my life had a mountain of debt as I wasn't very good with money (still aren't, TBH!) but couldn't resist buying things as I just never had enough when I was growing up.
It never helps that’s for sure!
If you combine it with low self-worth, you end up with buying what’s cheap and not quite what you would have loved and used, but still feeling it’s too good for you/wasted on you. Throw in some sunk-cost fallacy and you’re away.

Having children with significant difficulties usually causes financial, practical difficulties and often there's hidden psychological ‘loss’ at play as well. Plans have to change and it’s when people discover development help, education etc, often doesn’t exist. It shakes parents worlds and often teaches them that all they depended on is more fragile than assumed. That's when collecting and depending on what you can control, seems to make sense.

Lots of time lost to vehicle. Needed part getting and fitting to sort out a previous advisory that might just scrape through again, but not worth the record if not as this one has to be sold in a couple of years. Hopefully it should get MOT today.

Today's list is launderette on way to MOT in case it fails, and oil to the dump on return journey for same reason, so worst case not stuck with old oil and unable to get laundry done on top of everything. Hopefully then able to crack on properly with some work and trying to make up lots of lost time including procrastinating on MN.

Hi all. I'm going to make this brief, and you'll realise why...

Flood.
Mess.
In hell.