Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

What made you realise you might have been poor growing up ?

172 replies

LanaL · 18/01/2024 10:49

As the title suggests - when you think back to your childhood is there anything that makes you realise you were poor ?

When I was younger at Christmas , we didn’t have stockings at the end of our beds , we had carrier bags . Like Asda carrier bags . I loved it, I always found it magical to wake up and Santa had put presents in our carrier bag!

Again at Christmas , every individual thing was wrapped - I always remember having mountains of presents , but looking back lots of them were cheap and small ( not that it mattered to me ! ) one of my favourite presents that we used to get each year was a paper folder full of plain white paper. This folder would be decorated with our name and drawings of things we liked ( I remember one year it was decorated with drawings of hedgehogs because I loved hedgehogs ) and separately would be a packet of felt pens wrapped up . I loved that , my mom and dad would sit with us and we would all draw and colour together !

Asking for snacks / drinks - we never , ever would have dreamed of going to get a bag of crisps without asking. We could make squash but fizzy pop had to be asked for . Also - milk ! It was like a luxury , never could we just pour a glass of milk ! Very rare that we actually ever drank a glass of milk . Looking back I think my parents struggled but you don’t realise that at the time . I’m the total opposite now , my children do have to ask for unhealthy snacks so I can limit them but there are always plenty and they don’t eat loads so I never really say no and things like fruit or food - like if they want toast or a sandwich - they can help themselves .

Pudding / desert - I always have something available , it may not always be a cake but there is always something - cookies , muffins , yoghurts etc always something they can have after dinner but as a child we never had it and if ever we happened to - mom had got a cake or baked - it was a huge treat .

we never ate out. I can’t remember a single time we ever went out to a restaurant or a pub for food . I don’t have a single memory of going for a meal with my family as a child and , actually, I remember arranging a meal for my 21st after I had moved out and I’m pretty certain I remember thinking that this was the first time I had been for a meal with my family. One of my brothers weren’t there so I don’t think I’ve ever sat with my parents and all my siblings at a meal .

I never saw my mom in new clothes until I was an adult and her and my dad had seperated. I remember her wearing very random t shirts, that had been my dads or I know someone had given to her and my dads t shirts were work ones , he always seemed to be in work clothes .

I remember some of my clothes being what people had given to us , or my aunt worked in a video store and she always had merchandise so i remember having t shirts with film logos on .

Shopping - my mom would go out most days with her shopping trolley , walking , to the high street and she would do this most days with a list that has prices next to each item ( exact prices , like £1.59 ) I now realise that she was on that tight a budget that she counted every penny , went with the trolley to get what she could and walk home as she couldn’t afford taxis or buses. She walked everywhere ! My dad had cars on and off but would work during the day .

Holidays - we went on holiday once as a family that I remember , vaguely , as I was about 6 . I went on holidays with family friends and family but not as a family .

My mom never had her hair done . I vaguely remember her having a perm once , that’s it. She used to shave my dads head , and my brothers . Me and my sister would have our fringe cut by my mom and a family friend would cut our hair. But I do remember when I was in secondary school mom would take me for haircuts at the hairdresser. I wonder know how much she had to budget for that .

As a parent now , I realise how much my parents struggled and how they sacrificed for us because in light of the above this is what I also remember :

Every Christmas my brothers would have the latest console and I would have what I had asked for , along with loads of small presents that I now realise were to bulk up .

Once we were in secondary school - our PE tracksuits were named brand , always from the lady over the road who ran a catalogue . Our coats in secondary school were branded - again catalogue- as were my brothers shoes . At our ages it was “rock port “ or “ kickers “ they always had them . Our bags were what others had . My shoes were what all the other girls were wearing . No matter what clothes we may have had at home or the budget they were on they made sure that we never went to school in anything that could get us teased . The fact this was from catalogues makes me realise they must have really struggled to do that .

We went on lots of picnics ! To local parks , and we would have to go to the high street to go to “ kwik save “ to get the things , it would be own brand , but my mom would make it so exciting ! She would play games with us on the long walk , she would get some nice cakes , treat us to cans of pop .

At home she would sit playing consoles with my brothers , playing with my toys with me .

I remember being surprised one day and told I was going on holiday that day with my moms friends and their children . It was the best thing ever and I remember a few days before we had gone around charity shops and had got me some new clothes- I didn’t think to myself that we were buying second hand things I just felt really appreciative that I was being treated !

We clearly didn’t have a lot . But I never thought that we were poor because my parents ( mainly my mom ) did everything in their power to make sure we lived a good , normal life .

Think I want to go and give my mom and dad cuddle now !

OP posts:
Urcheon · 18/01/2024 10:58

I was aware of how poor we were at the time! You could always correlate amount and type of food to how far it was till payday (Thursday), and we knew with nothing being said never to ever invite anyone round at a time when they might need feeding because there just was no food to spare. Pretty much the first lesson we learnt was never to ask for anything because my parents just didn’t have the money.

To this day (and I am a financially fairly comfortable 51 year old), I am made deeply uneasy by shared food situations, like sharing plates, buffets, grazing tables etc, because at some level I’m still a five year old afraid there’s not enough for me.

hattie43 · 18/01/2024 10:59

Icicles on the inside of the windows .

Snowydaysfaraway · 18/01/2024 11:03

We only had a TV if her relationship with her married bf was on not off. If he went so did his TV. Dm couldn't afford a TV.
I never had any wellies for years.. I still remember getting some for my birthday one year...must have been sale item as I was born in July!

SisterMichaelsHabit · 18/01/2024 11:04

I've only ever heard middle class people saying "I'm poor" and always about something utterly preposterous like mummy and daddy didn't buy them a car.

Those of us who actually grew up without much money always knew it. Mostly because every question was answered with "no", we were cold a lot of the time, and our clothes were shit fourth hand hand me downs compared to other kids at school, our home was an embarrassment and going round other people's houses was like stepping through a magical door.

That OP is utter poverty porn glamourising the "we were poor but we had so much love" bollocks. 🤢

Ormally · 18/01/2024 11:09

We were in the middle, probably better off than many of the people in the place we lived, so can't complain, but I just wanted to say that I think your mom sounds brilliant. I would have loved the paper folder with hedgehogs and remembered it always! I'm imagining it.
One of my favourite (and most mysterious) presents was a little crystal mouse in a box, that had a tight metal spring for a tail. Inside was a piece of card that said "This little chap has a broken ear but I know you will look after him". I think it must have come from a tabletop sale or something - the writing was definitely not anyone's in the family (and I was good at rumbling things like that - as my own DD now is!)

When the election that Labour won in 1997 came around, there was a fairly comprehensive broadsheet article about people who turned 18 just before the election day, and how they were going to vote. One of my friends was one of the interviewees (from my village). They were extremely intelligent, feminist, very direct, bound for very good things. The interviewer played up things in the description like "X is from a family of 5, a quaint caravan is parked in the drive, etc...) and egging the so-say "social indicators" disgustingly. Never forgotten it - was so far from what that household was like!

Scottymom · 18/01/2024 11:29

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Scottymom · 18/01/2024 11:32

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Scottymom · 18/01/2024 11:34

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Scottymom · 18/01/2024 11:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Scottymom · 18/01/2024 11:39

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

snorlax99 · 18/01/2024 11:40

We had no central heating. Nothing got fixed when it broke. The kitchen sink leaked, so we washed up in a washing up bowl and threw the water down the drain in the garden. Shower broke and never got fixed, so we didn't have one. Fridge broke and we didn't get a new one. Vaccum broke so my mum used to sweep the carpets instead. The kitchen ceiling caved in after a leak and so we just lived with a hole in the ceiling.

DilemmaDelilah · 18/01/2024 11:41

We weren't desperately poor, there was always enough - but never more than enough. No meals out ever. No takeaways ever. No helping yourself to food or drink ever. We didn't go to the cinema (pre-videos). We didn't have a record player or cassette player. My mum had a radio but none of us children had one to use. Good quality clothes but only what was needed, nothing because it was wanted, and quite often hand me downs. Only one pair of shoes, but properly fitted. In the summer we just lived in flip flops which must have helped! Very few days out and I can't remember any that had to be paid for. No holidays.

Zandrazanzara · 18/01/2024 11:42

Never got a single Christmas present.
House had no heating.
walls were damp and wallpaper peeling.
Had school uniform but hardly any other clothes.
having to wear broken shoes as wasn’t allowed new ones until they were too small to get on my feet.
Never ate out.
One cinema trip as a family in my entire childhood.
Handful of family “holidays” about a 2 hr drive from home. Never had a foreign holiday.
Not allowed to turn the immersion heater on more than once a week, so one bath per week.
I could go on...

pharmachameleon · 18/01/2024 11:44

@Scottymom are you the OP?
I knew we were poor when I was a child. I don't need to look back on it!
We stayed in a hell hole of a council estate. My mum and dad argued all the time about money, like daily. We never asked for anything at all as we knew we wouldn't get it.
I had a smile at the OP's Christmas memories as I never had a stocking as a child and never got presents wrapped.
Never went on holiday.
All the food we ate was basic supermarket own brand. The first time I went out for a meal was when I was 20 I think.
It was traumatic growing up under these circumstances but it gave me ambition to improve my life. I'm the first person in my family to go to university and now have a comfortable life thank god.

Flopsythebunny · 18/01/2024 11:47

We didn't have an indoor toilet until I was 8 years old

Desecratedcoconut · 18/01/2024 11:50

I knew we'd properly hit the skids when my DM started batch cooking lentil soup in a vat and then that was lunch and dinner until it ran out. The recession in the 90s was fucking brutal.

Oh, and when I read that chapter to my sister in Charlie and the chocolate factory, and Charlie had begun to starve and Dahl details the way that Charlie had slowed down and started to be strategic with how he used his energy and I felt betrayed, like he was showing the world how to tell we were hungry. Thankfully it didn't last forever and life picked up.

Scottymom · 18/01/2024 11:51

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

user1471556818 · 18/01/2024 11:52

Icicles on the windows in winter.
Cutting toes out of shoes to wear in the summer as no money for new shoes .
Being so excited by bag of 2nd hand clothes from an older well off cousin .
Always soup stews eking out type food. Every bit of food used adding potatoes then making pies .
My patents worked on farms so did get potatoes and seasonal vegetables but very low wages
We got a second hand tv with 1 channel that was huge .
I had my first paid job at 12 and always have worked.
Holidays were an overnight stay at relatives .
Being poor isn't glamorous but I did feel my mum had a very frugal upbringing which gave her good skills and in turn me .
But I'm so glad I've money in bank the heating on and a full fridge

Crikeyalmighty · 18/01/2024 11:53

My family were comfortably off but I do remember having a lovely friend when I was about 10 in 1971 and going to their rented house (not council) -they had broken windows that hadn't been sorted, I saw a couple rats in the yard , outside loo still, the house was freezing and smelt damp and I was given bread and marge and a bag of crisps to share. It was so far removed from my life I never forgot it and my mum used to make a point of asking her to ours 'a lot' - it's unbelievable that people lived like this - it was like something out of Dickens. I often wonder where she is now and hope life has been kind to her.

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 18/01/2024 11:58

I knew we were poor whilst living through it.

No days out, no holidays, no new clothes, limited toys, no eating out/takeaways.

Dinner was frequently a case of having a mismatch of what was in the freezer.

No Christmas stocking, but lucky enough to get one gift.

I remember being absolutely gutted one year as I'd asked for a pair of Adidas poppers, but funds only stretched to a generic pair from the market.

I'm ok now, and things did improve for my mum once we were grown up.

I still have hang ups though. I can't be involved in the ordering of food for multiple people, because I panic and think that there won't be enough for everyone.

If we as a family run out of something (something that is a frequently eaten by the kids, but not a necessity - yoghurts, cherry tomato snacks etc) I can't just wait until I'm next at the shop - I have to replace it straight away.

I will start having dreams a few weeks before birthdays/Xmas that I've not provided gifts. I never, ever think I have got them enough, even when what I've got is plenty. Luckily, my partner is there to stop it being excessive.

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 18/01/2024 11:59

Oh, I forgot the frequent running out of gas and electricity.

LessonsinChemistryandLove · 18/01/2024 12:03

1p on the gas metre and having to get through the night/day. We were really poor but my mum also had lots of issues and was bad with money, multiple disabilities/mh in the home, young carers, so things were probably made a lot worse! I loved getting that bag of old clothes from my cousins too.

I've luckily done quite well for myself. My daughter could not imagine living the way I did growing up.

BlastedPimples · 18/01/2024 12:07

@LanaL your parents sound like amazing people.

Puppytrashedmysofa · 18/01/2024 12:09

Mother said if your bringing a friend over get him to bring a can of beans.
Running around in pink flared jeans , couldn't afford new and when the newly fitted shower broke it just didn't get fixed for years.

BlastedPimples · 18/01/2024 12:15

Ah poverty in the 1980s. I remember it well.

We had to weigh out 25 grammes of weetaflakes each every morning for our breakfast. We all sensed the gravity of our situation so not one of us cheated on that.

And we were allowed one level teaspoon of sugar with the weetaflakes.

Powdered milk with cereal as it went a lot further.

We always had bread and jam or flour dumplings with fried butter (never margarine, mind) for tea.

I remember always being a bit hungry and staring at this Cadbury's chocolate shaped brooch one girl always used to wear at school and wishing so much it was real and I could eat it.

Absolutely no crisps or fizzy drinks at all ever. My mum didn't see the point even if she'd had the money. Zero nutritional value and didn't even fill you up. Only water and apple juice at Christmas and Easter.

For my 12th birthday, I got hair bobbles and a book. I remember my poor mum's face. She simply didn't have any more money. I loved reading so that was fine.

My four brothers and I grew up strong, lean and fit but I would not wish that level of poverty on anyone. Except I suspect there are millions of UK kids dealing with it every day now.