The ADHD/ suspected ADHD/poor executive function/ generically disorganised and overwhelmed housekeeping thread

[MissKeithsNeice]

Diagnosed adhd. Medicated (hooray!). But no amount of medication can help me do anything when my dc and dh are in the house.

Dc are teens BTW

I work 4 days a week, term time only. On Fridays, I get shit done. Dh is also term time only. By the end of the summer holidays, the house us destroyed. Its just really hard to explain how bad it is.

Dh works really hard to keep on top of it but I'm just so messy that its an impossible task.

Today is my first Friday to myself for 8 weeks. I am so excited. Its going to take weeks to get this place straight but once it is, I'm getting a cleaner.

Watching! I've been referred for an ADHD assessment, just waiting for an appointment. My house is a shit tip. I throw out so much uneaten food. I've just booked my dog in for twice weekly walks, and my intention is to use at least half of that time for housework (I work from home).

Do one room at a time today. Start by tidying and start in one corner and work around the room. Set a timer for a certain amount to time to keep you on task. Put your phone into airplane mode if it can distract you. Put some music or a podcast (Lisa Woodruff is a good one if you have ADHD, and I always recommend A Slob comes cleans or Cas from Clutterbug) on. Take your cleaning products to each room with you as well as a black bag for rubbish and a bag for recycling.

Good luck today! Let us know how you get on!

I feel your pain. In our house, it's DH who has (recently diagnosed) ADHD and it's made me realise how much this has contributed to the amount of clutter we have.

He's doing his best, but is just so messy and finds it very difficult to get rid of stuff.

I've realised I need to just chuck things away without him knowing and am on a massive decluttering mission.

3 bags and a crate of stuff went to charity yesterday with 3 bags of shredded papers ready for recycling... There'll be more today and for weeks ahead.

Listening to A Slob Comes Clean podcasts while I'm doing it is my inspiration.

One of her tips is to take before and after photos and that really helps.

Ok, so here’s my perspective as an SEN teacher. A diagnosis doesn’t actually have any practical use, and medication per set isn’t enough to bring about change. It can, however, enable children to have a window of opportunity to begin to learn strategies to overcome their challenges. So say, for example, a child with ADHD is not yet able to read at aged 10, we would work out the window of opportunity in a day where their learning is focussed and they are able to absorb new information; that is the point where we would immerse them in reading opportunities.

Applying this strategy to adults I imagine needs to follow a similar principle. Ie, you need to work out when the meds are at their most optimal for you, then use that window of opportunity to ‘learn’ how to look after your home. Nobody is born with housekeeping skills 🤣. Your children will probably have followed your example and your dh probably thinks housekeeping is women’s work!
Do you have a good friend who’s house is generally tidy? If so, ask them to ‘teach’ you how your family could keep on top of your home together.

For general household tips, I’d say organisation is key. Standing in the middle of a very messy room with a bin bag in your hand probably isn’t going to help much. Get yourself enough big boxes that there’s 1 for each household member. Put the items belonging to each person into ‘their’ own box. Give them their box and tell them to put their own stuff away in the correct place. Look at what’s left in the room. Put any rubbish into black bin bags immediately, have 1 box for charity and 1 box for ‘isolation’. This is the box where you put things that you don’t know if you want to keep, throw or donate. It stays in that box out of the way for at least 6 months. If after that time you’ve not had to go into the isolation box, then throw the whole box away - don’t start sorting it out again.
Tackle 1 room at a time - the kitchen is usually the best place to start as this is where we usually have too much clutter.
Good luck!

Hey OP, great idea for a thread! I am pretty sure I have ADHD and am waiting for my assessment, but it's not till May 2022. I fit the classic ADHD woman who manages to just about hold thimgs together at work and get the kids to school on time, but our house is an absolute bombsite.

Like you, I just have no executive function when other people are in the house. Even DH working from home stops me getting "in the zone" on my days off. When he ambles into the kitchen to make tea, it distracts me from whatever I am trying to organise.

I was supposed to have a half day at home to myself yesterday, but surprise..... DH was unexpectedly at home, and ruined it!

Looking forward to comparing notes with you on this thread. Good luck for today!

It's been an entire week and I've managed to keep [my desk tidy at work. Celebrating that

I've in theory had a diagnosis but nothing has come through and I still haven't got round to contacting the Psychiatrist. So I don't know what's happening there. What is supposed to happen? My GP has gone heard anything from them. Jts been ages. Months.

Thanks all for your posts of encouragement.

I'm done now so stopping. Woke at 3am this morning and have been going since 5.

Meant to do a mixture of cleaning and declutering but got pulled into the decluttering. Dh has promised he'll accompany me to the tip/charity shop tomorrow to get rid of approx 12 bin bags and 3 big boxes of stuff.

There's lots of dust in the air which is a concern as dd home in an hour and her dust allergy is quite bad at moment. My lowest points in last month have been the very real impact of my crapness on her it sets off her eczema really badly. She's basically allergic to our house atm. Her room is fine though- we worked hard on it over summer to get her an allergy friendly environment. I'd like the rest of the house to be the same.

I'm off for a walk now. Feel I've deserved it!

12 bin bags and 3 big boxes! That's fantastic, well done. (Feeling envious).

Love this thread. I posted a while ago about needing help to tidy and someone mentioned ADHD. Tbh I’ve thought I might have it for years, but that thread was eye opening.
No idea how I go about getting a diagnosis, or what help that would do, but I’m watching this thread for help with my house. I’m moving soon and want my new house to be better!

@MissKeithsNeice

Thanks all for your posts of encouragement.

I'm done now so stopping. Woke at 3am this morning and have been going since 5.

Meant to do a mixture of cleaning and declutering but got pulled into the decluttering. Dh has promised he'll accompany me to the tip/charity shop tomorrow to get rid of approx 12 bin bags and 3 big boxes of stuff.

There's lots of dust in the air which is a concern as dd home in an hour and her dust allergy is quite bad at moment. My lowest points in last month have been the very real impact of my crapness on her it sets off her eczema really badly. She's basically allergic to our house atm. Her room is fine though- we worked hard on it over summer to get her an allergy friendly environment. I'd like the rest of the house to be the same.

I'm off for a walk now. Feel I've deserved it!

That's amazing!!!! Well done!!

He's doing his best, but is just so messy and finds it very difficult to get rid of stuff

@Littlelightchink

There's a lot of guilt in my inability to chuck stuff. I'm awful with money and just buy a lot of shit related to whatever it is I'm obsessed with at that moment. Eg my daughter wore a pink merino jumper I bought off ebay and looked awesome. Cue me buying another 4 pink merino jumpers, also off Ebay. Then I can't chuck them cause I feel so much guilt about the money spent. Another thing I have 10 million of is storage boxes. So many times, I've decided I'm going to get sorted and bought loads of boxes. By the time they arrive, I've moved onto the next thing and lost interest. Bicrs are useless to me anyway- I've literally never put anything away in a box I've designated for that purpose.

I read that adhd people need labels not more boxes. I've spent more than one night designing custom laser cut vinyl labels online but then never followed through buying them.

Thanks @Franticbutterfly and @BilboTheBurglar - I'm really pleased. Just need to actually get boxes out the house now but dh has promised to lead on that.

Also there's just so many boxes and bags that leaving them dumped all over the place shouldn't be an option

@AreYouDaveGorman moving house is a huge motivator: its a chance to reset.

Our house is attached to dh's job - when he got the promotion that moved us in here i was mainly happy cause itd force me into throwing away stuff and getting to start from new.

@MissKeithsNeice I'd really recommend you listen to this:
open.spotify.com/episode/2IeFtBCjfSOJP41fDNuNBr

The host, Dana, has suspected ADHD and people with ADHD say her methods work for them. Unlike Mari Kondo, you don't need to pull out everything in order to declutter.

I have heard it said that people who buy storage solutions are hoarders - that's certainly true of my DH.

Another thing Dana says in a recent podcast is that often one partner will have to take the initiative rather than expect the other one to get involved or be enthusiastic.

Can you take on other things so that your DH has more time to chuck stuff out? And then work strictly on a one-in one-out basis for new things.

My ADHD DH is very unsettled by my decluttering but I'm so sick of the disorganisation, I'm doing it anyway.

Hi OP I’d like to sign in for solidarity! I don’t know if I would fit an ADD diagnosis although I score highly on online tests and such; I already have MH diagnoses of OCD and cyclothymia, and I don’t want any medication atm, been there done that, so don’t really care what diagnosis I would fit anyway. I take a bunch of supplements for both MH stuff and some deficiencies confirmed on blood tests (also have fatigue and pain issues, joy). Anyway all this stuff is a great excuse for why my house is quite frankly disgusting most of the time !

I like the YouTuber “Clutterbug” (she has ADHD) and podcaster “A Slob Comes Clean” that someone else recommended, didn’t realise she was ADD too but makes sense! In fact I just bought her book after another thread. I’m not done with it yet but I already really recommend it as a read. It’s a bit tough love. But, I’m beginning to understand that what you’re doing right now - one mega big push to Get Project Clean House done, tick ✔️, is somewhat futile. Because cleaning the house is never done. It gets messed up again the next day. Or later the same day. We have to learn how to keep it clean. Because we genuinely are not able to do that. Doing a big one-off declutter and a mega cleaning blitz is a no brainer. Keeping it clean tidy and organised afterwards…..not so much.

So I am trying to follow A Slob Comes Clean intro method. Today is day 2. I just have to make sure I get the dishes done. And because I got the dishes done yesterday, which was somewhat of a mammoth task, today I only had 1 days worth and it wasn’t too bad, and I’ve got them done including the baking try and frying pan from dinner which would usually spend a day or so five chilling in the sink before being cleaned in a rush because I needed it again. It’s quite refreshing! But it’s only day 2.

One thing I’m finding helpful is giving myself permission to just do a little bit is ok, it’s still worth it, even if I can’t actually do the whole big task as a whole. So I haven’t got time/energy/emotional strength to clear and clean the bathroom, today I got some
bathroom supplies delivered (well they arrived four or five days ago and the box has been languishing in the car, but whatevs) - anyway normally I’d just stack the new stuff on the side/floor/stairs because there’s no point putting them away cos the whole bathroom needs sorting anyway so they’ll have to wait until that is doneS But no, I’ve put them away, vaguely, and it involved stepping over/reaching around other stuff, but, at least I didn’t add to the clutter stuff. I don’t need to worry about picking up the bathroom right now because this week I am just working on the dishes. Next week I’ll worry about the bathroom.

Anyway apart from dishes, today I also achieved taking the recycling out (and I took it out yesterday as well so there wasn’t much), putting away the supplies delivery, and also trimmed one of my topiary (because I had new snips to try out, but it counts as a household task because I say so! The patio looks neater for it!)

Anyway OP want to say WELL
DONE and KEEP GOING! And once you think you’re done, STILL KEEP GOING. I think people like us really properly need to learn and train ourselves in household management if we want to live in nice tidy and clean places. I feel like understanding this is a big step for me personally.

Good tips Lemon Violet. I organised just one cupboard yesterday. Chucked out some stuff and made the rest easier to find. I will congratulate myself, rather than berating myself about not doing more!

I have ADHD (diagnosed a couple of weeks ago!) and I'm having success with the Organised Mum Method. It takes all the thought out of maintaining the place once it's clean; you just have to follow a set list of tasks each day and it all magically works out.

Can I join? I’ve not been diagnosed but I have lots of traits. A Slob Comes Clean has helped me massively.

Also a fan of the clutterbug concept. I’ve really noticed how getting the right kind of organising system has helped, and how much visual clutter creates anxiety for me.

Another brilliant book is The House Thst Cleans Itself - for common sense ideas on how to make things easier on yourself.

I was just listening to Ellen Litman talking about adhd and women on additude and she spoke about the shame of not fulfilling the gender expectations (perfect house/perfect kids/great career/look amazing) and it really resonated with me.( I think it’s why I appreciated Dana because she confronts the shame head on and creates a safe community. )

Ellen also had very important points about the interplay between hormones and medication which most professionals don’t consider or won’t consider (too much time and effort).

I think it’s very important to be kind to ourselves

I've just been doing some sorting out and cleaning. DS2 had just gone back to uni and having one less person in the house has somehow made things easier for me. In fact i realise that Autumn cleaning is a thing with me more than spring cleaning as the kids going back to school gives me time and head space.
We had to move into our house before finishing a conversion/renovation so our house has inadequate storage (DH work and hobbies contribute to a lot of stuff).
Is like the Forth Bridge though sort one room out at a time by which time another room has got messy again.

Is like the Forth Bridge though sort one room out at a time by which time another room has got messy again.
I think maybe we have to accept that yes, it absolutely is like the Forth Bridge, cleaning the house isn’t a project that you complete and is done, it’s something you do ongoing, all the time in little bits every day.

Some people probably think, well duh, but honestly until listening to/watching these women talk about it, I think I genuinely believed that one day my house would be ‘done’ and it would be easy and just keep itself clean on autopilot without me having to consciously think about it. Nope.

This morning before work I emptied the dishwasher, restocked my weekly supplements box (and took my morning pills), took the recycling out, and made pancakes for breakfast because you know what that’s actually a pretty quick and easy thing to do, when the pans are clean and ready to go and you have space on the surface to get the ingredients out the cupboard and whip up the batter. And all the dishes from that are in the dishwasher ready for tonight, which was easy to do because it was empty.

It’s bonkers how this is all a revelation.

Oh I also ran the recycling bag that lives on the side in the kitchen through a quick 30min cycle in the washing machine cos it was a bit sticky and gross. Now it’s clean and a much nicer thing to be on the kitchen counter.

My main goal for the next few days, after making sure the dishes are done every day, is I really want to vacuum/Roomba the upstairs carpets and do a carpet shampoo on them as well. They stink.

Following - I am waiting to be seen for a possible diagnosis (not until June 2022 though!). I have always struggled with sorting and cleaning :(

@MissKeithsNeice hope you’re able to get to the charity shop/tip today!

DS2 had just gone back to uni and having one less person in the house has somehow made things easier for me

I just have no executive function when other people are in the house. Even DH working from home stops me getting "in the zone" on my days off. When he ambles into the kitchen to make tea, it distracts me from whatever I am trying to organise.

This really is so relatable @Wbeezer and
@BilboTheBurglar and is essentially the heart of my problem. Now I'm medicated, I can clean and tidy. I'd go so far as to say I enjoy it.

However, I need to be on my own to do it. I know everyone is loads more productive when they have the house to themselves, but mine is just something else. I literally can't function when everyone is here.

Eg - had house to myself, had taken meds 3 hours earlier and happily cleaning. Dh and ds come home, I can hear them downstairs feel a bit annoyed but carry on. 5 min later I lose my mojo, 10 min later I've given up and fall asleep

Every person less in my house helps me. All 4 of us, and I can barely get off sofa.