The ADHD/ suspected ADHD/poor executive function/ generically disorganised and overwhelmed housekeeping thread

[MissKeithsNeice]

Diagnosed adhd. Medicated (hooray!). But no amount of medication can help me do anything when my dc and dh are in the house.

Dc are teens BTW

I work 4 days a week, term time only. On Fridays, I get shit done. Dh is also term time only. By the end of the summer holidays, the house us destroyed. Its just really hard to explain how bad it is.

Dh works really hard to keep on top of it but I'm just so messy that its an impossible task.

Today is my first Friday to myself for 8 weeks. I am so excited. Its going to take weeks to get this place straight but once it is, I'm getting a cleaner.

@Theghostofchristmasarse not at all!!! (Love the username btw) I genuinely feel I am out of touch with what of my behaviours/habits are “normal” and what would class as “symptoms” for various MH diagnoses which is what I meant. Don’t let me put you off! I also am not diagnosed and have no intention at the moment of seeking an(other) assessment or diagnosis…. I already have a small collection of MH diagnoses over the years and am just not interested in any more right now. I haven’t found official MH diagnoses personally helpful in the long run. Accepting and understanding how I function as an individual has been a lot more relevant, and it’s an ongoing active process.

Which links in with @adhdpunchbag
question about medication. Obviously am not currrently on any prescription meds, having been on and off so many different antidepressants and anxiety meds for years. But, for MH/mood/mental functioning issues, I currently take 5HTP and L-dopa (mucuna pruriens). I am fortunate I have enough medical/scientific background to understand the biochemistry and assess published papers on these things, and feel comfortable to make the judgement to use these myself. Definitely don’t self-medicate with these if you are already on other medication as it could be dangerous, but if you are confident to be able to do your own research and understand how they work, I think they’re worth considering.

I also take iron, vit D & B12 supplements after they were all low on bloods last year. I definitely recommend anyone struggling with functioning in any way to get these checked as well as thyroid status. My bloods last year were through GP as I had some fainting episodes but I’ve had them done through medichecks before as well, and will get them rechecked by medichecks again soon.

Whilst I’m wittering about meds as well worth mentioning pain management. I have a “how to stay mentally healthy” list that I found on the internet years ago, pinned to my fridge, and one of the things is “get help for painful conditions” and I can’t rate this highly enough; it’s easy to let niggly pain niggle and be a reason you can’t do stuff, but since taking this seriously, using painkillers when I need to, using my joint supports, getting deep tissue massages when things get bad etc….basically physically functioning better means I am in a better place mentally as well.

@LemonViolet I used to take the 5htp and found it worked but obviously can't take now as I'm on Sertraline. I've been looking at B12, already take fish oil and VitD.

@Franticbutterfly thanks for the heads up about Lisa Woodruff. I've been listening to a few of her podcasts this morning (whilst cooking and putting off other more important things I need to do). She's good but where's her husband in all of the stuff she does? Seems like she does it all, no surprises there...

I also am not diagnosed and have no intention at the moment of seeking an(other) assessment or diagnosis…. I already have a small collection of MH diagnoses over the years and am just not interested in any more right now. I haven’t found official MH diagnoses personally helpful in the long run. Accepting and understanding how I function as an individual has been a lot more relevant, and it’s an ongoing active process.
@LemonViolet, increasingly I agree with you. Oh not another trial medication to get me to feel 'normal' (whatever/whoever that is). Better to just find out how I best function in the world, as I am.

@HumdrumGuga will do. There's a few people I talk to about this stuff. Thing is the couple of them that I know understand it best also have ADHD and therefore it's a bugger trying to pin them down 🙄

For as long as as I can remember I've always lived by the mottos "as place for everything and everything in its place" and "storage is the key to a happier life" 😊 I'm so much more happier when the place is tidy and generally I'm not bad it just a bit tatty at the edges and unravels completely occasionally...

oooh, is that why the house has gone to (even more) pot since H left work? (not to mention lockdown)

It occurred to me at some point in the last year or so that I've spent twenty years reading things written by ADHD people and thinking "oh no, that's normal, everybody does that"

I won't be seeking a diagnosis but it's brought a bit of clarity to things.

Pretty certain I have some kind of ASD as well - among other things I was officially the Weird One at primary school.

I'm diagnosed ADHD (inattentive)
I can't take meds due to side affects but have "hyperfocused" on how to manage without. Things that have helped;
High dose Nordic fish oil
Vitamin D &K2
Coffee (am only)
No sugar. Carbs in the evening only.
HRT (I'm 45)
A brisk walk in the morning
Early to bed ( sleep is so important for cognitive function)
Part time working
Focus on one thing only ( see the book The One Thing)
A big pin board in the kitchen with daily routines written
Google calender with alert alarms
Google Keep for lists and alerts
Self acceptance and positive self talk
Try to give less fucks

I don’t want to poo-poo MH diagnoses completely; obviously for some people they can be key to gaining self understanding and accessing support to help them function better, and sometimes rx meds are the only thing that will do, and you have to be prescribed those, and for that you need a diagnosis. Just personally I feel I’ve been through the system chewed up and spat out and it’s not been useful me in the long term.

reading things written by ADHD people and thinking "oh no, that's normal, everybody does that"
Yup! But fucking hell (at ‘them’ not you!) we are normal people! Just work in our own way.

Coffee (am only)
Interesting you say that, I use caffeine pills when I need to (have such a massive aversion to coffee it actually developed into a legit phobia of mugs I had therapy for). Always felt a bit ‘naughty’ doing this but then a psych nurse told me actually no it’s a fair thing to do.

HRT (I'm 45)
Worth bearing in mind for sure

Try to give less fucks
Always! There’s a piss take self help book called “The Life Changing Magic Of Not Giving A Fuck” and it actually was super useful as well as entertaining to read

Right I spent several hours after the tip just dossing on the bed with the dogs watching YouTube and fiddling with my phone. Didn’t actually nap. Then found the motivation to do a pickup of the bedroom (took 10 min), hoovered the upstairs, and now have the carpet washer ready to rock and roll but my back is spasming, helpful, so taken some painkillers and lying down till they kick in🤞🏻

I can't take meds due to side affects but have "hyperfocused" on how to manage without.

Really relatable @Cozytoesandtoast00

I'm stuck in a permanent self improvement dream/plan. Its really tiring and all consuming. I'm glad I made such good progress the last 3 days but now I'm just fixated on waking up at 4am tomo to go again.

I never get anything done without it being all consuming but the all consumingness of it is uncomfortable Just so many times my plans have turned out to be bull shit and I just don't trust myself anymore.

Reading that as someone who isn’t you, @MissKeithsNeice, you sound really critical of yourself and like you’re concentrating on a negative prediction of how things are going to go, rather than a positive give-yourself-credit for what has actually been done? Would you talk to anyone else the way you talk to yourself, or have such high expectations of other people as you do of yourself? If not then jolly well start being nicer to yourself !

If you’re naturally awake at 4am then fab, but if you need the sleep then let yourself sleep, it’s so important to stay well.

Sorry if that all sounds a little presumptuous for an internet stranger!

This thread is fab.

I have done loads today, but I also wanted to paint my nails. I haven't, I can't be bothered, I just want to go to bed. It really doesn't matter. Normally I would obsessively beat myself up for not getting it done and forget about all the things I have done (which are way lots more important) but I decided to be nice to myself today. And then I just read your post OP and @LemonViolet your reply. I very much relate to this.

I am trying to feel a sense of achievement. Didn’t manage to do the floors downstairs before it got too late to reasonably run the vacuum (neighbour has young children), but managed to get carpets upstairs vacuumed and washed so at least the stink is much reduced 👍🏻. It’d be nice if the bathroom was a little less icky before visitor tomorrow as well but maybe DP will do that in the morning 🤔

Anyway I made a veggie pasta bake for dinner which was lovely, left a portion for DP who is on his way home and I’m popping out to see my brother for a bit.

Well done everyone for getting some stuff done this weekend and forgive ourselves for not meeting all of our own high expectations…..there is always tomorrow, and the next day, it’s not a one-off project, it is like the Forth Bridge and whilst we may never be done, we can get better at it!

Checking in, had a mini breakdown this morning because I finally got my shit together to hoover the upstairs (which hasn’t been done for a quite frankly disgusting length of time) only to start hoovering and find that DH had clogged it all up with fucking grit from decorating and not emptied it and the filter needed cleaning so it didn’t work properly. It ended with me feeling completely overwhelmed, massively overreacting and feeling a huge sense of rage/anger at the fact that he had inadvertently scuppered my attempt to get something done. Rationally I know that it doesn’t matter and I can do it tomorrow or another day, and I could have just used that motivation to do something else instead, but I built myself up to it so much and was so proud that I actually made myself try to do it.

Taking a leaf out of other peoples books though and trying to be kind to myself, I did manage to:
Get my daughter to try on the coats i ordered for her. Unfortunately they all fit her so that means I’ve got to choose which one I prefer so I can send the rest back. I find this really hard, I am terrible at making decisions and I was hoping that some wouldn’t fit so that it would make it easier for me to choose. But at least I managed the first step of getting her to try them on.
I did a meal plan and an online asda shop for tomorrow
I had a shower and wiped down the bath and shower screen afterwards so it looks pretty clean even though it could do with more of a thorough clean it’s a start
Changed the bed sheets

Bah I’ve been awake since 3am because doggo1 needed to go out for a wee, he’s not quite right, think he’s a bit poorly he feels all hot and clingy. Can’t get back to sleep now despite being so tired I feel drunk/dizzy if I get up and can’t really see properly (having to squint at phone to read MN!)

All I can think is I want to vacuum downstairs. Obviously I can’t at 4 in the morning. There’s a lot of other useful things I could do silently I’m sure (tonnes!!!) but I can’t think what right now apart from vacuum and I can’t do that! Ugh brain why won’t you work

@MovingSchmoving I hear you on decision inability. I get paralysed making decisions sometimes, overthink every possibility, what if each option etc to the point where whatever it is just won’t happen in the end. Stupid isn’t it. Go you on meal planning and clean sheets though! Jealous of those two things right now!

Definitely get a cleaner now, don’t wait any longer. If you could get them to clean floors, bathrooms and change bed covers every week, this will free you up. I totally totally understand not being able to get things done with others in the house, I find it impossible.

All the best. This thread is great!

@LemonViolet here I also am awake since 3.30am and can’t get back to sleep. It’s a common theme for me even though I should be getting all the sleep I can with a baby and a toddler! This is not going to help my feelings of being “organised” tomorrow. Need to stay positive though. All I can think about is the washing that is currently sat half dried in the tumble dryer.

Does anyone else suffer from worry dreams? I’m feeling exhausted even though I got to bed at a decent time and slept all night. But I have something on my mind and feel as if I’ve been dreaming about this issue all night. It’s like my brain just doesn’t have an off switch.

I was listening to Russell Barkley describing time blindness in adhd. Dana if A Slob comes clean calls it TPAD (time passage awareness disorder ) to be funny but it’s genuinely a feature if adhd. I always expect to get more done than is possible or denigrate what I actually do achieve because I feel I should have managed more. I think there’s a few of us doing that on this thread!

@MovingSchmoving I can relate to the hoover rage! I hate when something happens that makes more work for me, or blocks my path. It feels like my energy is a bubble that I have to inflate and it can burst because it’s so delicate.

Marking place.

So much I can relate to here ....

My son's just gone off to uni with his shiny new ADHD (inattentive) diagnosis, it took us this long to get him sorted because I found navigating the system exhausting (He'd already been diagnosed with dyspraxia in year 9) It's been an education and journey. This time awareness thing - I thought everyone had to set alarms throuout the day for stuff, in the past it was about 5 in the mornings (Get up, start breakfast, finish b/f, get dressed, shoes on etc) and now I have timings on my phone for when routes go out at work (I'm a co-ordinater at Waitrose for the deliver side of the business) They all think I'm bonkers but I don't get lost in time and fail to get customers subs and paperwork done for the drivers.

Anyway I decided that now he's off and out of the house I should have time to get this all organised - which is how I've stumbled across you lot. I've used flylady and she kind of works for me in a slobby way but I really hate housework, my mum was the same we lived in a tip and I thought that it was just a matter or learning to do housework. Well I'm 50 and still I struggle, and when I think about all the other things I've learnt to do - run a business (Holistic Therapy and massage), work part time for Waitrose (More like full time in the pandemic) cook well and bake (she didn't cook either) This year I've had an allotment and I can grow things too, then by those standards, why am I so crap at housework, budgeting, organising (anything more than one thing).

As his diagnosis progressed and the questionaires and observations stacked up at college and the questions we were asked niggled, I spoke to a great friend and she said "well dur" he's so like you - of course you're feeling funny about it all. (I wasn't feeling funny - I was feeling deeply uncomfotable and really itchy and buzzy about it, but she can't relate to that) Anyway I think I may have to see about a diagnosis at some point.

I also take Vit D, a Vit B complex 5htp, fish oils and menopace nightime.

I spent three years post menopause trying to get prescribed HRT and failing (I'm a recovering alcoholic - alcohol is so good for supressing the overwhelm in order to get thing's done) that my GP cannot see me and only sees that disease and keeps trying to fob me off with antidepressants.

Anyway I channeled my inner bloke and threw money at a private consultation and I'm a month into HRT - There's deff been some improvement.

So - better get on with the stuff I need to do. My treatment room has been used as a dumping ground for the junk as I've been not practising through the pandemic and it's taken me ages to motivate myself to get going.

I’ve hit a massive wall tonight. Had an OCD-based wobble this evening although still managed to complete cooking the dinner I had planned, I’ve left the kitchen after and just come to bed in a big heap of overwhelm not coping. I think DP is going to do it though to keep up the streak of Doing The Dishes every day. I must not be crazy person if I go down in the morning and it’s not Right.

Sorry this is OCD based rather than ADD based. But I should have been able to predict that this would happen, that the house starting to improve has allowed OCD thought patterns to surface. It’s like mental health whack-a-mole.

Bed has both doggos and one of the cats all curled up with me. It’s like they know I need comfort.

Your dogs and cat sound so lovely

That sounds very tough Lemon. What lovely, perceptive pets you have!

Thanks. We’re all awake now as DP has an early start. Am dreading going downstairs but I have to go let the animals out for toilets.

How are you getting on @LemonViolet? I hope today has been easier.

I’m curious whether you got the air purifier @MissKeithsNeice and if it’s worthwhile? Ds room is a dust trap because it’s full of scattered Lego and he has asd and doesn’t tolerate intrusion into his space very well. If I manage to get to hoover and clean twice a year I consider that a big win.

I’m going for bloods tomorrow. I’ve been feeling so bad these last few months that something has to be out of whack. I’ve been reading about all these supplements you guys are taking and I don’t know where to begin.

Of course it doesn’t help that I am atrocious at remembering to take supplements, and even when I set alarms or am sitting looking at the bottle, sometimes I still won’t take them. It’s like I’m hardwired to defeat any system of organisation.

Hope you are doing okay @LemonViolet
@thelegohooverer I have the same thing about supplements! I find them impossible to take. The worst thing is when the kids have some sort of antibiotic they need to take 4 times a day, I find that so difficult to do. Even with alarms etc I just cannot do it and don’t understand why. I have to get DH to take ownership.
Hope everyone is making progress with their own personal goals. I have done a few bits today around the house but the baby is grumpy and teething which is preventing any real progress and that stresses me out. I have three big boxes of returns and four big charity bags so once I can manage to get those donated and returned, that will be a major tick off my list and then I will have more space in the lounge and the nursery to be able to tidy and clean a bit more. I’m hoping to do it by the end of the week.

Just a hello all and hope everyone is keeping their heads above water. @lemonviolet - touchwood you've managed to have an okay day.