The ADHD/ suspected ADHD/poor executive function/ generically disorganised and overwhelmed housekeeping thread

[MissKeithsNeice]

Diagnosed adhd. Medicated (hooray!). But no amount of medication can help me do anything when my dc and dh are in the house.

Dc are teens BTW

I work 4 days a week, term time only. On Fridays, I get shit done. Dh is also term time only. By the end of the summer holidays, the house us destroyed. Its just really hard to explain how bad it is.

Dh works really hard to keep on top of it but I'm just so messy that its an impossible task.

Today is my first Friday to myself for 8 weeks. I am so excited. Its going to take weeks to get this place straight but once it is, I'm getting a cleaner.

@Myadhdusername I went through a few cleaners before I realised they were firing me. look

I had one fabulous lady who tidied and organised and generally sorted me out but she got a job in a bank and moved on.

Dana talks a bit about tidying for the cleaner on her podcast and how she uses that as a deadline to motivate herself. (Podcast 102, 138)

I'm really impressed at everyone still checking in.

As before - I'm just posting to stay connected.

Bad week. Trouble sleeping so couldn't get up early for pre-work clean and tidy.

Today is my day off but I have last minute hospital appointment. An hour an half away at midday. So that's my Friday gone. Plus need to sort two family birthdays including a post office trip. Post office is kind of impossible for me - don't know why.

Dh working all weekend and I have really busy Saturday- really quite overwhelmed about it already tbh.

Today is payday and I really need to take a look at money for the month too. Like cleaning, this is a job I quite enjoy but need really specific circumstances to do.

Last Friday my daughter was off school for most of day with me cause of Dr appointment. I was able to be calm about that and just accept i wouldn't be able to clean. In some ways it was really nice cause I managed to accept it.

Today I feel just so anxious and overwhelmed. I was going to get up abd start but I'm also just considering staying in bed and googling houseplants.

Checking in to say I am also not keeping up with anything 😂 my afternoon off yesterday I did nothing towards the house at all which is gradually going to rack and ruin around us again. I did play piano and I also faffed around in the garden a bit. I was away over the weekend by myself which involved 8 hours of driving in 2 days; and I spent Wednesday visiting Chelsea Flower Show, a long day with no sitting down all day. By Wednesday evening I was physically and mentally absolutely exhausted. I’ve now got 2 long days working and then one day off Sunday. I will try and remain optimistic that maybe Sunday I will get back on track. Sunday-me will solve all my problems. Sunday-me is awesome.

Gosh, I feel just exhausted reading about your week @lemonviolet.

Its depressing how quickly everything turns to rack and ruin, isn't it?

@Notlostjustexploring

Does anyone have any good, seemingly minor, tricks? But that they're really pleased with

I think leaning into preexisting behaviours like your laundry and shoe system is a great idea and one that really resonates with me.

Similar things that work for me:

Bulk buying as household stuff. Running out of things is such a big stopper for me.

Hyper-engaging with decorating and making things less nice. If I don't like a room, I lose all commitment to it. I do everything on the super-cheap but its obviously an expensive approach nonetheless.

Leaning into periods of obsessiveness. Eg if I clean bathroom, there's a high chance I will then be unable to sleep because I will google bathroom decorating for 48 hours. All the while, the rest of the house descends into chaos, I struggle to do basics including cooking and self/family care.

My response to this has to be a: accept it as opposed to getting angry, ashamed and frustrated and b: take the obsession away from the Internet/ buying stuff and use the energy to do related stuff. So with bathroom example I could clean the grout, sort bathroom cupboards etc.

The other thing that has worked for me in the last fortnight is to get up really early and spend an hour cleaning before everyone wakes up. I've done this maybe 6 times in last two weeks and its awesome. I get time on my own which is huge for my well being. I leave for work before everyone else wakes up and its just such a boost to my self-esteem to leave downstairs clean and smelling okay.

That should they nice not less nice

I got a cleaner and whilst I am still noticing things that I would have made spotless (if I'd cleaned it with hyerpfocus) and she's only improved them a bit, I am trying to remember that she is cleaning the whole house and not just that one bit of it obsessively, consequently I am able to concentrate on just the tidying, knowing someone else will do the bins, the counters, the hoovering, the bogs etc.

I know I'm hypercritical. I think perhaps I should writer her a list of stuff I would like cleaned once she's done the basics.

I also need to throw yet more stuff out. It's such a relief to just have fewer things to try and store/tidy. If only I could convert my adhd kids to minimalism....

If only I could convert my adhd kids to minimalism....

Exactly!

I sometimes fantasise about leaving my family to move into a tiny house somewhere. Family life overwhelms me to the point I am really considering seeking a diagnosis. But it's so expensive!

I've just found this thread and I'm blown away. I've been reading a bit about adult female ADHD recently and strongly suspect I'm on that spectrum. I relate to the posts about not being able to clean while people are around, losing interest for weeks and then hyperfocussing on it like a project. I love a project. So much so that when the project is over I can get quite depressed. I organised our wedding and I remember feeling quite bereft on the honeymoon because I didn't know what to do with myself now that there was no project to do. My DH calls me manic when I go into this mode. He begs me to not ruin the rest of the house if I become obsessed with anything DIY related. I'll start tearing stuff down with a grand plan in mind before I've worked out the logistics. This is how we have ended up in a house with peeling and chipped baseboards and door frames(I couldn't stand the old BT wires running all over the place so I pulled them out and now we have massive gaps and chips everywhere) and a master bedroom with the torn backing of wallpaper (I pulled the old vinyl wallpaper down 2 years ago to decorate after a rewire but we have to get new baseboards installed before I can do this). And on it goes.
Thankfully, DH is a 'do the same chores every day' kind of guy and is happy to pay for a cleaner or we'd be scuppered. I still struggle to tidy before she comes. She's due in an hour, there is crap all over the living room and I'm sitting on mumsnet with you all.
On the upside, when I decide to tidy, I do it with gusto and get a phenomenal amount done in a short span of time.

How is everyone getting on?

I’m conscious of Christmas approaching and I want to keep on top of things, clear out some clutter that’s been building up, and find time for crafts and baking. It doesn’t help that we have no firm plans yet and I’m a planner. I don’t have faith in my ability to get stuff done so I like a run in to it.

Yesterday I was exhausted, and a bit overwhelmed and just not functioning well and there were a lot of time sucks in my day between needing to go shoe shopping unexpectedly, kids selling oj on the sofa and the cat having diarrhoea. By dinner time I was shattered and made a huge mess making dinner. I used to do that all the time but over the last year I’ve got much better at taking a second here and there to put something away properly instead of leaving it down out of my hand.

It’s nice to realise that I’ve made progress even if it’s only apparent when I slip into the old habit.

Can I ask a really random question? If anyone is diagnosed but not medicated, was it worth getting a diagnosis?

I ask because I have a strong suspicion that stimulant type medication won't be suitable for me - I react really strongly to caffeine - I love the mental clarity BUT it gives me palpitations after a couple of cups. Is this a sign that ADHD meds wouldn't benefit me?

Welcome @FoofOfTheWalkingDead I am jealous of your cleaner and a dh who finishes diy that you've started. I am currently painting our downstairs - all open plan. I'm literally just randomly painting one patch - ignoring all cutting in or high up bits. Then move to a completely random separate bit of room its white on white, I'm doing it all hours and have no idea where I have done.

The manic thing is really relatable. I was (incorrectly) treated for bipolar disorder in late teens cause of my up episodes.

@thelegohooverer its great that you've managed to become a tidy cook. Nice to have that moment where you can recognise your progress.

Well this thread is a revelation! I stumbled across it by accident really but after reading it I couldn’t believe there are others who feel like I do about household cleaning and organisation. I always thought it was just my general crapness.
I don’t have a diagnosis but seem to share so many of the difficulties other people do- bursts of energy, struggle with focus and procrastination, inability to get stuff done with others around and ‘slob vision’. I had never heard of ‘a slob comes clean’ but after having a listen to a few podcasts, I think it’s going to really help. So, thanks for the thread!

Hello @ladyandthechocolate! I always think I'm totally crap because I can't seem to finish things. Other people around me always seem to have their shit together. This thread makes me feel like maybe I'm not shit. I've been reading 'a slob comes clean' and her approach is so simple I would never have thought of it.

Ooh! Signing in as only just seen this, great idea for a thread. I was diagnosed late 2019 and honestly Elvanse has transformed my life. I still struggle (physically too, I have fibromyalgia among other things) but the difference is huge.

Life is hectic (DH with chronic illness/injury, 14yo DD1 struggling in year 10, 12yo DS home educated (they are both autistic and clearly ADHD too), 3yo DD2! And next month I’m starting a new part time WFH job and in February I’m starting my OU degree. I’ve realised since going on the meds that I’m actually happier with more to do - it’s like it calms my brain down - but still it does worry me that I’ll reach a tipping point of too much!

Today I’m taking my littlest to nursery (DH usually does that) and then meeting a friend with our boys for a bit. So I’m not sure how much energy I’ll have for housework later. The house is slipping quite a bit TBH. It’s so so much better than it used to be but the last few weeks especially have been overwhelming. I also need to do a lot of admin for my tutoring business which has really taken off lately - I have possibly neared a tipping point for that too, as I’m getting a bit overwhelmed. Yesterday I wrote a big list of all the tasks I need to do for that, so hopefully I can start working through it this afternoon.

First task today is to get a wash on before it builds up too much! Still got washing in the dryer from the other day 😳

Sorry I’ve waffled on so much. I will be back later to actually read the thread!

Just saw your post @HereticFanjo

I react strongly to caffeine too - I don’t drink coffee but I have to be very careful with Pepsi etc. My eldest is the same. Stimulants however have been a godsend! Methylphenidate did seem to make the anxiety build up a fair bit over time so I changed to Elvanse early this year. I did also add a minimum dose of escitalopram for the anxiety and the combination means I have the best mental health of my entire 34 years.

Also there is a non stimulant option - I think it’s called Strattera? 💐

Hey how is everyone. I have 3 whole days off!!! However…… so does DP!!!!! Which I hadn’t realised until tonight. Initially super happy to get to spend time together, has turned into worry I/we won’t get anything done. I suggested seeing as we were both off, why don’t we spend some time focusing on the house….he said “let’s see” 😡

I get nothing done when dh is around, unless he’s powering through a project in which case I’ll happily help. But otherwise he makes me lazy! And I seem to have a similar effect on him.

Years and years ago, when my gran’s neighbour’s dh retired, she decreed that he wasn’t allowed downstairs before 10am so she could get her jobs done. I remember the other neighbours gossiping about her, quite scandalised that she would treat her dh like that, but now I think she might have been on to something!

Well predictably Not Much Done over the weekend. In terms of housekeeping anyway. I played a lot of piano, did some gardening, walked the dogs, watched telly. Could not get focused or motivated on the house at all. And then yesterday my mood plummeted massively and now I am really struggling and think I have to just focus on basic things and self care.

I would second "A Slob Comes Clean". She appears to have ADHD like traits and freely admits she just doesn't see things like other people and gets distracted easily. I might love her.

She is brutally honest about how bad her house was and how it still gets really bad but she has tips on how to stop it happening again and what to do about it if it does.

She always says you need a rubbish back and a donatable box. Go through each room bagging up the rubbish and anything you can donate goes in the box. Do not go through the box again, you will end up keeping things.

Then you can deal with the stuff that's left.

She also says not to make it into a huge project but do lots of little bits every day to keep on top of things or else you just end up putting it off.

She has her own very simple schedule for cleaning and how to clean things. She even had a list of things to do for if you have to do an emergency clean when your house is a state and you have unexpected guests.

Good luck with it all!

I always thought I needed to spend 4 hours on a Saturday doing a BIG CLEAN because that's what other people do but I never did it because who wants to clean for 4 hours?

I've realised it's much better to do a bit at a time so every other day I clean the bathroom sink, once a week I do the shower cubicle with a sponge on a stick thing Dana suggested and I do the toilet however often it needs it.

I clear the kitchen work surfaces and put the DW on every night and I've just realised wiping the hob every day takes less than a minute but if I leave it for a week it takes ages to scrub clean. Who knew?

My Roomba won't charge so hoovering is becoming an issue. I've yet to master mopping or even figure out when it should be done so every now and again I shuffle around with wipes on my feet and hope that's the same thing.

The Fly Lady and other versions are just too much for me, I don't care enough about skirting boards to clean them on a set schedule, I just wipe the cat hairs off with my foot if my DM is coming round.

I may not be the best person to give cleaning advice but Dana K White is!

Lurking for when I have stopped procrastinating...

I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday. We had a bit of a crisis weekend and in the evening we got home and I thought I’d start in the kitchen and work my way out. No biggie, until one of the dc wanted me to find a missing school book, and the other wanted to tell me something and dh was calling from upstairs and the cat wanted petting!

Before we started chatting on this thread I don’t think I’d have realised why I was getting cranky, but it was that combination of having too much to do in the time available and everyone disrupting my focus so that the energy to tackle the mess was draining away.

I ended up hiding in the utility room eating biscuits, unable to cope with either housework or my family 😂

Ah lego your post is so relatable! It’s awful when people suddenly pile their demands on you. Sometimes it just seems to combine to overwhelm me!

I’m not doing well with housework today, it’s been hectic. I taught online at 9am and then DD1 had a phone appt, then I got hyper focused on a puzzle and forgot to make a phone call (volunteering related). Managed in the nick of time to book DD1 onto dance class and sort out some other tutoring stuff that I ideally should’ve had ready by this morning.

Nothing has been a disaster, it’s just one of those days where I am chasing my tail and feel run into the ground by keeping a million plates spinning!

Excuse my spectacularly bad mixed metaphor there 🤣

Anyway. Think I’m a bit worn out by today so I don’t think I’ll manage anything else today. We really need to get the bathroom finished though and then work on the living room. But then where do we put the living room stuff when the rest of the house is a mess… argh! It’s like Tetris.