The ADHD/ suspected ADHD/poor executive function/ generically disorganised and overwhelmed housekeeping thread

[MissKeithsNeice]

Diagnosed adhd. Medicated (hooray!). But no amount of medication can help me do anything when my dc and dh are in the house.

Dc are teens BTW

I work 4 days a week, term time only. On Fridays, I get shit done. Dh is also term time only. By the end of the summer holidays, the house us destroyed. Its just really hard to explain how bad it is.

Dh works really hard to keep on top of it but I'm just so messy that its an impossible task.

Today is my first Friday to myself for 8 weeks. I am so excited. Its going to take weeks to get this place straight but once it is, I'm getting a cleaner.

@MissKeithsNeice and @thelegohooverer

I've recently bought an air purifier. My newish fella has a cat allergy. It seems to be helping. I put it in in the bedroom along with the Robovac then come back and damp dust.

Thanks all. Had a quietish day yesterday just kept my head down at work and did very little at home BUT still Did The Dishes, today is day 6 of following A Slob Comes Clean approach and you know what it is great. Even though the only must-do has been Do The Dishes every day, because of that one thing, so many other things have been easier and happened naturally. Cooked more proper meals at home, kept everywhere tidier. It’s a revelation honestly. Read her book/watch her videos, can’t recommend her enough.

Last night we just had toast for dinner and snugged up binge watching What We Do In The Shadows.

Am not looking forward to Day 7 though…. start second daily non-negotiable “Sweep kitchen floor”….. for me that’s a big openish space with tonnes of stuff stashed in corners that I’ll need to declutter/put away/create homes for, and my Roomba is on strike 😭 and I feel like I’ll have to mop it too, because it is gross, and I’m not going to want to keep it clear each day if it’s not de-grossified in the first place. I feel like it will take for ev er. Do you reckon that’s being unaware of time and it won’t be that bad maybe?

With supplements I have found it easier since buying myself a really cute rainbow pill organiser, and keeping it on the kitchen side by where we do all our faffing in the morning so they’re right there. When I first had lots of medicine after an injury I used an app that alerted me regularly throughout the day but then I wasn’t moving around much and mostly sat next to the meds! So I think you need 2 things to make it easier. A reminder until it becomes habit, and convenience so it’s easy to do. And honestly don’t care how superficial but the organiser being pretty to my eyes helps as well, because I enjoy using it.

@thelegohooverer

no I didn't buy the purifier. Just done an amazon shop with duplicates of mattress and pillow protectors so that keeping dds bed dust free is as easy as possible.

Its hard- I just need to keep getting stuff out the house but there's only so many hours of the day and work is all consuming mon- thu

I’m lying in bed contemplating getting up and doing something useful. I had a terrible day yesterday and was completely useless but my lovely brain compensated for my lack of energy by honing in on every stain/cobweb/flaw and making me hyper aware of all the things that need doing. There’s a small knot hole in the skirting board that I doubt anyone ever notices but now I know it’s there it will bug me. As if there isn’t enough to do. (And of course I don’t have filler, sandpaper or paint either)

When I’m well and getting stuff done I don’t see any of these things!

I ordered a robot vacuum/mop as a present to myself but it’s been stuck in the customs backlog. I haven’t even attempted to clean the floors since I ordered it. I think that will have to be a priority today. I don’t know why but I hate cleaning floors more than anything else!

Is cleaning floors just cleaning floors for you @thelegohooverer? It isn’t for me. I am going to do downstairs floors today as a daily “sweep the floor” is the second thing to be added following the plan I am doing and today is the start of week 2. But “sweeping the floor” is going to involve picking up loads of random stuff off the floor, and putting that away, and most of it doesn’t have a home. And the cat litter trays will need to be involved as well. So it’s somehow a massive task to get started on. I think it’s fair enough to find it daunting. I do.

I am most strongly consciously making the effort to for the small things that I have done, each 1 small thing is better than it was before. And keep positive mental attitude. Which is why I’m writing “I am doing X today” rather than “I am going to try” but maybe that’s setting myself up to fail!

@MissKeithsNeice how do you physically go about decluttering? Are you making more of a mess sorting piles and stuff whilst you do it so you feel can only declutter when you set aside a dedicated time to do it? How is your daily maintenance habits around the house apart from Project Declutter?

OMG I NEED THIS THREAD

Ok I am failing at project Thursday afternoon Get Stuff Done

I have had a nap, watched some videos, played with the dogs, booked a holiday, made a fancy sandwich for lunch, faffed in the garden for a bit, and fantasy shopped for decor for a room that isn’t even remotely near needing decor yet (needs gutting/replastering before anything else and is about fifth on the list of priorities of big spends).

Time to get off my arse and sweep the fucking floor isn’t it.

In my defence I have kept the dishes done.

Did you get the floor swept Lemon?

I’ve started to realise that sometimes I’m procrastinating in order to generate a head of steam. I think that creating a ridiculously huge to do list is another one of my brain’s tricks to create enough urgency to get moving. But then I don’t get through my impossible list and feel defeated afterwards. Or worse, start in the wrong place and have nothing worthwhile to show for my time and efforts. (Dana’s visibility rule helps - I’m not as inclined to spend an hour faffing with drawer liners when I should be cleaning the kitchen).

I’m lying in bed thinking of everything that I haven’t done over the last few days, but now that I’ve spotted what my brain is trying to do, I’ve lost the impetus to bother at all.

Hey. I crashed badly weds/thurs.

I should have known it was going to happen as I was really up. The physicality of the crash is overwhelming. Plus been really low.

Can't imagine ever being able to do anything in house - its all a mess.

Today is my day off. Dd needs to see Dr though so not sure if I'll get time on own or if any cleaning will happen.

Not read other posts but posting now to help keep thread alive for when I can return and engage.

Did you get the floor swept Lemon?
Yes! Kinda. I picked lots of stuff up so it is clear, did the cat litter trays properly, rehomed some clutter, and threw the old Roomba around it. So it is way better this morning. Better is good. Could it be even better still? Yes. But it is better than it was yesterday, Rome wasn’t built in a day and there is no such thing as perfect.

@MissKeithsNeice every little tiny thing that you do is a step towards the house being better. Even, throwing away rubbish as you go along. Pick up one out-of-place item and put it where it lives, or where you would look for it if you’re not sure it has a home. 10 seconds and you’ve done something to make the place better. However I think it’s totally fine to focus on your daughter today and just do bare minimum around the house. Sometimes that is what is called for. Also, if that’s the mindset you start the day with, and then if you do manage to do anything, it’s a mega-win bonus and feels great!

@LemonViolet well done. You did great!

@MissKeithsNeice handhold. I know what those crashes feel like. Some days we have to focus on the small wins - like not making a bigger mess by taking the 20 seconds to put the lid on a jar and put it away instead of just leaving it out. And when you feel your attention expanding to the entire house try to hone in one job that you can do to completion - even if it’s just picking something up and throwing it in the bin.

There are days when we can move mountains so we have to be extra kind to ourselves on the days when we get submerged.

My house is on the market just now and it’s such a struggle to keep it tidy for the viewings.

I relate so much to some of these posts. Just that inability to keep on top of the house. The expectation that once it’s done it’ll just somehow magically stay that way. It’s the keeping on and keeping on I struggle with.

I love Dana’s podcast. I’ve personally never heard her refer to ADHD but how can she not be?!

@Myadhdusername I talked dh out of moving house because I just couldn’t envision how I would manage. And also, he kept looking at bigger houses and I’m barely coping with the amount of floor we already have.

I’m not sure if I’m just lazy or if I have actual issues but I can’t motivate myself to get stuff done when dp and kids are in the house, AT ALL! My kitchen is still a bombsite from yesterday, and I can’t summon the motivation to tackle it! Ive read this thread with interest, thank you!

Does anyone have any good, seemingly minor, tricks? But that they're really pleased with.

The one I'm currently most pleased with is putting containers where I naturally will dump stuff. So instead of a lovely shoe rack (mostly empty, really need to get rid of jt), we've a basket in the hall in the location where shoes normally get dumped. By the same token, there's a laundry basket in the dining room because the kids get dressed downstairs.

Just need solutions for the rest of the house now...

It sounds like that comes from organising style. If you look at “clutterbug” on YouTube she says we are micro or macro organisers, and visual or hidden organisers, - she names them after insects but I can never remember which is which - and if we understand this about ourselves and choose systems to match then we’ll be better able to maintain those systems. So if you’re more macro than micro, you’re not going to take the time to put shoes back into their individual places inside a shoe rack, but you will maintain a system of putting them all in the same basket when you come in and don’t mind having to look through the basket to find them when you go out.

I think our organising style varies in different areas of our lives, tbh. It definitely pays off to figure out where/how you use/do something and organising your stuff/house/life around that (ie design your own system), rather than trying to change your behaviour to fit a fixed system.

I’m not really at the stage of organising the house yet, we moved last year, with boxes of clutter (not ideal - don’t do that!), it’s a do-er upper and there are whole rooms we still cannot use. So can’t really share any of my own hacks, they’d all be from past lives/houses/fantasy!

I was away over the wkend but DP was home working. He hasn’t made too much mess, he left undone dishes in the sink, but I didn’t really look last night. I’m working today and he’s off so I’m hoping he’ll sort that before I’m home tonight and then I can get back on track with my Do The Dishes plan.

Morning - can I join you please? Diagnosed adhd inattentive 18 months ago (I'm 50) and now on Elvanse 70mg after not noticing much difference with concerta (not noticing any significant difference with Elvanse yet either but going to keep going for now). Loved the declutter podcast by Dana so thanks for that, AND had no idea that not being able to do stuff with other people around was a real thing so huge thanks for that too, this was by far my biggest struggle with lockdown!

My Ds is going to uni next week and I'm secretly in mourning as I'm going to miss him so much (he's my youngest), this is mixed with excitement (for him of course) for me at getting the house to myself 5 days a week and the hope that I will be able to GET STUFF DONE! You know all the things I've been putting off for literally years? This of course makes me feel bad that it means I'm really looking forward to him leaving (vicious circle of thoughts anyone?). And of course I'm terrified that I won't actually get the stuff done (especially since the school runs added much needed structure to my days) and I then won't have any excuses left for why and I'll have to admit I'm just a failure at this whole being a wife and mother malarkey

Of course I also have a list of things I need to do before he goes (ironing, making him some extra face masks etc etc) which will no doubt be left to the last minute. And I'm worried about him going as he's had anxiety recently and he'll have to manage his own prescriptions for his adhd meds etc etc. Sorry that was a big ramble - back to the subject, you've all done well so far and I'm inspired to at least try (Dana White books already in my Amazon basket). I'm now off to get dressed and try to figure out how to rectify my shopping delivery as I forgot to check out my amendments yesterday so I need to make a list of the stuff that didn't get added which I need for this week - sigh! Good luck everyone

@Notlostjustexploring I found Mindy Starns Clark’s book The house that cleans itself very good for those kind of tips and tricks. One of my favourites is to consider sight lines and I just applied it in my playroom

• the table is messy 80% of the time so I’ve switched the furniture around so that I don’t see it from the doorway. It’s never going to be pretty because there’s always half built Lego or a paint drying or a jigsaw that isn’t finished, but it’s made a difference to my state of mind not to be always looking at it.

She has other tips that dont work for me - like having a bin in every room. I’m good at getting rubbish to the bin but terrible at getting round to emptying them.

But the basic premise is to set things up so they don’t make extra work for you.

I’ve thought of a one of my own ‘hacks’ as I was going through my day yesterday

I keep deodorant in my underwear drawer, so as I get dressed in the morning it’s right there to put on.

Bin in every room would be a disaster here too! Dogs would think they were snack stations . Yes that would just be making more work for me emptying loads of bins, which wouldn’t get done. And would you have a recycling and a waste bin in each room as well? Maybe that would have worked back in the days we didn’t separate stuff.

So I didn’t do anything last night. After the weekend away which involved lots of driving and spending time with people (enjoyable but mentally taxing with no down time to myself) I am just exhausted and last night I came home from work late, DP did dinner and I just went straight to bed after. No idea what state the place is in downstairs. I doubt the Dishes are Done though. Feeling very avoidant of the whole thing to be honest.

Don’t be hard on yourself about the dishes. It’s good habit building if you can get them done every day but real life gets in the way sometimes.

I find Dana invaluable on the days when I’m standing in the middle of the bombsite that my house can be, wondering where to start, and her voice pops into my head “do the dishes”. For me it’s knowing what to start with that makes the difference.

I’m incapable of doing anything consistently day in day out, and the more I feel I should, the more I will resist.

Amazing thread. So much of it resonates.

Does anyone pay for help and if so how do you find it?

Years ago we tried with a cleaner but couldn’t keep the place tidy enough for her to come so gave it up after only a few weeks but I’m tempted to try again soon.

I'm reading this thread wondering if I ought to to seek a diagnosis! Just at the beginning of a journey with DS.

My house is not the clean and tidy place I would like it to be. I'm overwhelmed by all the steps.

Thank you for the Slob podcast. She seems really helpful.

Again, I can only tidy etc when house is empty - assumed that was the same for everyone. Cleaning while the kids are in is like King Canute trying to hold back the tide.

I’ve had a very indulgent week and only done the bare minimum, because it’s just been too boring and I couldn’t focus. And now my backs against the wall with visitors due at the weekend.

It’s not too bad, and if I knuckle down it will be fine but instead my brain wants to focus on creating stylish vignettes for the coffee table, and repainting a wardrobe because guests and instead of sweeping and mopping the floor I want to think about putting silicone filler under a skirting board (not do it, mind you, just think about it). Sigh.