The ADHD/ suspected ADHD/poor executive function/ generically disorganised and overwhelmed housekeeping thread

[MissKeithsNeice]

Diagnosed adhd. Medicated (hooray!). But no amount of medication can help me do anything when my dc and dh are in the house.

Dc are teens BTW

I work 4 days a week, term time only. On Fridays, I get shit done. Dh is also term time only. By the end of the summer holidays, the house us destroyed. Its just really hard to explain how bad it is.

Dh works really hard to keep on top of it but I'm just so messy that its an impossible task.

Today is my first Friday to myself for 8 weeks. I am so excited. Its going to take weeks to get this place straight but once it is, I'm getting a cleaner.

@PineappleMojito waves

@HumdrumGuga yes running / doing side steps!

This is a really helpful thread. I'm newly diagnosed and weird, the drugs have helped me feel less overwhelmed but my house is still covered tin a thin veneer to Of To Do.

@GotToGoBye Thanks will give it a try!

Checking in so I don't forget I need this thread...along with the other 80 odd tabs open on my phone...ADHD? Me? Not much!

other 80 odd tabs open on my phone...
Is that not just completely standard for everyone as well?

I’m now wide awake at 5am on my one full day off this week and wondering what to do. Can’t do the two big projects for the day (drive car round the back to the garage to load tip stuff for later; or do upstairs carpets) because they are noisy things and neighbours/DP asleep.

Might just go downstairs put podcasts on, it’ll be easy to lose several hours just fiddling on my phone though due to overwhelm. Need to just pick some small visible (quiet) task and do it.

I can’t do housework with other people around either. I would end up feeling furious with dh for interrupting but I only twigged this year that the problem lies with me and not him.

Having a podcast on audio book helps me tune out distractions, especially internal ones. Sometimes I talk to myself out loud when I need to focus (that one is better when I’m alone 😂)

I’ve always felt like a bad parent for not getting my dc more involved in chores but it is torturous to me. I absolutely agree with a pp about the importance of acceptance. Now I teach the dc to do a task or give them a job to do, but as a parenting task rather than as part of getting chores done. I need the separation.

I love the tooth brushing idea.

Does anyone else listen to podcasts and you tube videos speeded up? I love that function! Sometimes I wish I could speed up real people too as I can guess about 85% of what they say and it’s hard waiting for them to get to the point.

Ok I read a bit more of A Slob Comes Clean (am on the decluttering chapters now) which gave me a push so I then put away the clean dishes, took out the recycling, and her principle is to pick visible clutter first (what a visitor would notice, not what you don’t see because it’s normal to you), and basically don’t faff thinking about it, just put it each thing where you’d look for it if you wanted it or chuck it, no middle ground of ‘to deal with later’ categories. So I picked entryway and it didn’t take long at all. Actual rubbish in bin. There was a lot of stuff that lived in the car we’d taken out for a recent trip so that went back. A few things which I’d look for in the attic probably so put shoved them up there. Some old dog car seats, we’ve bought new ones….I’d look in the garage, but they need washing, and do I need to keep them anyway now we have new ones? It’s giving me head explosion and Dana says if that happens she gets rid of it anyway….I don’t know. They’re currently on a pile of things by the back door waiting to be taken to the garage (it’s still too early to traipse down the garden to the garage just yet…..because Sunday morning…?) which I know is what Dana calls a Procrastination Station but meh whatevs…..anyway credit to me because the entryway looks great now! Well it needs cleaning and decorating and new shoe storage planned and bought and organised. But there’s a space that I envisioned having a plant stand for cacti in summer, and overwintering one my citrus trees in winter (entryway is like a conservatory style porch and south facing), and now there’s space to do that when the citrus need to move in a month or so. Maybe cacti next spring.

Have now earned some toast and sitting and cat cuddles I think.

Does anyone else listen to podcasts and you tube videos speeded up?

Sometimes, but then I get the giggles if they remind me of the chipmunks a bit and then I can’t concentrate on what they’re saying. I fill in the gaps with doing something else whilst watching/listening instead. If I really want to learn something rather than just occupy brain I often have to rewind and watch twice.

@LemonViolet that sounds brilliant. You’ve almost inspired me to get off mumsnet, out of bed and go do something!

….almost

Wow I think I’ve found my people. I’ve been convinced for a while I’ve got adhd after quite a bit of research.

I can visual the whole house - I can “feel” it, if that makes sense and the whole thing feels a mess. When it comes to tidying and a big sort out, it’s overwhelming because I basically think of all of the things that follow a particular task and then don’t want to begin. (Eg right now the study where I work and sew is an absolute mess. It really needs new desks, a better reconfiguration, new shelves etc so tidying is just 😱 and tidying is hard because it’s such a mess. I have piles and piles of work, fabrics, old electronics which I’m reluctant to throw).

I get paralysed by things.

When it comes to housework; the TOMM method did work but only when I had a year off and time alone. OR if I set a timer and made it a race to see if I could everything done in 15 mins. I can also do that with set tasks eg put the washing away, I will set a timer for ten minutes and do it. Although that isn’t working quite so well at the moment.

It doesn’t help that I’m somehow responsible in our house for so much - me/work/kids that I find it all too much.

Thankyou!!

TBH I would probably still be in bed watching YouTube and fiddling on my phone, if DP wasn’t sleeping off a late shift in there. And there’s no other tv in the house right now, our front room is inaccessible/unusable mid-decorating (has been for 10 months!!!) so I have the option of armchair in back room, or doing stuff. Am alternating between the two .

Put the old dog beds in the wash. I guess whether they’re being donated or kept they need to be clean.

Think I’m going to get dressed and walk dogs. Tip slot is at 11.30, so can load the car after that.

Wow @LemonViolet - what a morning. Well done. Waking up early rocks.

I hit the wall yesterday and spent the evening looking forward to a cracking on with housework at 5am today.

I was so excited by this that I didn't sleep til 2am. Woke up at 7 and dh already up. Now feel anxious and stuck.

I need to prioritise setting up for the week. So tidy and clean a bit rather than carry on decluttering. And no starting random DIY projects (or buying plants to pot in leca which is where my head is at right now)

I then need to make sure we all have clothes for this week. Last week was horrendous- every day I just didn't know whether I would be able to find clean underwear for myself. I already feel a lot more on top of that now.

In bad news, dds eczema flared up yesterday. She was back in school on weds and in 3 days her skin got so much better. Then one day at home and she's itchy again. I'm going to bite the bullet and splurge on a big air purifier today. We have a small one for her room but need to get a bigger one that I can move around as I declutter.

The last few days I've been really motivated but now that motivation has vanished. I just need to make sure the mess I created decluttering now doesn't become its own monster.

I just cleared my ironing pile. I decided to follow Lemon’s example after all and take advantage of the quiet house.

Of course then my family all got up and everyone wanted mum time, but after breakfast I popped my earbuds in and cracked on with the rest of the ironing.

@MissKeithsNeice that’s exactly how my wake up early plans usually go.

Sorry to hear your daughter’s skin is bad OP.

I’ve been packing to go on holiday and getting so frustrated, the house is in such a mess I couldn’t find half the things I needed. I need to take a look at that Slob Comes Clean book I think - migh download it to my kindle for holiday reading!

I rely on Flylady's 5-minute room rescues and having one room 15-minutes from company-ready.

Set a timer with a loud bell for 5 minutes. Never longer because with ADD you (I) forget and wander off and do something else. (Many times I;ve discovered I'm upstairs when the bell goes off and I was supposed to be doing the kitchen. But it;s only 5 mins, so you can reset!

In 5 mins, do as much as you can, as fast as you can with an open bin bag and a clean damp cloth. Chuck out papers, junk mail, bits of tat and rubbish that has accumulated on surfaces. Pair shoes, hang coats and bags up, chuck dirty laundry in the wash basket etc. Wipe surfaces.

It will look way better, I promise. It'll look like you tidied for half an hour.

Anytime you have 5 mins spare, set a timer and do the room that bugs you most.

The 15 mins to company ready trick is: keep one room reasonably uncluttered. Can be living room or dining room or kitchen (hard). Then if you have unexpected visitors on the way, you can make it look good in 15 mins max. Open windows. Vacuum or mop the visible areas of the floor. Plump up cushions, clear surfaces. Quick dust and polish. Then usher them into the one presentable room.

I try to do the same with the hallway - 5 minute rescues and 15 minute clean ups so that people coming to the door don't see a crazy tip of a house.

Nice one @thelegohooverer

Be kind to yourself @MissKeithsNeice you’ve achieved masses already and Rome wasn’t built in a day. Just do one thing at a time today and don’t think about what else ‘needs’ doing until you’ve done the last thing. Just basics to make things easier in the coming week like clothes and getting other stuff ready, and if you end up flaking out for a while, no biggie. And make sure to have some fun/relax time as well, that’s just as important .

DP just casually announced as he left for work that he has a friend coming over tomorrow when he has his day off. Aaargghhh!!!! Even though I won’t be here and it’s DP’s friend I still feel really uncomfortable about the state of the house.

Room for one more?

I'm a single mum now so not so much a worry with having a DP round
to hinder me but the guilt I feel when I'm cracking on with cleaning/jobs whilst ADHD DS is plugged into his Xbox is energy sapping. And in leaving him to it I'm just storing up trouble for later on in the day.

DIY perhaps a bigger issue for me. I love it, I'm quite good at it but I was most productive when I lived alone years ago. I miss those times..... Now I just have a house full of unfinished jobs which depresses me no end.

I'm on anti depressants and feel without them I just go to pieces. Have been trialling medication after a private diagnosis of ADD but feel life is just so busy that I can't even give myself space to be mindful of whether or not they are helping.

Can I ask those that are in meds what dosage you are on?

@iggly a 15 minute timer might be too long? I use 8m as my standard and go down to 4m when I'm really struggling.

@adhdpunchbag elvanse 40mg. Was on 30mg for over a year and only just gone up.

I'm on 30mg EquasymXL. I suppose I feel it should be a game changer as it has been for DS, school's so much easier for him. Still wfh which doesn't help and just generally swamped with work for the time being.

@LemonViolet yes, sorry, maybe it is normal. Both my children are midst assessment for ASD and ADHD and I've noticed things gradually with them that resonate with my way of doing things, but I've not been diagnosed so maybe I'll duck out as I'm in the wrong place. I've found a lot of this useful for them and me though and maybe it'll help me feel less overwhelmed by everything I need to do as a full time working single parent, but if I'm in the wrong place it have upset anyone with my comment sorry.

@HumdrumGuga

Has anyone read Gabor Mate's book? Scattered Minds:The Origins and Healing of ADD?

I swing between thinking I have it and thinking I don't. A Slob Comes Clean honestly worked so incredibly ridiculously well for me, it was like a lightbulb going off. And now I still listen to keep myself "in the zone". I think an ADD diagnosis would probably explain a lot.

No but I have it on Audible (find it hard to read a book without getting distracted... 🙄). I've so many things to read and listen to with regards to me and DS I don't know where to start.

I expected it to be hard going but it really isn't, let me know what you think if you read it, I feel I can't talk about these things "in real life" as it were. The author has ADD himself which is pretty interesting.

Commenting so I can return to this thread. I’ve realized over the past year that I may have ADHD and would like to start pursuing a diagnosis. And I really need help with decluttering. 😬