Please will you kindly support and advise me, as I try to help a friend sort out his home?

[EatingTheElephantInChunks]

Yesterday I started to try to help a friend sort out his home. If I tell you that it took me nearly 3 hours to clear a space on the bathroom floor about 3ft x 4ft, you will probably understand how things are. Today I did a little better. In about 2 hours I cleared another space the same size, which meant I could open a cupboard. Two shelves were almost empty, so I was able to clean those and use them for storage. I will carry on next time with the other 2 shelves and continue clearing the bathroom floor.

It was very satisfying to get rid of a whole binbag of rubbish yesterday and a half bag today, plus a bag and a half of recycling, and a small bag of confidential waste to shred. There is a folding storage crate of things to keep so far, but I'll go through that again to see if I've missed anything that should be thrown out or recycled.

My friend has got into this situation after many years of serious illness and close bereavements, has no family left and few friends, certainly not really close ones. He has been at the stage for several years where he doesn't have visitors. He needs many repairs and much decorating doing, and is getting to the stage where carers visiting would be helpful. I am hoping to get him to the stage where that will be possible. He is such a nice guy, and it's a shame that life has gradually got smaller and smaller for him over the years. It must be terribly lonely.

I feel honoured that he has trusted me with the truth of how things are. I can't talk to anyone IRL as I know it's essential to protect his privacy, and I have changed my username in case anyone makes the connections. I could do with some mumsnet wisdom and support! I have never felt such a sense of achievement over a bit of floorspace 3ft x 4ft, but equally the enormity of the task hit me.

COPYRIGHT NOTICE
The author - writing under the pseudonym EatingTheElephantInChunks - claims and owns the copyright of all her posts dated on and after 14th August 2018 as her intellectual property and as a moral right and which are all her own individual and original work. Reproduction in whole or part or any other use is strictly prohibited without her prior written permission.

[Edited by MNHQ at posters request]

I mentioned sometimes it feeling like being on a rollercoaster ride, so strap yourselves in! Thankfully, after some wine, sugar and carbohydrates (!), sleep and the passage of time, I've got enough of my equilibrium back to write about it in a calmer way and will live to fight another day.

Let's start with the good news, shall we?

1. I have emptied the old dishwasher, womanhandled it outside and cleared, vacuumed and first-mopped the floor underneath, the sink unit side and the wall behind.
2. The Dreaded Fridge, Dreaded Freezer, dishwasher, a large item from the garden and two bulky items from the landing have been collected and gone to the recycling centre in the sky.
3. The spanking new freezer has been delivered and is up, working and even has items in it including ice cream cones in three flavours, ice fruity lollies and ice cubes for G&Ts.
4. The spanking new toaster is atop the freezer and ready for action.

But, as ever, there is devil in the detail.

1. The dishwasher was plumbed in and the fittings had seized and rusted up over time. Eventually I had to saw through them with a large carving knife, probably looking quite deranged as I brandished it.
2. The dishwater had Deathly Water in one pipe, which, as I cut through it, flew all over me. Rather foolishly after the DAs, I had not been prepared for this.
3. Someone was very unkind and help expected to get the electrical and bulky items to the edge of the property did not materialise. By this time, it was dark, and time was of the essence - the collection team were coming very early next day and had been booked and paid for - and so I had to move them all myself. It was hard. I was already tired, achy and a bit upset and fed up on the inside. It was quite a long way, some of it was narrow, some of it was uneven. Frogs, toads, slugs and snails also had to be negotiated. My torch batteries failed. When it started to rain heavily on me as well, I actually cried. It felt like the final insult and I was feeling quite sorry for myself by this point.
4. The eagle-eyed will have noticed that a new fridge is not mentioned in the success stories. That is because - one was delivered along with the freezer of course - after I had cleaned it and let it stand for the required time, it did not work.
5. The items on the supermarket delivery I had excitedly ordered for my friend's spanking new fridge - at least the ones that couldn't be frozen - had to be sent back.
6. The large retailer, seemingly not as interested once they have your money, has not rushed to sort out the necessary exchange, despite my polite but firm eventual jumping up and down. They are now saying the fridge is out of stock and can't immediately give a redelivery and collection date, despite having rather a lot of money which they will no doubt hold onto for a while anyway if I cancel. The faulty fridge is sitting there in the kitchen and I'd quite like to kick it.

So there you have it. I know reading it it might seem like just a storm in a tea cup and it probably is, but I think it was putting so much into it, and wanting it all to go right, and having to unexpectedly move the heavy items in those conditions on my own and on top of the fridge being faulty. I might have felt like I had no choice but to move the items, but I did make the choice to, and so I have had to take responsibility for it and stop feeling so sorry for myself. The best laid schemes o' mice an' elephants and all that. We live to chunk another day.

The funny thing is, both my friend and I keep thinking there is a gas leak or a burner on the hob has been accidentally knocked on, so unaccustomed are we to hearing the noise of an actual live freezer humming away in the kitchen!

Take care everyone. I hope things are going ok or even better in your world.

Thanks for the update and getting it down on paper. I hope you find it cathartic and can look back in satisfaction of what you've actually achieved which is awesome. It must hurt a bit when you've been tackling this all on your own and you've been let down but good on for rolling up your sleeves and getting the job done.

We keep our thick white bread in the freezer and it goes straight in the toaster so there's something you can enjoy.

You've really got so much spirit about you. I am full of admiration for your tenacity and way with words.

I think you are fabulous!

One question, is your friend physically incapable of helping you move heavy items like the DA's ? (I can't remember,, sorry)

Regardless, it seems so wrong that you are risking injury to move that sort of stuff alone. If he can't help you, would he not accept you need some alternative backup other outside help, (if only just for the heavy moving?)

Gosh I read your opening post yonks ago then happened across this today. Love your ambition and tenacity. I think you are a great friend. What a project - what a difference.

What an achievement!!!

Oh Ele, I felt your frustration at having to battle through when you'd been let down. It cuts so deep in those situations doesn't it, and then for the new fridge not to work, uugggh (please don't kick it, it hurts! 😉). Hopefully they'll sort something out soon.
My washing machine problem turned out to be the house electrics 😳. Hey Ho, but thankfully all fixed now.
Well ice cubes for the G&T is a good start. Have you sharpened your machete for the hallway? 🐘🐘
(oh and just so you know you're the reason I have an elephant emoji in my frequently used emoji selection! 🤣)

I'm so happy for you getting rid of the DA's. You've made some great progress this month.
It is shit about the new fridge not working but are you 100% it's the fridge and not the electrics that is the issue?

Hello again everyone. Thank you to Educating, Ulysses, Spring, Quality, Random, Pash and vandal. Welcome back, Quality.

I will reply later but I just wanted to update on yesterday's chunks:

1. I re-mopped the floor in the hall doorway, inside and out, and the lower half of the door on both sides.
2. I re-mopped the floor, wall and sink side where the old dishwasher had been and moved the twin tub into that space. Unfortunately the outside wall and sink unit on it look quite damp.
3. I re-washed the side of the cooker on the fridge side and re-mopped the wall and floor where the old fridge was and where the new unfridge still sits, mocking me .
4. The space between the hall door and new freezer was a little tight and I realised I needed to move the cooker up a little bit. I had intended to leave under and behind the cooker for a later date, but just moving it a few inches along made me realise that it really needed attention. I edged it forward and out of the space and unfortunately I was unexpectedly back in Moth and Spider Heaven/Hell! Packaging and so on had also gone underneath over the years from in front of the cooker. I cleared it all out, gave it a good vacuum and mopping with my usual mix. The fan was very densely covered and I hope by vacuuming that clear it will have improved safety and help the cooker to work more efficiently. It wasn't a job I had planned, but I'm glad it is done because it would have been a hidden source of insects and dampness - and the smell of dampness - in the kitchen. It's much better to have the new freezer and - one day! - new fridge next to too. Inexplicably, the broken cooker clock suddenly started working again afterwards, as if the cooker had heaved a sign of relief for the spruce up and was saying thank you!
5. I vacuumed webs on the wall and ceiling over the cooker, freezer and fridge. I don't know whether I had missed them, forgotten them or they are new ones - anything is possible!
6. Unfortunately and fortunately, just as I had finished all this and about to pack up for the day and go home, there was a ceiling fall! Thankfully only small and thankfully not on me as I had only just moved from that area! From where it is in the corner by the back door and how it looks, it has been caused by an old unpleasant leak. I pulled and vacuumed off any more loose bits, and then had to vacuum, re-mop and clean the floor and back door I had already done. I was not happy but, as I said, it could have been worse!

To finish on a nicer note:

1. I found and washed an old vase, filled it with sunflowers and put it on top of the non-fridge with a new mug tree and some favourite mugs.
2. I put the newish bin back in place and added two fancy new stacking recycling storage and sorting boxes - no more splitting bags with various recycling spilling out - and also they can be carried to the wheelie bin and just tipped in. The food waste caddy also fits on top of them and I added tubs - just old ice cream tubs I had saved for the purpose - of wild bird food for ease of use by the back door. I couldn't find the smart new door mat, but that can go down too now when I do.

One problem I'm finding, as demonstrated above, is that one chunk exposes or leads to another, and another, and another.....

Apologies - sigh of relief. Although it might have been a sign too.

Oh blimey, glad you're ok! As long as no giant boulders turn up now.... think getting a plasterer is like gold dust atm anyhow so the ceiling should dry out nicely before you can find one / your friend feels comfortable letting them in. Are you certain the leak is an old one? (Sorry to be a pessimist, but having just re-sealed our shower tray I'm in a suspicious frame of mind (two electrical outages this week caused by historic leaks (hopefully they were historic!))

You are bloody amazing. I posted early in the thread and have read on and off and cannot believe you are still going.

I'm going to come back with replies and an update, but let me get right to the point.

Very, very late last night - it could even have been very, very early this morning, I'm not quite sure - my friend and I fine dined on the most delicious-tasting scrambled eggs on toast at the kitchen table. The lovely new oilcloth tablecloth was in place, I had moved the sunflowers over from the nonfridge, there were placemats involved, a lamp cast a warm glow and three chairs were available for three backsides including the cat's. My friend was absolutely delighted but also shocked to be sitting there, there was something in my eye and even the cat approved, especially when a small amount of scrambled egg became available. We toasted our presence with mugs of tea only, so late was it and so tired was I and still needing to get my achy self home to bed. My friend could have breakfast at his kitchen table this morning, should he so wish.

Happy days.

Hello again everyone, thank you as always to Pash and thank you and a warm welcome back to Peri.

Some late replies - apologies.

Yes, there is a working fireplace in the kitchen, Educating. Funnily enough, we were only talking - at the table - last night about being able to get the sweep in soon and how good it will be to start lighting the fire in the Autumn if not before on chilly, wet days. I will look for a dehumidifier with a timer or compatible with one - thanks.

After your nudge, Ulysses, I have added some thick-sliced white bread to my friend's order, thanks! Any more ideas for freezer essentials? So far he has ice cream, ice lollies, ice cubes, and I have added strawberries, raspberries and blueberries to the order. It is only a three drawer one. Anyone else like to suggest anything?

My friend isn't able to help me, Spring, and it wasn't him who let me down. He had very readily agreed that I should have someone to help me move the heavy and bulky items for collection, especially as it was all being done outside.

It is definitely the fridge, vandal, not the electrics, but I appreciate the suggestion to check. The retailer is claiming they will do the fridge exchange this coming week, Pash, but they have led me a merry dance and I wouldn't order from them again. Things do wrong from time to time, I accept that, but it is how a company puts that right that matters. I'm so sorry to hear about your electrics and glad it is resolved now! I will stand the twin tub down - hopefully! - but alas, no gin fee now. Don't Mention The Hallway!!! And I believe you about the elephant emojis, thousands wouldn't.

Update to follow.

If you have a COOK shop anywhere near by a few of their ready meals might be good, they are lovely and are an excellent standby. Maybe a small 1 pint of milk, butter also freezes well. Hard to know what else to suggest....unless they're a fan of fishfingers in which case you're sorted. . When DH is out we do have the occasional fishfinger sandwich for tea! It sounds lovely having been able to sit at the table, good work. 🐘🐘

I love the sounds of your meal. Actually I love the sound of you. This should be a newspaper column. Frailties and friendship with a side order of optimism and tenacity.

I hope the fridge is soon sorted. I am about to go and give my washing machine the eye and see if it’s error code is off again. I currently have Covid and yet my children don’t stop needing clothes and towels - I may have to get them washing it all in the bath! Let’s hope your fridge is here sooner rather than later - no excuse is there!

Frozen veg is always a good one for adding to a meal, especially when only cooking for one or two. We usually have frozen peas, broccoli, cauliflower, & spinach when I can find it.
When I lived alone I often got frozen chopped peppers, mushrooms & onions, as otherwise I wasted veg.
I've heard good things about frozen mash too, as a quick side.
We usually have sweet potato fries, prawns, white fish, pizza dough (I made extra & freeze) and emergency fish fingers.

@AwkwardPaws27

Frozen veg is always a good one for adding to a meal, especially when only cooking for one or two. We usually have frozen peas, broccoli, cauliflower, & spinach when I can find it. When I lived alone I often got frozen chopped peppers, mushrooms & onions, as otherwise I wasted veg. I've heard good things about frozen mash too, as a quick side. We usually have sweet potato fries, prawns, white fish, pizza dough (I made extra & freeze) and emergency fish fingers.

The M&S frozen mash is gorgeous-very creamy It comes as little frozen rounds, so easy to take what you need. I also keep loads of soffrito mix-I just throw handfuls into casseroles and sauces.

Potato waffles can go in the toaster!

I'm new to this thread and can't claim to have read all of your posts, OP, but I have made a note of Late Fragment for use next month.

May I suggest some veg for the freezer? Peas, mixed veg, or spinach would all work well and are quick from frozen to add to pasta sauce or whatever.

Also, i hope your experience of rose in vase and sunflowers in jug have convinced you of the importance of the finishing touch but if it helps there is science to back the importance of these things. The polish/cherry on top is proven to be important in helping to make sure things stay spick and span.
What a wonderful friend you are. Thank you for writing about it here.

Hello again everyone and thank you to Pash, Marg, Paws, sue, Ulysses and Palavah and a warm welcome too to Marg and Palaver. I will reply and update on Thread 2 as I'm concerned about running out of space to say a fond and grateful farewell to Thread One and to all the herd who have been here for all or just some of it - and that includes you lurkers too.

Nellie The Elephant packed her trunk
And trundled off to the new thread
Off she went with a trumpety-trump
Trump, trump, trump.

The head of the herd was calling
Far, far away
They met one night
In the silver light
On the road to Chunkaway.

So Nellie The Elephant packed her trunk
And said goodbye to the old thread
Off she went with a trumpety-trump
Trump, trump, trump.

Hope to see you all over on Thread 2. In the meantime, one last take good care everyone for now - and my sincere and heartfelt thanks again. So many s on this thread.