Please will you kindly support and advise me, as I try to help a friend sort out his home?

[EatingTheElephantInChunks]

Yesterday I started to try to help a friend sort out his home. If I tell you that it took me nearly 3 hours to clear a space on the bathroom floor about 3ft x 4ft, you will probably understand how things are. Today I did a little better. In about 2 hours I cleared another space the same size, which meant I could open a cupboard. Two shelves were almost empty, so I was able to clean those and use them for storage. I will carry on next time with the other 2 shelves and continue clearing the bathroom floor.

It was very satisfying to get rid of a whole binbag of rubbish yesterday and a half bag today, plus a bag and a half of recycling, and a small bag of confidential waste to shred. There is a folding storage crate of things to keep so far, but I'll go through that again to see if I've missed anything that should be thrown out or recycled.

My friend has got into this situation after many years of serious illness and close bereavements, has no family left and few friends, certainly not really close ones. He has been at the stage for several years where he doesn't have visitors. He needs many repairs and much decorating doing, and is getting to the stage where carers visiting would be helpful. I am hoping to get him to the stage where that will be possible. He is such a nice guy, and it's a shame that life has gradually got smaller and smaller for him over the years. It must be terribly lonely.

I feel honoured that he has trusted me with the truth of how things are. I can't talk to anyone IRL as I know it's essential to protect his privacy, and I have changed my username in case anyone makes the connections. I could do with some mumsnet wisdom and support! I have never felt such a sense of achievement over a bit of floorspace 3ft x 4ft, but equally the enormity of the task hit me.

COPYRIGHT NOTICE
The author - writing under the pseudonym EatingTheElephantInChunks - claims and owns the copyright of all her posts dated on and after 14th August 2018 as her intellectual property and as a moral right and which are all her own individual and original work. Reproduction in whole or part or any other use is strictly prohibited without her prior written permission.

[Edited by MNHQ at posters request]

little de humidifier, that should have said, obviously. There's already enough humidity to last a lifetime...

That's a good point about the tank size, Chem. Guilty as charged on the anthropomorphising!

Thanks also Chem for the link to the Tide cold water clean detergent liquid. That one is out of stock but they do have it in the pods. Unfortunately it is £42 for 32 pods, needing one to three per wash! It looks like a Canadian product for Procter and Gamble and sold mainly in America. On the Target website in the US, the pods are $21.49 for 73 and the liquid is $11.99 for 92oz. Do you - or does anyone - happen to know of anywhere in the UK selling it more cheaply than Amazon - you mentioned it being for sale elsewhere? It was a similar issue with the Cold Power laundry powder I found on eBay - that is about £200 and sent from Australia!

Thanks also Chem and Paws for the pet laundry bag idea - that will be useful for me, never mind my friend. It would be nice not to be vacuuming things before they go in, clearing out the filter as often, forensically going around the drum with a piece of wet kitchen paper and running an empty rinse wash - and still finding hairs. I assume you put the pets' laundry in the bag and not put the actual pets in?! Do not try this at home

Despite my expressed intention to do another kitchen floor chunk yesterday, it was a good drying day and so instead I used the time and the twin tub new toy to help my friend have some lovely clean bedding. So far I have been using up some old Ecover laundry liquid and adding some Dettol laundry disinfectant when the water is at the lowest level, adding a couple of kettles of boiling water, turning it on for a minute to mix it up and then filling with cold to the maximum water level. It is a bit of a faff and quite physical work, with the heavy wet washing, hosepipe, outdoor tap and mop bucket. My back is in disagreement again. I don't really have the time you mention needed for a twin tub, Chem. It all looks and smells so much better though and it seems the best option at the moment, so it's worth it. Again, it seems like another bit of 'home' returning.

Sorry about the price of the detergent, I didn’t notice it. It just came up when I googled “cold water detergent U.K.”. Maybe starting a separate thread on that might be worth while. I know someone on MN works in development for a detergent manufacturer and may well be able to advise. The amount you need per wash is always exaggerated (many moons ago I too worked on a company that made washing powder but not in that part. We did, however, go to a presentation where they were very proud of getting people to use more than they needed to.)
I think that adding a coupe of kettles of boiling water is probably making the water warm enough for normal detergent. Bio powder works better in warm water than in hot water. Does the twin tub have a heater? I’m sure my mum’s used to, back in the day (ie circa 1975).
You don’t need to change the water for every load, unless you’re washing very dirty stuff. Just top up with more hot water. It is hard work, though, slopping the wet stuff from the wash side to the spin side, I remember it well.

I assume you put the pets' laundry in the bag and not put the actual pets in?!

Indeed - in fact it actually said this on the cardboard packaging my laundry bag came in!

@Eating. Ariel gel can be used in a cold wash. I haven't tried it myself, but their website says you can) And I think most supermarkets sell it, also Amazon and B and M.

Hello again everyone and thank you sue, Paws and Chem.

That's so funny, Paws - and very apt username too for this point! Would you mind saying or PM'ing which pet laundry bag you have, how much and how big it is please - could it fit, for example, one of those large squashy cat igloo beds or a large dog coat? Not elephant-sized, I hope?! Does it catch all the hair and fur or just most of it?

The tip about the Ariel was great, sue. I looked at their website and they recommend their pods - the three in one ones, I think - for cold water. They seem to be encouraging us all to wash laundry in cold water when possible, for environmental reasons, say it's generally better for the items' longevity too and quote a 60% saving on energy use. Something to think about.

Some items Ariel still recommend warmer temperatures for and some of these mirror my usually washing our bedding and towels at home at 60 degrees. I suppose adding the Dettol laundry disinfectant for anything like that at my friend's should work? I'm adding it to every wash at the moment for him, until everything starts to get a bit cleaner, but will stop doing that eventually.

I looked quickly at the Ecover website - as previously mentioned, I've been using up some old Ecover. I couldn't find a reference to cold water but then found a laundry detergent review elsewhere which recommended Ecover Zero liquid for cold water. I think that's a newer version, but something to bear in mind, and like Ariel is probably widely available and at normal prices.

The review's top spot went to the Tide cold water clean you linked to, Chem! Just a pity I can't seem to find it other than at import prices like the Cold Power one too and I suppose you have to think about the miles it's travelling. I would like to try it though, if it pops up more cheaply somewhere. Very interesting and sadly unsurprising about the work presentation - I have a friend who always uses half the recommended amount and says it works perfectly.

The twin tub doesn't have a heater, Chem. They are made mainly of plastic these days and quite lightweight, rather than the metal tank-like indestructible behemoths our mothers used! I can't remember my mother's having a heater. I think she filled it from the hot and cold taps with a hose attachment but I was very, very, young so can't be absolutely certain, and she is no longer with us to ask. Apart from the couple of kettles I add to low water at the start to mix the detergent up, the water comes straight from outside in a hosepipe and is completely cold for washing, topping up and rinsing. The instructions say no water above 50 degrees - no danger of that! - because it would basically melt the machine. The instructions also say to wash, drain the tub, rinse in the tub, then spin in the dryer. That seemed more time-consuming and wasteful. I remembered my mother reusing the water and rinsing in the spinner, and so I do what she did - and as you suggest, Chem. I start with the whites, then lights, then colours, then darks, and adding in an assessment of dirtiness too - starting with the cleanest and working down, obviously! The tub water is quite the colour at the end - that will get better over time as the huge backlog clears and things are washed regularly - but I make sure the final rinse water runs clear. I fully intend to teach my friend how to use it - fear not, everyone - but I'm aware at the moment the faff and heavy work of having to fill, top up and rinse using the outdoor tap and hosepipe, and spin and drain the tub using the mop bucket, would all be a bit too much.

Even my back needed a day off twin tubs and chunking yesterday and has needed three cups of builders' tea to get going this morning.

Until next time, take care Herd - old and new, posters and lurkers.

Tell a lie - it was ebay, not amazon.
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Pet-Laundry-Bag-for-Washing-Machine-Large-size-UK-OFFICIAL-SELLER-/273850731794?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&_trksid=p2349624.m46890.l49286&mkrid=710-127635-2958-0

Mine is large (80 x 70cm), but I only half fill it usually as if I stuffed it full I'd struggle to get it in the washing machine. I can easily wash a cat bed & blanket together, or the dog coat, harness and towel in one go.

It's a decent thickness material so no hair escapes - until you unzip it. I try and dry my pet stuff outside where possible, so usually unzip the bag outside to hang up the pet stuff. I hang the bag up to dry too and find most fluff drops to the bottom and can be fished out. Otherwise a good shake inside-out gets it out.

Hello again everyone and thank you Paws - that was really helpful.

Time for a small update.

I have made the most of the good drying weather and dinky new toy and my friend now has clean clothes, bedding, towel and tea towels again and spare sets of each. There is always quite a bit of water splashed around - especially if my concentration slips for a minute with a fast-filling mop bucket or I accidentally drop the hosepipe! - and so each time I've used the twin tub I've mopped the cleared sections of the kitchen floor afterwards, and so that is helping with the floor too.

I've also managed now to clear the chunk of floor between the end of the kitchen table and the cooker, right down to floor level, and it has had several mops with my usual mix of washing up liquid and disinfectant. Having been walked on, it was quite compacted and just about all a job for lifting and scraping with the garden spade, with nothing saved. Now, however, it is fit to be walked on in socks or even bare feet and the bottom oven door can be easily, fully and safely opened. Unfortunately that now means I will have to get around to cleaning the oven at some point! Any tips for doing this, please - when it hasn't been done for many years - very welcome.

I think my next job will be to clear the floor under the end of the kitchen table and then I can get under the table and clean the underside of it. I'm not sure what I'll wear to protect my hair yet - the choice between scarf, tea towel, shower cap or a combination of two or all three is dizzying!

After that it will actually be possible to take the chairs down and bring the table back in to use! I think the protective pad might be ok but I will need to order a new oil cloth table cloth if anyone can recommend any good suppliers of those please?

I still have some chunks of the floor to do - firstly in front of the freezer up to the end of the kitchen table and along to level with the end of the moth unit, secondly from there along to the hall door down the side of the freezer, thirdly quite a long strip from the end of the moth unit along the wall to the hall door, and lastly in the alcove on the fireplace wall in the corner by the dresser. I think the alcove can wait till the end as it is mainly in plastic storage boxes by the look of it, as can pulling out all the appliances, moth unit and dresser to do behind, underneath and inside them. The moth unit drawer is still stuck, for those wondering! It just seems more important to get the majority of the kitchen clear, clean, accessible and usable. I know I'm probably tempting fate and jinxing myself, but I have set myself a target to achieve this by the anniversary of starting: 14th August. Wish me luck, everyone - all prayers, thoughts, wishes, positive vibes, spells and so on, welcome and probably needed!

Best wishes one and all and take good care

Actually - to correct myself - I started on 13th August. Better get a wriggle on if I've got a day less...

For cleaning the oven I would recommend Oven Pride. You do the racks in a bag of cleaner and then apply the liquid (which is basically sodium hydroxide) to the inside of the oven, leaving then wipe off and rinse. It is very easy and very effective. I would recommend taking the door off the oven if you can, it's then easier to get to the inside and to clean the door itself.
For the table, could you take it outside, turn it on its side and hose it down? John Lewis has a good selection of oil cloth, search PVC tablecloth fabric. I'm sure it can also be found elsewhere.

Our oven was grim when we moved in - a ceramic hob scraper (couple of quid off ebay) was brilliant for getting all the baked on stuff off of the glass door. Check the rubber door seal, if it has one - ours had perished & needed replacing.
The Pink Stuff cleaning paste is also great. I found the oven cleaning kits great for the racks but the inside needed more elbow grease.

Can you use some of the money you've found to get a professional oven cleaner in? I've got someone here at the moment to do my freestanding cooker, and it'll cost £75.00

Delurking to say have a look for Aurikatariina on YouTube and Instagram - she’s a Finnish lady who cleans her followers’ houses for free. She helps people who have mental health conditions, the elderly, people with physical disabilities etc. As a result their houses are usually pretty dirty and full of stuff so her cleaning tips would actually be very helpful in your situation I think. I know she sprays on oven cleaner and covers it with cling film to let it sit for a while to do the work for her.

Also I really love this thread and think you are a wonderful human, you deserve only good things in life ❤️

Sounds like you're going great guns Ele and you've got a month to go so sounds doable. I think previous suggestions for the oven sound good. Sadly vicious chemicals seem to be the only answer.
I think a shower cap might the easiest option for hair coverage if not the most glamorous. . Might be worth giving the moth drawer some extra wiggles if you get the heat wave they've been muttering about.
Keep chunking! 🐘🐘

Hello all and thank you Chem, Paws, sue, Meg and Pash - and a warm welcome to Meg too.

The table is much too large and heavy to turn on its side, over or get outside, Chem. I'm not on social media, Meg, but I can certainly take a look on YouTube. One issue with the month, Pash, is that it also falls within the summer holidays and so I'm not sure how that's going to work!

I've chunked again like we did last summer, yeah and I now only have one box full to clear and the floor to clean under the table. It has been a sad job at the end of the table, going back well over 15 years, and I have to admit I did shed some tears. More practical treasures found were a fork missing from a set, a missing cooker knob and a Paddington Bear 50p piece, which made me think of the hard stares I'd get from pps for letting this upset me so. Take care everyone. I hope you're enjoying the sunshine and warmth. I am just enjoying a long, cool G&T and watching the sunset to de-stress a little, before going inside with the family for the evening.

It is amazing to read about your work and progress.

For the table would it be possible to Hoover underneath blindly before going under? Or use a stiff brush from the side? Anything to avoid the horror of stuff falling on your head. Long rubber gloves and a wallpaper scraper?

This threat is awesome. Thanks :P

I'm so pleased to see the chunking is going so excellently.
Hopefully you've been able to have a few gins with your friend in this nice weather.

I’ve read this entire thread over the past couple of days while breastfeeding and it’s made me feel so warm and fuzzy, you’ve come so far! What a wonderful lady you are Your friend is so lucky to have you. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by my house lately - the actual rooms aren’t cluttered but the garage has become a dumping ground and the cupboards all need a good rejig. Feeling very motivated now, so amazing that you’ve stuck at it and kept chipping away! As others have said you write beautifully too!

I can basically repeat everything @twodogsandababy just said (apart from the BF part ).

I was thinking of you while I was working away in the garden and garage the other day and wondering where to start with it all.

I also grew up in a house that was chaotic with mess and clutter and a single mum of 3 who didn't cope well so what you are doing for your friend is a wonderful act of kindness. I hope they can get to a point where they don't feel ashamed of their surroundings.

Hello again everyone. Sincere thanks to cake, Chem, Melissa, vandal, Twodogs and Ulysses and a warm welcome too to Melissa, Twodogs and Ulysses.

Update to follow...

It's a 'best laid plans' one again, I'm afraid, but - fear not - there are some positives!

The heat here has been quite something! Whilst the sunshine, warmth, blue skies and change from the cold, grey and rain has been a rare, beautiful and welcome thing, the sheer heat of the highest temperatures has taken its toll on what has been achievable. It is quite physical work and the quite oppressive, airless atmosphere indoors and at the back of the house has combined with family commitments - for example, DCs on various trips to shop, wash, pack and ferry around some distances for - and a lack of sleep with the stifling nights here, to conspire against me this last week, I'm afraid.

But I have achieved a few things - just in other ways to those planned.

Firstly, at quite short notice and only quite locally, I managed to arrange and help my friend to go away for a few days. He has come back tired and a bit overwhelmed, I think, but also a little rejuvenated in other ways. I think the short break from his four walls has done him some good, he worried less being quite close by and so it has been a positive on the whole.

Secondly, I have progressed a few things:

1. The pet laundry bag is here. No pet will be harmed.
2. Taking advantage of the good drying weather and my friend being away, I have washed and dried his winter quilt, blankets, mattress cover and pillow protectors. My advice to anyone thinking of washing a winter-weight quilt in a twin tub is don't! It actually washed ok, and I managed to drain the water off and rinse it in the washer part too, but cramming it into the spinner and getting it to spin was a battle I eventually won but wouldn't recommend! Still, it is done now and all fresh-looking and smelling and ready for Autumn/Winter.
3. I have ordered the new oilcloth tablecloth for the kitchen table.
4. I have booked for the Dreaded Appliances - fridge, freezer and less-dreaded dishwasher - to be collected for recycling!!!
5. I have ordered a new fridge and freezer for delivery!!!

Fortunately or unfortunately, what booking the collections of old and the delivery of new does, is commit me to tackling the Dreaded Appliances. Most of you will know that I have been putting this off For Some Considerable Time. The washing machine will have to wait because it is just too cumbersome and heavy to manage to get out on my own. A new one couldn't be plumbed in and used yet anyway, so that is on hold until the kitchen is ready for someone else to come in and do the lugging and also for a plumber to come in and tackle the leaks. I can get the dishwasher out as it is a slimline one and close to the door. I haven't ordered a new one yet as again it couldn't be plumbed in to use, but I can use the vacated space to put the twin tub in the meantime, rather than it sticking out in front of the sink.

The job I am of course dreading is - the clue's in the name! - the Dreaded Fridge and the Dreaded Freezer. Not only will I have to get them outside and round to the collection point on the property, I will have to get them out full, hoping they don't leak, and then empty them. I am taking the safety advice kindly given earlier on the thread to empty them outside and will wear a mask, gloves, plastic apron and also clothes to change out of. Maybe a shower cap too!

So this is what is focussing the mind and body over the coming week. I have bargained on the weather being cooler. To achieve it, I need to:

1. Clear the last box from under the end of the table and clean that bit of the floor.
2. Clean the underside of the kitchen table. I have already given it a vacuum from arm's length and will definitely be using Chem's idea to use a long handled stiff brush too before I venture bodily underneath!
3. I can then take the chairs down, remove the old oilcloth and - I'm looking forward to this bit! - put on the new.
4. Clear and clean the chunks of floor in front and alongside the old freezer.
5. Womanhandle the fridge and then the freezer outside and clean the floor, wall, cooker sides and ceiling underneath, behind, alongside and above.
6. Empty the dishwasher, elephanthandle it outside and clean the floor, wall, sink unit side and ceiling underneath, behind, alongside and above it. Move the twin tub into the space.
7. Be brave and empty the fridge and freezer.
8. Drink gin and eat cake or/and chocolate.

There will be a temporary lack of work surfaces without the fridge, freezer and dishwasher tops, so I will have to work out the logistics there. It does feel like a mountain, an elephant-sized task, but as ever I am trying to think of it one chunk at a time. It would have been lovely for my friend to have come back to a 'ta dah' moment, but real life isn't like that and I hope there will still be a more gradual one this coming week.

All tips and motivations welcome, as always. All the very best with your own chunking, Ullysses and congratulations on your baby, Twodogs - to be honest, remembering those breastfeeding times very well, I think you've possibly got enough on to be worrying about garages and cupboards just now?! Take care everyone and I hope you're enjoying some slightly cooler weather.

The time has come and the time is now.

Plumbing in a dishwasher and washing machine to existing fittings is very easy, but I see you say there are leaks to deal with first. You can get wheels to put under appliances to move the, google “appliance wheels”. Don’t try and just manhandle them.

I'd second the wheels for moving things, especially if they are full to unknown levels??
Well done for booking removal too it means you will push through even though you are dreading the job!
Could you get a pasting table or a picnic/plastic garden table in to replace missing worktops temporarily?
Good job on getting your friend away for a few days, I'm sure it will have been a positive thing in the long run.
My washing machine has gone kaput again (second time in six months and it was brand new in January, grumble grumble) so right now I am envying your twin tub, as I really hate the haul to the launderette!
Keep chunking Ele and just remember part 8 of the plan can be achieved every day .

Drinking gin before you empty the fridge and freezer might make it a bit more painless!