Please will you kindly support and advise me, as I try to help a friend sort out his home?

[EatingTheElephantInChunks]

Yesterday I started to try to help a friend sort out his home. If I tell you that it took me nearly 3 hours to clear a space on the bathroom floor about 3ft x 4ft, you will probably understand how things are. Today I did a little better. In about 2 hours I cleared another space the same size, which meant I could open a cupboard. Two shelves were almost empty, so I was able to clean those and use them for storage. I will carry on next time with the other 2 shelves and continue clearing the bathroom floor.

It was very satisfying to get rid of a whole binbag of rubbish yesterday and a half bag today, plus a bag and a half of recycling, and a small bag of confidential waste to shred. There is a folding storage crate of things to keep so far, but I'll go through that again to see if I've missed anything that should be thrown out or recycled.

My friend has got into this situation after many years of serious illness and close bereavements, has no family left and few friends, certainly not really close ones. He has been at the stage for several years where he doesn't have visitors. He needs many repairs and much decorating doing, and is getting to the stage where carers visiting would be helpful. I am hoping to get him to the stage where that will be possible. He is such a nice guy, and it's a shame that life has gradually got smaller and smaller for him over the years. It must be terribly lonely.

I feel honoured that he has trusted me with the truth of how things are. I can't talk to anyone IRL as I know it's essential to protect his privacy, and I have changed my username in case anyone makes the connections. I could do with some mumsnet wisdom and support! I have never felt such a sense of achievement over a bit of floorspace 3ft x 4ft, but equally the enormity of the task hit me.

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The author - writing under the pseudonym EatingTheElephantInChunks - claims and owns the copyright of all her posts dated on and after 14th August 2018 as her intellectual property and as a moral right and which are all her own individual and original work. Reproduction in whole or part or any other use is strictly prohibited without her prior written permission.

[Edited by MNHQ at posters request]

Thanks saiv. I really do want to keep going. I see you mentioned the shredding companies too - any experience? My initial idea was to get a shredder so we could do it together later on, me sorting, him shredding, having a chat. There's probably going to be a huge amount, so I'm not sure how realistic that will be now. I quite like the idea of a grand bonfire too - but quite cathartic, either way.

Hi im just reading the full thread now but wanted to say well done and you are a lovely friend

If you think having a skip full ouutside might be tempting to him when it comes to taking things back out how about a rubbish removal company like a scrap man. There are some in my area and once youn have a big oile of rubbish to remove you send a pic or they pop round give you a price then load it and take it away then and there.
Might be worth doing i think its alot cheaper than skip hire also. Might be good on rooms where you habe bulky items that can go straight out also.
Sorry if x posted about to read rest of thread xx

Wow Elephant, that's terrific! you have some work ethic going on there. And kindliness. Quite a restorative thread to read when feeling completely fed up with humanity.

I really hope you keep posting - this is a fascinating journey by proxy, and I for one will definitely keep reading your updates.

I agree with pp that you might want to bin more and recycle less. Farting about with half bags of recycling given the scale of the task seems abit like trying to polish a turd, if you will forgive the expression.

And dettol wipes? Perhaps a stout brush and a bucket of hot bleachy water would be more efficient? I'm not trying to criticise but be helpful - honestly Elephant I think you are amazing

Thanks bucking, some truly genuine belly laugh out loud moments there!!! And sound advice too.

Well, now you have the bathroom clear, and 3 saucepans to find, can I encourage you to tackle the kitchen?

It’s another fairly ‘unemotional’ room, and a vital one, and you’ll be able to really monitor both bathroom & kitchen for clutter reappearing - rather than say, a bedroom or dining room where piles of ‘stuff’ can quickly creep in unnoticed.

For the pet bedding, I vote bin, I’m afraid. If you cost out your hours, think of how long it will take to hoover, brush, empty hoover, do it again, wash, hang out/tumble dry etc each blanket and multiply by how many ‘nice’ ones there are, then cost up a replacement new ‘nice’ one. I’m sure your time is better spent NOT cleaning them.

Don’t get sucked into ‘landfill’ thoughts.

For shredding, some places will bring a shredding van to your premises. Here’s an example but loads around I think,www.shredstation.co.uk/services/domestic-shredding-private-individuals/

Willing you on!

Wow this is an amazing thread - well done! But I am going to join the 'bin more' crowd - id have been scooping out the contents of the bath into 3/4 bin liners. 15 minutes max. So what if you need to buy a new set of saucepans as a result!! I really don't think you're saving anything that warrants the amount of time invested.

So to save your sanity, try to get a 'cost/benefit analysis' going as PP described about the blankets.

It gives you a better chance of actually doing the whole house instead iof doing 2 rooms really, really, really well and then completely running out of steam.

You are doing an incredibly kind and wonderful thing Elephant, but I agree with others that you have to go against your and my instincts in this instance and just throw, throw, throw.
For it to have taken you a whole week to just clear (and it doesn't sound 'clear' in most people's terms, with crates of this that and the other still in there) a bathroom, which, even in most hoarders houses would be one of the clearer spaces in a house - for very practical use pov - then it will literally take you years to work through the whole house if you start trying to clean pet blankets, and take things like toiletries to homeless shelters, etc etc. Don't get me wrong, I would hate to throw away things that I think someone could use, but the exteme-ness of the situation really does call for extreme action.
You do need to bin stuff. Possibly leave out the front with a notice to say 'Please help yourself to anything you can use' to slightly bring down what will go to landfill, but it will take over your life if you start 'making decisions' about everything you pick up.
Logically, if it has been hidden away in bathroom / on landing / in spare bedroom for months or years, then he's not going to miss it if it goes, is he ?
Just keep important documents and possible photos, nd be ruthless with other things. I would also broach the idea of getting someone to help you, with him, to put the idea in his head now. You need to say you want to do all you can, but had wildly underestimated the amount of time it would take you on your own.

Ah. OP asked in my experience how long do these jobs take. In all honesty the only answer I can give, from experience professionally and with relatives house, is "much longer than you think". Every house is different. But I've never "finished early" on one of these which is why it's high cost and lots of cleaners wont do it. I agree that it would be much quicker to Bin most of it. Well done for persevering OP, this isn't fun work and can in some situations be a health hazard too :(

I could no sooner do what you're doing than walk on water. Respect.

Op you sound lovely!!im glad you're getting things done and are feeling ok about it.
However, I'm with pp and have to leave another word of warning. Your friend sounds like a hoarder and you might find your efforts totally wasted. I hope you're right and that won't be the case!

Op, after breaking many shredders I bought this one at about xmas. I used to spend £20 but I'm sure this one was £35.

www.argos.co.uk/product/9129982

I love it and it has had lots of use but it is still relatively new.

I have heard of people putting correspondence in water as that makes the ink run - not tried it myself as I love my shredder! I also had a very half hearted attempted to burn some old paperwork but couldn't bare the masses of smoke created from about 50 sheets of paper so I didn't do it again. The smoke went everywhere and it seemed selfish to my neighbours who aren't even that close to me.

Agree about the pet blankets. They're very hard work to clean. Aldi have a good range of inexpensive pet beds and blankets at the moment. I'd choose a new set from there and bin the others.

I think it's Flylady that says even if you're a keen recycler, it's best to put that aside when you have a lot of decluttering to do in the interests of getting on with it, and then when the place is clear you can realistically aim to recycle again.

You are doing a good thing .

You need a redacting pen, OP.

Black permanent marker to cover name, address and account numbers on any confidential paperwork, then put it all in the recycling.

Will save time, and maybe your friend would be able to help with that?

If you do decide to delegate the shredding, there is usually a minimum charge - £30-40?, so around the cost of a cheapish shredder, and they will collect.

Agree with PPs, recycling etc is the ideal, but with such a massive task you need to be brutal and just shove stuff into binbags. Don't forget to take before, during and after photos!

Hi all, thanks for your replies. I took yesterday evening and this morning off for some family time. Will have a good read with a later.

A bit of a disappointment to report as I should be there now, but I'm not. Don't worry, I was raring to go, so definitely not stopping. I hope to go later, probably early evening now. Plans for one DC were changed at the last minute - understandable and out of our control. A bit frustrating, but never mind!

Shredding:

Thanks Stealth for the good shredder recommendation. I've had a look and it's currently £40. These things are always better if they come from experience. I think it's a definite possible. The water option sounds too messy even if it works, so I'll pass on that!

I also like the idea of a bonfire, as suggested by NoSquirrels, so that's a definite possible too. I'm usually very considerate towards neighbours, but not in this case - one side is generally OK but very inconsiderate, the other side is just plain awful - so I wouldn't worry about a little smoke from a paper bonfire and infact I'd be tempted to waft it their ways

I think the shredding companies who come out and shred on site are also a definite possible. I didn't know they did home visits, so thanks to PPs including Archers and saiv for that. Looking at the link from NoSquirrels, they could probably do it all in an hour. I think I'll get a quote.

I'm not sure about the redacting pen, as perhaps it would be too time consuming, private stuff would still be hanging about outside inbetween collection, plus I think in some cases whole pages will be confidential? But I think you're right Maybe that the paperwork is an area he can get involved with too, thanks - and for your kind post.

Thanks again Cleaners. I thought your answer would be that, pretty much. Can I ask you, (or anyone else too with the knowledge or experience), about any health concerns you mentioned around doing this? It is something I'd thought about. I'm not dealing with poo or rats and mice thankfully, so it's more the volume of dust, cleaning fluid vapours, and - I think this will be more of an issue in the kitchen - damp/mould and old food/rubbish. I'm using those extra strong rubber gloves and wearing old clothes, and have thought about dust masks, but any advice welcome.

I have just finished scrubbing the bath - by torchlight!!! Comforting sound of the owls outside for company through the open window. My back aches, my knees ache, my arm aches, my eyes are a bit stingy from all the bleach, and I'm hungry and thirsty, but it's done - the last big task in the bathroom! Time for a cup of tea and a sandwich, and then bed. 😴

You know what you need Elephant?

A nice long bath

Well done! You are very dedicated and doing a wonderful thing for your friend. I really hope he is able to appreciate all your hard work and maintain it afterwards. Although speaking as someone with 'hoarding tendencies ' (although nowhere near as bad as your friend) it will be very difficult for him and he will need a lot of support going forwards.

Trust you to roll up with your wit, bucking.

I never want to see another !?!*^!! bath as long as I live.

And that's speaking as a lifelong serial soaker in the bath, until now.

Thank you, 5Blue. I'm absolutely certain that he does appreciate it, but you're right that maintaining it will possibly be another matter, for various reasons and through no fault of his own. I'm quite happy to support him in that, and will have to work out with him just how best to do that.

Just had a quick look on Gumtree and there are lots of shredders on there. Most are between £5 and £15. Worth a look?

Ah that's kind Betty, thank you! I've ordered a new blind for the bathroom today online at home, as his current one badly needs to hit the BIN. Please note everyone, I said BIN.