Please will you kindly support and advise me, as I try to help a friend sort out his home?

[EatingTheElephantInChunks]

Yesterday I started to try to help a friend sort out his home. If I tell you that it took me nearly 3 hours to clear a space on the bathroom floor about 3ft x 4ft, you will probably understand how things are. Today I did a little better. In about 2 hours I cleared another space the same size, which meant I could open a cupboard. Two shelves were almost empty, so I was able to clean those and use them for storage. I will carry on next time with the other 2 shelves and continue clearing the bathroom floor.

It was very satisfying to get rid of a whole binbag of rubbish yesterday and a half bag today, plus a bag and a half of recycling, and a small bag of confidential waste to shred. There is a folding storage crate of things to keep so far, but I'll go through that again to see if I've missed anything that should be thrown out or recycled.

My friend has got into this situation after many years of serious illness and close bereavements, has no family left and few friends, certainly not really close ones. He has been at the stage for several years where he doesn't have visitors. He needs many repairs and much decorating doing, and is getting to the stage where carers visiting would be helpful. I am hoping to get him to the stage where that will be possible. He is such a nice guy, and it's a shame that life has gradually got smaller and smaller for him over the years. It must be terribly lonely.

I feel honoured that he has trusted me with the truth of how things are. I can't talk to anyone IRL as I know it's essential to protect his privacy, and I have changed my username in case anyone makes the connections. I could do with some mumsnet wisdom and support! I have never felt such a sense of achievement over a bit of floorspace 3ft x 4ft, but equally the enormity of the task hit me.

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The author - writing under the pseudonym EatingTheElephantInChunks - claims and owns the copyright of all her posts dated on and after 14th August 2018 as her intellectual property and as a moral right and which are all her own individual and original work. Reproduction in whole or part or any other use is strictly prohibited without her prior written permission.

[Edited by MNHQ at posters request]

All spiders in our house were called George. Barry sounds good too though! Sounds like you are doing an amazing job, and the stairs seem to be giving faster progress than the bathroom!

Im a bit concerned that the cleaner may retreat further into the undefined future. I wonder if a clear route into the house and to at least one room should be a priority?

Would love to help. It sounds completely impossible for one person, but here you are, doing it.

Hi Redcliff. Welcome to the thread and thank you very much for your kind post.

My top tip is definitely to do it in (relatively!) easily achievable very small chunks, (as suggested by my user name!), and put your blinkers on for the time being about all the rest. It's very easy to get overwhelmed otherwise.

Try to do something every day, however small. It might be a target of one hour then a cuppa reward, or one cupboard, or one shelf, or floorspace 3ft square. Whatever suits you and your situation.

If you find something too difficult leave it, carry on your work elsewhere, then go back to it. It seems silly as I write this down, but I found stair 2 too hard, left it half done, did stairs 3-8.5, then did the other half of stair 2! I might well leave stairs 8.5-12 today, start on the landing, and go back to them.

It's up to you. It doesn't matter how long it takes, just that you're on the journey. It's not an exam. As I've been discovering, every stair matters, and one stair cleared and clean is better than none! Wishing you the very best of luck. Let me know how you get on?

You are taunting me with that kitchen, bucking. If I was a cat, I'd be called Scaredy. But you're right, it is a priority and (I'll say more about this later) will make an amazing difference when done. I'm working myself up to it! Thanks for the huge tea. Just what I needed.

Thanks NoSq, and for the tea. There's never enough tea. My nightmare has expanded now from being chased by saucepan lids - giant silverfish and bucking shouting 'kitchen!' (like Father Jack in Father Ted) have joined the mob.

This sounds like a huge undertaking, OP. You are doing such a kind thing for your friend. Just thought I would post about the skip issue - I know you want to wait til you have a skip-full til you order one, presumably to avoid someone else filling it up, but my neighbours got a mobile skip which was driven away the same day. This might help?

Feck!!

Honestly Nellie lol you're doing great.
Has your friend seen the bathroom? You are actually restoring my faith in people a bit.

Hope Today is not too battering and exhausting.

Today is a different kind of battering and exhausting. Not the level of dust, damp, heavy cleaning, painful postures, and stomach-churning bags and beasties of the last couple of days on the stairs. Today it's the emotions.

The landing is a more recent vintage of the last 2-3 years, so far at least as I'm only a couple of feet in. There's little rubbish and it's mainly sorting things into crates, confidential waste and some recycling. Lots of things to do with people lost either through bereavement or just no longer seen, places no longer visited, gifts and cards bought but never given, clothes bought but never worn. It's very sad. I do feel quite down, churned up, and holding back tears at some points. I really don't want to upset my friend, so I've just been quietly working away and putting a brave face on it. I do hope that doing all this will help him to move on a little and for life to begin to open up again.

Nellie. Absolutely brilliant, bucking. I needed a laugh just now, thank you.

Eating, your second paragraph there is very close to a poem. Do you write poetry?

Hello ann. Thank you for replying. I don't write, no. I used to love to at school long ago, stories too, but not since. I'm a reader though, or rather used to be before my DCs and life in general muscled in on any spare time. You?

I write about one poem every five years and don't work on them much, so they never get any better. I read a lot of poetry though.

Here's to your progress.

I have a family member who is a chronic hoarder. I just wanted to say how lovely you are for doing this.

Thank you annan. It is progress, isn't it, and I will persevere. My friend writes a bit and reads, or used to, so I'm hoping this will help him to take up his pen and books again. Here's to your writing too.

I'm a reader though, or rather used to be before my DCs and life in general muscled in on any spare time.

You want a cracking audiobook you only listen to whilst clutter-clearing, spider befriending and silverfish wrangling, Nellie (it suits you ). Give you something to look forward to every time you open the door there.

Sorry today was tough-going. Hope tomorrow is better.

Thank you very much tiger. Any advice or thoughts from your experience always welcome.

Thank you NoSq. Part of me wishes I'd stayed on the stairs. You know where you are with muck. That's a good idea too, thank you. Any suggestions? I'd thought about the radio, but no easy access to a plug socket just yet and I also want to avoid disturbing my friend with constant noise too much, although I'm sure he's heard the odd thud and bit of swearing drifting down.

If I'm Nellie, you'll have to be Nuts. What do you think?

Just read through this thread, you are bloody lovely Nellie

Also, you're a brilliant writer. Really, you have a way with words.

Can't wait to hear more about your progress. What is your friend making of it? Is he pleased?

Just RTFT and wow what an amazing person you are. You should be proud of yourself

Thanks so much, dove and Gav. I see Nellie is sticking. Gee thanks bucking, aided and abetted by Nuts

He is pleased Gav, yes. I think taking it slowly is helping. Or rather, it is/I am slow with it. I am showing him each chunk of progress, so nothing is coming as too much of a sudden shock. The other thing helping is that the trust hasn't gone. He knows I'm being careful not to throw anything precious away. Treating it as I would my own, I suppose. I also think that he doesn't quite believe yet it is actually happening. Not quite daring to dream.

He did say, in a lighthearted moment, that I could keep any money I find. So far it's 31p in the bathroom, nothing on the stairs and £1.43 on the landing. Riches! I'm saving up for a new bottle of gin, a pair of earrings and back/knee surgery.

What a lovely thread, I'm really enjoying reading about your progress Nellie and I am mentally willing you on.

I hope that at some point your friend will let others in to share the work as another pair of hands (or more) would make such a difference.

Please keep updating and if I can offer any advice at any time I will be here

Just do a bit at a time, his job is to keep that space clear.

Don't go teetering on ladders for the bathroom light, you can get cheap battery powered lamps - useful while cleaning and can then be used in cupboards or as an emergency light.

I did similar for a friend, hers was just, ha 'just' papers / letters that she opened and left.

At the time she smoked so I had a jar I would put papers and tobacco in, and another jar for money.

Ihad three piles, keep, throw, not sure friend has to check.

I'm disabled myself so only did an hour a day.

www.amazon.co.uk/Lights4fun-White-Battery-Operated-Lights/dp/B00K2UAKKS/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=lamp+under+cabinet+push+on&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1535440436&sr=8-4

I'm saving up for a new bottle of gin, a pair of earrings and back/knee surgery

And a spider palace for your displaced friend?

For an audiobook, I highly recommend The Cazalet Chronicles by Elizabeth Jane Howard:

www.amazon.co.uk/Light-Years-Cazalet-Chronicle/dp/B005AJOCW8/ref=nodl_?tag=mumsnetforum-21

I like to listen on headphones on my phone as I work - that wouldn’t disturb your friend. Or if you line unsolved mysteries and investigative journalism then Serial (a podcast) is amazing. Or I also love the podcast Happier by Gretchen Rubin for something lighter and chattier as you work.

You can call me Nuts, Nellie. I feel like we’re friends here . Reminds me of an aged relative who was called Gertrude - she used to say “You can call me Gertie or Trudie or you can call me what you like - just don’t call me Rude.” When I was a little child I thought that was hilarious for some reason.

fur the bathroom - you need some fresh ones.

Just popping up to say that I finally managed to look at the photos recommended by a PP. It's hard to put a figure on it, (as those photos are quite specific and the rooms here are very different to that and also vary a bit themselves), but I would say it's mid to top of the scale. Food for thought.

On the subject of food, when you're working, holed up and hungry, it's hard to throw away 'new' packets of shortbread, digestives, a chocolate orange, polos and Haribo, even if they are 3 years out of date. Yes, I checked!

My riches have increased by £4.57 so it's not all bad.

PS Thanks to mybrainhurtsalot for posting the link early on the thread to the images.

Have you taken some photos for your own record, OP? I am sure some before and during pics will be good for motivation. Just for your own eyes. X