Help me, I'm crap at home

[Manathome]

I would like some ideas of how to get motivated, I recently retired and now stay at home to do the mother stuff as it is pointless going to work as childcare and tax would defeat the object with a 9 & 2yr old. My wife works very hard so only fair I do my but. The problem I have is that I was brought up abroad with servants, I know it may not be a right word now, but that was then, we had cooks, maids, a driver, gardeners and a handyman, I then went to a private boarding school, I am used to people doing things for me although I CAN do pretty much everything myself if I wanted to. My problem is getting my head around doing a womans work around the house, it just doesn't seem normal a man putting on a pinny and dusting, OK there will be women on here going Oooh look at him, how dare he say that, but it is fact. All this change is doing my head in (not age related ), I am really finding it hard to get motivated, in fact I would nearly class myself as lazy, although I can get stuff done if I want.

So how do I come to terms with the fact that my life is now over and I am doomed to do womans work for the next god knows how many years. I retired at 48yrs old, far too young in my eyes but I worked jolly hard and can now live a comfortable life, so why am I finding it so hard to get on with things, there seems to be something in me saying I should not do that. Is there a way of organising my day where I can see results, not just look at piles of ironing, see I am good at putting stuff in teh washing machine and hanging them out, but ironing, Oooh that's not my job BUT IT SHOULD BE according to y agreement with my wife to support her. I am not a nanmby pamby, I am honestly looking for that special something that is in woman when they are born that makes them want to clean and tidy up, don't get me wrong I am not a filthy slob, everything is clean, it;s just the orgaisational side, I just keep looking at the jobs NOT doing them, says me on the bloody computer wasting more of my life.

I really do miss work, retirement is over rated, my wife is 10yrs younger so it will be a while until we are both retired, but I just could not imagine her at home all day as well it would do my head in. What is life all about, we work like mad to retire and it is an anti climax, well for m anyway.

I summary I am intelligent, like a laugh, hard working (on things that suit me, mainly man things), have a lovely family, but I am sh!te at being a housewife.

HELP!!

Thanks in advance,

I really don't get why this seems so difficult to you. You are obviously not stupid.

Work out a routine for what you're going to do each day - not everything needs to be done every day - and stick to your schedule in just the same way that you would stick to your schedule when you are in the office.

Use your time-management skills in just the same way - identify for each day what is important/essential and what is less so.

How is that so hard?

Sorry for speeling mistakes trying to type on a phone, when eyes are going with age, don't worry you will get it one day

Oh and I don't know how to edit after posting

I have tried to explain that it is the little devil thing in me that says I should not be ding it, THAT is what needs a kick up the arse, not the organising, maybe I am just a lazy git using the woan work thing as an excuse, I don't know

See it is nearly 10am and I have done NOTHING since taking the kids to school, there is a heap of ironing, new TV coming tomorrow so promised my mind I would use the opportunity to clean the lounge, but no I am arsing around on a computer asking women for help, have I gone totally bonkers at home?

Agree with BIWI - implement a rota. Spreadsheet it if it makes you feel better!

You say tax and childcare costs would not make it worthwhile you working but you obviously have no money worries otherwise - how about looking at something like volunteer work? The old cliche about getting out the house, etc., but actually it is true.

FLYlady threads or check out her website

www.flylady.net/

Like everyone who runs a house you have to decide what your priorities are.

You have a 2 year old so really your day should be looking after them - feeding, stimulating, playing, taking her/him to the park - involving it in the running of the house - "come on kid, lets put the washing on, now you watch it go round while I put the stuff in the dishwasher".

For me the important tasks (and they will be different for you) is producing decent food, moderately tidy, clean clothes (I don't iron, it's boring and unnecessary to me).

'Decent food' means shopping for it, preparing, cooking it, balancing a healthy diet for the family members - this can take plenty of time.

What are YOUR priorities?

Get your act together, make some lists and get on with it.

You have an amazing opportunity here.

Does your 2 year old really go to school?

There is nothing more mind numbingly dull than housework imo but it has to be done daily or pigsty will happen, regardless of gender.

Try the Flylady threads here if you like or there are other threads which help to tackle small areas at a time rather than feel swamped by the whole thing.

Agree with SingingTunelessly - some volunteer work, night classes etc.

Well I am a woman and I seem to have been born without the tidy gene too .

Please stop calling it womens work , that is just bollocks . It is the work of th person who has the time to do it .

Now if anyone has advice on motivation I would love to hear it myself .

You know what, I rarely go out of the house in the day as I just sit looking at the work to do or fanny about on the computer. I have a big issue with voluntary work, well some of it when it is related to charities as I have personal experience of how certain people live very well off it. Anyway, maybe I should find some old folk to help or something, I have a life's experience that is why I thought I could trade some of that on here with help at home stuff.

It would be easy to get a cleaner in, but I would see that as a failure when I am here all day. I have a nanny for my 2 yr old, it costs and absolute fortune, I have just started her in a pre school 2 mornings a week and then had her myself in the afternoon, I bring her home, give her lunch then she has a nap, when she wakes it is time to go and collect the 9yr old, easy. So after Christmas when she is 3 I have decided to do away with the nanny and put her in the pre school 5 days a week, not only will I save a fortune but will have less time to do the house stuff. Should I then treat myself to a cleaner and gardener with some of the saved money and just spend days out and about, or achieve something by doing it myself. I don't know if it is possible to do housework and look after a child in the afternoon EVERY day but I guess I could try, it would need very good organisation though!

You obviously have a massive problem with your own role and how you perceive women.

You really need to address this. Your posts on here so far demonstrate some often quite breathtakingly patronising and insulting views about women:

My problem is getting my head around doing a womans work around the house, it just doesn't seem normal a man putting on a pinny and dusting

Looking after the house and family is a job that we all have to do, if we don't have staff. It is not the preserve of women. How is it that we have reached the 21st century and you still think this. Does your wife know that this is your view?

my life is now over and I am doomed to do womans work for the next god knows how many years

Stop being so melodramatic. Many people would jump at the opportunity to retire as early as you have done - you must be very financially secure to be able to afford this. You have a lot of life ahead of you. And talking about women's work and being doomed to it - really? Patronising or what?!

I am honestly looking for that special something that is in woman when they are born that makes them want to clean and tidy up

A pathetic and insulting description of women. If you're at home, if that is your role, then that is what you have to do. It's nothing to do with your gender. Why wouldn't you want to clean and tidy up?

hard working (on things that suit me, mainly man things), Again, equally insulting to both men and women.

Grow up and get real. You are in a privileged position but you are sitting at home whining about it. There's nothing to say that you can't spend time on the computer/MN - after all, those of us replying to you are doing exactly the same, albeit possibly from different workplaces. You have agreed with your wife that your role in the family will be to stay at home and look after the children and the house. Just get on with it.

I think you really need to start thinking hard about feminism, and equality issues. Your views are so out-dated they are risible. Why not have a look at the feminism boards here to start with? But - a word of advice - just lurk, read and consider what is being said before you jump in with your own views. I don't think you actually realise how offensive and patronising you are sometimes.

And all of this is said with the best of intentions, and taking you at your word that you are on MN to learn and to ask for help.

Housework is mindless tedium, regardless of gender,

I do not feel I am better equiped to do housework than you just because I happen to have a uterus !!!!!

Seriously, if its making you that unhappy, and you can afford it, get a cleaner! Then get a hobby FGS!!

You don't know if it is possible to look after a child and do housework? Right.

after school drop off, set the egg timer for one hour. Switch of the computer, don't answer the phone, put the radio on LOUD.

Now start whizzing around like a man possessed, tidy and clean kitchen, make beds, put laundry on, hoover the worst bits of the house (hall, living room), clean toilets quickly with a generous amount of bleach. Do as much as you can and be really focussed. Then have a cup of coffee when the timer rings.

It's 10 o' clock, your house is neat (enough) and you have the whole day ahead of you.

Go and do something fun and active (I am off swimming in a bit).

The rest of the housework (unpacking washing machine, cooking, ironing etc.) can be done in he afternoon when kids are at home.

You could even take on a voluntary job!

use your time wisely

Wow, thanks for the replies just seen them. Re nutrition e.t.c. I am hot on that and love food shopping with them, so kids meals, making ice cream or baking with them, keeping them fit taking them swimming and to the park I have no problem with (don't know why I have no problem with cooking but I don't). In fact I treated myself to a new hybrid cycle and I have a child seat on it for my 2yr old, my 9yr old has her own bike but I don't allow her to go to school on it, so I go to get her with the 2yr old on the back in a seat and 9yr olds scooter across my back like a bow and arrow, we then come home together stopping in a park to play, the kids love it.

Our weekends are always away as we have a boat and motorhome, so very rarely at home, we enjoy a great life maybe I am trying to cram too much in, when we come home from a weekend away although we have had a great time on the boat, or have been away with the motorhome and bikes, there is the clearing up to do from that. So I guess I am a lazy spoilt cow as well that should appreciate my life.

See still here WTF and quarter of an hour gone, I have to do something, off to do the lounge will report back later.

I can sympathise with OP, as I feel pretty much the same about housework, despite being a woman. The trouble is most housework is boring, and can be put off until tomorrow.

I manage to the bare minimum quite well; clean clothes, and decent food, bills paid on time, school stuff organised.
Everything else however gets left for another day. At the moment I have boxes lying around since before half-term wher I was planning to sort out old toys, haven't hoovered since the boxes came out, beds are overdue for changing, etc etc.
I think it is a sort of depression, but it doesn't feel bad enough to get anything sone about it. Especially if you are retired/redundant when you are quite young you can feel as though your real life is over.

So sorry you are getting such a hard time OP, and I'm going to get off the computer now, and clear up a bit.

Oh, and I don't have that "woman thing that likes to make things neat and tidy", where did you get that from ?

I do the blimming housework, but I don't LIKE doing it.

I am hoping you are being very honest with us, and reporting your mental programming without actually endorsing it, IYSWIM.

How much are you getting paid (pension, etc) for being retired looking after your children and house?

Did your work involve reacting to incoming stuff? It can be hard switching to doing stuff that is just sitting there waiting to be dealt with IYSWIM.

Why refer to yourself as a cow? Bull would be more appropriate on several levels I think [hhmm]

OK, seem some more posts so last reply or the moment. I DO KNOW I have a problem with woman, have owned up to that, I had always had the view they should be at home looking after the children and the men at work, bear with me please don't go off on one, BUT since having had two further children which was a surprise (yes I should have know better but would NEVER sway them for anything), and retiring, my life has changed enormously. I have absolutely no money worries at all, but money doesn't bring you happiness, if it does what the hell am I doing on here spilling the beans to a load of women. Please be gentle with me, I am trying to get my head round this stuff, I am not stupid at all and if I do start to believe in it then I know I can deal with it and will. If I got a cleaner I would probably just become more lazy, that does not solve the problem, I guess retiring which is a big things and being chucked into an alien homework job are two big things at once.

I apologise for any remarks that have raised womens eyebrows, but that is me, I am trying to change, so let's look forward and see if we can both learn, you lot how some men may feel, and me how to do a (nearly said womans job) good job of keeping my home for my wife.

Thanks again, I PROMISE TO MAKE A LIST