Help me, I'm crap at home

[Manathome]

I would like some ideas of how to get motivated, I recently retired and now stay at home to do the mother stuff as it is pointless going to work as childcare and tax would defeat the object with a 9 & 2yr old. My wife works very hard so only fair I do my but. The problem I have is that I was brought up abroad with servants, I know it may not be a right word now, but that was then, we had cooks, maids, a driver, gardeners and a handyman, I then went to a private boarding school, I am used to people doing things for me although I CAN do pretty much everything myself if I wanted to. My problem is getting my head around doing a womans work around the house, it just doesn't seem normal a man putting on a pinny and dusting, OK there will be women on here going Oooh look at him, how dare he say that, but it is fact. All this change is doing my head in (not age related ), I am really finding it hard to get motivated, in fact I would nearly class myself as lazy, although I can get stuff done if I want.

So how do I come to terms with the fact that my life is now over and I am doomed to do womans work for the next god knows how many years. I retired at 48yrs old, far too young in my eyes but I worked jolly hard and can now live a comfortable life, so why am I finding it so hard to get on with things, there seems to be something in me saying I should not do that. Is there a way of organising my day where I can see results, not just look at piles of ironing, see I am good at putting stuff in teh washing machine and hanging them out, but ironing, Oooh that's not my job BUT IT SHOULD BE according to y agreement with my wife to support her. I am not a nanmby pamby, I am honestly looking for that special something that is in woman when they are born that makes them want to clean and tidy up, don't get me wrong I am not a filthy slob, everything is clean, it;s just the orgaisational side, I just keep looking at the jobs NOT doing them, says me on the bloody computer wasting more of my life.

I really do miss work, retirement is over rated, my wife is 10yrs younger so it will be a while until we are both retired, but I just could not imagine her at home all day as well it would do my head in. What is life all about, we work like mad to retire and it is an anti climax, well for m anyway.

I summary I am intelligent, like a laugh, hard working (on things that suit me, mainly man things), have a lovely family, but I am sh!te at being a housewife.

HELP!!

Thanks in advance,

WTAF????

Who has told you that you are stupid?

I have told you that you are insulting and patronising, and you have just confirmed that, massively!

Ok you are clearly on a wind up here so I'm not going to try and be helpful any longer.

My nanny cost is £1,200 a month (cheap for London 3 days 9 -5pm), so you have to earn 40% more to clear that, add on the cost of childcare for the 9yr old taken and picked up from school and looked after, the cost of a cleaner, handyman, gardener, loss of time to get best value on holidays and other purchases (I just saved £400+ on a TV at the weekend by some clever research, LG 55LW550T £1,599 at John Lewis, a quick google in store found it at Best buy on a deal that day for £1,260 (normaly £1,399) plus half price Blu Ray 3D player from £139 to £58, I know it doesn't add up but I didn't mind , I also saved about £2,000 on a hotel room in New York for an 8 night stay with some deal I found a couple of weeks ago, plus I do smart food shopping and save a fortune, I would never have had time for that at work) it is fun and being at home you can't put a price on the joy of the children's faces. It's just the housework, cleaner it is I think after Christmas when the nanny expenses don't hit my pension so hard!

Why do I love being with the kids, well I went, or should I say was sent to a boarding school from age 6yrs and only went home 3 times a year, I think it is selfish and evil, but that is for another thread!

Manathome I think you should realise that what you have here is a group of people, try reading back through the thread putting the words person and people in place of woman and women.

Your job now is to Have a Life. Clearing up is part of any job. Even Gordon Ramsay cleans kitchens - I have seen him do it on the telly. It is part of the job.

Would like an answer to my question re hoovering. Also, where did you hoover? If you were going to try the strategy for the kitchen, what would you clean first? Or may be you could attack it a different way - just throw out rubbish first, followed by tidying not cleaning.

I suspect I have ADHD, and these are the things that work for me.

You say it is a group of people but it is women, no getting away from it, you can't pretend it is fact! We are different. I have pulled out of going to the Christmas party due to the fact that it is 100% women and I may be seen as a pervert and be suspicious of me, how can that be people, surely I would just be a person not some suspected raving pervert because I am a man!!!!!!!!!!! (a forum members words not mine through PM discussion, and I appreciate her honesty). I was going to go to try and make friends and show the real me, but it has been decided to wait a year and get to know people on here first which I have agreed to.

Thanks for the advice on hoovering (I did wooden floor of lounge then mopped it and hall stairs and landing), I did rubbish this morning as it was bin day, I do appreciate it and do listen

Still very about this.

Because we all use fake user names, you have no idea who you are responding to on any thread. You have no idea, unless posters have a profile, if they are male or female. So it's always best to err on the side of caution and assume that you are, indeed, speaking to people.

It's easy, I am excluded from a MN function because I am a man and women 'may' feel threatened by me being there and 'may' think I am some sort of pervert, so don't give me this 'we are people' nonsense, and don't make me laugh as it is only when it suits IMHO! Would a new member being a woman/person be treated the same way, I very much doubt it!

Anyway, funny thing was I did see her point of view in my old fashioned way, but it could have offended a 'modern person'. Still I won't be going, and that is my choice, she only gave advice which I agreed with! I don't hold a grudge, just making a point

We are different in many ways, yes. But when it comes to working, thinking, living, loving, we are all people too. Men and women are people. People are different from each other. Some people find it hard to do the housework. I am one. I am a woman. I am giving you the same advice I would give to any person.

I am wired a bit differently, I have Aspergers traits, and I suspect I have ADHD. This makes me more like women with Aspergers, but not so much like men with Aspergers - it manifests slightly differently. However, it also makes me more like any person, be they man or woman, who has ADHD, as there is little or no gender difference.

No side-stepping. Which item in the kitchen would you clean first?

BecauseImAWerewolefIt - Exactly, and meeting people could have circumvented a lot of suspicion over the next few months, never mind that's old fashioned life coming to the fore again

You are "excluded from a Mumsnet function" - Really ?

that's terrible - that's completely and utterly ridiculous - I cannot imagine any of the nice normal women on Mumsnet thinking you're some kind of 'pervert' for wanting to go.

That's just utterly bizarre.

noseinbook - Thanks for your honesty, re cleaning in the kitchen, being from a military background I have absolutely no problems with hygiene, kitchens or toilets, they are immaculate, it's the tidying up, I do it and it just appears again, it drives me nuts, how many times I pick up pants and socks and move shoes, no matter how I try to train them they don't get the message, but then maybe 2yrs old is a bot young for military type discipline

I need to purge, I get new stuff but I am awful at getting rid of old stuff, even clothes, I have my favorite old shorts and jumpers I don't want to get rid of, it's hard! I have boxes and boxes of stuff, all really too good fr charity shops, maybe I should learn about ebay, but it seems a load of messing about, I would rather give someone a fee for doing it for me, lazy git I am

Off to walk around and do a list for tomorrow!

MAH - the reason you have been asked to wait until next year before coming to the party is nothing to do with you being a man - men have come to the meet ups before, including this year's spring meet up. It was more about a strong sense of unease as to why you wanted to come, given some of the views you have expressed on here about women in general, and some of the women on threads you have posted on in particular.

LaurieFairyCake - NOT excluded, I have explained the reason, and that should be read, as I said I FULLY understand in my old fashioned way, but in my trying to be a modern 'person' it stunned me to be truthful!

BecauseImAWerewolefIt - That was mentioned, but I have stated the reasons discussed in a PM and stand by them, other things were mentioned that I will not put on here but happy to tell anyone in a PM.

I'm very familiar with the reasons - why would they need to be saved for a PM?

So do you have to have a certain view on things in order to attend as well, if so maybe I need to look at a fair few years ahead

Look, I am not worried, there seems to be some decent people about giving decent advice, I feel a bit better already knowing I am not the only one out here that doesn't really get satisfaction from housework to put it politely

BecauseImAWerewolefIt - Shall I PM you and you tell me if they are the same?

I'm amazed at how kind people on here have been to you given the offensive nature of your posts. I too don't quite understand your financial position given that you say you buy new clothes rather than iron them? you have a boat, nanny blah blah blah, but child care costs would make working a waste of time? It doesn't appear to make sense.
You sound spoilt and ungrateful, and with the laziness thrown in too, well just a charmer all round.

The only view that you need to have to attend a meet up, is a desire to meet with and socialise with other posters that you like/admire/want to meet. Not to suddenly take it upon yourself to use it as an opportunity to play the big 'I am' and tell us all how wonderful and nice you are!

Let your posts do that job for you - and then you will be very welcome.

At the moment, the way things stand, you are a very recent poster who has turned up spouting some pretty offensive stuff about women. Can you really not see why that might make other posters uneasy about you being at the meet up?

No need for a PM. Spell it out here.

When I say buy new clothes I referred to socks and pants, these are the Tesco ones that are so dirt cheap I don't know how they pay for the packaging and distribution, as for a nanny, loads of people have them, we have no family near so had no option, now I am at home we do have an option and this has linked in nicely with pre school as I have stated. As for a boat, oh well so what, people have other things I never get jealous at all, I just get on with things, I don't waste my money on Channel or Versace clothes and all that other expensive chavvy (in my eyes) cr@p, it's up to the individual to spend their money as they wish. I have explained how I am also being careful saving real money in other areas, perhaps read that. Hope that helps

maninhouse you are doing it too often!

Shall I share a sisterly secret with you? SAHP don't live in an immaculate house all the time. They tidy up just before the working parent arrives home

Sorry everyone, really don't want to get flamed here, but as a stay at home mum if I could afford a cleaner to do the general clean and ironing and laundry twice a week I soo would. Don't see it as being a failure. Really, who in their right mind needs to do housework in order to feel a sense of achievement?
If I had that then I would have more time to plan little activities for my children, maybe cook some lovely fresh meal occasionally and do lots of other things that bring a bit of joy. Just because you're a retired male you don't suddenly have to prove that you can achieve the domestic gold medal. There are plenty of stay at home mums who have nannies and cleaners. What they choose to do with their spare time is the most telling thing about them, not the fact that they choose not to iron!

if you can afford the £1200 tv , you can afford a cleaning company to come in and do a big one off clean and help you sort all these boxes etc .. and then you are just doing the regular cleaning/hoovering etc. you can also surely afford to send your ironing out?

this just smacks of trollisheness though