Help me, I'm crap at home

[Manathome]

I would like some ideas of how to get motivated, I recently retired and now stay at home to do the mother stuff as it is pointless going to work as childcare and tax would defeat the object with a 9 & 2yr old. My wife works very hard so only fair I do my but. The problem I have is that I was brought up abroad with servants, I know it may not be a right word now, but that was then, we had cooks, maids, a driver, gardeners and a handyman, I then went to a private boarding school, I am used to people doing things for me although I CAN do pretty much everything myself if I wanted to. My problem is getting my head around doing a womans work around the house, it just doesn't seem normal a man putting on a pinny and dusting, OK there will be women on here going Oooh look at him, how dare he say that, but it is fact. All this change is doing my head in (not age related ), I am really finding it hard to get motivated, in fact I would nearly class myself as lazy, although I can get stuff done if I want.

So how do I come to terms with the fact that my life is now over and I am doomed to do womans work for the next god knows how many years. I retired at 48yrs old, far too young in my eyes but I worked jolly hard and can now live a comfortable life, so why am I finding it so hard to get on with things, there seems to be something in me saying I should not do that. Is there a way of organising my day where I can see results, not just look at piles of ironing, see I am good at putting stuff in teh washing machine and hanging them out, but ironing, Oooh that's not my job BUT IT SHOULD BE according to y agreement with my wife to support her. I am not a nanmby pamby, I am honestly looking for that special something that is in woman when they are born that makes them want to clean and tidy up, don't get me wrong I am not a filthy slob, everything is clean, it;s just the orgaisational side, I just keep looking at the jobs NOT doing them, says me on the bloody computer wasting more of my life.

I really do miss work, retirement is over rated, my wife is 10yrs younger so it will be a while until we are both retired, but I just could not imagine her at home all day as well it would do my head in. What is life all about, we work like mad to retire and it is an anti climax, well for m anyway.

I summary I am intelligent, like a laugh, hard working (on things that suit me, mainly man things), have a lovely family, but I am sh!te at being a housewife.

HELP!!

Thanks in advance,

Almost everyone hates housework. Your tone is offensive, and how on earth you can be complaining when you have a nanny, DC at school/preschool and enough money for a boat escapes me.

You are either a lazy, mysoginistic swine, a troll or a bit dim.

erm- spilling the beans to a load of women???

I did not think you had money worries, but wondered if getting remuneration for work was a factor in motivation for you. If so, why not think of your retirement income as payment for the stuff you have to do now?

I've been reading your responses and I'm not sure your problem is housework - you can clearly afford a cleaner so just get one.

And then do the really important thing - figure what YOUR life is going to be now - you're 48, you have lots of living to do. You're clearly a person who needs challenges - you need to put that life experience to good use.

Just because you have money does not mean that you don't need work - everyone needs a purpose.

I retrained as a counsellor/psychotherapist after 30 - this is my third career. Every day is interesting, every day a new challenge. I've lectured on it, used it in many settings in the last 10 years.

YOU NEED A NEW CHALLENGE - see a life coach and start figuring out what that is.

Good luck

Oh God, just read another post, OK THIS IS THE LAST until I get some work done, Blimey it's 10,30am

I am glad to see that some women also feel as I do, I wonder if it is a depression? I have gone from a full on active job that needed full use of the brain 24/7, it was analytical and major problem solving, but WTF I can't even solve my own problem!!!!! One day you have status (means nothing to me by the way but an example) and major responsibilities, next day you are Mrs mop wiping arses at home!!!! PLEASE this is how I feel, don't take offence, let's try and fix it.

10.36am and still done bugger all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One thing that makes me feel better is that everyone else on here must be doing bugger all as well

And there you go again:

money doesn't bring you happiness, if it does what the hell am I doing on here spilling the beans to a load of women

Can you not see just how offensive this kind of stuff is?

Why not try engaging brain before you post?

You are younger than me, I think, so I really don't understand how you can hold such outdated views or why it seems so difficult to change them.

No-one likes housework. Can you understand that? Women have historically put up with it. It isn't depression you fool, it is just not a nice job.

Just get off your arse and do it, or ring a bloody cleaner. There is no shame in that if you can afford it. Think of interesting activities to do with your kids instead, that is a much better use of time.

I'm not 48 I have been retired for 2 yrs now and achieved F all, the time has flown, my life is ebbing away, still boxes of unsorted stuff lying around, scared to go up the attic, just opened hatch and put stuff in!!! I just buy the kids new clothes to save ironing there are heaps and heaps, hundreds of pairs of socks and pants, they are so cheap its not wort the the effort to wash them just buy new.

I feel like throwing everything in a skip and just going out to buy more and start again!!!!!!!!!!!

OH NO!!!! 10.40am THIS REALLY MUST STOP, I HAVE JUST WASTED AN HOUR OF MY LIFE

BACK LATER!

Tip number one. No-one irons these days.

I'm (fairly) sure OP isn't a troll, has posted on several threads lately.

OP, it seems to me that you have fairly well-defined views of 'women's work' and 'men's work', you have lived in a culture (or family) where the women/servants do all the housework, bringing up children etc, and the men go out and earn the money. Am I right? Now you have stopped 'working' you are at a bit of a loose end, have decided to look after the house, but don't have the first clue as to where to start - and you don't have the motivation to actually do it, either.

You need to look on the housework as a job. It is, really. Set yourself a 'working day', and stick to it. You're faffing about on the computer as an avoidance tactic. You need to stop and look at what needs doing around the house, set yourself certain hours every day when you will do NOTHING except housework, and then reward yourself with computer time etc when you have done what needs doing.

Says me, who has a mountain of laundry waiting and is sitting here drinking coffee...

So you are 50? Decades are so hard aren't they? From your last post you are in a bit of a pickle.

If you are a planner, it can be hard to know where to start - a trap I have fallen into. It doesn't matter where you start - just go into the kitchen and look and do what you see needs doing.

It is not wasting an hour of your life asking for help! It's only a waste if you don't consider the advice and then take action.

oopslateagain - Bang on..... Oops just knocked the mouse while tidying and screensaver went off, saw post and answered

Just plugging in hoover

noseinbook - I have looked andn looked and looked and am still looking at stuff, would probably taken minutes to do but I just bloody look.

OK, I am getting a grip and GOING TO ACHIEVE SOMETHING TODAY OR I WILL BE A FAILURE! What an absolutey lazy good for nothing arse I am! GET A GRIP MAN!

Flylady she say: set timer for 15 minutes (I use my mobile), go into room and do something. It doesn't have to be the most obvious - cleaning the crumbs out of the toaster and polishing it, or cleaning the microwave are some of my 'favourites' - stuff you don't get round to if you do the routine stuff first all the time, and that won't need doing again for a while! Start on the routine stuff when you've done the one-off thing. Oh, Flylady says start by shining your sink!

When timer goes, stop! Repeat twice, in different rooms. Then have 15 minutes rest or exercise or Mumsnet with .

You are not a 'lazy, good for nothing' - your problem is not housework - you need to ease up on yourself.

You used to be busy - you now need a new challenge, for most people (the vast majority) housework is not it.

Now go back and read my earlier post.

OK, having a coffee break

You know what, but keep this to yourself, even my wife said she could not stay at home all day doing housework! And that is from a woman, so maybe it isn't just me. I don't want to end up being some fat slob that just eats comfort food all day feeling sorry for themself, it is a slippery slope and I can feel the sliding, I need to clamber off before I am at the point of no return.

Got to get back to work, sorry

Doesn't it make a difference if the floor is hoovered !

Will you stop with all this "and that is from a woman" shit .

You are pissing me off now , I am a woman , I hate fucking housework , I struggle to keep on top of it .

You not skipping around with a duster in your hand feeling fulfilled with life has got bugger all to do with you having testicles . So STOP SAYING IT HAS .

You don't have to do housework all DAY!!!

Childcare is Different, I loved it, loved talking to DC about the world and seeing it from their perspective.

You obviously have massive issues around what is suitable for a man to do and for a woman to do. You also seem to think (incorrectly) that women are born with a knack/love of cleaning. I think you need some experience of what the world is actually like. You have enough money so get a cleaner and admit that for now you simply aren't able to just get on and do the housework as your attitude needs adjusting first. Do some volunteer work with both men and women and challenge the horrible misconceptions you have allowed yourself to believe for so long.
Then, when you are up for the challenge of looking after a house, bringing up children and still having a smile at the end of the day (and believe me it is a big challenge) then it's time to come up with a schedule to clean while the toddler is napping.

Please consider just how ignorant and offensive your words are and work on that attitude which even for a 50 yr old is ridiculously old fashioned.

Why can't you get a maid or cleaner to help you? It sounds like you have enough finances for a few hours several days a week?

Just wondered how you are getting on Manathome?
I think most of us get days where we feel like we don't want to do the housework, After all it can be very boring! But it has to be done.
I am off to do some washing up soon --don't really want to--.

Sneaky look in, still working ish

Please tell me why MN is MN on not called something else, that is sexist to start according to you! and I have read their reasons. Secondly, where are all the men, why is is all a closed shop of women talking about women things? I am trying to integrate and be honest and get slagged off. How on earth some of you will ever understand a man I don't know if you never listen, but thanks to those that are

And by the way, if the new way of living is so great, why are there so many more messed up kids running riot throughout the country, it is clearly the result of bad parenting, but caused by what? What has been changing that may have caused that?

As for my children, we have an absolutely wonderful and happy life, it is only housework that gets me, the kids are as happy as can be and we have fantastic fun together, I would not change that for the world and realise what I missed with the first two children as I was slogging my guts out 18hrs a day for 20yrs to house, feed and cloth them, but we were happy.

I know I am privileged to have a 'second go' and I am determined to make the best of it as they will be the ones choosing my nursing home

I think it is about time women started being less confrontational and started to listen to men more about their feelings, forcing things on them and telling men they are stupid is not the way to get around them, take it from me