Help me, I'm crap at home

[Manathome]

I would like some ideas of how to get motivated, I recently retired and now stay at home to do the mother stuff as it is pointless going to work as childcare and tax would defeat the object with a 9 & 2yr old. My wife works very hard so only fair I do my but. The problem I have is that I was brought up abroad with servants, I know it may not be a right word now, but that was then, we had cooks, maids, a driver, gardeners and a handyman, I then went to a private boarding school, I am used to people doing things for me although I CAN do pretty much everything myself if I wanted to. My problem is getting my head around doing a womans work around the house, it just doesn't seem normal a man putting on a pinny and dusting, OK there will be women on here going Oooh look at him, how dare he say that, but it is fact. All this change is doing my head in (not age related ), I am really finding it hard to get motivated, in fact I would nearly class myself as lazy, although I can get stuff done if I want.

So how do I come to terms with the fact that my life is now over and I am doomed to do womans work for the next god knows how many years. I retired at 48yrs old, far too young in my eyes but I worked jolly hard and can now live a comfortable life, so why am I finding it so hard to get on with things, there seems to be something in me saying I should not do that. Is there a way of organising my day where I can see results, not just look at piles of ironing, see I am good at putting stuff in teh washing machine and hanging them out, but ironing, Oooh that's not my job BUT IT SHOULD BE according to y agreement with my wife to support her. I am not a nanmby pamby, I am honestly looking for that special something that is in woman when they are born that makes them want to clean and tidy up, don't get me wrong I am not a filthy slob, everything is clean, it;s just the orgaisational side, I just keep looking at the jobs NOT doing them, says me on the bloody computer wasting more of my life.

I really do miss work, retirement is over rated, my wife is 10yrs younger so it will be a while until we are both retired, but I just could not imagine her at home all day as well it would do my head in. What is life all about, we work like mad to retire and it is an anti climax, well for m anyway.

I summary I am intelligent, like a laugh, hard working (on things that suit me, mainly man things), have a lovely family, but I am sh!te at being a housewife.

HELP!!

Thanks in advance,

BecauseImWorthIt - I don't go running telling tales, I am man enough to take it, it is all here for others to see anyway, I just can't understand why some people don't have better things to do if the thread is of no interest to them as I stated, all a bit odd

ooo Jan, a deletion

you nawty girl

Eh? I read that post. How on earth did that justify a deletion?

it didn't justify deletion, BIWI

unless "extreme sarcasm" is an MN crime these days ?

I don't see it on the list though < shrug >

Hi Manathome. It must be a pretty major change in your lifestyle so I do have sympathy for you. It's really hard to adjust to a completely different role. Many women would struggle with this in exactly the same way. There will always be some tasks that you enjoy more than others, eg I love cooking but cannot abide dusting and ironing, so the house is dusty but the cupboards are full of homemade goodies!

I think you're worrying too much about being a 'housewife', whatever you imagine this may be. With other people helping out with looking after the kids, you should still have time for yourself as well as running the house.

It's really just time management you need to grapple with. Work out the things you need to do on a daily basis, how long they take (roughly) and a logical way of grouping them / ordering them so you do chores in chunks. Many tasks don't need to be done every day (eg food shopping) as long as you are organised, plan meals etc.

I would also plan your own interests first, eg going for a run, meeting friends, whatever you enjoy. You could even schedule in some internet time if you find you're spending too long online (who doesn't ...).

If you don't have many interests and you're seriously missing work, why not start your own business or do some consultancy/freelance? I don't mean full time, but working 10 hours a week for example would be completely manageable. As you say, 48 is incredibly early to retire and I don't think you sound ready for it.

Good luck!

ha ha ha - I love it when people don't read the threads properly ...

Anyfucker - I really don't understand why your post was deleted.

neither do I, BIWI

such is life

sometimes MNHQ moves in mysterious ways

< links arms with Jan >

I dodged the big red button!

are you on the payroll, giyadas ?

nah, Jan

they know I mean it tongue in cheek (kind of)

they have come to expect it of me by now

I sing their praises massively on other threads < scatters Hob Nobs in general direction of MNHQ >

I find this believeable. My Dad is older but, after a competent career, he decided that he was going to learn about the womanly business of keeping home. (I think it was in case my mother died). I bought him a copy of, 'How to Boil an Egg', by Delia Smith. In fact, boiling an egg was the solitary piece of cooking that he had already mastered. He read about pricking it with a pin or something, and went into a lack of confidence panic. I put a, 'well done on getting this far' post it in the book and it is obvious that he has never looked at the book since his boiled egg panic.

His wife and two of his daughters tried to show him how to use the washing machine. Put powder in here, conditioner in there, choose temperature as guided by label, and we are off. The look on his face was one that I recognised when I made a failed attempt to write arabic. 'I can't do it! I can't do it! I can't do it!'

Op, I would recommend getting the ironing done by someone but going to the flylady website for basic housework. She has a weekly 'house blessing hour', which takes me hours, but keeps me just ahead. I like ticking boxes so I make a little chart each week. (don't laugh)

Dust
Vacuum/mop floors
Mirrors and doors
Purge magazines
Change sheets
Trash/recycle
Declutter

Then I make a grid with all of the rooms and tick them off.

I love people who are less competent than me. A friend cleaned out her garage and found a car.

And op is at least competent around hygeine. Mess and clutter is tolerable but vermin is no joke.

But dear old man you have the house all clean and organised, don't you? Too much so IMHO. Why are you letting everyone think you are living in a mess and can't cope?

Thanks again for all the advice I really DO appreciate it, I am still at it, mother was working late so had to feed bath and get kids ready for bed, stories and cuddles, now I am attacking the laundry / ironing with military precision, it is all washed but in heaps and I mean heaps, I will let you into a secret and that is I have just been buying the kids more clothes rather than iron the others, not posh as I don't do posh but Tesco and that kind of stuff, a £1 for 5 pairs of ants, why do I even bother, that is disposable money when you analyse the time to collect, wash, cost of detergent, electricity, then hanging it out to dry, retrieving it, piling it up with other stuff, then sorting it, ironing it and putting it away eventually! Blimey, why not open a pack and be done with it, then ditch them? I have done the same for school polo shirts ans school trousers, they are cheap so i don't bother ironing.

OK, OK, have go at me but at least I am being honest, now I have about one hundred pairs of underpants per person, myself included, so many I can't shut the pants drawer, don't even go there with socks, I must have two hundred pairs each, they are cheaper than underpants. SO I am getting my arse in gear, I have bought 8 washing baskets, the cheap plastic type, 2 per person (colour co-ordinated) and I am sorting stuff out NOW, I will iron in the morning, as I have said it is a stamping iron thing that pumps out steam, I can lay a load of stuff down and stamp it, but it stamps it as you have laid it, so get it squint and it stays squint.

I am off now as people will just think I want them to feel sorry for me, I don't I am sharing a problem, that I hope to get over. I am away tomorrow for a week now, it was going to be 6 days but now 8, so I only have a few hours to get stuff done. If I clear the ironing then that will be a huge dent in the cloud in my head, although I have 4 loads of washing to get done tonight, I waited until 10.30pm for the cheap electricity, I will have to set an alarm to get up and switch them about, but that's life, should have done it today when fannying about on here, I don't want to go away and eave dirty clothes!

I HAVE JUST RE READ THIS AND CANNOT BELIEVE I AM IN THIS SITUATION, WHAT A SAD * I must be ! I should be down the pub with the men!!!!!

Manathome...I don't even know where to start.

You think that women are programmed to love domestic shitwork, you so obviously see yourself as being above that, you can't help but drop name brands, or costs into every post...

You have to be taking the piss.

My husband is older than you (I make you 50, to his nearly 52 - I'm 41). I have never once heard him disparage women, or their role the way you do. He hates housework too, but has never, ever suggested that I am genetically programmed to be more able than he is - he's honest enough to admit he hates it, and doesn't expect me to feel any different.

You have a ridiculous superiority complex - you'll trade your tip-top gadgety information with us silly girls, if we tell you how to cope with that housework stuff that is beneath you. And you're better, because you can save us money.

As for your point about MUM being special - yes, MUM is special. But no more than DAD is. In my house, DAD does bedtime tuck-in, MUM does ad-hoc cuddles. And if work interferes, DAD deals with the ad-hoc stuff, and MUM does bedtime tuck-in. We're a team, you see?

I can't decide whether to actually be pissed off, or just laugh you off. I think laughing at you is the way to go.

And to solve your problems for you in one fell swoop. If you hate being at home so fucking much, do what we women who hate being at home do - get a job and hire a cleaner! Lots of women work for a pittance or even a loss after childcare/tax, but at least we're out of the house and happy, plus we improve our long-term earning potential so the situation is only temporary. You should consider doing the same.

Also, get over yourself, FFS. Women don't like 'keeping house' any more than men do. Your attitude is prehistoric, misogynistic and incredibly insulting to the intelligence of women.

1. Please publicly post a copy of the PM to me stating I am excluded, I give you full authority.

1. Who or what is this 'group' you say you were a part of and what authority does it hold? I refer to your mention of 'free forum"

1. it does seem on here there are a few individuals who are far above their station, or should I say think they are, luckily they are vastly outnumbered by nice decent people, a lot of who have PM'd me, I even got to like Custard a little bit in the end

1. Can I please refer you to the previous 4, it is clear you are put to disrupt this thread of mine, if you don't take my advice I will have no option but to alert MNHQ as this is getting silly, some people on here need put in their place!

Have a great day.

To the others, I am away for a week and will have limited access, but will answer all PM's when I can