Help me, I'm crap at home

[Manathome]

I would like some ideas of how to get motivated, I recently retired and now stay at home to do the mother stuff as it is pointless going to work as childcare and tax would defeat the object with a 9 & 2yr old. My wife works very hard so only fair I do my but. The problem I have is that I was brought up abroad with servants, I know it may not be a right word now, but that was then, we had cooks, maids, a driver, gardeners and a handyman, I then went to a private boarding school, I am used to people doing things for me although I CAN do pretty much everything myself if I wanted to. My problem is getting my head around doing a womans work around the house, it just doesn't seem normal a man putting on a pinny and dusting, OK there will be women on here going Oooh look at him, how dare he say that, but it is fact. All this change is doing my head in (not age related ), I am really finding it hard to get motivated, in fact I would nearly class myself as lazy, although I can get stuff done if I want.

So how do I come to terms with the fact that my life is now over and I am doomed to do womans work for the next god knows how many years. I retired at 48yrs old, far too young in my eyes but I worked jolly hard and can now live a comfortable life, so why am I finding it so hard to get on with things, there seems to be something in me saying I should not do that. Is there a way of organising my day where I can see results, not just look at piles of ironing, see I am good at putting stuff in teh washing machine and hanging them out, but ironing, Oooh that's not my job BUT IT SHOULD BE according to y agreement with my wife to support her. I am not a nanmby pamby, I am honestly looking for that special something that is in woman when they are born that makes them want to clean and tidy up, don't get me wrong I am not a filthy slob, everything is clean, it;s just the orgaisational side, I just keep looking at the jobs NOT doing them, says me on the bloody computer wasting more of my life.

I really do miss work, retirement is over rated, my wife is 10yrs younger so it will be a while until we are both retired, but I just could not imagine her at home all day as well it would do my head in. What is life all about, we work like mad to retire and it is an anti climax, well for m anyway.

I summary I am intelligent, like a laugh, hard working (on things that suit me, mainly man things), have a lovely family, but I am sh!te at being a housewife.

HELP!!

Thanks in advance,

instead of saving all this money, spend it on the things you don't want to do yourself . send out the ironing, get a cleaner . it's not rocket science

maninhouse you can afford to go for quality over quantity, are good at getting value for money a bargain (we women love a bargain!) and are not sucked in by the naff ephemera of life. Remember you are time rich as well, so can take youngest DC out and have a great time - especially when they grow out of naps. So some good off-peak bargains on the train, 1st class on one may be cheaper than 2nd class on the same route at a different time.

The boat sounds great, what is it? Are you the skipper?

Manathome, please don't infer from my comment that I am jealous. It is the fact you appear ungrateful that irked me somewhat and comments such as "As for a boat, Oh well so what" would seem to illustrate that.
"I just get on with things" You don't seem to be getting on with anything though do you? wasn't that the point of your post after all.
As for reading any more of your posts which might help to explain things, I think not. I am done here.

Forget about the TV, I never watch TV, that was a Birthday present for the two girls and an Xmas present for us all as it has 3D which the kids liked in the shop demo, it was just a good deal so we got it. My son has just moved out and he will have our other nearly new one as a moving in present, so it was a chance to upgrade and everyone is happy.

With regards to getting a cleaner in, I could easily but I have been tasked with sorting the house out, and feel a failure, it is a mind thing nothing else, I was just wanting some help that is why I joined here, it's not easy admitting to a load of women that you are a failure (I don't want sympathy just help). I always came home to a nice tidy house and a cooked meal, now it is me doing it, I feel I dash around at the last minute before my wife gets in just to impress her, sad I know, WHY do I do it.

Look, I am wasting my life on here even more, I am banning myself now until after 7pm, please do not reply to me before then.

noseinbook - Ok a quick reply, I was hoping to share my skills with people on here, whether it be the latest gadgets and best places to get them at the best price, that I am great at, so good people are seeing a positive side to me being here, as for the boat Yes I am skipper, Oh and wife is trained up and qualified as well Happy to take anyone out, I don't fish but Isle of Wight for lunch is fun and cheaper than the fuel bill for popping to Guernsey

Just a thought - but why don't you ask your wife how she managed it? I'm sure she'd like to hear that you can now appreciate the work she put in, and she may have some useful tips for you (as she will know your exact situation better than you can explain it on here).

Sorry about breaking the ban but you won't know I have unless you're on here checking...

Maninhouse I guess you were typing even as I submitted my post. Never mind, I can wait till 7pm.

Your main problem is one of decluttering, which is quite different from housework. Flylady is again very good about this, but there are lots of people on here of both sexes who can share experiences of decluttering - their personal experience of what did and didn't work for them.

You are missing a great deal if you don't watch DVDs or some telly with you r kids, you really are.

And if you're a business person by nature, you might love watching Junior Apprentice or The Apprentice and laughing your socks off

I am breaking it as well we had Au Pairs that helped a little and at that time my wife was UK based and worked the odd day at home, now she is working abroad a lot so harder and down to me to be mum.

My wife just thinks I am plain idle, she can get home and go bish bash bosh job done, I seem to fanny about trying to do things properly and get bogged down, it takes me an hour to do a bathroom, she is in and out of them, don't know how she does it

I do realise I am VERY lucky, I DO realise I am a spoilt cow, that is WHY I was asking for help!

I'm back to work

No more cross-posting - I really must tidy my room - it is covered in paperwork of all sorts.

...and down to me to be mum

You are not being mum! You are being a parent. Your gender is irrelevant.

BecauseImAWerewolefIt - A MUM IS A MUM, you will NEVER take that away from me, children know A MUM IS A MUM, this equal stuff is going too far, it is damaging society and screwing up kids brains and society as a whole, I can take so much but you are pushing it, I suggest you don't reply to any more of my posts as I will be ignoring yours

A MUM IS A MUM, NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE THAT, CLEAR ENOUGH!!!!!!!!

can't be for real,just can't be! If, god forbid, it is then you know this attitude is Not Normal don't you OP, you are Not Normal.
"And by the way, if the new way of living is so great, why are there so many more messed up kids running riot throughout the country, it is clearly the result of bad parenting, but caused by what? What has been changing that may have caused that?" there has never been any suggestion that's because of women either not being housewive's or because there is less emphasis put on the man/woman stereotypes and thinking that is just mad!

Asking for help with housework is completely fair enough why would you ruin it like this.

BTW I HATE housework, my DH is very very good at it, thus he does it all. Much better than I could ever dream of doing it..

I think you have a few anger management issues going on here as well, Manathome.

Obviously there's a difference between being a mum and being a dad. But you are talking about the practical role of the stay at home parent, not the biological mothering role. The jobs of house-cleaning and child-caring are not those restricted to 'mum' - as you are proving.

You really have to get to grips with the fact that you are a parent and you have chosen to have a home-based role. It is not demeaning to be doing so in any way, shape or form.

If you are for real ...

Just go back to work and pay someone (male or female) to do the house work. This is a non-problem. Your identity is obviously strongly bound up in what you do, and how important you judge that work to be. This is a common value system, which has probably been passed to you from your upbringing. You will not be happy unless you feel you are achieving in your own delusional system, or until you see through that system. There is more to life than winning the rat race, or retiring early from it. You could try reading Eckhart Tolle, but you'd probably dismiss it as rubbish...

As for your attitude to women, I seriously don't know where to start. Have you actually ever really got to know one?

*'BecauseImAWerewolefIt - A MUM IS A MUM, you will NEVER take that away from me, children know A MUM IS A MUM, this equal stuff is going too far, it is damaging society and screwing up kids brains and society as a whole, I can take so much but you are pushing it, I suggest you don't reply to any more of my posts as I will be ignoring yours

A MUM IS A MUM, NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE THAT, CLEAR ENOUGH!!!!!!!!'*

Do you seriously believe this nonsense? yes, a mum is a mum but a mum is not necessarily a SAHM or a housewife. You need to separate out the two - parenting and 'domestic chores' (for want of a better term) - theya re very different roles.

We had this discussion last week, manathome...

There is no such thing as women's work. There is nothing wrong with being a SAHP of either gender.

I ditto SGM's reading suggestions.

Now off to bang my head against a brick wall, repeatedly.

I say mum, but I would NEVER pretend to my children I was MUM, and you know what, as soon as MUM comes home they run up to her and she has great cuddles, they know her and love her to bits.

Anyway I am sorry for going over the top with a few posts, I haven't achieved what I wanted today at home, so I am mad with myself. I know I have a problem and that is why I joined, I wanted help. I will have a day off posting tomorrow to sort my head out and be back on Wednesday, hopefully a better less bitter and angry at myself person!

And you know what, we used to do the same, as kids, when DAD came home...

Children get excited about seeing either parent when they've been seperated for a while, if that bond is there

I knew there was a name for it...

... and nobody here is talking about you pretending to be anything!

Well this went very strange. Don't think anybody said you were pretending to be mum did they? Just tried to give you perspectives/help/ideas about getting the house stuff sorted. Oh well.

what a strangely compelling thread

a walking, posting cliche of the bumbling, old-school ex-military man with no respect for women complete with a nice subtle streak of anger just beneath the surface

nice touch

it's a bit Dad's Army in 'ere...except they were at least nice bumbling and gibbering idiots