Remote cottage holiday difficult with child and husband's health needs

[Omgheslikethat]

Looking for some ideas to navigate what is a difficult holiday experience.
We have rented an absolutely beautiful cottage for 2 weeks. However its very remote, not in a village, no footpaths on roadside and no public transport.
It would be perfect for a couple who just wanted a peaceful time.

DH suffers from some complicated health issues also MH issues and a short temper.
We have a young child who is a restless sleeper, though I don't hear him particularly.
This is causing my ailing husband to be short tempered and not want to get moving until late morning, early afternoon. By this time child is restless and silly, often naps in the car. We are at least 30mins drive from nearest attraction, and it seems pointless spending ££ on adventure theme parks entrance for max 2 hours which child might or might not enjoy. No child safe beaches nearby, just a couple of parks about 20mins away.

I'm not allowed to go out in the car without DH, and he always drives, so basically we are stuck waiting for DH to gee up, or like today he's gone to bed in a huff so we are just left hanging with nothing to do.

I suggested today we do x, which would be free except for the drive but DH lagged behind so much we didnt get out by 2pm and it closes at 4.30, so I suggested something else but that was not to his liking and he said I was being confusing by changing my mind.
He has executive function issues..

Shopping is a nightmare as nearest shops 20 mins drive away and no option for delivery. Try to buy 2 or 3 days worth of food but finding we either run out or fancy something different. We often self cater and its usually worked ok before, but I've had option of delivery or walking to shop.

Doesn't seem like the relaxing holiday I hoped for. I let DH book it because he briefly showed it to me, said it was near a town I vaguely know and liked.

On top, I've been feeling poorly with a virus.
Not really looking for solutions although useful ideas to reframe positively might help.

2 weeks is far too long for a cottage break im general. Can't you change dates?

So your husband’s health issues excuse him being short tempered, unkind and disinterested in family life but you’re expected just to crack on when you’re unwell?

Your relationship sounds unhealthy, controlling and quite possibly abusive. He’s booked a holiday where you are completely isolated and is now not allowing you to leave the house until whatever crazy time he decides to go out. This isn’t normal and it isn’t okay.

My friends husband is like this about getting out for a day out. Bizarre. And controlling.
Time for a calm chat, no one's enjoying this, let's cut our losses and go home. I hope you have more freedom at home.

I don’t understand what you mean by not being ‘allowed’ to go out. Obviously you can’t go out at 2pm every day so I’d just go out in the morning and leave him to get some extra sleep.

But also is this generally what life is like with him? Is it a recent issue due to his health?

To be fair, a cottage that was in a town with things to do, shops and transport would work.

Why are you not allowed out in the car without him?!

Why on earth are you not allowed out in the car without your dh? This sounds like you can drive and are insured to drive the car. Get a taxi to pick you and ds up, head to the nearest station and go home. When you get there have a long hard think about what you want your life to look like. My dh would hand me his credit card and car keys ik a flash if I offered to take the kids out early to give him some space....then he would probably cook me dinner to say thank you and repay the favour the next day.

I would either take your child out on your own for the day or ask your DH to try and get himself together earlier in the day so you can go out at a reasonable time or cut your losses and go home early as none of you are having a lovely holiday

So he says you're not allowed to drive, but he's not leaving the house until 2 pm? I couldn't be doing with that. That's not a holiday!

Do you want to live with this controlling misery, OP? How would you feel if your child married someone like that?

No health issue excuses being a controlling,objectionable,selfish dick OP.

This is not turning out to be a nice holiday as you say.

What can you do? You ask about positive framing which yes you can do; you could get up, always be happy, enthusiastic, positive for your children, play games, go for walks, make cakes, buy some crafts, etc, etc, I could go on and on, but your DH sounds as if he would kill all attempts at positivity.

Why don’t you just ignore him? What would he do if he woke up in the afternoon, and you and the DC weren’t there. If you just went off to somewhere for a day out?

Are his executive function issues the reason he will not allow you to drive the car without him or do you have a provisional license?

Do your husbands health issues cause him to be a twat or is that his normal personality?

Well you know what not to book next year - (if there is a next year.)

But back to this holiday....

When you are next out buy some craft, game, book activities that can be used at the house you are in so that you don't have to get out as much.

Not ideal but better than staying in and steaming.

All the best.

I would cut your losses and head home.
You can take you dc out locally and let your dh fester at home.

The whole situation sounds insufferable ☹️

Rent yourself a car. Go out with your child. Ignore the twat.

I bet you a thousand quid he will buckle up when you are no longer giving him any attention for being a dick. Don't enable him.

Im assuming you didnt choose this place? It sounds shit

@Omgheslikethat, does your username reflect your thoughts about your DH?

Marriage and relationships should be equal. No one can tell you what you can and can’t do.

The impact on you and your DC as a result of your DHs MH and medical condition, is not acceptable. You must tell him this. Sod his short temper, unless you are frightened of his response, which if he is potentially violent, you would be justified in feeling. If this the case it would be an absolute reason to be coming to terms with ending this relationship.

The holiday is just the tip of the iceberg.

Sorry, you’re “not allowed” to take the car out? What? He sounds a right abusive wanker!

Order a taxi, get you and your DS to the nearest station and go home. Your DH can enjoy a nice peaceful break, and you and DS can have fun doing your own thing at home.

And then speak to a solicitor....

I would also go home asap and see a solicitor with a view to starting divorce proceedings .

He deliberately chose this miserable place for you all to stay in. He does not give a fig about you or his child and expects you to run around after him when he snaps his fingers.

Surely you would have researched the area before you booked it especially if your Dh and Dc have health issues and you were going for two weeks
Why can’t you go out in the car without your Dh

Husband sounds like a prize knob. Why can’t he get his backside out of bed earlier and why does everyone have to dance to his tune. Your poor son. And you. Doesn’t sound much like a holiday.

His short temper is likely far more related to him being an abuser than to any mental health issues he ascribes to his own self. I would think you see his short temper very frequently now and certainly more so since the birth of your child. Pregnancy and birth are flashpoints for abusers to show their true colours

What is executive function?

Even if you were somewhere more convenient it would probably be awful In asimiliat circumstances I just went home as it was all easier to deal with at home. And insisted DH got therapy and medication or I was leaving him.