CF guest has everybody dancing to her tune.

[ThisOldThang]

We're in a family self-catering holiday in a long haul exotic location.

My father-in-law is from this place and has a terminal illness. This is his 'last visit' to his home country. He's paid for the flights and accommodation for the entire UK based family to go with him.

That's a total of 8 adults and 4 kids. My brother-in-law's parents have also come, bringing it to 10 adults and four kids.

The holiday revolves around my father-in-law visiting and spending time with all his relatives. There are gatherings and meetups planned pretty much every day.

For some reason, that the rest of us can't understand, my sister-in-law has invited a friend from the gym as well. Nobody else really knows or likes her. She appears to be ND, which may explain why she didn't politely decline the invitation.

She's staying with my brother-in-law's parents in a neighbouring villa. They'd already booked and paid for their accommodation, so they were kind enough to say that she could stay there for free.

This woman is now causing problems and arguments due to her CF'ery.

She's refusing to contribute to the communal shopping 'because she doesn't eat everything that's been bought'. We've always just split the bills by family unit. The kids obviously don't drink alcohol and are pretty low maintenance in terms of food. She's also demanding the kids are counted as 'full people' for any shared costs, etc.

Is it me or should she just fuck off? She's come away on a family holiday and now thinks she gets to call the shots on how we do things. The mind boggles.

Just to add, she's taken over the en suite bathroom in the next door villa that's she's staying in for free, despite there being another bathroom that was allocated for her use.

He has explicitly said his wife has a complicated relationship with her sister who seems to get whatever she wants through having toddler tantrums. Nothing in this thread indicates the wife is close to the sister?

I've not name changed. I don't know why you think I have or who you're confusing me with.

Take it up with MumsnetHQ if you think there's something dishonest/deceitful going on.

I think you're now starting to enter troll hunting territory. Please stop accusing me of things that are simply untrue.

I'm not sure what you think that proves. We're all on a family holiday together, why would we not host each other for Christmas dinner?

Given that I've clearly not name changed, and I have a posting history, why do you think I'm this other person that has tried to prevent his wife visiting her family?

Thank you for updating - I know it’s all random internet, but it’s good to understand better where you’re coming from - and apologies if you’ve not named changed at all (assumptions etc).

given the first bullet point, and that you have no idea if this woman knows what’s going on with your FIL, I really would cut her some slack.

Yes she might be annoying but if she has no idea why this is such a special holiday then she’s not adjusting in the way you, in the know, all are. She’s a double outsider, as she’s not family and not aware of the terminal dx. That’s hard to navigate. And she very possibly just thinks it’s a nice jolly holiday.

do you feel any of your clearly quite strong reaction to her might be linked to how you are feeling? You’re dealing with the loss of your FIL, watching your wife and children deal with the distress of the situation: it’s all very tough. I’ve been there and it’s hard. Having a focus which isn’t all that pain - of this woman’s behaviour - is a completely understandable distraction

as I said upthread, I’d try not to let her irritate you (remember you can’t control her but you can control your response to the situation). Focus on the big picture and maybe try to find the humour in it all if you can but don’t focus on her as she’s not the point of your trip.

good luck & hugs.

"She shouldn’t have to go home though."

Yes, she most certainly should! This is a dying man's last trip with his family to visit his old country. He paid for flights and accommodation for (nearly) everyone. Why should a CF stranger be allowed to stir up trouble and cause problems on this holiday? Why ruin what should have been a lovely time with family, reminiscing about old memories and making new ones.

@ThisOldThang What is up with your SIL inviting a virtual stranger to the group on such a special family holiday? Who does that?

You keep going on and on about how much she’s getting for free, but it’s not your money, you’ve not subbed her.

The PIL need to remove her things from their en suite and tell her very firmly to stay in her own bathroom. And your wife should tell her sister to manage her friend and remind her that her dad is unwell so not to hassle their parents

Ooh I've never seen a live deletion before! It happened as I was just reading the thread.

It's so galling OP but this is entirely on your SIL. Sounds like a very strange relationship and I wonder what her DH makes of it all.

But it does show how tight she is being quibbling over a few quid on the family holiday she's arrived on.

What does SIL's husband think? He’s an enigma to me.

He's close enough that his parents feel like family and his wife is still letting CF treat them poorly?

It's his parents who are being mostly taken advantage of, putting her up and finding her using their en suite. I can't believe he's fine with that or even supporting it.

So why don't you all tell SIL and friend that friend is having a freebie and can fuck the fuck off with her demands?

That's a good question. His father told me and my wife yesterday that CF is staying with them for free but told us not to mention it to his son. That makes me think that the son might possibly have already voiced displeasure about the CF situation to his parents, but I don't know for sure. Maybe the parents think he'd then insist that CF pays them and they don't want to go back on the agreement and cause problems?

I don't know if they've told their son about the other problems they've had with her or if they've just vented to us privately. My wife told me that she'd had a subsequent chat and they're not impressed with her attitude - staying for free, but not lifting a finger to help.

It's all quite complicated with snippets of information being exchanged privately rather than openly in the full group.

Off you pop troll face! To the poster with all the deletions who couldn’t seem to get a grip

This 100% every single time.
What is wrong and speaking up? Why are so many people so wet nowadays under the guise of being kind / not wanting to say anything because the cfer might cry or kick off?
Next to no sympathy with door mats.

I realise you're only getting tidbits of information, but can I repeat my question of why the in-laws offered to share their accommodation for free in the first place? I appreciate you may not know the answer, but it seems a very bizarre thing to do in the context of this particular holiday?

Very bizarre situation!

Obviously CF is rude and entitled, and SIL inviting her and her accepting an invite on a family holiday with multiple extended family members is very strange in the first place, even for just a normal holiday. But it does seem from your update @ThisOldThang that CF gym friend is unaware of the reason for the trip, but also that other family members (who live in the country you're visiting?) are also not aware?

You said when she was invited by SIL everyone was taken aback so no one mentioned anything at the time, but it's very odd that it hasn't come up at all the whole time. Do you think your SIL is in denial about what this holiday is really for? Is she (SIL) behaving like it's her dad's last holiday or is she also not mentioning it?

The fact that nothing is out in the open, including that this is FIL's final trip, is really the issue here.

Take CF for a "nice" walk away from everyone else. Tell her to stop her carrying on or there will be consequences (you decide). Inform her that this is just between the two of you but most of the others feel the same. She is not allowed to 'perform' anymore and to keep her big mouth shut for the duration.

People like this do it for effect and always want to have an audience. Make it all very plain and threatening, lay it on very thick.