CF guest has everybody dancing to her tune.

[ThisOldThang]

We're in a family self-catering holiday in a long haul exotic location.

My father-in-law is from this place and has a terminal illness. This is his 'last visit' to his home country. He's paid for the flights and accommodation for the entire UK based family to go with him.

That's a total of 8 adults and 4 kids. My brother-in-law's parents have also come, bringing it to 10 adults and four kids.

The holiday revolves around my father-in-law visiting and spending time with all his relatives. There are gatherings and meetups planned pretty much every day.

For some reason, that the rest of us can't understand, my sister-in-law has invited a friend from the gym as well. Nobody else really knows or likes her. She appears to be ND, which may explain why she didn't politely decline the invitation.

She's staying with my brother-in-law's parents in a neighbouring villa. They'd already booked and paid for their accommodation, so they were kind enough to say that she could stay there for free.

This woman is now causing problems and arguments due to her CF'ery.

She's refusing to contribute to the communal shopping 'because she doesn't eat everything that's been bought'. We've always just split the bills by family unit. The kids obviously don't drink alcohol and are pretty low maintenance in terms of food. She's also demanding the kids are counted as 'full people' for any shared costs, etc.

Is it me or should she just fuck off? She's come away on a family holiday and now thinks she gets to call the shots on how we do things. The mind boggles.

Just to add, she's taken over the en suite bathroom in the next door villa that's she's staying in for free, despite there being another bathroom that was allocated for her use.

Yes, like lepers explains it!

I've never forgotten how miserable it was and how awful I felt. I was treated so shabbily by the husband and his wife kept reassuring me that of course I was wanted on the trip. So he had a face like thunder the whole time (when he wasn't actively sneering and rolling his eyes at me for everything I did, wore or said) and she was trying to pretend it was all normal. I felt so small and had very innocently accepted an invite from a friend.

She should just fuck RIGHT on fucking off!

The row = a tenner V. terminal illness.

Your decision not exactly difficult. I’d also be annoyed to be The Nice Person, but it ain’t the time to show it.

Can you help your wife out by walking in to their apartment, clearing any of her shit out of the ensuite and saying if it’s in there again it gets binned, and if she doesn’t want to go along with the family holiday and how we split bills then she can pack her things and go, would she like some help packing? Then slowly and clearly Stop, Upsetting. My. parents in law. Or. Your. Things. Will. Be. Packed. For. You. And as for you sil I’m tempted to pack your things too and toss them into the sea if you keep trying to destroy your parents trip

but isn’t he staying in that apartment being kicked out of his own ensuite? I think that’s the point where I’d go nuclear and tell my sil what I thought!! And if she storms out so he can have his holiday in peace, win. If she chucks a massive sulk, I have 3 dc and I can ignore an adult sulking like a 3yo (obviously wouldn’t if it were my dh)

Someone needs to take one for the team and get her told.

Also, your SIL is probably a lesbian and CF is her partner.

No, the cf is staying in another apartment not the OPs. On that score it’s not really up to him to deal with the en-suite issue. The affected adults should, if they choose.

What kind of siblings are these? If my dad was dying and my sister bought a gym friend to stay, I would go and tell my sister to sort this situation the hell out.

I would be going ballistic on my OH's behalf with the CF. Obviously wait until the rest of the family is not close by and absolutely rip into her. ND or not it's utterly bad manners. I have ND family and none of them would behave like that.

No I think this is someone staying with the other in-laws. Not the OPs en-suite?

I mean, who knows, none of it makes that much sense

Maybe just stop worrying about it so much?

It's not your en suite - it doesn't effect you. The people whose en suite it is - maybe let them deal with it?

And she doesn't want to subsidise your kids' food - arguably she has a point?

But regardless of all this, your FIL is dying. Maybe focus on what's important here - supporting your wife through what is a horrific time. I doubt she gives much of a fuck about all this either, really, compared to the enormity of saying goodbye to her dad.

It's just not important in the grand scheme of things.

This, 1000000%

What on earth makes her think it’s appropriate to join and make everything about her on a DYING man’s last family holiday?

The easiest way we always split food/alcohol costs in situations like this was an adult counts as one person. Children count as half (if its a teen who eats like an adult and drinks then they're considered adult). So you'd be counted as three people, the cf would be one. She'd be told to fuck up and get her own food and drink if she tried to argue about it.

You’re on a similar timezone to me (+/-1 or 2 hours) and you’ve been posting all through the night here, I don’t think it’s worth losing sleep over.

None of it's his business. He should shut up.

This is one where you need to act not waste time on MN. Go sort her out. Tell SIL you don’t care if she pays more, or the friend, but their share is 2 x 11ths.

In the long term, losing the friendship of gym girl is not a loss.
Accompany SIL to reset the rules for gym girl. Serious but honest discussion....

It has been a mistake to invite her as the group is an intimate family holiday. She is no longer welcome to family outings; it is inappropriate to have a non family member there.. She will buy her own food and not contribute at all for group purchases. She will have her room, her bathroom and access to xxx communal space. Gym girl will do her own thing..
SIL might need to reimburse gym girl for group purchases. SIL might need to allocate small sessions of time to gym girl. SIL needs to ge prepared to lose gym girl who will be upset.

I've been asleep. I think previous posters are correct that it just isn't worth the risk of a completely ruined holiday over £50-75.

To clarify a few questions that have been raised.

• I don't know if CF was aware of FIL's terminal illness when she booked her flight or whether she's been made aware by SIL. He doesn't look ill but gets very tired, so she might be completely unaware. We were asked not to mention it to any family members that we're meeting up with. I didn't ask why, but I'm guessing that FIL doesn't want a big fuss and to be treated differently.

• I haven't named changed and I've never previously posted about my SIL. My wife isn't particularly close to her sister and there's definitely dysfunctional sibling dynamics at play whenever we go away on these types of holidays.

• The parents of SIL's husband are considered family and have been on previous holidays with us all. Their presence is entirely welcome.

• People that have said that their en suite situation, and them providing free accommodation to CF, are completely correct when they say it's none of my business, but it does add to the annoyance knowing that they're experiencing problems with her.

I think I'll respect MIL's request to keep the peace, but I'll be firmly pushing back on any further nonsense.

I would suggest doing everything now to prevent ruining the holiday for the FIL - that would be awful. But I seriously would have a go at the SIL post holiday and definitely would give a CF a piece of my mind before making sure I never see her again. I would tell her she is a fucking freeloading rude cunt and should have never accepted the holiday or should have kept quiet and grateful for being invited.

No way, she definitely needs to fuck off!! To impose on a family holiday like that and be making demands, unbelievable cheeky fuckery. I would tell her to leave.

Yes, but this would create a situation with SIL having a fucking tantrum and upsetting her terminally ill dad ((

For the sake of your ill FIL and of course your MIL I think I’d suck up the extra cost. It’s absolutely wrong for SIL to have brought someone else especially in these circumstances and also the person themselves is awful - how can someone have that much front to go on someone else’s family holiday - especially as he is terminally ill I have no idea.

But I think better to suck up the cost, keep the peace and salvage the holiday as best you can. After it’s all over you want the memories with FIL not that you fell out over £200 or whatever. I’d never speak to SIL again though and certainly never go on holiday with her!