CF guest has everybody dancing to her tune.

[ThisOldThang]

We're in a family self-catering holiday in a long haul exotic location.

My father-in-law is from this place and has a terminal illness. This is his 'last visit' to his home country. He's paid for the flights and accommodation for the entire UK based family to go with him.

That's a total of 8 adults and 4 kids. My brother-in-law's parents have also come, bringing it to 10 adults and four kids.

The holiday revolves around my father-in-law visiting and spending time with all his relatives. There are gatherings and meetups planned pretty much every day.

For some reason, that the rest of us can't understand, my sister-in-law has invited a friend from the gym as well. Nobody else really knows or likes her. She appears to be ND, which may explain why she didn't politely decline the invitation.

She's staying with my brother-in-law's parents in a neighbouring villa. They'd already booked and paid for their accommodation, so they were kind enough to say that she could stay there for free.

This woman is now causing problems and arguments due to her CF'ery.

She's refusing to contribute to the communal shopping 'because she doesn't eat everything that's been bought'. We've always just split the bills by family unit. The kids obviously don't drink alcohol and are pretty low maintenance in terms of food. She's also demanding the kids are counted as 'full people' for any shared costs, etc.

Is it me or should she just fuck off? She's come away on a family holiday and now thinks she gets to call the shots on how we do things. The mind boggles.

Just to add, she's taken over the en suite bathroom in the next door villa that's she's staying in for free, despite there being another bathroom that was allocated for her use.

Thanks for all the replies. I posted to vent and it achieved that purpose. Some of the thoughtful reports have helped me get things in perspective.

I'm now going to ask Mumsnet to delete the thread.

Please don't do that, because it's interesting to see the many reactions.

Oh FFS

If you don't want a thread to last, post it in 30 days only

Make sure that she’s ok ! Are you joking ?

the unexpected guest might be feeling very uncomfortable in a big family event. I wonder if she didn’t realise what she was getting into. Someone needs to make sure she’s ok and that she is supported to fit in better.

OMG, no, why?? She shouldn't even be there! She's cheeky enough as it is, taking stuff without paying, eating for free, demanding that kids pay (but she shouldn't?) and stealing someone else's bathroom) without being accommodated even more, and made to feel as if she's special.

Kick her out! Why is she even there?

I can barely believe what I’ve read?! Who is ever that weirdly inconsiderate?
anyway…….
If I were you ThisOldThang, I’d be totally opting out of the whole shopping part of this, -& do my own family’s shopping.
This way you can step away from anything to do with CF, & concentrate on what this expedition is supposed to be about.
(soz if i’m repeating what some1’s already said)

I haven't read the whole thread and it may be about to be deleted anyway but to focus on one issue, I'd say why can't the people in the villa CF is staying in be clear about the bathroom arrangements? Are you saying she's using their en suite as in she travels through their bedroom to use it, leaving her toothbrush there?! How does that make sense?
Someone needs to be clear with her, lock doors if necessary etc. The CF has the hide of a rhino and is supported by the SIL but surely if the majority don't like her behaviour it should change. Obviously the concept of 'fitting in' is lost on her and she's not remotely appreciative of the fact that's she's got free accommodation. Fancy crashing a significant family gathering like that! What did the SIL tell her FFS?

Honestly I would totally focus on your dad and pretend she doesn't exist. If you want to then take her aside and tell her how precious this time is and that you don't want to hear one more complaint or problem out of her. Try to have a lovely time making memories and just erase her from your mind if you can x

Maybe you SIL didnt fancy the holiday, so brought ger along as moral support.

If I was a single person on a holiday with a huge family with a load of kids, I would feel quite put out about being asked to split the bill equally. Having read through lots of the comments I would say, OP, you need to let it go for the sake of the holiday vibes. As you have told us, this is an important holiday for everyone to feel connected with each other and for making memories. It’s unfortunate this friend has been invited, but better just to let the thing about the money go. It’s not that important in the grand scheme of life and death.

Really? You have free accommodation and would resent paying a tiny proportion of the children’s food costs?

I guess it depends how much the person earns and how much the long haul flight cost. I’m not saying I wouldn’t want to contribute to the cost of the food. Actually, on reflection, I think you’re right, I would probably just go with it.

I’m just a bit concerned that OP has spent so much time and energy feeling pissed off about this, (fuelled by all the equally pissed off commenters on MN), when the whole family has had their flights and accommodation paid for by FIL and the focus should be on him having a good time. It feels a little unbalanced to me.

A quiet word with CF and maybe include SIL to ensure everyone understands the situation and this endless talk of what is and is not being paid for comes to an end or she does her own thing and just buy her own stuff and stay out of everyone's way.

Boundaries are what is missing here.

Tell us any ensuite updates first!

If your dad was dying on his last holiday and you had the chance to bring a friend for support, what’s wrong with that?

Why on earth has that triggered you so much??🤣🤣🤣🤣 😬

It’s not OP’s dad!!! It is her SIL dad… she’s clearly bought a friend on what will be her dad’s last holiday and all she is getting is crap from OP. OP has a free holiday , I’m sure she can ignore her SIL friend. If it was that much of a big deal, OP’s husband could say something about a random girl ruining HIS dads last holiday… seems to be that OP is the only one with the issue because a stranger won’t chip in for her kids food.

A simple “sorry Janet, remind which part of the family you belong to again” every time she pipes up might help?

It might interest you to know that OP is male and has a wife, not a husband.

OP is a man. The gentleman who is terminally ill has three children - OPs wife, OPs brother in law, and OPs sister in law (who is the one who brought her friend).

.

Sorry; I failed to point out that OP has stated that he is male and is married to the SiL's sister.

Reading just his posts (click on "see all" to get just those) lets one find these things out more easily.

She doesn't contribute, she doesn't get to eat any of it- simple.
Whether she is ND or not you can't expect to strongarm the arrangements when you are a guest. Just tell her the ensuite bathroom is not hers and she has to make her own food arrangements if she doesn't want to contribute.
Occam's razor suggests she is a cheeky cow who likes the best of things but is unwilling to pay for them.

Just kick her out of the villa. Your family time is far more important than falling out and offending someone you don’t know.

Don't be so absolutely ridiculous, this holiday is not about her,she knew what it was, no one but no one should be pussyfooting around her making sure she's ok