CF guest has everybody dancing to her tune.

[ThisOldThang]

We're in a family self-catering holiday in a long haul exotic location.

My father-in-law is from this place and has a terminal illness. This is his 'last visit' to his home country. He's paid for the flights and accommodation for the entire UK based family to go with him.

That's a total of 8 adults and 4 kids. My brother-in-law's parents have also come, bringing it to 10 adults and four kids.

The holiday revolves around my father-in-law visiting and spending time with all his relatives. There are gatherings and meetups planned pretty much every day.

For some reason, that the rest of us can't understand, my sister-in-law has invited a friend from the gym as well. Nobody else really knows or likes her. She appears to be ND, which may explain why she didn't politely decline the invitation.

She's staying with my brother-in-law's parents in a neighbouring villa. They'd already booked and paid for their accommodation, so they were kind enough to say that she could stay there for free.

This woman is now causing problems and arguments due to her CF'ery.

She's refusing to contribute to the communal shopping 'because she doesn't eat everything that's been bought'. We've always just split the bills by family unit. The kids obviously don't drink alcohol and are pretty low maintenance in terms of food. She's also demanding the kids are counted as 'full people' for any shared costs, etc.

Is it me or should she just fuck off? She's come away on a family holiday and now thinks she gets to call the shots on how we do things. The mind boggles.

Just to add, she's taken over the en suite bathroom in the next door villa that's she's staying in for free, despite there being another bathroom that was allocated for her use.

So does that mean everyone pandering to this woman then? 🙄

Yes, I'd be saying 'no worries, it sounds like it's better for you if you get your own food and cook it. Would you rather have some kitchen time before or after the rest of us?'

She sounds fine. Doesn’t sound like she’s worried about causing any issues. Why does she need ‘support?’ She’s a CF.

I think it would be more accurate to say that everybody is pandering to SIL. She's the one pushing the CF's agenda/demands/requests onto everybody else. We're then being asked to accept it to 'keep the peace'.

The OP thought she might be ND. While many ND people would cope fine, she may not be fine at all. She might not be ND - but there is obviously something going on.

It sounds like she is getting anxious about the arrangements and isn’t picking up the social cues.

Refuse to keep the peace; don't pander to her nonsense. Fuck 'supporting' her.

Someone needs to make sure she’s ok and that she is supported to fit in better.

Er...no, she needs someone to tell her to stop being a gigantic selfish prick.

She is ruining and throwing her weight about on a terminally ill man's final holiday. She's a selfish fuckwit

She's refusing to contribute to the communal shopping 'because she doesn't eat everything that's been bought'.

Tough, she is staying for free so she needs to buckle up and contribute her share for food at least.

We've always just split the bills by family unit. The kids obviously don't drink alcohol and are pretty low maintenance in terms of food. She's also demanding the kids are counted as 'full people' for any shared costs, etc.

How's about 'no'?

You sound like you think that this CF guest's needs should be prioritised over the needs of OP's terminally ill FIL.

She sounds really rude, tight-fisted and entitled and she should feel uncomfortable for making such a fuss in this difficult situation.

this one.

Ah ok! Is SIL used to getting her own way ?

No, she’s not the priority. SIL needs to sort out the awful guest she brought.

Why did she bring a friend anyway? Is she single and wanted to bring a friend in place of a partner? This isn’t appropriate on a dying man’s last family holiday, IMO. She is even more of a CF than the guest.

Not at all. I think that it is really odd that the daughter brought someone along and then let things get like this. The OP has indicated that it’s the daughter people are struggling to communicate with.
The uninvited guest is her responsibility.

I think there's a tendency to tiptoe around her to avoid screaming+crying meltdowns/tantrums (especially when she's had a skin full).

I've heard the whole "keep the peace" in a lot of families and I'm just not the type of person who would tow that line.

A friend of mine literally stopped his wife having a relationship with her family (she didn't drive, wouldn't get a cab, they lived 200 miles away) because they always excused bad behavior and no one was allowed to disagree with her father.

She should fuck off, but it seems everyone's too frightened to do anything about her.

SIL is here with her husband and child.

That's a choice you're all making to accept it 🤷‍♂️

Bung her in the boot in the middle of the night, drive her to a remote location and leave her there. Job done.

I’m kidding, wish it was that simple though. For the sake of your FIL someone needs to step up. If it was me in this situation my DH would probably say something because if I said something it would be rude as fuck. I find it’s best to send in the reasonable person first, and if he can’t sort it send in the WMD. What the fuck was your SIL playing at? Someone needs to have a word with her and all.

Can her husband not be really firm with his wife? What’s the point of being married if you can’t point out things like this?

God, she sounds unbearable. She is the real issue here.

Your poor FIL.

I would ignore the pair of them as much as possible - they can both sort their own food. If no one else will, just sort your own food and drink out. I couldn’t bear to think of subsiding two awful, awful people who behave like this. No wonder they are friends.

Because they are having an affair

This ...was just going to type similar...CF could be daughters way to cope with family, feel safe in what is a harmful environment for her.

If it wasn't pre agreed I wouldn't want to split food if I ate far less (luckily I love my grub so would have been invested)..I don't see that as a problem if she doesn't eat the communal food

I think SiL and CF both need a timely reminder that this holiday is not about either of them - they are encroaching on a holiday bought and paid for by a terminally ill man who had a clear idea of what he wanted out of that holiday. Their CFery is also encroaching on the time he has left. OP someone in your merry band of travellers needs to grow a backbone and make that crystal clear to both of them, and to tell them they can either shape up or ship out.

We're then being asked to accept it to 'keep the peace'.

"Sorry SIL that doesn't work for us. We are going to eat at xxx/make xxx for our evening meal."

@ThisOldThang Do you all really have to be joined at the hip all of the time?