CF guest has everybody dancing to her tune.

[ThisOldThang]

We're in a family self-catering holiday in a long haul exotic location.

My father-in-law is from this place and has a terminal illness. This is his 'last visit' to his home country. He's paid for the flights and accommodation for the entire UK based family to go with him.

That's a total of 8 adults and 4 kids. My brother-in-law's parents have also come, bringing it to 10 adults and four kids.

The holiday revolves around my father-in-law visiting and spending time with all his relatives. There are gatherings and meetups planned pretty much every day.

For some reason, that the rest of us can't understand, my sister-in-law has invited a friend from the gym as well. Nobody else really knows or likes her. She appears to be ND, which may explain why she didn't politely decline the invitation.

She's staying with my brother-in-law's parents in a neighbouring villa. They'd already booked and paid for their accommodation, so they were kind enough to say that she could stay there for free.

This woman is now causing problems and arguments due to her CF'ery.

She's refusing to contribute to the communal shopping 'because she doesn't eat everything that's been bought'. We've always just split the bills by family unit. The kids obviously don't drink alcohol and are pretty low maintenance in terms of food. She's also demanding the kids are counted as 'full people' for any shared costs, etc.

Is it me or should she just fuck off? She's come away on a family holiday and now thinks she gets to call the shots on how we do things. The mind boggles.

Just to add, she's taken over the en suite bathroom in the next door villa that's she's staying in for free, despite there being another bathroom that was allocated for her use.

I am neurodiverse and I am aware of people's feelings. I would probably say to sis in law "get her to behave , tell her nicely , your dad is dying , she is being obtuse and making a hard situation almost impossible, before I do , and I certainly won't be kind , considerate or fair...this is your warning, please speak to her now. "

if no one else is willing to talk to her, I would speak to SIL and tell her the CF’s behaviour is unacceptable. If she doesn’t see the issues, I would tell her all the of the crazy shit she’s done as examples.
if that doesn’t do anything, speak to idiot friend and tell her she’s ruining the holiday - you can do this discreetly, it doesn’t need to transcend into a huge argument.
if that fails, slap her and lock her in the en-suite she’s taken a fancy to!

seriously though, I’m sorry you’re in this position, I can’t imagine how frustrated you are.

CF is gonna CF and you cannot make everything right by having fights on holiday. You will only ruin this very special holiday, and because it is a last holiday you will simply have to eat more annoyance and cost than you usually do.

The villa is not your fight. Don't give it headspace.

Regarding the shopping, a fair compromise* would be to split the alcohol shop and the food shop. Food shop divide by 15, alcohol shop divide by 11 (or ten if the woman who doesn't really drink wants to count herself as a non drinker). Split restaurant bills similarly or pay separate bills.

After the holiday, tell the SIL never to invite CF to family things ever again.

*You might not feel you need to compromise but your first priority is to keep the peace because of the circumstances of the trip