CF guest has everybody dancing to her tune.

[ThisOldThang]

We're in a family self-catering holiday in a long haul exotic location.

My father-in-law is from this place and has a terminal illness. This is his 'last visit' to his home country. He's paid for the flights and accommodation for the entire UK based family to go with him.

That's a total of 8 adults and 4 kids. My brother-in-law's parents have also come, bringing it to 10 adults and four kids.

The holiday revolves around my father-in-law visiting and spending time with all his relatives. There are gatherings and meetups planned pretty much every day.

For some reason, that the rest of us can't understand, my sister-in-law has invited a friend from the gym as well. Nobody else really knows or likes her. She appears to be ND, which may explain why she didn't politely decline the invitation.

She's staying with my brother-in-law's parents in a neighbouring villa. They'd already booked and paid for their accommodation, so they were kind enough to say that she could stay there for free.

This woman is now causing problems and arguments due to her CF'ery.

She's refusing to contribute to the communal shopping 'because she doesn't eat everything that's been bought'. We've always just split the bills by family unit. The kids obviously don't drink alcohol and are pretty low maintenance in terms of food. She's also demanding the kids are counted as 'full people' for any shared costs, etc.

Is it me or should she just fuck off? She's come away on a family holiday and now thinks she gets to call the shots on how we do things. The mind boggles.

Just to add, she's taken over the en suite bathroom in the next door villa that's she's staying in for free, despite there being another bathroom that was allocated for her use.

Can someone not get CF friend alone and explain to her how things work? If she is ND then she might appreciate someone saying 'actually when you go away on holiday as a group you should all contribute to food' just factually laying out how things should go? My DD is ND and appreciates people telling her what is expected when circumstances are unusual. But away from SIL. If she then goes and complains to SIL who then cries, screams, throws her toys out of the pram then you ask her what her problem is, when you were just making sure her 'friend' knew what the score was, as she (SIL) didn't seem to have explained it very well.

Or push the pair of them in the pool. That might work too.

So SIL usually complies with the food arrangements? Then you deal only with her, and she deals on behalf of the CF and gets the money back from her.
It’s up to the people whose en suite she is using to deal with that side of things.
Just forget she is there and concentrate on giving your FiL pleasant memories to carry him through.

So your MIL
Your FIL
Their daughter
Their daughter's husband
Their daughter's friend
Their daughter's PIL
Their grandchild
Holiday paid for by your dying FIL
Her cf's accommodation paid for by her PIL
Their son
Their son's wife
Their grandchild
Their daughter (your wife)
Their daughter's husband (you)
Their grandchildren (2)

And she wants to divide by 15 because there are 15 of you in total, whereas you want to divide by 11 as there are eleven adults.
So instead of 2/11 you'd be paying 4/15??

She's not being asked to contribute equally. She's being asked to contribute as much for 1 person as others are paying for a whole family.

The only "fucking entitled twats" are the people expecting her to subsidise them.

Wow, what a situation.
Next time your sil puts her friend's demands across you all need to make it clear she is unwelcome mostly because of her behaviour.
Not cleaning up or offering to cook is so rude on top of everything else.

Tell her to fit in or fuck off. Does she actually know the reason for the holiday? If so, her behaviour is even worse.

SIL sounds very weird inviting this ‘friend’ on such a holiday. Who’d do something like that?

Just tell her that we as a family will split bills evenly and she can just pay fir the things she consumed when eating out. And she buys her own food if she claims not to eat the family groceries. And the person who's bathroom she's using, they need to direct her to the other one. It's not in her room so why would she be allowed to use it?

You all need to set your boundaries. It's not her fault she came along, she was invited by daughter of the man who lives there.

She is already ruining your FIL's last holiday 🙁unfortunately. All of you need to band together and calmly but firmly tell her to fuck off.
Shame on your SIL for inviting her, what was she thinking?
I would be asking her to leave and telling SIL straight that if she carrying on and causing trouble on her terminally ill Fathers last visit home is unforgivable, and makes her a scumbag.

1. MIL FIL
2. SIL BIL +1
3. PIL PIL
4. SIL BIL +1
5. OP DD +2
6. CF

I still do not understand why you are paying 4x as much, however it's divided
But let's say one food bill came to £120
She'd pay £20, while all the "units" paid £10 each
But if it was divided by all eating (cereal, milk, fruit etc) it would actually be £8 each

So she's paying £12 more and you'd be paying £20 instead of £32
So according to that maths, per head, if she were to pay £8, you'd pay £32

1. £16
2. £24
3. £16
4. £24
5. £32
6. £8

Got it.

Really? Adult sized man portions of everything? Does he have an eating disorder? Parder-willi syndrome?

He would sit and eat a starter, 8oz steak and chips and a desert?

One (or all of you preferably) needs to tell her to f... off and go find her own accommodation immediately. No messing, one of you do it and help her pack, call a taxi and get rid in the next hour. FIL's last memories of his family needs to be love, fun, calm, otherwise you will all have massive regrets and maybe MH problems after. Just do it, she is not worth any more time/angst. She is like a bit of poo in the corner, stinking and getting worse.

She should buy her own food to cook and get a separate tab at meals. If she doesn’t want to split as a single then she needs to be proactive. Not enjoying the group snacks and food but refusing to contribute because she doesn’t eat everything.

unless she’s eating packet noodles when everyone is sat down to dinner. Which I doubt she is.

@ThisOldThang - this really rips my knitting. YADNBU! It's so tone deaf of the CF - does she know this might be the last family holiday for your FIL?

I hope you get it sorted out.

Yanbu.

I'd support your wife whose father is dying and not cause drama.
Food is cheap by your own admission like her be a cheap skank.
At restaurants i would pop to the bathroom and get her bill brought separately to everyone else's....

At most I'd speak to SILs hisband and his parents and suggest they fuck off go on some day trips and take gym twat woth them. Separately tell BIL he needs to speak to his wife and her anf gym twat need to sit down and shut up.

Then separately organise something for3
Son + wife + child
Daughter + me (man) + 2 children and terminal ill fil and mil have a nice day.

No. She's being asked to contribute the same as all the other adults (one 11th of the total shopping bill). A large part of the shopping bill is wine and mixers (alcohol is expensive here and we bought duty free spirits). My wife and I don't really drink much, but SIL and her husband knock back two or three £15 bottles of wine each evening.

If we were all going to get really petty, then my wife's brother's wife gets the worst deal. She's a vegetarian and doesn't really drink. My wife's parents don't really drink, but do eat meat. We don't really drink much, but we've got two kids. SIL and her husband drink a lot and have an older teenage daughter. My wife's sister's husband's parents like a drink and nice food.

We just split the bills.

CF is messing with the system, but ultimately we're talking £10-20 maximum that she's overpaying on a shop that lasts 3-4 days - and she's probably subsidising SIL and her husband, rather than anybody else.

Please bear in mind that this holiday is a 12 hour, £1200 flight from the UK and she's ended up with free accommodation, due to the generosity of other family members, that would probably cost at least £1000 if she booked something solo.

Our problem isn't the money, but the way she expects everybody else to change a simple system to accommodate her unwillingness to split the costs between the adults. She's also encroaching upon the privacy of the people that have given her free accommodation by using their en suite bathroom.

She's not a victim.

Is that an adult man sized portion? Three courses? Not a healthy one maybe. My husband is very healthy so in terms of portions my son probably eats not far off what my husband would eat of a lentil curry or a bolognaise. He is tall like my husband, so maybe that is a factor. He does like steak, not sure if he could eat a whole one but I think he probably could. He once ate an entire cereal bowl of broccoli. He loves food and is not overweight.

the cheek!

She's getting FREE accommodation, she is happy enough to intrude a family, the very least she can do is follow the group.

She's not subsiding anyone, who does she think she is? rude cow (that woman, not you)

What do you think she should be contributing towards, that CF?

There's a VERY simple solution if it's not of her liking.
She buggers off, rent a hotel room or something, and pays her own costs, her own expenses and it's "fair".

Why doesn't she do that?

Is the free holiday generously given too hard to say not to? 😂

I dunno if anyone else has mentioned it but my first thought here was a Carol Susan Ross situation...!

The sisters, husbands parents need to ask her to leave. Why the fuck did they offer her free accommodation?

I really hope this cheeky bitch isn't coming on family visits. It's incredibly inappropriate for her to be on the holiday at all.

She's causing upset, she needs to book in to a hotel.

We have previously divided by 5 to account for the 10 adults (5x couples).

We're now saying to divide by 11.

There was a big shop the night before she arrived. Food and alcohol are expensive here (a very remote island) and it came to £450.

That works out at £41 per adult and is enough for 3-4 days. She refused to pay that and demanded to only pay £30. So, she's laying down the law over £11 when she's ended up with free accommodation worth at least £1,000 for two weeks. Over the two weeks, we're probably talking £50-75 difference between what she wants to pay and what we'd ask her to pay.

'Fuck off you weirdo' is what I'm thinking.