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Niece screamed at me for turning over in bed.

445 replies

jeregretterien77 · 04/01/2026 08:09

Hi
So I have just returned from a ski holiday with my adult niece. When I booked originally, my 19 year old son was meant to be going, but his job would not let him take time off over Christmas (retail). My niece had expressed that she would really like to try skiing, so I asked her if she wanted to come along. It was a really good deal for skiing as French (hostel type) food included, so I paid an extra 25% and she paid around £500 plus her own flights. This included ski lessons, equipment, transfer from airport, ski pass and food and accommodation.

Now I have struggled with menopausal anxiety and I am claustrophobic which has got worse with menopause, but I was upfront about this. Flying makes me anxious now and confined spaces. On way to airport I mentioned I was anxious, but said I'd be fine. Got on flight was fine. Niece was sat elsewhere as I said she could relax in case I felt anxious. I was abso fine in the end and just spoke to her and offered her a sandwich all good.

Got to accommodation, food good. Had a drink went to bed. Woke up as very hot in room about 4 and eventually opened window then bit of tossing and turning around (we shared a room twin beds) went back to sleep. Niece said I moved around a bit. I offered her new pack of ear buds for next night she refused.

All good, but ski resort was much busier than usual due to not a lot of snow and people heading to where we were, therefore buses and gondola all busy, so not great for me. We had ski lesson and I stayed in her beginner lesson to give her support, then did little bit of skiing just past basic myself.

On gondola I asked staff if I could go just with my niece due to claustrophobia, but he said was too busy, we then got on with 2 others and I felt anxious, so just talking to French lady next to me saying I was claustrophobic just in case she thought I was acting weird. The gondola then stopped midway and I panicked a little and tried to change seats. The French lady was lovely and spoke to me and a young English guy which made me feel much better. I held my niece's hand and she just looked pissed off. Absolutely packed bus on way back so I got off and told her I would meet her back at centre. Eventually had to get on packed bus and coped ok. Then had meal, chatted to other people and joined evening entertainment she said she enjoyed it. Went to bed, middle of night she complains that I am moving around (bear in mind when we have been on holiday before she has slept in same BED as her mother who snores like a buffalo) and there is no way that I could have been making anywhere near the noise that she does. My niece, I was aware was also moving around a lot, so I just thought well that's sharing rooms. She went to lesson next morning and we met up for lunch had nice time, spoke to lots of friendly, adventurous people, she said to each one that she hated skiing.

That evening I suggested we explore town, go out for drink to lovely little chalet bar had a lovely chat, she complimented me on my French. We talked about her learning Spanish etc all good. Went back for food, joined quiz with other people, mostly families, but girl her age, she spoke with. Music quiz which for some reason I had a lot of answers for. She suddenly decides she's leaving to go to the room after half an hour. No problem, I stay and chat and quiz with people we are with. Went to room, we laughed and joked for about an hour about her ski lesson and she said the instructor had had to keep rescuing her and I joked they were in a love/hate relationship and we both laughed for a good while continuing this story. Around 10 minutes after this, we settled to go to sleep and she suddenly got up and screamed at me that I'd been keeping her awake for 2 nights and she'd had enough of it and how dare I do that. I was so shocked I just froze in bed and didn't say anything. She then went out slammed the door and went downstairs. 10 minutes later she came back and I ignored her and said that she should put on white noise or use ear buds she then shouted at me again and I said that it was unreasonable as other people are trying to sleep and I didn't understand why she was shouting at me. She then said she was leaving the next day. Which she did and I stayed and made friends and had a good time for the rest of the week.

So If you've stuck with this well done! Was I being unreasonable? Any idea where this came from because I was completely blindsided.

OP posts:
ThatCyanCat · 04/01/2026 08:47

I'm sympathetic about your anxiety but it would have driven me nuts too, sorry. I don't know if skiing is a good choice for someone who requires so much management.

IdreamedAdreamINtimesGONEby · 04/01/2026 08:47

Bloody hell that was a lot of extra info in addition to the actual problem. Whats with all the claustrophobia info?

I get the impression you must be mid 40's or older due to have a son who works.

If that is the case then seriously?! You're messaging like you're a teenager! Agree with others - get a grip.

Lovely idea for a holiday with your niece but as 2 grown women you need to sort your shit out 😂

Notmyreality · 04/01/2026 08:48

I don’t blame her.

Changingplace · 04/01/2026 08:48

Being kept awake all night by someone is absolutely painful, I can see why she snapped.

Sorry OP but you sound irritating, surely it’s to be expected the resort would be busy, you’ve been overly anxious about not really very much at all.

Combine all this with the fact your niece doesn’t ski and has found it more difficult than she expected, you’re obviously just not ideal holiday partners.

Keroppi · 04/01/2026 08:50

You sound a nightmare constantly hopping on and off buses and freaking out about gondolas, no offense. And you did leave her alone a lot for a beginner which isnt very fun! So I understand her being stressed and tetchy. If she hated skiing you should've done some spa bits or shopping, lots more hot chocolates or tartiflettes up the lifts and back down in normal shoes for a break!

You should have anti anxiety meds or maybe seek hypnotherapy as your phobia is running your life at the moment.

She was hugely unreasonable to shout and scream at you especially having a holiday so cheap. It's a shame she might never try skiing again. And shame about the low snow

Eenameenadeeka · 04/01/2026 08:50

Sorry but I can see why she left, it would have been a lot for her. That's quite a high level of anxiety and sounds dramatic and not very enjoyable for her.

treetherapy · 04/01/2026 08:50

Sorry, but I dont blame her.

You were panicking at every single stage of this trip and expecting her to accommodate you. Its exhausting and draining for others.

You forced her to hold your hand in public, you shared intimate details of your medical history with strangers which is very inappropriate and embarrassing, every activity you did together you broke into histrionics.

Sure, maybe she could have handled this situation better but honestly, I am not at all surprised she exploded after this clusterfuck of a holiday

PropertyD · 04/01/2026 08:50

Get help for this. It’s all very drama lama. Sorry but it’s not all about you! Splash out on a separate room and don’t put someone else through all of this ever…

RoutineQueen3 · 04/01/2026 08:51

Anxiety, menopause, claustrophobic and you go abroad to a busy holiday resort & share a room in hostel! Glutton for punishment my dear!

Hohofortherobbers · 04/01/2026 08:51

If you were meant to be looking after me on my very first skiing holiday and suddenly were anxious of the bus, the plane, the gondola, the crowd etc id feel pissed off. If she'd known about your anxieties she might not have come. Add in the sleep deprivation and the exhaustion of your first time skiing, disaster all round

ThisWeekIAhBeenMostlyEatinTrifle · 04/01/2026 08:52

I’ve been through severe perimenopausal anxiety, and it’s horrific - but I would never make my wellbeing through it the responsibility of a much younger person who isn’t even a member of my household! You just can’t do that. Are you on HRT or medication? It sounds as though you have done nothing to help yourself. Mine disappeared a couple of weeks into taking HRT and I was back to my usual capable self. You need to get this sorted or it will stop you enjoying life properly.

Taking this trip without having addressed the issues, you knew you’d be badly affected by enclosed spaces and crowds. Family members can offer brilliant support through what you’re experiencing, but here you were expecting a very young person to effectively reverse roles and take on the caring role for you. This wouldn’t have been fair on your 19 year old son, either. You’re to blame for how it turned out, even though your niece’s behaviour was rude. I hope you can get yourself better soon.

Setyoufree · 04/01/2026 08:53

Man, you have anxiety and claustrophobia and you though skiing during one of the busiest weeks would be a good idea?! I can't believe you asked for your own gondola when I can imagine what the queues looked like 😬

Tossing and turning all night is super annoying to be with. I can imagine she's had a combination of sleep deprivation, tiredness from skiing and frustration with the anxiety stuff. She's probably thinking this is a horrible use of £500 plus flights.....

Anyway lesson learned, just don't go with her again!

PollyBell · 04/01/2026 08:54

The way you feel with menopause is an excuse on your feelings, menopause is not an excuse to carry on the way you nothing excuses that

You need to travel alone

Nushi21 · 04/01/2026 08:54

Hi OP. You are not being unreasonable. This is you!!!!
You’re niece is being unreasonable.

ignore the nasty comments. You accept your anxiety and claustrophobia. People need to be more mindful.
Glad you enjoyed the rest of your holiday.

Doteycat · 04/01/2026 08:56

Nushi21 · 04/01/2026 08:54

Hi OP. You are not being unreasonable. This is you!!!!
You’re niece is being unreasonable.

ignore the nasty comments. You accept your anxiety and claustrophobia. People need to be more mindful.
Glad you enjoyed the rest of your holiday.

Hi!!!
You are incorrect. No one needs to accept this kind of behaviour.

LIZS · 04/01/2026 08:56

You sound very difficult to please and melodramatic. She had little sleep during a physically demanding holiday and snapped. Did she go home or just change accommodation? Why go on a gondola with known claustrophobia and expect everyone to pander to you. It sounds like hard work not a holiday.

tanstaafl · 04/01/2026 08:57

To add, if she was learning to ski but not ‘getting it’, that can be incredibly frustrating and annoying. I think it a thing, that by the 4th day you’ve either cracked it or you’d gladly pay to be helicoptered out of the goddamn resort straight back home and you’ll never try to ski again.

EleanorReally · 04/01/2026 08:58

i dont know what a gondola is

ThatCyanCat · 04/01/2026 08:58

I also think that in any family, it's a mistake to expect the "child" generation, even if they're adults, to act like the grown up generation above it in terms of management, support and so on. I don't mean adult children can't ever be supportive about stuff, but I don't think there should be an ongoing dynamic where the parent/aunt/uncle generation looks to its child/niece/nephew generation to "parent" it by managing its anxiety or things like that.

quitecarelesswhisper · 04/01/2026 08:59

Yes you were unreasonable. Your anxiety is unfortunate but it is your responsibility to manage, either by seeking professional therapy or medication or other holistic therapies/lifestyle changes. You should not be going on holiday if you are going to freak out every time you get on a plane, bus or gondola.

It sounds like your niece was acting like your carer the entire holiday, its no wonder she got fed up.

Itsmetheflamingo · 04/01/2026 08:59

She was sleep deprived, I’m afraid I would’ve done the same under the circumstances

Alicay · 04/01/2026 09:01

This thread is making me feel really shit. Have the same issues as the OP have tried to hide it from my family, but there's no doubt it's impacted some things eg me making an excuse not to go in a gondola. I've missed out on so much stuff. Wish I could get a grip as people have suggested OP should do.

TricNorthCarolina · 04/01/2026 09:01

She shouldn't have shouted at you but i can completely understand how she couldn't cope with you anymore. You were anxious about everything, had to tell random strangers about it all the time & generally were very hard to be around. Plus a lack of sleep - that would have tried the patience of a saint. I certainly wouldnt have had the patience to manage you after 24 hours so she did better than me.

What help are you getting for your anxiety as it is so very draining to be around anyone who doesn't seem to be able to manage even simple tasks in life, especially as you choose to go on a holiday that you knew would cause you issues?

permanently · 04/01/2026 09:02

On my first ski holiday at her age my body was destroyed! The only thing I could manage to move in the morning was my head off the pillow! My body felt nailed to the bed. At least I had undisturbed sleep, which she didn’t. Respectfully OP you seem unable to understand/control how your behaviour affects others. Let’s get that sorted in 2026 X

Meadowfinch · 04/01/2026 09:02

If you'd opened the windows of my bedroom in the middle of an alpine winter, I'd have left too.

Time to have your own room.