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Holidays

Use our Travel forum for recommendations on everything from day trips to the best family-friendly holiday destinations.

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Original poster

My 17yo daughter is upset I didn’t invite her on the annual family holiday

912 replies

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:27

Is it reasonable I did not invite my eldest 17 year old daughter on the family holiday. She has been on every previous family holiday with us however this year as she’s is finishing with Alevels she’s booked two holidays as rewards for her efforts, her first holiday has been completely self funded, where as her second holiday I offered to pay for the flights.

Due to her already having two holidays booked I thought it’d be unfair if she came on the family holiday aswell. Unless she paid for it, which I’m aware she can’t do as her job pays extremely poorly. A few months ago we had a discussion as a family about the idea of a family holiday and briefly arose the possibility of her not coming due to it overlapping with her holidays. However no further progress was made.

This morning I booked the holiday however before I booked it I did ask her when her holidays ended, so she would be back for when the family holiday happens. However this led her to believe we wanted her back so she could join us on the holiday? However this is not the case I just didn’t want our holidays to overlap for practical reasons. Now she seems visibly hurt and has argued with me calling me unreasonable?

OP posts:

Here4thechocs · 21/04/2025 14:49

LittleBearPad · 21/04/2025 14:32

She’s only 17!

Exactly. She’s a child.

Newmeagain · 21/04/2025 14:49

Longma · 21/04/2025 14:33

I can’t imagine not inviting my child on a family holiday, especially whilst when they still live at home and are not financially independent.
Heck, our DD is early 20s, lives away from home, has a full time job, etc and we still invite her - and pay for her - to come away with us on a family holiday each year!

Your lack of communication really hasn’t helped matters either, especially if you always planned to exclude her. Why was when she back home relevant to the conversation if you had no intention of inviting her in your holiday?

Yes, this. My dd is 19 and we are planning lots of holidays that we want to do together in the future.

Hoppinggreen · 21/04/2025 14:49

DD is 20 and at Uni, not only is she invited but she is consulted on the location etc
One day she won't want to come so we are enjoying having her with us as long as we can

Original poster

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:50

She planned her holidays before we planned them family one. I feel simply that if it was important to her to spend time with us she would have asked us before making her plans

OP posts:

BethDuttonYeHaw · 21/04/2025 14:50

its pretty mean not to invite her

OatFlatWhiteForMe · 21/04/2025 14:50

Not only mean but cruel.

Schoolchoicesucks · 21/04/2025 14:50

How old are your other kids who are coming with you on your family holiday?

I am rather gobsmacked at the post about her going away in September to Uni and staying at her boyfriend's house 2 nights a week supposedly being justification to exclude her from the family holiday.

This should have been a discussion. Not sprung on her. If you didn't want to/couldn't fund her holiday flights AND for her to come away on the family holiday this should have been a conversation and she should have been given the choice.

This is a very strange parenting choice.

EVHead · 21/04/2025 14:50

Nobody “needs” to go on holiday. You’re being mean.

fallinlovenothate · 21/04/2025 14:51

Surely this is a joke? If not your relationship is going to end up incredibly strained

Velmy · 21/04/2025 14:51

Incredibly mean. I bet she feels awful.

OatFlatWhiteForMe · 21/04/2025 14:51

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:50

She planned her holidays before we planned them family one. I feel simply that if it was important to her to spend time with us she would have asked us before making her plans

You are going after her holiday… she’s free!

YouAreAToy · 21/04/2025 14:51

That’s really fucking cruel.

SendBooksAndTea · 21/04/2025 14:51

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:50

She planned her holidays before we planned them family one. I feel simply that if it was important to her to spend time with us she would have asked us before making her plans

Can you not see that this is a really odd stance for a parent to take? My daughter is my world, I can't imagine behaving like this to her. I wonder how.your other children feel about their sister not being included?

murasaki · 21/04/2025 14:51

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:50

She planned her holidays before we planned them family one. I feel simply that if it was important to her to spend time with us she would have asked us before making her plans

She's 17. You knew her plans, agreed to pay flights for one, and now are punishing her for something you could have included her in when booking it.

I anticipate a thread in a few years time moaning about how your adult child doesn't talk to you.

itstheeasterbunny · 21/04/2025 14:52

Very harsh. Our family summer holiday is planned around 17 year old DDs 2 holidays with her friends (both of which we’ve paid for.)

Longma · 21/04/2025 14:52

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:41

It’s not that I can’t fund it . I just think she doesn’t need to go on the family holiday if she already has two other holidays booked.

Punished because you don’t think she deserves to go away more than once. You can afford it but don’t want to.

My YA dd has several holidays throughout the year without us, Still wouldn’t not invite her to come in our main family holiday each year. We love being in her company and love the chance to spend so much time together as a family unit. Even more so since she isn’t at home with us all the time anymore, a real time to reconnect and catch up together without the constraints of work and daily life in the way.

Upstartled · 21/04/2025 14:52

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:50

She planned her holidays before we planned them family one. I feel simply that if it was important to her to spend time with us she would have asked us before making her plans

Right, so it's punishment then? Fucking hell, instead of celebrating her move towards adulthood you thought you'd let her know what she was missing? Toxic.

Schoolchoicesucks · 21/04/2025 14:52

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:50

She planned her holidays before we planned them family one. I feel simply that if it was important to her to spend time with us she would have asked us before making her plans

OK you made an assumption. Now you know she feels hurt and your assumption was wrong, what are you planning to do?

FortyElephants · 21/04/2025 14:52

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:50

She planned her holidays before we planned them family one. I feel simply that if it was important to her to spend time with us she would have asked us before making her plans

She's 17. Of course her friends come first. But she's also still part of your family and still living at home. You're lucky she wants to come on the family holiday TBH and this was probably your last chance for her to willingly come and you've blown it. You sound very unkind.

CautiousLurker01 · 21/04/2025 14:52

The one holiday she has self funded so should not be factored into you reasoning at all; the second you ‘offered to pay for her flights’ ie she will be funding a portion of that herself too? At 17? Really?

If you had offered her an either/or - you can come on the family holiday OR I will pay for your trip with friends - so that she had a choice, that would probably have been fine. But to just decide unilaterally the way you have, OP, no. That is seriously mean.

ScaryM0nster · 21/04/2025 14:53

At 17, living at home and being asked about date clashes - I’d have assumed I was going rather than being used for some kind of cover at home unless it was pointed out up front.

You dropped the ball with the communication here, and that’s on you.

Grammarnut · 21/04/2025 14:53

Who 'invites' their 17 year old on the family holiday? You all go, it's a family holiday. That she has saved up for her own hols is neither here nor there.
Re going to uni, she is not leaving home, her legal domicile is still your household not the university.

ILoveMyWeeds · 21/04/2025 14:54

She’s doing A levels so still at school, right? And has a part time job while studying and has managed to save enough money to fund two holidays. You’ve paid for the flights for the second holiday - how much were the flights and how much is it costing to take each of her siblings on holiday? I cannot for the life of me understand why you wouldn’t take your seventeen year old child on your family holiday.

She sounds like a hard working and sensible young woman. She’s a credit to herself, at least.

Doyouthinktheyknow · 21/04/2025 14:54

Yabu! I wouldn’t have left out one of my dc if they wanted to come!

I don’t think you can have too much fun at that age, good luck to her! Feels a bit judgemental on your part to decide that’s enough fun for her!

Newtrix · 21/04/2025 14:54

Incredibly cruel, your poor daughter must be so hurt. Things like this make you realise why people go low/no contact with their families.

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