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Original poster

My 17yo daughter is upset I didn’t invite her on the annual family holiday

912 replies

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:27

Is it reasonable I did not invite my eldest 17 year old daughter on the family holiday. She has been on every previous family holiday with us however this year as she’s is finishing with Alevels she’s booked two holidays as rewards for her efforts, her first holiday has been completely self funded, where as her second holiday I offered to pay for the flights.

Due to her already having two holidays booked I thought it’d be unfair if she came on the family holiday aswell. Unless she paid for it, which I’m aware she can’t do as her job pays extremely poorly. A few months ago we had a discussion as a family about the idea of a family holiday and briefly arose the possibility of her not coming due to it overlapping with her holidays. However no further progress was made.

This morning I booked the holiday however before I booked it I did ask her when her holidays ended, so she would be back for when the family holiday happens. However this led her to believe we wanted her back so she could join us on the holiday? However this is not the case I just didn’t want our holidays to overlap for practical reasons. Now she seems visibly hurt and has argued with me calling me unreasonable?

OP posts:
atoo · 21/04/2025 14:28

This is ridiculously unreasonable. Of course she should be invited.

Eggtoastie · 21/04/2025 14:28

Well it's a shock for her given you asked if she would be back.

EJ2 · 21/04/2025 14:29

I think it’s a bit unreasonable, only because you don’t seem to have been clear in your communication about it.

Does she still live at home?

Bigearringsbigsmile · 21/04/2025 14:30

Why wouldn't you want her to come? I'd love to go on holiday with my adult kids

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 21/04/2025 14:30

I can't believe you wouldn't invite her at that age.

CopperWhite · 21/04/2025 14:31

That was mean. Poor kid.

LittleBearPad · 21/04/2025 14:32

Very unreasonable. Is she meant to stay home so she can look after the dog because you’ve decreed she can only have so many holidays?

SirChenjins · 21/04/2025 14:32

Oh OP - what were you thinking?!

LittleBearPad · 21/04/2025 14:32

She’s only 17!

pinkdelight · 21/04/2025 14:33

Due to her already having two holidays booked I thought it’d be unfair if she came on the family holiday as well

WTF?? Why is it unfair? Are you the fun police? Can she not have - gasp! - three holidays? Of course a 17yo should be included in a family holiday and not have to pay for it herself, especially when you darn well know she can't afford it. Are you trying to punish her for doing A levels and having a job or something? It's so weird that I feel like it must be a reverse or made-up.

JaffavsCookie · 21/04/2025 14:33

How mean of you, of course she is upset, and particularly since you asked her if she would be back, thus setting up ( in her mind) an even clearer expectation she would be attending.

Longma · 21/04/2025 14:33

I can’t imagine not inviting my child on a family holiday, especially whilst when they still live at home and are not financially independent.
Heck, our DD is early 20s, lives away from home, has a full time job, etc and we still invite her - and pay for her - to come away with us on a family holiday each year!

Your lack of communication really hasn’t helped matters either, especially if you always planned to exclude her. Why was when she back home relevant to the conversation if you had no intention of inviting her in your holiday?

alsohappenedoverhere · 21/04/2025 14:33

Wow. My dd same age and I am arranging our family holiday around her plans. How mean of you.

Lascivious · 21/04/2025 14:33

How could you not invite her? Seems unnecessarily mean.

letsgojo · 21/04/2025 14:34

My oldest is 22, hasn’t lived at home for 4 years, and still gets invited on our family holiday. Doesn’t always come due to work commitments but I wouldn’t dream of taking the other and not inviting him. At 17 that’s just bloody mean

Rastyopolis · 21/04/2025 14:34

@OliveKoala she’s 17, yes I’m guessing she’ll be 18 by end of summer. Most teenagers finishing a-levels have holidays with friends, and they’re well deserved A levels are stressful. Why wouldn’t you want her to go on holiday with the family, and why wouldn’t you pay for it. If she’d just finished uni then maybe, but she’s just finishing school.

BendingSpoons · 21/04/2025 14:34

When you paid for her flights, you definitely should have told her if this meant she couldn't come on your family holiday. If money isn't an issue and it is just 'fairness' then you should have invited her IMO, or at least discussed it with her.

GildedRage · 21/04/2025 14:34

She’s a teenager and still lives in your home! Of course you include her.
dripfeed and backstory to come I’m sure…

dammit88 · 21/04/2025 14:34

I also think you are mean. Remember you reap what you sow.

dijonketchup · 21/04/2025 14:34

What a shock for her, not being included in this special family time. It’s not about entitlement to a certain number of holidays, it’s about spending time together as a family unit. How cruel.

Upstartled · 21/04/2025 14:35

A family holiday in which you excluded your 17yo DD? That's brutal.

TomatoSandwiches · 21/04/2025 14:35

YABVU I don't understand your reasoning tbh, she's 17, she's family so to me she's still a child and should be included.

MsMarple · 21/04/2025 14:36

Unless you are about to drip feed some random tale of abject poverty, then you are being totally unreasonable!

Why call it a ‘family holiday’ if you aren’t inviting your core family members?

Original poster
OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:36

Yes but she will be leaving to got Uni in September and she spends the weekends at her boyfriends. So she is only around 5/7 days of the week

OP posts:
GardenGaff · 21/04/2025 14:36

If its a finance issue and you were giving hrt the choice that either you pay for the flights for her second holiday or you pay for her to come on the family holiday, you probably should have communicated that more clearly.

The fact that you can’t afford to pay for both for her (if that’s the case) is not unreasonable.