My 17yo daughter is upset I didn’t invite her on the annual family holiday

[OliveKoala]

Is it reasonable I did not invite my eldest 17 year old daughter on the family holiday. She has been on every previous family holiday with us however this year as she’s is finishing with Alevels she’s booked two holidays as rewards for her efforts, her first holiday has been completely self funded, where as her second holiday I offered to pay for the flights.

Due to her already having two holidays booked I thought it’d be unfair if she came on the family holiday aswell. Unless she paid for it, which I’m aware she can’t do as her job pays extremely poorly. A few months ago we had a discussion as a family about the idea of a family holiday and briefly arose the possibility of her not coming due to it overlapping with her holidays. However no further progress was made.

This morning I booked the holiday however before I booked it I did ask her when her holidays ended, so she would be back for when the family holiday happens. However this led her to believe we wanted her back so she could join us on the holiday? However this is not the case I just didn’t want our holidays to overlap for practical reasons. Now she seems visibly hurt and has argued with me calling me unreasonable?

In fact it sounds as though the mother is jealous of the child and being deliberately cruel to put her “in her place”. We’ve all heard of mothers like that. Don’t worry, I expect you won’t be seeing much of her in the future.

You sound jealous.

I think it's just sad. We invite ds on a holiday every year (he's 23 now!) and he came away with us for a week all the way through university. He's coming for a weeks walking this year and I'm just eternally grateful that he still wants to spend a bit of quality time with us still.

What a miserable approach you have.

I wouldn’t have thought a seventeen year old would want to holiday with their parents, they must take a lot longer to grow up these days. OP YANBU especially when she has two holidays of her own planned.

Christ you’re horrible

So she doesn’t need to spend time with her family before she goes to uni. It’s odd that you wouldn’t want her to go!

Why????

I can't believe what I'm reading.

You will be sending her a very clear message, why don't you want to spend time with your DD on the family holiday?

Really mean! Why don’t you want her there? I can’t imagine excluding my DC like this. As PP said, you reap what you sow, and you can’t blame her if your relationship suffers for this.

Doesn't need to go on the holiday? Do you need to go on the holiday? Poor girl, have you always rationed her leisure activities* *according to what you think she "needs"?

Bloody hell, op

My eldest (27) is not coming on holiday with us this year as she will be on a riding holiday in the Steppes and doesn’t have enough holiday days to come on our holiday too, but we still asked her! 23, 21 and 18 year olds all coming. They like us and we like them and we all have an amusing time.

I grew up in a family where my mum didn't always remember my birthday (19th, spectacularly) and even I think this is too harsh.

She's 17.

If you're jealous of the amount of holidays she has, that's your problem. Leaving her out of a family holiday is just plain mean.

WTF is wrong with you?

OP she's only 17! Having 3 holidays so close is the sort of thing that only happens in that brief window of time in life when you have no financial obligations by way of housing costs, dependents, household bills, etc She may not need a 3rd holiday but if you can afford to take her, and as long as she is pleasant company then why not. Might be the last one she has with you as a family.

Do you also have much younger children? I'm wondering if your holiday was easier to organise without her included. Not that it makes it better, just trying to u see stand your reasoning

Just as most teenagers are, then.
It’s the gradual move to independence.
But even at university they aren’t fully fledged independent adults.
Even less so at just 17y having only just finished school.

I mean - it’s clearly what you’ve decided. I just couldn’t make that decision and not invite my child in a family holiday, especially at just 17y and still living at home.

So you don't want your child in the family holiday? So it's not a family holiday then is it? Also why can't she have 3 holidays? You sound lovely

The family holiday is the family holiday. You can’t leave people out.

Why do you have limits on how much fun she can have?

Mean mean mean
you can afford it
she is available
it’s the annual family holiday
I would guess you are miffed / jealous that she has other holidays ????
MEAN !

Oh. So it is just that you don't want her there. Nice.

I wouldn't want to go on holiday without my 17yo. He's part of the family. Why would you do that?

please tell me you are reading these comments and having a think about yourself @OliveKoala. You won’t get these years back.

My stepdaughters have come on various holidays with us all the way through university, when they could. They know there is always an open invitation.