Ex partner wants to take the kids to Spain for 3 nights

[sunshinecm]

It would be great to get some advice from folks on here who have allowed their kids to travel abroad with their ex-partner. I am dubious that a trip abroad with two children is safe when travelling as a single adult.

My children are 5 and 7. They have a great relationship with their Dad, which has grown strong after our separation. They enjoy staying with him, regularly he takes them for 48 hours on alternating weekends.

However, I am not comfortable with them flying abroad. It's just not safe for one adult to take young kids out of the UK on their own. I have taken them abroad, but I have had myself and someone else with me to support.

I have suggested a UK holiday instead. The kids are absolutely desparate to go to Legoland or to Cbeebies world. I have suggested that if it's important for him to take a plane with the kids, he could fly to England from Scotland.

This is a big compromise for me as 1-2 nights in Central Scotland is by far what I would have been most comfortable with. I extended that though because I want an amicable relationship with him.

Has anyone else had to go through this?

Your reasoning is crazy. Just because you know people who needed medical attention on holiday, there will be 1000 more who didn’t. Medical care in Spain will be better than NHS care.
If you went to court then he’d still get permission for up to 14 days and they’d hopefully tell you that you are unreasonable.

In an emergency I expect a friend or family member would fly out. And if all amicable you might fly out for kids. But this is very unlikely ti be needed and no reason for you to decide he needs another adult.

God, my head was done in just reading this. Do you think nothing has happened to people holidaying in the UK?! I'm saying this from a place of kindness... you sound mentally unwell and need therapy as I suggested in previous post.

When we were together on holiday during the relationship, he would seem down and would struggle mentally with the trip

Translated to: Man was sad on holiday once so now I think my DC will drown if he takes them away so I am going to beat him with this stick forever

You're still being entirely unreasonable.

It might benefit you to see your GP to discuss what options are available for treating anxiety before you spend a lot of money to get yourself told by a judge that you have no right to control your ex to this degree or seek to obstruct your children's right to have a relationship (and holidays) with their father.

the only reason you can say no to this is if there is a serious risk he will abscond with them. Its a short break with their Dad who frequently looks after them no problem. DOes he tell you you are unsafe when looking after them - craziness

At their ages there shouldn't be any reason a single adult cannot take 2 children abroad on their own very successfully, I do it for a week every year.

It's an opportunity for your children to experience something different and in the care of their parent - it's also not a very long trip

Of course a parent can take their kids away.

Let go and stop trying to control how he parents.

I took my 2 kids abroad alone twice when they were youn and we are all still alive. My DH has taken his 2 kids abroad several times alone before we met.

This cannot be a serious question

As others have said you cannot control what he does with his own children. Just because you do something your way doesn’t mean he has to do it the same way. Good for him for taking them on a lovely trip and having some quality time just the three of them.

Lawyers? To do what exactly? You don’t have a leg to stand on with your demands, be grateful he wants to go away with them and have a fun trip.

None of your reasons for your demands stand up anyway and you don’t get to dictate what he does when his children are with him. He could be planning to take them to a much more ‘unsafe’ place for longer and you’d still be very unlikely to have any say in what he does.

You are being rather ridiculous. I've taken my kids abroad from a young age by myself due to husband's work patterns. What do you think single parents do?

We've always have a great time.

I understand how you are feeling. I am an incredibly anxious person. However, you are being unreasonable. When my children's dad takes them away, I usually get photos during the week. My children also have ipads so they text me themselves if they want to. If they ask for a facetime we have one, but I don't push them at all. I tell them to have an amazing time and I trust their father to look after them. It's the same when I take them away. I keep in touch with their dad, so do they. He hasn't asked me to do it though, and I've never asked him. We do it because we want each other to see how much our children are enjoying their time away.

Op, go and see a lawyer and come back and tell us exactly how it goes.

Maybe he was down mentally on holiday being around you, this level of anxiety is really not normal.

Are they on a 'package' holiday in which case there will be Reps who can help with problems.

It might be reasonable to check that he has travel insurance and possibly get the policy details but nothing more

You need to step back and let their father parent them. You do not get to control or micro manage their time with him

Oh, yes. And then if the 3rd adult has an accident, best take a 4th person.

Seriously @sunshinecm let him take his children on holiday. Don't make him take you to court, or he may get a 2 week allowance and you'd really struggle to cope

My DH and his ex do the following when either of them travel abroad with DSD:

“Landed safely” text when flying
DSDs FaceTimes the parent who is at home every 2-3 days for 5-10 mins.

Anything more than that is a bit much to expect I think. We always know roughly where she is staying and we share that info too but I mean like “Spain, in a hotel 5 mins from the theme park” or “France, camping, site has a pool she’ll love” rather than hotel addresses etc!

Please don't pass your anxieties on to your DC by talking to them anxiously before the trip. Wave them off with a cheerful "Have a lovely time", which will free them to enjoy their holiday. While th💐ey are away, do some nice things for yourself that you don't usually get time for. Its a little break for you too. Enjoy it.

It's reasonable for him to tell you where they'll be staying and the flight details. It's massively unreasonable for you to insist on another adult being present and all your other details that will make you feel better. Assuming he also has PR then you're going to have to get comfortable with not being 100% in control.

Christ @sunshinecm you came here for advice so listen to the advice you’re being given which is pretty unanimous.

Dad is an equal parent. If you went to court then provided there is no safeguarding risk he would be treated as an equal parent and he’d be awarded a much longer holiday than 3 lousy days!

Spend money on lawyers if you like but kindly @sunshinecm you haven’t got a leg to stand on. If you go down the legal route then bear in mind he could well counter argue that your emotional needs and anxieties are impacting the kids, question your mental health and end up with more custody, particularly if your behaviour around the holiday is part of a pattern. My partner’s ex lost custody for this reason, her behaviour was classed as emotional abuse by the courts. Amongst other things, she was forced to allow a (up to 14 night) holiday and both parents have to give the other details of flights and accommodation - but this is only for emergencies. NOT to go ringing up the hotel. She has no right to demand texts/calls/photos and has to respect the kids’ right to time with their dad.

Perhaps dad feeling low on a previous holiday was because he was unhappy in his relationship with you.

You clearly have anxiety / control issues so please realise this is a YOU problem and fix it. Let your kids have a fun holiday with their dad and stop trying to micromanage it.

PS how about if dad said ‘ok, you want me to take a second adult, I’ll take my new girlfriend!’. And that would be entirely on you.

Erm no. ‘Have you got insurance?’ is a reasonable question but policy details is none of her business.

None of that is a valid reason to try and block this. Single parents with no support deal with these things every single day including when overseas. You're being completely unreasonable and controlling here. The fact you feel incapable of doing those things doesn't mean others are. You're either controlling or suffering something like anxiety, if it's the later I'd suggest getting some help with this because the way you're feeling isn't normal. It is your problem not his.

Well it may or may not be reasonable depends on the circs I suppose

This is a strange thread. OP do you have anxiety issues? Or are you trying to control him?

My parents divorced when i was 5.

My dad took me and my brother on holidays when we were aged 5 and 7. Just one adukt and two kids.
My mum also took us away on holidays. She took us , just one adult and two kids.

If he can look after the kids by himself in scotland, he can look after the kids by himself abroad.

Remember - you dont own the kids. They are equally his kids as much as they are your kids.

It's spain not iraq! They'll be fine, just make sure he's got their travel insurance sorted properly.

Of course it's safe for them to be with their parent in Spain you are projecting here and worrying unnecessarily.
They will have a lovely time