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Original poster

Ex partner wants to take the kids to Spain for 3 nights

200 replies

sunshinecm · 03/03/2025 17:33

It would be great to get some advice from folks on here who have allowed their kids to travel abroad with their ex-partner. I am dubious that a trip abroad with two children is safe when travelling as a single adult.

My children are 5 and 7. They have a great relationship with their Dad, which has grown strong after our separation. They enjoy staying with him, regularly he takes them for 48 hours on alternating weekends.

However, I am not comfortable with them flying abroad. It's just not safe for one adult to take young kids out of the UK on their own. I have taken them abroad, but I have had myself and someone else with me to support.

I have suggested a UK holiday instead. The kids are absolutely desparate to go to Legoland or to Cbeebies world. I have suggested that if it's important for him to take a plane with the kids, he could fly to England from Scotland.

This is a big compromise for me as 1-2 nights in Central Scotland is by far what I would have been most comfortable with. I extended that though because I want an amicable relationship with him.

Has anyone else had to go through this?

OP posts:
ElleintheWoods · 03/03/2025 18:46

How do you think single parents go on holiday? How is the UK safer than ‘abroad’?

How do your children go on school trips, Inc school trips abroad, where the ratio is not 1:1?

I really do think you are irrationally cautious.

Savemefromwetdog · 03/03/2025 18:47

I have taken them abroad, but I have had myself and someone else with me to support.

I think this is the worst thing about this post. OP had someone else so it was fine for her to do it, but he doesn’t so he can’t

mitogoshigg · 03/03/2025 18:48

Why is it unsafe? I used to fly with my two all the time and never managed to mislay oneGrin

NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 03/03/2025 18:52

Yanbu, I'm a single parent and never leave the house unless accompanied, it's a dangerous world, and single parents need an escort at all times 😳

It's not up to you to 'allow' him either, he's an equal parent.

beasmithwentworth · 03/03/2025 18:53

What aspect of the trip are you worried about? The actual travelling or him being in charge on holiday?
The only reason this would concern me would be if a) they didn't have a great r'ship with their dad or he had a history of drunk or drug abuse or b) if they were staying in a villa with a private pool and no life guard.

I have been on my own with my 2 DC since they were 0 and 2 and have taken them away many times on their own. It's hard work but not unsafe- unless you have reason not to trust him with them.

What's bothering you?

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 03/03/2025 18:53

Another single parent who has done this many times. You are being ridiculous

beasmithwentworth · 03/03/2025 18:54

Also.. if you share parental responsibility with him then you don't have any say. You 'extended the offer' of something when it wasn't your decision to make in the first place.

Ellie1015 · 03/03/2025 18:55

Definitely unreasonable. I think a week abroad with a decent parent is acceptable. 3 days seems more than fair.

Unless Dad is useless or they aren't used to spending time with him then it wouldn't be a good idea. This is not the case here.

SprySheep · 03/03/2025 19:09

sunshinecm · 03/03/2025 17:33

It would be great to get some advice from folks on here who have allowed their kids to travel abroad with their ex-partner. I am dubious that a trip abroad with two children is safe when travelling as a single adult.

My children are 5 and 7. They have a great relationship with their Dad, which has grown strong after our separation. They enjoy staying with him, regularly he takes them for 48 hours on alternating weekends.

However, I am not comfortable with them flying abroad. It's just not safe for one adult to take young kids out of the UK on their own. I have taken them abroad, but I have had myself and someone else with me to support.

I have suggested a UK holiday instead. The kids are absolutely desparate to go to Legoland or to Cbeebies world. I have suggested that if it's important for him to take a plane with the kids, he could fly to England from Scotland.

This is a big compromise for me as 1-2 nights in Central Scotland is by far what I would have been most comfortable with. I extended that though because I want an amicable relationship with him.

Has anyone else had to go through this?

I think you're being ridiculous. I travelled to Thailand with my 8 year old by myself, spent a lovely 10 days there doing all sorts of excursions, she played with other kids, went to kids club & we had to do 3 flights home with long waits in between flights. Great time had by all.

Porcuporpoise · 03/03/2025 19:24

This is Spain Iran or Spain Afghanistan you're talking about right? Not the one just next to France.

JohnofWessex · 03/03/2025 19:29

HowardTJMoon · 03/03/2025 17:42

It's Spain, not Burkina Faso. They'll be fine.

Never mind Burkina Faso, what if he wanted to take them to Skegness or Blackpool?

Far worse by all accounts

Savemefromwetdog · 03/03/2025 19:29

JohnofWessex · 03/03/2025 19:29

Never mind Burkina Faso, what if he wanted to take them to Skegness or Blackpool?

Far worse by all accounts

Show quote history

Some parts of central Scotland are the same, yet that would be OP’s ideal.

notatinydancer · 03/03/2025 19:31

What on earth makes you think it's not safe for one adult to take two kids abroad alone ??? Confused

spanieleyes · 03/03/2025 19:33

I took my sons, aged 7 and 9 to Orlando for a week on my own, they then flew unaccompanied to Panama to meet their father and then spent the week with him before flying back to meet up with me. We all survived!

purpleme12 · 03/03/2025 19:35

I understand your unease with them being in a different country and you not being there. I wouldn't want it either.

However if you've taken them abroad without him (yes, even if there was another adult there) you can't just say he's not allowed. Of course one adult can take children abroad.

I think you need to be brave and let this happen

Glorybox2025 · 03/03/2025 19:38

Of course it's safe, you're being ridiculous.

Chuchoter · 03/03/2025 20:03

'It's just not safe for one adult to take young kids out of the UK on their own.'

Absolute nonsense.

Sounds more like you're jealous. Stop holding your children back and let them go with your blessing.

Doyoumind · 03/03/2025 20:33

This is so clearly unreasonable that it must be a reverse. I don't see how someone who has such a great relationship with his kids couldn't parent them for a few days on a holiday. I would understand you being reluctant if he had never looked after the children by himself or there had been some level of abuse but this sounds OTT in the absence of those concerns.

Starseeking · 03/03/2025 22:35

I don't understand why it wouldn't be safe for a 5 year old and 7 year old to go on holiday with their Dad.

What on earth do you imagine will happen to them? Confused

MissHollysDolly · 04/03/2025 06:16

What exactly are your concerns? I have a similar age gap (and a husband who works long hours) so there were a few times id take them away at that age on my own - either fly out to meet him or for a little weekend on the beach. No harm ever came to us.
I think - to be fair - husband would have floundered if asked to do the same at that age. Only because I was the "hands on" parent and he'd have no idea about appropriate level of ice cream intake/ whose sun hat was whose/ inability to walk past a Lego shop without spending 2 hours there etc etc... but ... nothing thag would have caused them actual harm (it would have done him good)

Jolpie · 04/03/2025 07:07

I think you are being unreasonable and controlling unless there is a backstory that he is an irresponsible parent. I was also a single parent and I had to do these things myself with no special help and it was fine. I cannot imagine having a conversation with my ex where I tell him where he is allowed on take his own kids on holiday. How is Scotland even comparable to Spain? I expect he would like to take them to the pool and beach not a wet castle. They are small kids let them enjoy their holiday.

Never2many · 04/03/2025 07:11

Another one of these where OP posts something completely batshit controversial and doesn’t come back.

Tedious.

ArabellaWeird · 04/03/2025 07:27

Whats your fear? What scenarios are you thinking of?

You don't get to dictate where your ex husband chooses to holiday with his children, and vice versa, unless theres a safeguarding issue. A real one, not just that you would feel more comfortable if they were at Legoland.

This is one of the challenges of divorce, relinquishing control when they're not with you. It's perfectly reasonable to take ones children to Spain for a three night break. You need to zip your lip and give them some spends and wave them off joyfully and keep your fears to yourself. And, appreciate that he's involved enough to take them with, and isn't taking a new love interest and leaving them behind.

loveawineloveacrisp · 04/03/2025 07:30

You're being ridiculous. Of course their dad should be able to take them on holiday.

Moglet4 · 04/03/2025 07:33

sunshinecm · 03/03/2025 17:33

It would be great to get some advice from folks on here who have allowed their kids to travel abroad with their ex-partner. I am dubious that a trip abroad with two children is safe when travelling as a single adult.

My children are 5 and 7. They have a great relationship with their Dad, which has grown strong after our separation. They enjoy staying with him, regularly he takes them for 48 hours on alternating weekends.

However, I am not comfortable with them flying abroad. It's just not safe for one adult to take young kids out of the UK on their own. I have taken them abroad, but I have had myself and someone else with me to support.

I have suggested a UK holiday instead. The kids are absolutely desparate to go to Legoland or to Cbeebies world. I have suggested that if it's important for him to take a plane with the kids, he could fly to England from Scotland.

This is a big compromise for me as 1-2 nights in Central Scotland is by far what I would have been most comfortable with. I extended that though because I want an amicable relationship with him.

Has anyone else had to go through this?

YABU OP. Why would taking 2 children to Spain be unsafe?