Ex partner wants to take the kids to Spain for 3 nights

[sunshinecm]

It would be great to get some advice from folks on here who have allowed their kids to travel abroad with their ex-partner. I am dubious that a trip abroad with two children is safe when travelling as a single adult.

My children are 5 and 7. They have a great relationship with their Dad, which has grown strong after our separation. They enjoy staying with him, regularly he takes them for 48 hours on alternating weekends.

However, I am not comfortable with them flying abroad. It's just not safe for one adult to take young kids out of the UK on their own. I have taken them abroad, but I have had myself and someone else with me to support.

I have suggested a UK holiday instead. The kids are absolutely desparate to go to Legoland or to Cbeebies world. I have suggested that if it's important for him to take a plane with the kids, he could fly to England from Scotland.

This is a big compromise for me as 1-2 nights in Central Scotland is by far what I would have been most comfortable with. I extended that though because I want an amicable relationship with him.

Has anyone else had to go through this?

It sounds as though you just don't want them to go without you. Presumably, if you thought you could manage then you wouldn't like it if someone told you not to take them yourself.
Plenty of single parents travel abroad with their children on their own.

You're being unreasonable. No reason why he can't cope with 2 young children on his own in Europe for a few nights. Single parents have to do this all the time.

I am married and have taken my children to Spain on my own for a month at a time for years.

In kindness op you are being unreasonable. It's always hard when you are separated and the kids start going off doing fun things with their other parent, but that doesn't mean it is unsafe.
At 5&7 unless they have significant additional needs, or your ex has form for being an irresponsible parent, they are going to enjoy the adventure together.
Perhaps have a look at planning your own trip away with the kids? I started small by booking a super easy all inclusive short break with transfers etc, but will now get overnight ferries and drive through Europe with them (mine are 10&8).

I took three to Spain, France and all over Europe alone from ages 1,5 and 7 - so not seeing the issue.

would you be okay with your ex stopping you taking them on holiday?

I think you sound a bit over anxious, my DH took DSD away alone before he met me and so did her Mum before meeting her now DH. Are you just never going to take your kids on holiday? If he applies to court for permission here he will win.

Someone had better tell all the single parents to cancel their holidays immediately.

OP you are being massively unreasonable and you're depriving your children of a nice holiday because of your made up rules.

YABU

As everyone else has said, you are being unreasonable, and you are risking your co-parenting relationship if you try to stop him taking them.

You’re being ridiculous. Absent some special need or risk in either the kids or your ex one adult is perfectly capable of taking the kids abroad- do you think single parents never go on holiday?

I think it would be helpful if you were to break down what exactly it is that you are worried about.
You don't appear to worry about the plane as you would be happy for them to fly within the UK.
I presume for 3 nights it is a city break he is talking about. If you think he would manage somewhere like Legoland then why do you think he could not cope somewhere like Barcelona?
Your children are old enough not to run off.
Is it the idea of "abroad" that scares you? Are you a nervous traveller?
I suspect it is the idea of them being quite so far away if something goes wrong. But you can probably get to them just as quickly in Spain than you can if they were in Cornwall (and probably quicker). You trust him to be able to look after them in London so what is the difference?
Once you can pinpoint the reason you are scared you can address it with him.
It's probably no comfort but DH and I often travelled on our own with two or more of the children whilst the other stayed at home with the others. There was never an issue. The nearest we came to having a problem was travelling to London on the train. (Lengthy delays and no working toilets).
Don't take this opportunity away from your children.

I get it, I've been there, it's hard. But you are being unreasonable. They will be fine - and if they're not (one of them gets a bug, for example) they are with a responsible parent who will handle it, just like you would if they were with you.

I assumed the OP was worried in case anything happened to the dad and the kids were left without anyone they know there to care for them. I understand that.

What lucky kids. Age 5 and 7, to Spain? Yes of course, go for it. They'll be fine. Personally I think 3 nights is a bit short, I'd want a week to make it worth all the travel, but whatever works for your kids and their dad. As pp have said, Spain is about as safe as the UK. And you plan something nice for yourself while they're away!

If anything happened to your ex or your kids the authorities would be in contact with you like a shot! Plenty of English speakers and your kids would be treated just as kindly in Spain as they would here til you got there.

Honestly OP, what message are you giving your kids with this attitude, that their dad is irresponsible and can’t keep them safe. The greatest gift you can give them is to know that they have two capable parents that love them.
(as long as he is responsible if course!)

I’ve been all over the world with my 4, on my own. Taken them to North America, South America, Europe, Africa. I’m a single parent and don’t have the option of having another person to come along with me. What’s the alternative? Never take them out of the country? You are being ridiculous and it’s up to you to manage your feelings. Don’t hold them back. He’s their parent too.

Your children have a great relationship with their father, with regular overnights with him. He's not a Disney dad.

Your anxiety risks a good cooparenting relationship. As others posters have said, many parents on their own take flights with small children. I flew to Denmark with a 6 month and 4 year old on my own more than 30 years ago

He's taking your children to Spain. Not Libano.

Which would be the same if they were away in the UK or away with the OP

I agree with others. I am divorced and have taken my children to France and Italy alone (they were around the age of your children the first time). We like to explore so our holidays tend to be driving/public transport, airbnbs, rather than package holidays/hotels and not once have I ever felt unsafe.

I can understand the feeling that they're away from you, but unless there is a genuine reason then I think it's something you have to let them do.

Oh come on

Er what?! I flew abroad alone when my DD was around 6 months and DS was just under 3.

You're being ridiculous.

Just to say that, like it or not, it's not about what you are comfortable with- it's about the kids and what is best for them. I've been through this and know how hard it is, but ultimately you trusted this man enough to have kids with him- in the absence of any suggestion he's not a fit parent, he now has to be allowed to parent them as he sees fit in his time with them.

Also, a PP suggested asking for regular updates and photos to reassure you. I actually think that's unreasonable and a bit controlling- especially for a 3 night break. He has to be allowed to get on with it without needing to report in. It's not his job to manage your anxieties I'm afraid.

Other family could get to them easier in the UK. Plus the OP say she goes away with someone else when on holiday with the kids.

This has to be a wind up. As a single parent for 8 years I must have been super unreasonable taking my two to Spain every year on my own, never mind the big city of New York and the scary place of Dubai.

He must think you are unhinged. Even if they were 1 and 3 it would be fine unless he’s somehow incapable

This might be true but it's not up to OP to dictate where her ex husband holidays with their children. I don't doubt that she would rather be able to tell him where to go and for how long and when so that she's comfortable with it, but that isn't how it works. And it shouldn't be.

It would be entirely unreasonable for OP's ex husband to dictate her holiday plans and ask her to report in with texts and photos to ease his fears about her competence as a parent.

Don't ask of your co parent what you wouldn't be prepared to accept in return.