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Holidays

Use our Travel forum for recommendations on everything from day trips to the best family-friendly holiday destinations.

Would you pay for your adult child to come on holiday?

169 replies

jimjan · 19/07/2023 08:43

Our daughter is 23 and just finishing her medical degree. No time to work so she doesn’t earn anything. She still comes on family holidays. We pay her rent. This is the last year before she works.

She has a week off over the summer, and dh wants her to come home and cat sit (she did offer) but that’s because she can’t afford to do anything else. I think we should pay for the cat sitter like usual, and take her away with us. We have booked a one bedroom apartment in Minorca that has a sofa bed. Dd has seen flights for £100 which she could pay for. My dh is fed up and says he won’t pay for her to have another holiday, as her grandparents recently paid for her elective to south america.

Would you take your adult child on holiday?

OP posts:
Fudgewomble · 19/07/2023 08:45

Yes absolutely.

Hoppinggreen · 19/07/2023 08:45

I would but both myself and DH would have to agree and not if I had already booked a 1 bed apartment
Maybe your DH fancies a holiday for just the 2 of you?

otherwayup · 19/07/2023 08:47

I'm 52 and my parents still pay for me to go on holiday 😂

Dh & I have just got back from a week away with our adult dc and we paid.
If you can comfortably afford to, I don't see the issue?
Holidaying with my older dc is a pleasure compared to when they were younger!

jimjan · 19/07/2023 08:48

Dh and I are off to the Maldives together in November, so we have a couples holiday planned.

OP posts:
LadyMaud · 19/07/2023 08:49

no way, its DH and my time now the kids are adults

Towellingdress · 19/07/2023 08:49

I've done so loads of times but that's because I miss them so much and genuinely love being with them.

Maybe your DH was hoping for a romantic holiday though 😉

HappiDaze · 19/07/2023 08:49

Definitely not in a one bedroom apartment no way

Towellingdress · 19/07/2023 08:50

Well in that case you should definitely take DD now 😂

4weeknoalcohol · 19/07/2023 08:51

How much was her elective if you don’t mind me asking my son is going to do a medical degree.

TomatoSandwiches · 19/07/2023 08:51

I would have to be in agreement with my DH tbh and I wouldn't be keen with a 1 bed apartment.

LoikeanOverner · 19/07/2023 08:52

I am paying for adult DS and his GF to come away with us for a week. But this will be the last time we pay for adult DS and the holiday is a graduation gift for his GF, we have never been on hols with her before though many a day out.

As far as I’m concerned we can afford it, we enjoy each others company and his GF and him appear to be in it for the long haul so I see paying for her as an investment. We do not choose who our children love but she is without doubt an amazing young woman.

bussteward · 19/07/2023 08:53

My parents do. They benefited from free university, cheap housing, final benefit pensions; their outgoings are smaller, they have free bus passes and winter fuel allowance, an enormous income and no work. Their children all work FT, have bigger outgoings (childcare, mortgages) and smaller or the same income. They can afford to take us, they want to take us, and they want us all together as an extended family – this has been the case as late teens, 20s on low incomes, 30s on reasonable incomes but setting up home/buying first homes and having £0 spare, 40s and established but all £0 goes on childcare.

I asked my dad about it and he pointed out that we (the adult children) could not afford our share of a holiday home that he could fund without batting an eye. So he could either fund it and have a lovely week with his children and grandchildren, or not fund it and not have that week, or know that his children would then struggle financially or tighten belts elsewhere to make the week happen.

However now we have better incomes, we do usually pay our own travel (though we holiday in the UK so this is trains or petrol), and contribute a food shop, or buy a meal or two out (for 8 adults and 7 kids, so not pennies!), or take it in turns to cover his and his partner’s share of ticket entries to an attraction.

When we were in your daughter’s position my parents would have absolutely paid for the holiday and transport and food, though not extras – so yes a meal out, but it’s not like the adult kids could have then gone to the pub on their dime if they were heading home, IYSWIM, and none of us took the piss, no ordering steak and 10 cocktails, not that that’s our family’s style anyway. And we’re always self catering and always all pitch in – my parents might have paid but we would make the meals, clean and tidy, research walks to go on, make the tea and run the baths when back from a muddy walk, and so on.

Just recently we’ve all had a bit more money (kids starting school so childcare bills going down), and we’ve been able to contribute more, take parents out for dinner, for a weekend, invite them on our own holidays without them needing to fund a thing. Your daughter isn’t in that position but one day she will be, and wouldn’t you want her to have family holidays and helping each other out as a habit by then? Rather than her going off and asking you to cat sit.

Intemperatefatty · 19/07/2023 08:54

There is nothing wrong with paying for an adult child’s holiday, my parents did for us many times over and I’m sure we will also when the time comes.

However, this isn’t about that. Your DH seems to have a different idea about what he wants from this holiday which doesn’t involve your adult daughter m. His feelings matter too.

sandgrown · 19/07/2023 08:55

Absolutely if I could afford it . She is just finishing a tough degree and it would be nice to have a break before she starts work. I assume the elective was not a holiday but part of her course ?

Quitelikeit · 19/07/2023 08:58

If money is no object then where’s the harm?

Your daughter has done well for herself? She’s worked hard, soon she will have a job and that’s what swung it for me she’s been working hard at med school so couldn’t get a job

Paying her rent is part and parcel of being a parent and having a child at uni - it isn’t cheap.

I say YES!!!

SkankingWombat · 19/07/2023 09:00

Generally, if I could afford it, yes. When we'd already booked a 1 bed apartment? No!

If money is tight for her and you'd otherwise pay a house sitter, could she stay home with the cats and you pay her the money instead? (Your OP makes it sound like she wouldn't be paid to stay at yours, just benefit from the accommodation)

Sgtmajormummy · 19/07/2023 09:00

Yes, absolutely.
I always book for 4 (twins and a double) self catering in case university DS has time off. It rarely happens but the price doesn’t change and DD then gets a room to herself.
Your daughter has done so much hard work at university, for £100 + £50? cat sitter, why begrudge her a place on the sofabed?

Lamelie · 19/07/2023 09:03

If you don’t agree, it’s not gonna fly.
We mix- dcs surprisingly uninterested in camping in Germany, we’re all going to Thailand for New Year. We pay, they’re all working.

MsMartini · 19/07/2023 09:11

We have paid until now (they are both now set with decent if not large salaries) and will continue to contribute a fair bit. This generation have massively higher housing costs than we did and we enjoy their company and want to carry on doing family holidays if we can. And it has been a lovely way to get to know their friends and partners well, really special. We don't do many and they are not expensive ones. The only reason we will now probably start asking for a contribution is they need to be realistic in their career choices.

In your shoes, we would definitely take dd - the sofa bed thing would put me off a bit, but not the money (all assuming it is affordable, which your post implies).

TheOrigRights · 19/07/2023 09:15

I enjoy my adult son (just finished uni) coming on holiday with us, so we plan as such. I pay for him.
If I'd booked something just for me then I wouldn't want him to think he could come along. I don't think he would have that expectation.

IfItAintBrokeBreakIt · 19/07/2023 09:19

Yes, we’d happily pay.

BitOutOfPractice · 19/07/2023 09:24

Absolutely I would. Especially after finishing a medical degree. She's been working very hard with more hard work to come and deserves a holiday. I'd pay for her flight as well.

I hope your dh puts his face straight relents and you have a lovely time together.

saraclara · 19/07/2023 09:34

Yelp, absolutely. But I like having holidays with my adult kids. When they were students, of course my late DH and I paid for them. Now that they're in their 30s with partners and in one case with small children, I love that they still suggest having at least a break as combined family. As it's in addition to what they stay have to spend on their own family holidays, and with the COL issue, although there'll be seven of us, this year I'm paying 50% of the cost and the DDs are each paying 25%. I could pay for all of it, but they wouldn't let me.

Both the holidays and being able to help with the cost, give me pleasure.

Mariposista · 19/07/2023 09:44

DH is an arse. Of course she should come.

pinkfondu · 19/07/2023 09:46

I would if I could. Maybe say it's the last you'll find?