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Original poster

Would you pay for your adult child to come on holiday?

169 replies

jimjan · 19/07/2023 08:43

Our daughter is 23 and just finishing her medical degree. No time to work so she doesn’t earn anything. She still comes on family holidays. We pay her rent. This is the last year before she works.

She has a week off over the summer, and dh wants her to come home and cat sit (she did offer) but that’s because she can’t afford to do anything else. I think we should pay for the cat sitter like usual, and take her away with us. We have booked a one bedroom apartment in Minorca that has a sofa bed. Dd has seen flights for £100 which she could pay for. My dh is fed up and says he won’t pay for her to have another holiday, as her grandparents recently paid for her elective to south america.

Would you take your adult child on holiday?

OP posts:
JST88 · 19/07/2023 22:52

Possibly her last ever trip with you guys until she has children of her own? She’s working incredibly hard on her studies and I don’t think she’s taking the p or entitled sounding but you don’t also want her feeling uncomfortable if dad isn’t on board. Maybe leave dad at home with the cats? Lol

MissAmbrosia · 19/07/2023 22:53

I would but mine doesn't want to come anymore 😪This year she has managed Milan and Krakow and has trips planned to Valencia and Stockholm. All of which she has paid for herself. She's a total bargain hunter so cheapest flight, no luggage, hostel etc. She;d rather go with friends now, which I completely understand. I think if I was to shell out for a theatre trip to London I might tempt her 😁

TorrentiallyCalamitous · 19/07/2023 22:55

Yes I would, without a second thought.

ErrolTheDragon · 19/07/2023 23:00

My DD is 24, been working since finishing her masters 2 years ago - we took her on holiday this year, last year she and her BF went on holiday with both her parents and then later with us, we've booked a holiday next year with the pair of them too. We're delighted they want to spend some of their precious holiday time with us and are only too pleased to pay - they're at the start of their careers, they both work hard and rents are so expensive for youngsters I'd rather they saved their money.

I don't think we or DD would particularly have wanted to share a one bedroom apartment though. In the circumstances described I think my DH would have bust a gut to change the booking to a 2 bedroom place and we'd have paid for air fare and the pet sitting too.

Dontletsummerend · 19/07/2023 23:11

Love Mumsnet.

On other current threads everyone is up in arms about how unnecessary flights are every year. Case in point.
No stay at home DD. For the planet. Bloody kids.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 19/07/2023 23:31

Well you're not really paying for her if she's getting her own flight and she doesn't even have her own room she's just crashing on the sofa!

I would think the issue is more do you want a couples holiday, sounds like dh does, or a three adult holiday. She won't be free to come away with you for much longer when she starts working so I would take this opportunity for a trip with her personally but not if you'll fall out with DH over it- I think you should have got a two bed if you wanted to bring her really

MamaBear4ever · 20/07/2023 04:55

I would absolutely but then DH would be worse than me in wanting them to holiday with us and spoil them

rwalker · 20/07/2023 05:10

It’s one bedroom and she’s already had a holiday
I’m guessing you’ve already given her massive financial support over the last 5 years

justaweeone · 20/07/2023 06:42

Yes I would. Ds in 20 but still at uni. Dd is 25, now works but not much left after rent, fuel costs etc ( and earns a half decent salary )
It's lovely to still have that time together as a family.

ohdamnitjanet · 20/07/2023 07:49

DH is her dad? And doesn’t want to spend time with his student daughter, or cough up £100 for her flight? Jesus, what a miserable tightwad.

Destiny123 · 20/07/2023 08:10

4weeknoalcohol · 19/07/2023 08:51

How much was her elective if you don’t mind me asking my son is going to do a medical degree.

As much as you like. You can do them in the UK and then it's just transport costs. Some countries charge nominal fees for hosting you. If you go on a kinda package one to somewhere far away 2-3k. I did mine in Milan so flights and Airbnb cost

Destiny123 · 20/07/2023 08:12

As a Dr...please do. Medicine is so grim at the moment and I'm getting all my annual leave dates blocked (am allowed nov and Jan so all the best weather!). Its super expensive when you graduate as gmc fees and indemnity all kick in at once and no income for first month obviously. It'll be super appreciated

Matilda762 · 20/07/2023 08:17

jimjan · 19/07/2023 09:48

Ah too late now! The cat sitter has just confirmed that someone has now booked her up for that week as she had kept it free just incase. Too late now, we will need dd to cat sit for us.

Dh has always been a bit of a tight fisted sod when it comes to paying for dd

Decision made then.

is he your daughter’s father? Does not sound like

CurlewKate · 20/07/2023 08:19

If they want to come and you can afford it, why not?

Lottiebe · 20/07/2023 09:23

Yea definitely, you won’t have many more years where she will want to come on holiday with you instead of friends or partners. May the most of this time xx

crumpet · 20/07/2023 09:27

To be honest I think that’s fair enough. She’s already had a big paid for holiday to South Africa, so it’s not as if it was the only family holiday this year.

will you pay her what you would have paid the cat sitter?

but generally yes. If I can afford it, and the dc are still studying/just launching their careers, then I will pay for a family holiday for as long as they want to come. There will be a time soon enough that they will want to go with friends/partners/their own children etc

Pottedpalm · 20/07/2023 14:02

We would definitely take them; they are great company. Difference is DH would jump at the idea and look for a bigger apartment.

Onesnowynight · 20/07/2023 17:43

I’ve asked ds 23 and ds 18 to come away with me and my partner for the last 3 years but they don’t want to come! Rather go with their friends. I’d love them to come away!!

Newmummypamela · 22/07/2023 12:38

Absolutely I'd pay for adult children to come away with us. Especially in your daughter's case where the training to be a Doctor is extremely gruelling.

Orangebadger · 22/07/2023 12:42

It would depend on the circumstances. If they are working and earning and decent wage then probably not. But as she's just graduated from a longer and harder degree than most, then yes I absolutely would pay.

Winterday1991 · 22/07/2023 13:00

LadyMaud · 19/07/2023 08:49

no way, its DH and my time now the kids are adults

Such a strange attitude to have.

IveHadItUpToHere · 22/07/2023 13:03

Yy I'd pay but I'd have booked somewhere bigger. Someone sleeping on a sofa is annoying.

Lilacshade · 22/07/2023 13:22

Absolutely yes, I love their company.
DS2 came abroad with us right up to being 25. DS1 was 22. I would happily pay for them to join us abroad now but they have partners and limited holidays.
Both still come on at least one UK holiday a year and bring their girlfriends. We pay for everything.
If you can't afford it that's different but we can and enjoy treating them.

Wouldn't it be a lovely way to celebrate her achievement.

Samlewis96 · 22/07/2023 14:24

AsterixAndPersimmon · 19/07/2023 11:28

Let me get that right.
She is a student. She can’t work.

You’ve decided to have a big trip far away AT CHRISTMAS.

But your DH thinks he shouldn’t pay for his own child trip so she can spend Christmas as a family?
Even though she had no choice, like saving money/work etc…

And you think it’s ok to go ‘oh well, we’ve left it too late. Now dd HAS TO look after dcat and can’t come’.
So you are assuming she will, expect her to do it (and haven’t plan any other alternative to have someone to look after YOUR cat) Wo asking her?

im sorry but you might to review priorities.
If being responsible and look after yourself is part if it, maybe you should also do that yourself and not rely on your dd.
If being a family and still have a good relationship with your dd, you might want to ensure that you can spend times like Christmas together rather than making it, by default, impossible fir her to do.

Decisions like this are not just about paying for a trip or bring tight fisted. It’s also about what sort of long term relationship you want to build with your own child.

Show quote history

I'm pretty sure the daughter went at Xmas, paid for) This is a different hoilday

Samlewis96 · 22/07/2023 14:26

ohdamnitjanet · 20/07/2023 07:49

DH is her dad? And doesn’t want to spend time with his student daughter, or cough up £100 for her flight? Jesus, what a miserable tightwad.

But pays her rent and has already paid for a holiday to southafrica. Hardly mean

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