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Holidays

Use our Travel forum for recommendations on everything from day trips to the best family-friendly holiday destinations.

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Original poster

Would you pay for your adult child to come on holiday?

169 replies

jimjan · 19/07/2023 08:43

Our daughter is 23 and just finishing her medical degree. No time to work so she doesn’t earn anything. She still comes on family holidays. We pay her rent. This is the last year before she works.

She has a week off over the summer, and dh wants her to come home and cat sit (she did offer) but that’s because she can’t afford to do anything else. I think we should pay for the cat sitter like usual, and take her away with us. We have booked a one bedroom apartment in Minorca that has a sofa bed. Dd has seen flights for £100 which she could pay for. My dh is fed up and says he won’t pay for her to have another holiday, as her grandparents recently paid for her elective to south america.

Would you take your adult child on holiday?

OP posts:

Dindundundundeeer · 19/07/2023 10:22

So she's effectively a student. If I could afford it, I'd pay.

sawnotseen · 19/07/2023 10:24

@Honeychickpea you do realise that Med students can't have paid jobs due to their gruelling study/placement schedule? She can't 'grow up' as you put it at 23 whilst studying to become a doctor (and bless her for doing so). How else is she going to have a holiday/break?

DéjàMoo82 · 19/07/2023 10:47

I definitely would. She'll have been worn I hung incredibly hard in a degree that doesn't allow for her to work alongside it. It may be the last time she wants to come away with you too.

DéjàMoo82 · 19/07/2023 10:47

*working incredibly hard

Filament · 19/07/2023 10:49

Yes, of course I'd pay for a student to come on the family holiday. Maybe your DH could stay home and mind the cat and yourself and your daughter could enjoy the holiday without his penny pinching?

2chocolateoranges · 19/07/2023 10:52

We do!

we took dd and ds last year as it was our last family holiday planned for 2020 but covid hit and it got postponed until last year.

this year dd is coming with us, she’s 20.

They both still live at home as been to uni.

KevinDeBrioche · 19/07/2023 10:54

She’s in full time education so yes, we would pay.

your DH sounds a bit grumpy. Is he her dad?

sawnotseen · 19/07/2023 10:57

@Honeychickpea do you realise that med students can't work whilst they're training due to their gruelling study/placement schedule? How can she 'grow up' as you put it, without an income and a degree to pay for, that will enable her to be a doctor saving lives (and bless her for doing so). How else can she have a holiday/break?

piedbeauty · 19/07/2023 10:57

Yes of course. Without even thinking about it.

LosingTheBelly · 19/07/2023 11:01

I would.

Particularly if she has managed to achieve something as good as getting a medical degree! She will soon be lost to years of training and working and stress.

But that said, when I go to my home country my parents pay for us all to go away to a resort for a few days.

Last time they came to the UK we paid for us all to go to Jersey for a few days.

(Both are good but a tropical resort is my preference... )

AsterixAndPersimmon · 19/07/2023 11:28

jimjan · 19/07/2023 09:49

I think it’s because we had already paid for a big holiday for her this year. We went to Cape Town at Christmas to see my elderly mum, and we paid all of that (£thousands)

Let me get that right.
She is a student. She can’t work.

You’ve decided to have a big trip far away AT CHRISTMAS.

But your DH thinks he shouldn’t pay for his own child trip so she can spend Christmas as a family?
Even though she had no choice, like saving money/work etc…

And you think it’s ok to go ‘oh well, we’ve left it too late. Now dd HAS TO look after dcat and can’t come’.
So you are assuming she will, expect her to do it (and haven’t plan any other alternative to have someone to look after YOUR cat) Wo asking her?

im sorry but you might to review priorities.
If being responsible and look after yourself is part if it, maybe you should also do that yourself and not rely on your dd.
If being a family and still have a good relationship with your dd, you might want to ensure that you can spend times like Christmas together rather than making it, by default, impossible fir her to do.

Decisions like this are not just about paying for a trip or bring tight fisted. It’s also about what sort of long term relationship you want to build with your own child.

AsterixAndPersimmon · 19/07/2023 11:30

Btw, I’m 50+ now.
My parents have been known to still pay for some hols when we spend time together…..

endofthelinefinally · 19/07/2023 11:31

An elective is not a holiday. It is a period of very hard work in a hospital or similar in a different country. Unpaid.

WaltzingWaters · 19/07/2023 11:32

If she were just lazy and not working- no.

As she’s been working hard for years doing a medical degree - yes. A holiday would be lovely for her before she starts a very demanding job. At the same time, it’ll be a well paid job and hopefully she’ll repay you in time some way or another.

But also, maybe your partner wants a romantic holiday just the two of you.

crackfoxy · 19/07/2023 11:33

Yes I absolutely would! Love holidays with my children including step daughter.

moderndaywitch · 19/07/2023 11:34

Honestly, no. She is 23, surely you should be having some holidays with just your DH by this point?

AsterixAndPersimmon · 19/07/2023 11:37

Really curious, @moderndaywitch , what is wrong with having a hols with adult children that make you say ‘you should be having hols with just your DH by now’?

Seeing that the OP and her DH already have some hols booked for the two of them anyway?

Backstreets · 19/07/2023 11:37

Surely the issue here isn’t paying for her holiday (fine and normal) but that you’re also paying her rent and god knows what else. If DH has reached a limit here I think I’d just let her cat sit for now. You’ll have plenty of holidays together in the future and she might be picking up the tab soon herself considering her wonderful degree!

Catspyjamas17 · 19/07/2023 11:40

I think I'll still be paying for my DDs for a while yet!

When they are earning good money they can pay for themselves.

I also do get away for short breaks with DH on our own though.

AsterixAndPersimmon · 19/07/2023 11:40

But @Backstreets thats a parent responsibility surely?

in the current system, Parents are expected to pick up the bill when the child can’t get the full student loan….
And as a parent, he agreed to support his child through a medical degree, knowing that would be the situation - aka no time for a part time work.

Blinkinbloodyhayfever · 19/07/2023 11:42

I would have taken her. Whist she is still at uni she is still really a dependent.

cloverleafy · 19/07/2023 11:43

I suspect so. My children haven't got there yet, but my parents still pick up a large share of the tab when we all go away together (my sister and I have husbands and children of our own).

I might feel differently if it was my only trip of the year, or I was particularly looking forward to some time just the two of us.

Backstreets · 19/07/2023 11:44

AsterixAndPersimmon · 19/07/2023 11:40

But @Backstreets thats a parent responsibility surely?

And he does. And clearly has for a while. And now he doesn’t want to pay for a holiday on top of it. I don’t think he’s being unreasonable.

ZairWazAnOldLady · 19/07/2023 11:44

Yes. They couldn’t afford to go otherwise and we love family holidays. I’d pay for my mum if I wanted to go with her and she couldn’t afford it. Why wouldn’t I?

turkeyboots · 19/07/2023 11:44

Of course, if I wanted their company. DF took me and DBro on holiday with him a few years back as his pre retirement treat. It was a lovely thing to do.

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