Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Holidays

Use our Travel forum for recommendations on everything from day trips to the best family-friendly holiday destinations.

Original poster

Would you pay for your adult child to come on holiday?

169 replies

jimjan · 19/07/2023 08:43

Our daughter is 23 and just finishing her medical degree. No time to work so she doesn’t earn anything. She still comes on family holidays. We pay her rent. This is the last year before she works.

She has a week off over the summer, and dh wants her to come home and cat sit (she did offer) but that’s because she can’t afford to do anything else. I think we should pay for the cat sitter like usual, and take her away with us. We have booked a one bedroom apartment in Minorca that has a sofa bed. Dd has seen flights for £100 which she could pay for. My dh is fed up and says he won’t pay for her to have another holiday, as her grandparents recently paid for her elective to south america.

Would you take your adult child on holiday?

OP posts:
TheOrigRights · 19/07/2023 09:47

What is behind your DH's opinion? Is it the money or the fact you've booked a 1 bed apartment, presumably planning on a holiday just the two of you.

Finlesswonder · 19/07/2023 09:47

I would until you said you pay her rent, and that makes it a bit different for me. I think if you're 23 and your parents are still paying your rent, maybe make your own way re holidays.

Original poster
jimjan · 19/07/2023 09:48

Ah too late now! The cat sitter has just confirmed that someone has now booked her up for that week as she had kept it free just incase. Too late now, we will need dd to cat sit for us.

Dh has always been a bit of a tight fisted sod when it comes to paying for dd

OP posts:
Mumtothreegirlies · 19/07/2023 09:49

Yes I would if I knew they were studying/working hard. I wouldn’t if they were dossing about in life.

Original poster
jimjan · 19/07/2023 09:49

I think it’s because we had already paid for a big holiday for her this year. We went to Cape Town at Christmas to see my elderly mum, and we paid all of that (£thousands)

OP posts:
Mumtothreegirlies · 19/07/2023 09:49

jimjan · 19/07/2023 09:48

Ah too late now! The cat sitter has just confirmed that someone has now booked her up for that week as she had kept it free just incase. Too late now, we will need dd to cat sit for us.

Dh has always been a bit of a tight fisted sod when it comes to paying for dd

Can you get another cat sitter?

Mumtothreegirlies · 19/07/2023 09:51

jimjan · 19/07/2023 09:49

I think it’s because we had already paid for a big holiday for her this year. We went to Cape Town at Christmas to see my elderly mum, and we paid all of that (£thousands)

She’s not hard done by then so don’t feel bad if she can’t join you.

Finlesswonder · 19/07/2023 09:51

How can you call him tight fisted when he pays your daughters rent still 5 years beyond the time at which most people have started work, and your daughter still goes away on all your holidays with you?

Original poster
jimjan · 19/07/2023 09:52

Finlesswonder · 19/07/2023 09:51

How can you call him tight fisted when he pays your daughters rent still 5 years beyond the time at which most people have started work, and your daughter still goes away on all your holidays with you?

Do you understand the training process for doctors?🤒

OP posts:
Heyhoitsme · 19/07/2023 09:52

We pay for all our family to come on holiday. We love having them and we can afford it.

Finlesswonder · 19/07/2023 09:56

@jimjan
Yeah of course, I get that. I just think it's weird to call DH a tight fisted sod when her rent is paid and she's going on long haul holidays for free 👀

StillWantingADog · 19/07/2023 09:58

If the kid is currently working hard with no income then yes I would assuming everyone was happy for them to come. If they were earning then they pay their own way.

i think it’s also totally fine though to have an adults only holiday though if that’s what you want.

Toddlerteaplease · 19/07/2023 09:59

Yes if she's working hard with her university work. If she was not getting a job because she can't be bothered then no. But she sounds like she could use a break.

LesLavandes · 19/07/2023 09:59

Yes

endofthelinefinally · 19/07/2023 10:00

Yes I absolutely would, as long as I could afford it.
My adult DC have always been kind and generous to me, that is how they were brought up.

Clarachuff · 19/07/2023 10:00

I would!!!!

Mariposista · 19/07/2023 10:01

The cat sounds like a cop out on DH's behalf. There are many options to organise cat care (Rover app for a start, or willing teenage neighbour looking for pocket money), it's not as difficult as a dog. Unless there is a massive back story that DD would spend the holiday on her phone, sleeping or looking sullen, DH clearly doesn't want her there because he wants it to be just you two. 23 is young still and she is doing a difficult degree where she can't get a paid job as she is on placement. She will have MANY years of her life to be earning her own money (and saving lives). I feel sorry for her!

MindPalace · 19/07/2023 10:01

If I could afford it, I just couldn’t imagine leaving my hard working medical student daughter at home to cat sit whilst I was enjoying a holiday in the sun.

Is DH your DD’s father?

sawnotseen · 19/07/2023 10:02

Without a doubt. I can't afford to now but wish I could. My exH is taking our daughter 24, her boyfriend 27 (both working) our son and his girlfriend, both 19 and studying to Costa Rica because he can afford to and wants to spend some quality time making memories with them. Im grateful that he's doing it, just feel bad that I now can't.
Son just got back from a boys holiday - exH paid for that and I gave him £200 spending money and my parents gave him £100.
I didn't holiday with my parents from 18 as I went travelling (funded by my beloved Nans inheritance). We did holiday together again when I was in my 30s but I was married with kids and we all paid for ourselves.
When I go on holiday my parents still give me £50 in an envelope saying enjoy a meal on us, bless them, and I'm 52!

Honeychickpea · 19/07/2023 10:04

jimjan · 19/07/2023 08:43

Our daughter is 23 and just finishing her medical degree. No time to work so she doesn’t earn anything. She still comes on family holidays. We pay her rent. This is the last year before she works.

She has a week off over the summer, and dh wants her to come home and cat sit (she did offer) but that’s because she can’t afford to do anything else. I think we should pay for the cat sitter like usual, and take her away with us. We have booked a one bedroom apartment in Minorca that has a sofa bed. Dd has seen flights for £100 which she could pay for. My dh is fed up and says he won’t pay for her to have another holiday, as her grandparents recently paid for her elective to south america.

Would you take your adult child on holiday?

Not under these circumstances. 23, time to grow up.

Zipps · 19/07/2023 10:07

Yes I would pay but we have several holidays a year, at least two of which our adult dc and the partner and child come on.

Ohmylovejune · 19/07/2023 10:09

Yes. Lifes not black and white.

She's doing a hard degree..there's good reason she won't have the money to pay. She's likely to have an excellent work ethic. You can afford it.

I see not good reason not to pay for her.

It's very different if you had a child refusing to get a job or flying through money because they are always in the lash. Then they'd have lessons to learn

sawnotseen · 19/07/2023 10:17

Agree with @Mariposista
Med students can't have jobs and we should appreciate those who are still willing to train to become doctors, especially in current circumstances.
Im going away for a couple of days next month for my neices wedding and my parents have insisted on paying for my accommodation (as I said, I'm 52!)
Im paying a friends daughter to stay at mine to look after my kittens as I don't want to put them in a cattery. Im paying her £40 for Friday morning till Sunday afternoon and I'll leave food and drink for her and her girlfriend. Theyre 18 and really appreciate the opportunity to have some time in their 'own place' - plus she adores my kittens! So it's a win win.
Could you do something similar?

TheOrigRights · 19/07/2023 10:20

Honeychickpea · 19/07/2023 10:04

Not under these circumstances. 23, time to grow up.

Show quote history

I think earning a medical degree is pretty grown up. It seems odd that her father was happy to support her through her degree; a degree that is so intense it did not allow her to work at the same time, and then suddenly decide that she needs to stop being financially dependent on him.

I mean, he could give her a few months to get a job and earn some money before he imposes such views. She hasn't had a chance yet.

FootSoreandFamcyFree · 19/07/2023 10:21

I would, I expect it will be your last chance for a while as she will soon be busy with a new job, new friends she may wish to holiday with etc