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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

school calling me a liar

316 replies

noodels2002 · 05/06/2017 13:56

Hello im new here. my dd ages 4 had the chickenpox for 2 weeks and i provided medical evidence for the school. however when she was well enough to return to school her grandfather died. i went in explained to the school and filled in all necessary forms. we went out of town to be with distraught mil which we told school we would be. my daughter took the news very hard and obviously was upset over it so my husband and i decided to take her to butlins for the weekend friday to monday and on our return we were greeted with a letter from the school dated Wednesday of that week informing us she hadnt been off due to bereavement but infact a family holiday and they had information could i come to school by friday when they broke off for half term ( impossible as we was out of town and which they knew we was) as they had been "given information".

the hakf term went by and i went to the school this morning to ask the head what the meaning if this letter was and what evidence she had to suggest this. she replied weve been given evidence by a reliable source and would not stipulate any further when asked by whom.

i also asked who had hand delivered the ketter to my house again to which she would not answer. i informed her the claims are incorrect and she said the school believe you are lying due to this reliable source. i said how can i defend myself if you have no evidence to give me. and she said she had evidence but wouldnt share it with me. i again explained about the bereavement and why we went out of town i also honestly told her we went to butlins at the weekend and showed her confirmation to which she said thats fine but we dont believe dd was where you said she was during the week. so at this point i got very distressed and said she had no proof and things got heated which resulted in me being escourted off school premises. ive shiwn her medical proof of rhe illness and proof we went on a family holiday friday to monday not the monday to friday she is questioning. this isnt the first run in with the head as the first time they accused my mother if child abuse and breaking my dd arm on idle gossip which resulted in a visit from ss to which they closed the case instantly and said the school was wrong to accuse people of this on idle gossip and no evidence. the second time the school called me and another parent in as a teacher had saw us arguing nor me or the other parent knew each ither or what she was even talking about as said parent wasnt even at school that day.

anyway back to original point. am i wrong to ask for their evidence and for the head to withold it from me before making these false claims. any help or advice appreciated as i feel i am being harrassed by the school and feel the need someone had been to my house and hand deliver a letter knowing we was out if town totally unacceptable. i feel due to the death of fil i have been hounded and harrassed by the school a trespass has been commited and a total lack of compassion shown from the achool in these difficult circumstances.

OP posts:
debbs77 · 05/06/2017 13:59

This is shocking behaviour.and at the age of 4 your daughter doesn't even need to even be in school. I'd be going to the governors x

noodels2002 · 05/06/2017 14:01

i have until friday to produce evidence of the death of fil they said before they take it further

OP posts:
debbs77 · 05/06/2017 14:04

That's disgraceful!!!

JennyOnAPlate · 05/06/2017 14:05

Did you post about the holiday on social media and that's where someone has found "evidence"?

They actually can't take it further, that's crap. Compulsory school age is 5.

JumpingJellybeanz · 05/06/2017 14:05

'Take it further' how?

Tell them you'll provide them with a copy of your evidence when they provide you with a copy of theirs.

ImperialBlether · 05/06/2017 14:06

Can you provide the evidence easily? I would just send it to them and say you are waiting for their apology.

noodels2002 · 05/06/2017 14:06

im extremely upset especially as they knee fil had an aggressive form of cancer for the last 3 months. im furious yet saddened by the school behaviour.

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 05/06/2017 14:07

Bloody hell! That is absolutely ridiculous. Even if they 'had evidence' that none of it was true and that you had been living it up in Las Vegas, taking your dd to casinos they have handled it very badly indeed.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 05/06/2017 14:09

They are entitled to keep it confidential. You cannot force them to tell you. It will make no difference to the information you need to provide.

Simply provide evidence of your il passing away (funeral order of service will do).

I would complain to the governors about how such a sensitive issue has been handled. Your head sounds like a bull in a China shop! Also tell them you are being harassed and give factual bullet points about what's happened to date.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 05/06/2017 14:09

I'd spend £10 and make a Data Subject Access Request then make a complaint about the Head's conduct via the official complaints procedure.

Or I would just calm down and send a factual but firm letter in with the death certificate.

I don't know of any Head's who have the time to chase around after children who aren't even school age.

noodels2002 · 05/06/2017 14:09

i cangive them the undertakers details and the cremetorium address but they want a copy of death certificate or something along those lines how can i ask distraught mil for a copy of that. yet they wont tell me what their evidence is and no social media postings or anything like that as ut was all very last minute as my daughter was upset by the weeks events as shes never had anyone die nevermind attend a funeral as we was out if town she had to come shes till not over it today but ive taken her to school to be back with her friends and regain some sort of nomility.

OP posts:
Squishedstrawberry4 · 05/06/2017 14:10

Ask your mil to photograph the death certificate and email it to you

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 05/06/2017 14:10

Get the to put their request in writing with their full allegation. I expect it'll go away then.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 05/06/2017 14:11

Have you an order of service?

Squishedstrawberry4 · 05/06/2017 14:12

Yes and your child isn't even at the age of compulsory education as she's only 4.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 05/06/2017 14:13

Go above the head.

Maudlinmaud · 05/06/2017 14:13

I cannot believe they want a copy of the death certificate Sad that's very heavy handed.

BertrandRussell · 05/06/2017 14:15

Unless there is more to it than you're saying, this is extraordinary behaviour. Did you ask what they meant by "taking it further"?
It's not trespass to deliver a letter, by the way.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 05/06/2017 14:15

She is 4,she doesn't even have to be in school yet. Tell them that.

noodels2002 · 05/06/2017 14:17

yes but my point is i shouldnt have to produce evidence i can and will but just feel its bully tactics from the school at a very distressing time

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 05/06/2017 14:17

Have they got welfare concerns do you think? I can't imagine my kids' schools asking for a copy of a death certificate. That's awful.
What is her attendance like normally? Do they see this as part of a pattern?
Sorry for your loss. We are going through similar here. Flowers

BertrandRussell · 05/06/2017 14:19

Have there been concerns about her attendence before?

sashh · 05/06/2017 14:20

I know you shouldn't have to do this but I once had to prove a death (this was a benefit claim) and the minister who conducted the service provided a letter for me.

noodels2002 · 05/06/2017 14:20

no i didnt ask what they meant by taking it further i was more shocked they wanted proof as i say it ended up very heated in the end. but all the info is above even relating to orevious tactics from the achool. but the shocking thing is a girl in dd ckass got a family holiday authorised without all this fact finding yet a bereavemnt and its like a witch hunt.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 05/06/2017 14:21

Have there been concerns about her attendance before?

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