school calling me a liar

[noodels2002]

Hello im new here. my dd ages 4 had the chickenpox for 2 weeks and i provided medical evidence for the school. however when she was well enough to return to school her grandfather died. i went in explained to the school and filled in all necessary forms. we went out of town to be with distraught mil which we told school we would be. my daughter took the news very hard and obviously was upset over it so my husband and i decided to take her to butlins for the weekend friday to monday and on our return we were greeted with a letter from the school dated Wednesday of that week informing us she hadnt been off due to bereavement but infact a family holiday and they had information could i come to school by friday when they broke off for half term ( impossible as we was out of town and which they knew we was) as they had been "given information".

the hakf term went by and i went to the school this morning to ask the head what the meaning if this letter was and what evidence she had to suggest this. she replied weve been given evidence by a reliable source and would not stipulate any further when asked by whom.

i also asked who had hand delivered the ketter to my house again to which she would not answer. i informed her the claims are incorrect and she said the school believe you are lying due to this reliable source. i said how can i defend myself if you have no evidence to give me. and she said she had evidence but wouldnt share it with me. i again explained about the bereavement and why we went out of town i also honestly told her we went to butlins at the weekend and showed her confirmation to which she said thats fine but we dont believe dd was where you said she was during the week. so at this point i got very distressed and said she had no proof and things got heated which resulted in me being escourted off school premises. ive shiwn her medical proof of rhe illness and proof we went on a family holiday friday to monday not the monday to friday she is questioning. this isnt the first run in with the head as the first time they accused my mother if child abuse and breaking my dd arm on idle gossip which resulted in a visit from ss to which they closed the case instantly and said the school was wrong to accuse people of this on idle gossip and no evidence. the second time the school called me and another parent in as a teacher had saw us arguing nor me or the other parent knew each ither or what she was even talking about as said parent wasnt even at school that day.

anyway back to original point. am i wrong to ask for their evidence and for the head to withold it from me before making these false claims. any help or advice appreciated as i feel i am being harrassed by the school and feel the need someone had been to my house and hand deliver a letter knowing we was out if town totally unacceptable. i feel due to the death of fil i have been hounded and harrassed by the school a trespass has been commited and a total lack of compassion shown from the achool in these difficult circumstances.

I am getting the impression here that there is more that you are not telling us, and that it would be a mistake to take all of this at face value.

Two weeks is a long time to be absent with chickenpox. One week would be more like it, though I get that it can vary a bit from one person to the next.

Why be reluctant to provide the evidence of your FIL's death? Just ask MIL for a copy of the death certificate and tell her why. No need to make a song and dance about it to the school.

You got so het up that you had to be escorted from the premises? I highly doubt that the headteacher would have done that unless she felt threatened, so it does begin to sound as though you may be quite volatile at times

You do yourself no favours behaving like that. Rightly or wrongly, the report to ss suggests that you have for whatever reason already come onto the school's radar. Reasonable behaviour and cooperation from you would get you much further. Schools do not contact ss for the fun of it.

There is almost certainly more to this, from both sides.

Where did they get the idea it was her nan who broke her arm? Surely they would have asked your dd how it really happened.

The important thing here is how old exactly is your dd? Is she 4 or hasn't she turned 5?

Legally
1 they cannot give you the name of the person who reported it to thsm
2 you are entitled to copies of any so called evidence, the refusal suggests it is someone's word against yours
3 if she is indeed still 4 then she does not have to be in school and the attendance policy cannot be enforced

Stand your ground and I would write to the head, cc the chair of governors explaining the legalities and that you will be seeking legal advice if their harassment continues

this isnt the first run in with the head as the first time they accused my mother if child abuse and breaking my dd arm on idle gossip which resulted in a visit from ss to which they closed the case instantly and said the school was wrong to accuse people of this on idle gossip and no evidence. the second time the school called me and another parent in as a teacher had saw us arguing nor me or the other parent knew each ither or what she was even talking about as said parent wasnt even at school that day

Don't know why people are saying the op is drip feeding. Everything was put in the op.

Who knows why SS said what they did about the school. Maybe they are regular callers and see abuse everywhere and SS are sick of going on futile visits when they could have real cases to attend to.

The second part about accusing 2 women of arguing when A. They don't know each other and B. One wasn't actually there on the day in question worrying.
My only theory is you are being mixed up with someone else. Is there anyone who looks like you.

I used to get letters saying I hadn't paid for an ECA. I had paid but woman who looked similar to me was a regular non payer and I used to get it in the neck every term

I would change shool.
Let them 'take itfurther' and have to give proof to whoever it is that you actually took your dd on hols.
Then give those people a copy of the death certificate as well as the copy of the chicken pox from the GP.

Fwiw that HT works on gossip and has a very low view of you.

I wouldnt leave my child in a school like this.

Fwiw that HT works on gossip and has a very low view of you

Do you know them in person?

My understanding is that you can ask to see the records held by children's social care however any personal information relating to other people is redacted so you would not find out who had raised a confidential concern even if it had been recorded, otherwise it would not be possible to raise a confidential concern.

I wouldn't even humour the school with any evidence. Your dd is not age 5 and so therefore they can not take it 'any further' and even if they do all they can do is report to truancy team who will probably laugh at them! 1. Because your daughter is underage and 2. Because it's ridiculous and you have the evidence anyway.
I would write to the governors to complain about the head and then I would report to local authority/ofsted

Also I know several people who take 2 weeks off with chicken pox. I thought that was standard.

I would change school

And how exactly do you think that is helpful

There are welfare concerns for the child, social services have been involved, changing school would absolutely make this WORSE for the OP. SS will be crawling all over them if they start moving (running)

The best thing to do if provide the information as required ffs

I just wanted to make two observations here. 1) for all the people accusing the OP of drip feeding, the info re SS is included in her first post, and 2) when my DD had chickenpox she was totally covered, new spots coming out every day for a week, then 5-6 days to scab over, two weeks off doesn't really seem that excessive in this kind of case.

I wouldn't even humour the school with any evidence. Your dd is not age 5 and so therefore they can not take it 'any further' and even if they do all they can do is report to truancy team who will probably laugh at them erm, no. They will take it to social services who will not laugh

Cross post with oliversmum, sorry, slow typist!

Sorry I said it was a drip feed, totally missed that in the OP. Still, doesn't change the fact that co-operating is the sensible option here.

Copy your FILs death certificate and take it to the head with a resounding 'fuck you'

I said drip feed too.

Massive drop feed there mentioning social services involvement prior to the chicken pox

The original post by the OP says this:

they accused my mother if child abuse and breaking my dd arm on idle gossip which resulted in a visit from ss to which they closed the case instantly

Some posters are trying too hard to pick away at the OP. If you're going to post why not think about something helpful to say rather than try to score points?

Sapphire, no, asking for evidence such as a copy of the death certificate or funeral order of service is not a regular request from schools. It could mean that the school has sufficient reason to doubt the OP's version of events.

Everything about this post screams caution to me. We do not have the whole story, and we are unlikely to get it.

Rereading your OP - you say you filled in the necessary forms when you told the school your FIL had died. Which forms were they and what information did you have to provide?

Can you explain the sequence of events with dates, I'm not clear if the Monday you were at Butlins was in half term and if your dd went back to school inbetween the periods of absence

As for those saying change schools, schools do communicate with each other when this happens. Reports and concerns are exchanged. Concerns would follow the child eventually, if not before their arrival.

The best thing to do if provide the information as required ffs

Till the next time. I would cut your losses and move and if SS ask I would tell the truth. The HT is off her head. Accusing people who are not there. Previous visit from SS who weren't impressed with HT and the fact she kept calling you a liar and demanding proof which given she said she had a credible source telling her otherwise.

Even if you got a copy of your fils death certificate the HT would probably tell you that you had forged it. I don't think you could win either way.

It's not a drip feed Dame and Empire and others, she mentioned it in the OP:

" this isnt the first run in with the head as the first time they accused my mother if child abuse and breaking my dd arm on idle gossip which resulted in a visit from ss to which they closed the case instantly and said the school was wrong to accuse people of this on idle gossip and no evidence."

I agree it sounds like the OP has been labelled trouble with an attitude and the head is now being heavy-handed.

What a pointlessly spiteful post BeepBeepMOVE.

I think people are being a bit harsh with you here OP. For example I don't know why you are being accused of drip feeding when you refer to the incident with your DM and SS referral, when its clearly mentioned in para 3.

It maybe be unusual to go away from home following a bereavement, but I know of a coupe of families who have done just that, once the immediate arrangements are underway and after the funeral.

OP has a medical certificate for the chickenpox absence so if the school have an issue with that, they should be asking for a medical report from the GP. OP has kept the school up to date with the situation, so she is right to query the reason for sending a letter to her home when they knew she was with MIL. An email would have been a better way of contacting her if they wanted an immediate response.

The head mentioned evidence had been given to the school which proves she was not where she said she was; maybe it is inappropriate to say who the 'reliable source' was, but the head should have given information about the type of evidence, eg sighting, Facebook entry, whatever. The head was shown evidence of the actual Butlins booking and was still saying the child should not have been off during the week. Let's be honest a death certificate is not going to prove where the child was, only that FIL has indeed died, so the OP needs to know the type of evidence 'against' her so she can provide suitable evidence of her own. A death certificate wont do that, neither will an order of service, as that will only cover one particular day.

OP - The school has started its paper trail, now you need to start yours - request in writing / email the type of evidence the school requires to refute this allegation against you. List out the evidence you have provided to date, together with the dates, so medical certificate covering xx to zz/yy/2017, Butlins holiday confirmation covering fri-mon / yy/2017. Apologise for becoming 'heated' and explain you are still upset by FIL's death and feel that the school's approach has been insensitive. Suggest that in future should they need to contact you regarding unauthorised absences, they stipulate the type of 'evidence' they require. If you want to complain about the school's approach to you, leave that for another letter to the chair of governors.