school calling me a liar

[noodels2002]

Hello im new here. my dd ages 4 had the chickenpox for 2 weeks and i provided medical evidence for the school. however when she was well enough to return to school her grandfather died. i went in explained to the school and filled in all necessary forms. we went out of town to be with distraught mil which we told school we would be. my daughter took the news very hard and obviously was upset over it so my husband and i decided to take her to butlins for the weekend friday to monday and on our return we were greeted with a letter from the school dated Wednesday of that week informing us she hadnt been off due to bereavement but infact a family holiday and they had information could i come to school by friday when they broke off for half term ( impossible as we was out of town and which they knew we was) as they had been "given information".

the hakf term went by and i went to the school this morning to ask the head what the meaning if this letter was and what evidence she had to suggest this. she replied weve been given evidence by a reliable source and would not stipulate any further when asked by whom.

i also asked who had hand delivered the ketter to my house again to which she would not answer. i informed her the claims are incorrect and she said the school believe you are lying due to this reliable source. i said how can i defend myself if you have no evidence to give me. and she said she had evidence but wouldnt share it with me. i again explained about the bereavement and why we went out of town i also honestly told her we went to butlins at the weekend and showed her confirmation to which she said thats fine but we dont believe dd was where you said she was during the week. so at this point i got very distressed and said she had no proof and things got heated which resulted in me being escourted off school premises. ive shiwn her medical proof of rhe illness and proof we went on a family holiday friday to monday not the monday to friday she is questioning. this isnt the first run in with the head as the first time they accused my mother if child abuse and breaking my dd arm on idle gossip which resulted in a visit from ss to which they closed the case instantly and said the school was wrong to accuse people of this on idle gossip and no evidence. the second time the school called me and another parent in as a teacher had saw us arguing nor me or the other parent knew each ither or what she was even talking about as said parent wasnt even at school that day.

anyway back to original point. am i wrong to ask for their evidence and for the head to withold it from me before making these false claims. any help or advice appreciated as i feel i am being harrassed by the school and feel the need someone had been to my house and hand deliver a letter knowing we was out if town totally unacceptable. i feel due to the death of fil i have been hounded and harrassed by the school a trespass has been commited and a total lack of compassion shown from the achool in these difficult circumstances.

(Cross post with EVERYONE, sorry.)

“Taking a four year old to Butlins to help her get over the loss of a grandparent is quite an unusual choice and may have led them to question how distressing the bereavement had been for the family.

Also, 2 weeks is a long time to be off with chicken pox.”

I agree. I can see why the head teacher has her concerns, although I think she has been very heavy handed. I think you both could have dealt with this in a non-confrontational way.

“Also I know several people who take 2 weeks off with chicken pox. I thought that was standard.”

Not in my experience. DD has had chicken pox twice. The second time she was quite ill with it, but she still only had a week off.

I don't think taking a few days break after losing a loved one to cancer is unreasonable. When the death is expected and the months leading up to it harrowing, it's quite common IME to have done a lot of mourning in advance and to feel a sense of relief. A change of scene can be very therapeutic at this time. Butlins wouldn't be for me, but each to their own, and good when there's a child involved as there would be plenty of activities to distract her.

Was the Butlins break booked before the loss of your FIL OP, or afterwards? If it was booked before and you hadn't told the school I can see why they would be suspicious of the whole week off.

The school have to report absences to the LEA and if you provide proof it can be authorised absence rather than unauthorised, which would risk a fine for a whole week (10 sessions).

In your shoes OP I'd write to the school asking for them to explain why they feel they need documentary evidence rather than taking your word for the facts of the death of your FIL and to ask them to specify exactly what documentary evidence they need.

Keep it plain, no accusations, don't feel the need to pad it out. I'd also include a neutral apology for the misunderstanding at the school which meant you were asked to leave explaining that it's been a stressful time for your family and you were taken aback at their unusual request. (No, this last bit isn't strictly necessary but it gets you the moral high ground and takes the wind out of their sails in them making a deal about it in their response.)

There's a bit of confusion there 29Palms. Oliversmumsarmy was actually quoting a different poster who thought they could sniff a pile-on so went for a bit of drive-by bullying.

Whoever said, then.

Provide the evidence. Funeral programme, phone funeral directors, at least something.
Do a data request.
Keep a low profile for a bit.

it was my sister whos holiday was authorised to spain ive seen the letter from the headteacher. the attitude of the headteacher isnt good and the school is low in ofsted rating waiting to hear on new school in september. there is always someone the head throws out of the office on a daily basis. ive provided all evidence and said i will forward a copy of death certificate when i receive one. as for butlins that was husbands idea to go as him and his family hold special memories there. i dont have an attitude but as a grown woman i wont let rhe head speak to me like im a small child then when she was challenged told the caretaker to escourt me off who just rolled his eyes.

I have already acknowledged my error in reading the OP. I wasn't trying to score points by mentioning the drip feed - which obviously wasn't a drip feed. I apologised for my error. I have no reason to try and score points so o have no idea what that is about. My advice remains the same. Co-operate. There are concerns about the welfare of the child. If the OP starts being obtuse it will only create further problems.

Obviously we haven't the school's point of view here, but I do think it rather sounds like someone is being officious and labelling you as troublesome, and then seeking to confirm their own prejudices. It doesn't sound very professional and the SS immediate dismissal response is the indicator for me here.

Can I just confirm that there is absolutely nothing the school can do in terms of reporting absence to the local authority with regard to fines and so on until the term after the child is five, as Snickers has said. Your child is attending school voluntarily at the moment. You don't need to provide them with any paperwork at all. I certainly wouldn't be taking paperwork in or providing 'proof' of anything if I were in this situation.

You might get a letter saying the school expects children who have taken up a place to attend school regularly, but they can't legally enforce anything (apart from taking away your place if for some reason you don't show up for more than a fortnight without communicating with them).

By the way, despite some posts on here, SS absolutely will not take any interest in whether children below the age of compulsory school attendance are turning up to school or not. There is no mechanism in law for them to do so. It would have to be on other grounds, e.g. child going missing, child walking to school alone at 4, young child always collected hours and hours late from school with no reason given, child turning up suffering from neglect, child turning up with injuries, child turning up complaining of abuse, child not wanting to leave school with carer, etc.

Sandy, the £10 is a Subject Access Request fee under the Data Protection Act, and anything highly confidential is usually redacted (struck out with a black marker pen).

Moving forwards I think it sounds like the relationship between you and the school has broken down and I am wondering if it is worth pulling your DD out and putting her into another one next academic year, and having a fresh start, if there's something else local. I also wonder whether the school is due a stiff letter. If you want me to draft something, DM me a timeline of events and I will try to help.

ive been and picked my daughter up from school to which the head was stood there with the 3 women who sgare her office and refused to let me on school premises to collect my child. instead insisting on bringing my autistic child in tears as she didnt understand who the teacher in question was and thought ahe was being kidnapped. the headteacher then saw this error and saw how distressed this had made my daughter and apologised to my daughter who now is afraid someone will steal her at school.

I'd be playing ball with the school if I were you. You're already pinged on their radar and this obviously isn't about time off for chicken pox or bereavements etc. It's because they have welfare concerns so I think it'd be pertinent in this case to calmly respond to what they're asking for and, if it's not reasonable , to calmly document why.

They have cause for concern regarding your child and I'd bet anything they're trying to A protect her and B ensure they're doing everything that they should do when concerns have been flagged up to them

Oh dear it's not getting any better is it.

Whether or not your child is legally obliged to attend school , the fact that she does means that the school have a duty of care towards her. Maybe book an appt to see the Head and take someone with you to mediate.

I understand they haven't handled things sensitively but you need to consider why they may feel there could be a safeguarding concern.
I knew one horrid incident where a school had suspicions and a child ended up killed by a family member. I am absolutely and categorically NOT accusing you of child abuse. Please don't think that for a moment! But schools are trained to look for patterns.
Accusation of family member breaking arm. Major red flag even if completely untrue.
A very long time off. Chicken pox but they may be concerned another injury has occurred and the child has been kept out of school to hide it.
Bereavement claimed but child went on holiday.
Heated parent has to be escorted off premises.
And that seems like a lot of time off. I doubt attendance overall that good.

Wow. They prevented you from going on school property. On what grounds?

You didn't mention a second elder child I don't think. I Can see why changing schools would be good for dd2. What about dd1?

Chickenpox can indeed take 2 weeks to heal or to feel better. It does vary from person to person. My sister had infections(boils) due to picking and scratching, we were all quite poorly with it. And plastered in spots. My mother was 8mnths pregnant and I was 15, it was horrendous.

Has your DD got a statement of SEN or an EHC plan?
Have you been aggressive at school at any point?

This headteacher sounds awful. I would be emailing the chair of governors with your concerns as it sounds like the headteacher isn't able to handle tricky situations well. I see that you didn't mention that your daughter has autism earlier. I think you might have had a more sympathetic range of responses if you had.

Is she happy at this school?

my dd in post is eldest and dd2 is due to start nursery in september. my dd1 now thinks she will be stolen at school and has cried all the way home. again she is autistic even though i dont like to label her and bang that drum.